Sunday, September 28, 2014

WOW!

After waiting forever I finally got the call I have wanted for.   

I AM PREGNANT!  

What a day it has been...

I got up way early to head to Little Ro.ck (hour drive).  As I was walking out the door Sarah texted me just to say she loved me.  I told her I was about to leave.  She asked if Lonnie was coming and I said no.  She said come get me and I'll ride with you.  I'll be ready in five!  I was like yes!  I am so thankful for a friend like that because it helped me so much.  I was totally distracted from obsessing about the results and it was wonderful.  

When I got home Lonnie and I sat outside because the weather is so nice.  Blakely spent the night at my mom's house so it was just the 2 of us.  This is where things get a little crazy.   At some point Lonnie's phone rings and it is Dr. B from our Little Ro.ck clinic.  I was like holy shit.  He answered and I just put my head in my hands.  They talked for a few minutes and I couldn't understand what they were talking about.  Something about the labs and yes they want the results today or something.  Lonnie was giving nothing away and he looked very concerned.  

When he got off the phone I said OMG JUST TELL ME!  He said it is positive.  I was like WHAT???   He said yes, the beta was positive.  He wasn't sounding all that excited but he is not one to show much emotion so I was just confused.  I said did he tell you a number?  He said yes...it was over 400.  This is where I started bawling.  I couldn't believe it.  I was worried in that moment that maybe my beta was really low and that is why Lonnie was being so very calm.  But 400 is HIGH.  

The reason Dr. B called is that the result was high so they needed to dilute it to get a more accurate result which was going to take a while.  He also wanted to know if they wanted an estrogen and progesterone level.  

At this point I was excited but nervous.  We weren't sure if we needed to be worried since the result was high.  Both of our medical minds were racing.  After a while Dr. B called back and said my beta was 476 and the estrogen and progesterone levels were fine.  He was faxing the results to Den.ver and we should hear from them soon.  I asked him my questions and he said not to be worried.  

Then I waited FOREVER to hear from my clinic.  ALL DAY.  I mean I've been excited but for some reason I just wanted confirmation from them.  It didn't feel real until then.  Just talked to them and everything is fine.  I asked about being worried about a high beta (mainly a molar pregnancy...don't goo.gle it)...she said no. It could mean twins but there is no way to know until ultrasound.  They do see betas over 400 with singleton pregnancies.  

So there it is!  I hope this all makes sense because Blakely is waking from her nap and I gotta go so I can't re-read.  

The point is...I AM TOTALLY PREGNANT!  

Side note... My beta with Blakely on this exact day (14 days after conception) was 92.  Today it is 476.  #holy  

One more thing.  I changed my instag.ram to private.  Mainly because some random friends on FB had found it.  I have a few requests pending and if they are my blog friends I want to accept!  Please leave your username in the comments or email it to me!  southernprincesskelly {at} gmail {dot} com

Friday, September 26, 2014

up and down... back and forth...

The title of this post basically explains me right now.  

My pregnancy test is this Sunday.  As in 2 days from now.  And I am literally driving myself crazy.  

One minute I have completely convinced myself that I am pregnant.  Five minutes later I have convinced myself that there is no way I am pregnant.  Back and forth all day long.  

When I was still in Denver I was feeling pretty hopeful that this whole frozen transfer worked.  I was able to really lay down and stay down for a few days.  It was much easier to be on bed rest there than here.  I mean it wasn't as comfortable as my own home but I didn't have the distractions that I would have had here.  But boy did I miss my peeps.  I had a little bit of cramping a few days after the transfer but nothing too crazy.  I am so in tune with my body and over analyze ever single little twinge otherwise I probably wouldn't have even felt it.

Now that I am home I am feeling much more negative than positive.  I still have my  moments where I hope that it worked but overall I just feel like it didn't.  I have had some more cramping since I have been home and I don't know if that is good or bad but I feel like it is bad. I hope I am wrong.  Part of me thinks this is my way of protecting myself.  Preparing myself.  I have gotten the call more than once that crushed me.  I really hope that doesn't happen this time.  But if it does, I will be okay.  It will take me a while but I will be.   

I should probably look back at my posts during this time with Blakely's cycle but I am scared.  I am sure it is something similar to this post.  Not knowing...going crazy.  I remember with my 4th IVF (the first one after giving birth to Blakely) I was convinced I was pregnant.  I really truly thought I was.  It was rough to learn that I was not.  

I have cried multiple times, due to both things.  Cried thinking about getting that call telling me I am pregnant.  I remember that phone call with Blakely's pregnancy like it was yesterday.  Day dreamed about when and how we will tell Blakely she is going to be a big sister.  Thought about what we will do with her room and how we will rearrange the house.  I have cried thinking about getting that phone call telling me I am not pregnant and that it is all over (has happened more than once).  Just a lot of crying and wishing and hoping and ready to know the result of this.  

I am glad my test is on a Sunday so Lonnie can be home with me.  I will probably make him answer the phone because I am going to be so freaking nervous.  Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.  I go early in the morning for labs and then come home and wait.  My clinic here in Arkansas will fax the results to CCRM and then a nurse from CCRM will call me and let me know.  It's all very dramatic.  

I hope I get a good result but I am very nervous.  I will definitely update this space as well as my instagram @mile_high_mama  when I find out.  Here's hoping...

Monday, September 22, 2014

DANCE!

While we wait on the outcome of this little frozen transfer I had done, I thought I would talk a little about Blakely's newest adventure.  I signed her up for dance classes!  

Multiple people have been on me to get her in them since she turned 2.  I didn't think she was ready.  LIE.  I wasn't ready!  Mainly because we already do gymnastics but it is in the morning during the week.  I knew dance classes would be in the evening and I just wasn't sure I was ready to get in to all of that yet.  I know we will have plenty of time in the future for running like crazy in the evening trying to get dinner in her and get to multiple practices and games.  I felt like we should wait on that a bit.  :)

B has had this little friend in gymnastics class for over a year.  We will call her R.  R started at MDO with B this August as well.  A few weeks into MDO, R's mom told me that they started dance class and how fun it was, etc.  I had also seen Shannon talking about Taylor starting dance class and posting pictures of the cuteness that is dance shoes.  So when R's mom mentioned it I, on a total whim because I was certainly waiting until she was 4-5, called and got Blakely into the 3 year old ballet and tap class.

Now.  I never took dance classes so this is a totally new realm for me.  I played all the sports so I know nothing about tutu's and leotards and ballet shoes.  BUT!  I am having a ball learning.  

The day after I called we had to go to the studio and get her sized for shoes.  One side is the dance studio and the other side is the waiting room for the parents and also a boutique with all the adorableness that is dance leotards.  While Miss Patty was getting Blakely's shoes I browsed the leotards.  Even though she is in gymnastics we don't have any leotards.  I have just always put her in leggings and a tank or t-shirt.  No big deal for a mommy and me gymnastics class.  Dance class is a whole different story.  There is a dress code!  Ha!  So I may have gone a little bonkers on the leotard buying.  In my defense I got some that she can wear to gymnastics also when she moves up to the 3 year old class in October.  Blakely was not upset.  2 pairs of new shoes (that make noise!) and new clothes?  She's all in.  


She has had 3 classes so far and she really enjoys it.  The parents can't watch but there is a little window so I have seen her a little bit.  She follows instructions well and every time class is finished the first thing she says to me is, "Dance tass is not oh-vo (over) yet, Mommy.  I want to stay at Dance tass."  Her teacher is really great about posting pictures on FB as well.  

One of my main things with starting dance is that there is always a recital.  I didn't want to be tied down and then feel like you were letting the class down if we couldn't make the recital, etc.  Like I said, she's three.  Plenty of time for tied down later.  R's mom had told me that the recital was totally optional and that is what swayed me to make the call.  Well almost a month in and you bet your booty we are attending that recital in May.  Mama can't wait to see all the cuteness.  

She really wanted Daddy in the picture with her.  

Oh and a huge bonus is that dance has made Blakely want to wear bows!  That and my friend Tina gave us a ton of her daughter's old bows and Blakely thinks she hung the moon so big bows for the win!  

Sidenote...this is not a big bow.  Some of the girls here wear bows bigger than their own heads.  Now I am southern so I am all for a big bow on a little girl but I will draw the line somewhere.  Or Lonnie will...because he HATES them....  It's funny because he actually believes he gets a say in that!  {evil laugh} 

Saturday, September 20, 2014

It's done!

The transfer went great this morning!  

My phone rang at 7:15 this morning and it was the embryology lab calling to confirm that I was in town and would be making it to the transfer. I said yes and then she said "Okay then. We will start the thawing process now and see you in a bit".  

I started crying when she hung up. Like blubbering, snorting hard core crying. It took me 10 minutes to get it together. It completely caught me off guard. I think the reality of it all just hit me.  It wasn't a sad cry but a super happy one. A thankful cry. A grateful cry.  I called Lonnie and he made me feel that much better. 

We headed over to the clinic and the first thing they did was give me a Valium so my uterus wouldn't cramp after the transfer. Then I just had to wait. I closed my eyes and listened to my meditations for a while and then the embryologist came in. He told me that both embryos did great during the thawing process and they were "expanding nicely".  Such great news! I texted that to Lonnie and then listened to more meditations. 
My lucky socks from my awesome Bridget!  Dr. S even commented on my crazy socks. I told them they were lucky even though they were Steelers colors!  ;)

Soon after talking to Lonnie the sonographer, Dr. S, and the embryologist came in to start the transfer process. I got to see the embryos on his computer screen before he drew them up in the catheter.  I liked that!  It isn't painful at all but is uncomfortable. Mainly because you have a full bladder. The sonographer is pressing on your bladder with the transducer and you have a speculum in so you pretty much feel like you're going to pee everwhere!  

Once the embryos were in I laid there for an hour. I listened to more meditations and dozed off most of the time. 

Now I am back at the hotel snuggling up with my two sweet embryos and the two peeps Blakely sent with me. 

Now I just lay here and wait. I am just so happy to be in this place right now. Hang in there babies and stick stick stick!  

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Ready!

Tomorrow is the day!  We will be transferring 2 beautiful, wonderful and perfect embryos.  I am so very ready to do this thing.  Nervous, yes.  But more than anything I am excited.  We have been working towards this specific goal for almost 10 months.  Part of me can't believe we are actually here and doing this.  I just think back to December when Lonnie and I decided that we had to make a move on what we wanted to do regarding having another baby.  And now here we are with 3 frozen day 5 blasts.  Amazing.  

I'll update tomorrow on how things go!  Here we go!  

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Fun stuff

Before mama went germ crazy we did take Blakely out and do a few fun things before I leave her for a week.  

Lonnie was off week before last so we did lots of fun family things.  Most of it consisted of stuff around the house like taking walks, playing outside, riding her bike, and watching movies.  We did head up to his mom's house twice to swim in the pool.  We went once on the weekend so Lonnie and I got a little date night.  The next time we went was after I had a doctor's appointment.  I couldn't swim due to the medication patches I am on but it was nice enough weather for me to sit on the edge and put my feet in.  Blakely really loves swimming and can really get around wherever she wants with her puddle jumper on.  The next morning she woke up WAY too early and the first thing she said was that she wanted to go swimming.  So I agreed but she went sans bathing suit as I was too sleepy to find the dry on in our bag.  She thought it was hilarious!  


We also headed downtown one day to cheek out a motorcycle thingy they were having.  Honestly,  it seems like there is a motorcycle rally here every other weekend although I know that isn't true.  In general I don't mind it but I do prefer to stay home when they are here because the traffic is HORRID.  But we were looking for something to do and Lonnie wanted to go see all the antique motorcycles so we fought the traffic and parked downtown. Blakely thought it was great.  She wanted to get on them.  Lonnie was like NO.  NEVER.  Pretty funny.  It got a little hot so B and I found some shade and took some selfies while Daddy looked around.  


Then we stopped in a little ice cream shop and indulged in some rocky road.  This was the first time B has gotten her own cone and she was thrilled about it. She ate the entire thing, cone and all.  It took her forever!

We've been taking jeep rides as much as we can.  The weather is perfect right now for it.  And please don't worry...we don't go far from our house.  Our subdivision has a lots of roads with no houses yet so we just drive around there....veryyyy slowlyyyy.  Blakely likes it but wants to have a snack as soon as we get going.  Like clockwork...just like on the boat!  


We have taken boat rides too.  This is usually what happens about 5 minutes in..right after her snack.....

Look at that sweet face!

And in case y'all haven't noticed football season has started!  Woo!  Our Razorbacks have won 2 in a row and my Patriots got back on track this week after playing like junior high ballers the first week.  One of my favorite times of the year!  



I head to Denver tomorrow!  Just wanted to let y'all know again that I will be documenting this part of the journey just like I did the first part on Instagram.  Follow along if you like!  @mile_high_mama

Friday, September 12, 2014

Freak mode

I just got the call today that we are all set for our frozen embryo transfer for next Friday.  Holy moly I am so nervous and so freaking excited at the same time!  I am ready ready ready to do this thing.  My body screams that it is ready and in my heart I know this is going to be great. 

A few days ago I went into total freak mode.  You see, I can not get sick.  That would be no good, terrible awful.  So I pulled Blakely from MDO this week and we have been hibernating.  The very last thing we did that required being in contact with other people (besides the close fam) was dance class on Tuesday night.  Since then we have not left the house much.  And when we do I am a hand washing/sanitizing crazy person.  I had to go with my mom to the hospital to have her cardioversion done and I am pretty sure she wishes she would have left me at home due to the number of times I threw sanitizer on her hands or told her not to touch something.  It really has overcome me.  

I make Lonnie strip down at the door when he gets home and then shower before touching either of us.  He is ready for me to leave for sure!  I had to leave Blakely with my aunt while I went to the doctor for labs and made her wash her hands before touching Blakely...and no kisses.  I mean I am driving myself crazy so I know these people want to yell at me to chill the eff out.  

But I can't.  This is too important.  We are so close to the end goal of getting these sweet embryos into my uterus.  

I will be that girl wearing a mask on the airplane...the germiest of germy places on the planet (We can just call it the germ tube if you like).  Ugh, shivers just thinking about that.  My aunt is going with me and I will be making her wear one as well.  I am sure she will be thrilled.  Love you Jenni and sorry but thank you for coming and taking care of me while I am on bed rest!  

Oh dear readers...we are almost there.  We have been working towards this transfer since January, almost nine whole months.  This summer has been insane and part of me thinks it has been the worst one ever.  But then I remember that this is the summer that we made three perfect embryos.  This is the summer that we got the chance that we have been waiting for and wanting for so long.  And I just know that this summer is going to end on a really POSITIVE note. :)  Let's do this!