Here we go.

IVF #6 is officially underway.  

It actually started while I was at the beach since I started taking some medications there.  But the hard core stimulation meds started last Thursday.  I arrived in Denver Saturday and I will be here for 12 or so days.  This post is going to be a bit technical but I want to document the details and this is my place for documenting!  

My protocol this time around is different from any that I have ever done.  My previous 5 attempts were all basically the same.  Take birth control pills for a month or so.  Take lupron towards the end of the bcp's.  Stop bcp's.  Have a period and then start stimulations meds.  

This time around we skipped the birth control.  The reason you take that is basically to suppress all your hormones, mainly estrogen.  I have felt like my body doesn't respond right away to the stimulation meds the last 2 IVF's because maybe I am too suppressed?  Or maybe since I was so suppressed it took my body a few extra days to kick into to gear?  Anyway, no birth control pills this time.  This time I...

-had a period.  

-tested for ovulation 

-then started taking medication 10 days after ovulation.  

-had another period right at the time my body would normally have a period

-then started taking the medication that stimulates your ovaries to produce lots of follicles. 

To me it seemed more in line with what my body is already trying to do on a monthly basis.  I don't know?

Here is the rundown of my medications.  

-On Thursday May 15th I started taking Estra.diol (a pill) morning and night.  

-On Friday May 16th I started taking Cetro.tide (injection) in the evening

-On Sunday May 18th I stopped taking Cetro.tide

-On Tuesday May 20th I stopped taking Estra.diol

-On Wednesday May 21st I had an ultrasound and labs at home to make sure I didn't have any cysts on my ovaries and to make sure my estrogen, LH and progesterone were normal. (It was all good)

-On Thursday May 22nd I started taking Meno.pur (2 vials, injection) in the morning before 830 and Foll.istim (300 units, injection) in the evening, 12 hours after the Meno.pur and a dexametha.sone tablet before bed.  I will continue this medication everyday until it is time for retrieval.  

When we got the results of my appointment Wednesday we frantically booked my flight and my hotel room.  We didn't want to do it before just in case everything got postponed.  Luckily there was still a direct flight and I got a great deal on a hotel for being a patient of this clinic.  

I had my first lab and ultrasound here in Denver yesterday.  Everything looked good and I go back on Tuesday morning for another check.  I had about 5 follicles on my left ovary with a couple smaller ones that may or may not catch up.  And I had about 7-9 follicles on my right ovary.  They are all around the same size and that is really good.  We want them to grow at the same rate so we can get the highest number of mature eggs possible.  

A major thing that is different this time is that we are not doing a fresh transfer.  That is what we have always done.  That is where 3-5 days after the embryos are made the best ones are put back into the uterus.  This time, we are having all the embryos cultured until day five (5 days after retrieval) and then they will be frozen and genetically tested.  Once those results come back we will do a frozen transfer with the "best" embryos (not genetically abnormal).  This was a major source of stress for me that last few months, basically since we came out for testing in March.  They recommended we have this testing (called CCS).  Lonnie thought we should.  I didn't want to do it.  Here were my reasons why.  

• We have only ever had 3 embryos make it to day 5.  Blakely and 2 that were frozen on her cycle.  (We have had 8 embryos total, ever)  The thought of going through all of this and none making it to day 5 and being left with nothing makes me want to vom.  
• I didn't like not having the opportunity to transfer them on day 3 if they weren't growing well.
• I have always heard/thought frozen success rates were lower than fresh success rates
• I just felt like it was another major thing for the embryos to have to be put through that could harm them or destroy them.  Case in point...one of the embryos that made it to day 5 to be frozen during Blakely's cycle "disintegrated" during the freezing process.  Yeah...

Here were the counter points to my points (per Lonnie, my nurse and my doctor, Dr. S)

• They have one of the best labs in the country.  This was one of the reasons we decided to come here.  We felt like they could do more with whatever I gave them.  So hopefully they could culture the embryos "better" and more would make it to day 5.  (Lonnie)
• This clinic actually has better frozen success rates than fresh success rates.  (nurse and Dr. S)  Now, part of that is because they do this testing so they are only transferring genetically normal frozen embryos.  But if the reason we have had failures was due to genetically abnormal embryos then at least we would know.  (Lonnie and Dr. S)  Also, Dr. S feels like the body is not as well prepared to accept an embryo after just going through weeks of hormones and then a surgery.  He feels like a month or two after the retrieval when the body is back to normal it is better equipped to accept a pregnancy.  
• They have actually never damaged an embryo with this process.  And, not only that, it is extremely rare for them to lose an embryo during the freezing or thawing process.  My nurse couldn't even recall a time it had happened.  (nurse and Dr. S)
• One of the main reasons we changed clinics was because we wanted something different.  This is something different along with other things this cycle.  We need to trust their expertise.  That is why we chose them.  (Lonnie)

Lonnie left it up to me to decide and I decided to do the CCS testing.  I literally waited until the absolute last day possible to notify my nurse of this.  I just kept going back and forth.  But, in the end, I decided on the CCS testing.  I feel like Lonnie is right when he said we came here to trust the experts and to try something different.  I also have faith in their lab that they can get me some good day 5 embryos and this will all work out.  I told myself once I made the decision that I was not going to look back so that is what I am doing.  No what if's and no shoulda, woulda, coulda's.  This was the decision and we are going with it.  Now let's get lots of good quality eggs that can turn into good quality embryos!  

I am feeling pretty good.  I have headaches but I always do when I am on hormones.  I had one every single day I was pregnant with Blakely.  I can already feel my ovaries aching a little bit but nothing painful just something I am aware of.  I really like the place I am staying.  There is a lot of shopping nearby and that is what I did all day today.  Lots of Memori.al Day sales!  I know after a few more days I won't feel like doing anything but laying around or sleeping so I am exploring my area while I feel good.  I have a kitchen so I went to the grocery store so I wouldn't have to eat out every meal.  Although I have already seen so many new-to-me restaurants that I must try!  I brought some books and will probably find a bookstore and get more.  So far everything is good!  I am not too bored yet!  Ha!  I am sure that will come.  

Of course I miss Blakely and Lonnie like crazy already.  I know they miss me too.  I have already gotten quite a few sweet texts from the husband and I've talked to B a few times.  I can tell she is trying to be big girl.  I told her to take care of Daddy while Mommy was gone and she said, "don't worry, Mom.  I will."  Swoon.  

Also, I have decided to document this little trip of mine with a new Ins.tagram account.  I wanted to be able to update my friends and family without having to send a bunch of texts each day.  Plus, it gives me something to do!  If you would like to follow along the account is @mile_high_mama 

First trip to the dentist!

The week before we left for Florida Blakely had her first appointment with the dentist!  I was a little nervous and had been putting it off for months.  But recently she became really good with brushing her teeth and actually wanting to do it multiple times a day (thank you Bubb.le Gup.pies).  So I bit the bullet and made the call.  

We talked about it a little the week of the appointment but nothing too major.  I actually had an appointment to get a filling fixed a few days before her and I told her all about it and made it sound like a freaking carnival.  I certainly didn't show her this picture of me with fear written all over my face.  

I survived.  

She jumped right up in the chair and when Ms. Tammy laid it back she said "this is so fun!"  I think Ms. Tammy was expecting to only count her teeth and be done but since Blakely was so good she got to do the full exam. 

They brushed them, polished them, flossed them and even took X-rays.  Then Dr. Brien came over to check them out.  

He told her she had perfect teeth and then let her pick out a new toothbrush, toothpaste and a toy from the toy box.  

I took Shannon's advice and showed her some yo.utube videos on our way there.  She loved them.  I really think this is what helped us to be successful at the dentist.  She knew what to expect.  From the chair to the water sprayer she knew what was coming.  Another thing I think that helped was that I just sat over in my chair and didn't enter in.  I didn't really tell her what to do I just let Ms. Tammy talk to her.  She usually listens to other people better anyway!  A few times when she glanced at me I would open my mouth really wide so she would do the same and she did.  

In between brushing and flossing, Blakely looked over at me and said "I being a big girl, Mommy".  My heart just melted.  I was so proud of her.  Not just because she was being good at the dentist but because she is my little girl.  Not my baby.  My sweet little girl that is growing up so fast right before my eyes.  

Hello there! And a survey...

Hi peeps!  Ahhhh.  It feels good to be home.  Don't get me wrong, the beach was great but there is just something about sleeping in your own bed.  We had a great time which you know I will recap in a post all its own.  Lonnie is finally feeling back to normal.  He was still sick through most of our vacay but I am just thankful he is back to normal today.  It took him some time to recover all of his strength but I sent him off to work today in a good mood and he was ready to tackle this long crazy stretch he has coming up.  

I am busy unpacking, doing laundry, organizing everything so the house won't fall apart while I am gone and getting everyone in line who is going to help take care of Blakely (and Lonnie!) while I am out of town.  I'm a little nervous....

I have so much blog catching up to do.  I left my phone dead for many days while we were away and I didn't really get on the computer much so I am so behind.  Hoping to catch up today!  

I have a few posts I want to get up this week so hopefully that will happen.  But for today I decided to post this little survey that I saw on Shannon's blog yesterday.  Blakely answered each question and she thought is was so fun and wanted me to ask her more questions when we were through.  So I came up with a couple more at the bottom. 

Name:  Bakey Ann Wite (At least we've moved on from Boppy)

Age:  2

Favorite Color: Orange.  NO!  Pink

Favorite Toy:  Grocery cart

Favorite TV Show:  Mickey

Favorite Fruit:  Apples

Favorite Breakfast Food:  Eggs in a hole  (every single morning)

Favorite Lunch:  Sandwich  (which she pronounces "sammich")

Favorite Snack:  Apples

Favorite Drink:  Apple juice (???)

Favorite Animal:  Horse

Best Friend:  Mommy  

Favorite Thing to Do:  Play with my toys

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up:  A grown up (Ha!)

Favorite Thing to Wear:  Shoes

Which Shoes:  Princess shoes (I have no idea which ones those are)

Favorite Song:  Head Shoulders Knees and Toes  (We have to sing it slow, medium and then super fast!)

Favorite Book:  Tiger Book (Thanks Bridget!)

Favorite Flavor of Ice Cream: Pink  (means strawberry)

Favorite Thing About the Beach:  SAND TOYS!  

Apparently she likes apples and apparently someone is sneaking her some apple juice!  Hope everyone is having a great Monday.

My honey.

I just typed out this post in about 15 minutes this morning.  I haven't really even re-read it.  It is quite wordy and medical.  If you are like my friend, Sarah, then you totally shut down when medical terminology is used (although she is getting better since she married a nurse!)  So, I put a small summary at the bottom if you just want to skip to that.  Hoping this makes sense!

This is so completely random.  I will start from the beginning.  

When I got home Friday night at 2 am Lonnie had accidentally locked me out.  He had to come upstairs and unlock the door for me.  When we went back down to bed he was shivering and said he had the chills.  He sleeps with no sheets or blankets so I knew this was weird.  I covered him up and turned the heat up.  I knew he had a fever because he was so hot.  The next morning he woke up to go to work, took some Tyl.enol and felt better. In fact he felt good so we went on with our plans to go have a fun family day.  

About half way through our great day I could tell he was uncomfortable.  He mentioned that his muscles were hurting, mainly his neck and his back.  Like I said before, I thought he just slept wrong.  He went on home while I took B for ice cream.  

While we were watching the movie that night he was moaning and groaning pretty frequently.  His fever had returned earlier in the day and Ty.lenol was not getting it to go down.  As he progressively got worse we started to get a little bit worried.  He kept saying that his back and neck hurt so bad and this is coming from the guy who never complains about pain.  He has had a few injuries since I have known him and he just has a high tolerance for pain.  Around 8:00 pm is when he told me to call my mom to watch B so he could go get checked out in the ER.  I tried not to freak the eff out but I'm pretty sure I failed.  I knew that if he thought he should get checked out then he was really feeling worse than I even knew and he was worried.  

Saturday night in the ER....no bueno

At this point I think we were both worried about it being meningitis or something and giving it to Blakely.  That was our main concern heading in to the ER.  He had a fever, chills and severe muscle pain.  None of which was getting better with medication.  They worked him up and everything was normal.  We were there only a couple of hours but he was so uncomfortable.  I have never seen him like that.  

Keep in mind.  He was on call all weekend.  So he worked Saturday but Sunday he felt so awful he decided he wasn't going to go in unless they called with an emergency.  Thankfully they didn't.  He was worse Sunday.  Still had the fever and severe muscle pain.  

Monday morning rolls around and he heads to work.  He told me that morning that his muscles were very weak.  It was hard for him to move his hands and arms.  At about 11 he called me from his cell phone.  Something he never does from work.  He told me he had called his partner in (from his vacation!) and he left work and was headed to see our doctor.  He couldn't hold the wires and needles for his cases.  He said that his muscle weakness had gotten much worse over the last few hours.  

They ran some labs and then Lonnie came home to wait for the results.  Dr. W called and said that one of his labs (CK) that measures the breakdown of muscles was high.  (It was not high yet when we were in the ER)  He wanted him to hydrate as much as possible and come back in the morning for repeat labs.  They were thinking it was some sort of myositis (inflammation of the muscles...this can be caused by about a million different things).  But there were also a few scarier things that it could be and if the labs were abnormal the next day we would start ruling those out.  

That afternoon and evening we started to get really worried.  In 15 years Lonnie has never missed a single day of work.  He laid on the couch and shivered and groaned all evening just getting worse.  The next morning (yesterday) he could barely get out of bed.  He hurt so much and his muscles just would not work, they were so weak.  He forced himself to get in the shower thinking it would make him feel better.  He had to go to work!  I got up as he was trying to brush his teeth. Trying and failing.  He couldn't even squeeze the toothpaste out.  I told him there was no way he was going to work.  Absolutely not.  My foot was down.  He agreed and called his partner who knew he may not be able to make it.  

Once that was settled we sat down to figure out what in the hell to do.  We were getting worried about a couple of really serious illnesses.  I mean how random to have rapid onset of severe muscle pain, muscle weakness and a fever?  He called one of the neurologists and he agreed to see him immediately.  I drove him up there and the neurologist worked him over.  They ordered a few tests and ran a few tests in the office.  The one they ran in the office ruled out the most serious illness (Guillain-Barre).  It would have been really random for him to have that so I was happy to know it wasn't that.  We moved on to the MRI to rule out the next most serious illness.  Right after it was done Lonnie went and looked at it and it was normal.  Wonderful.  Then we went for more labs.  

We were at the hospital all morning.  Once we were done there we went to our regular internal medicine doctor...let's call him Dr. W, the one Lonnie saw the day before.  We talked to him about things and the labs still weren't back.  He sent us home and the plan was for him to call us with the results.  If his CK was higher then he wanted to admit him to the hospital.  The problem with high CK is that it can build up in your kidneys and cause kidney failure.  So they would want him in the hospital to pump him full of fluids to try and prevent that.  Dr. W made me feel a little better while we were there.  He told me that this is not a mystery.  He still thinks it is an infectious myositis and rhabdomyolysis.  We just don't know what caused it.  

We came home and waited.  Dr. W called a little later and said that his CK had gone up significantly.  Like more than quadrupled.  BUT!  He had talked to an infectious disease specialist and since his kidney function labs were normal she thought it would be okay to recheck the labs in the morning (Wednesday).  As long as he hydrated as much as possible and went to the ER if he got any worse.  

This made me nervous but going to the hospital didn't sound all that awesome either.  I made him lay on the couch all evening and forced him to drink a ton of water and Gat.orade.  When he woke up yesterday morning he felt a little better.  That was the first time since this started that he wasn't getting worse.  His labs came back yesterday and his CK had gone up but only slightly.  Dr. W thinks that he has plateaued and is turning the corner.  So we go back in a few minutes for another recheck and HOPEFULLY it will have started to come down.  

He was definitely feeling better yesterday afternoon.  He still can't write his name with a pen or text (his fingers just will not work right) but he does not have as much pain and he feels somewhat stronger.  I am so so happy he is starting to feel better.  We are supposed to leave for the beach soon!  Now that he is on the mend (please let that be the case) we are still planning on going.  I have been on hold with packing and getting things ready because I wasn't sure it was going to work out.  And I've also been super busy taking care of him and driving him to all these places and just stressing out about his illness in general.  So now I have to get on it!  

I love this husband of mine so very much.  We had a few scary days there but I am glad we are past that.  I respect him so much for being such a hard worker.  He has told the partner that worked for him a hundred times how much he appreciates it.  He keeps telling me things that we need to get or do for the doctors that helped him and took care of him.  He has told them numerous times how grateful he is to have them.  He just does not like being the patient!  I am so thankful for his partner that came in to work for him this week.  If he had been out of town I don't know what we would have done!  We may never know what caused this.  More than likely it was just the way his body reacted to a virus that he had.   Who knows.  All I know is that I am happy he is getting better!  His official diagnosis is infectious myositis (inflammation of the muscles caused by an infectious process and rhabdomyolysis (breakdown of the muscle tissue).  

*short version*  Lonnie started having severe muscle pain and weakness along with a fever 5 days ago. We spent a few scary days worrying that it could be something life-altering since he only continued to get worse.  We have been in and out of the doctors office for tests and planning to be admitted to the hospital but, thankfully, we have avoided that.  Yesterday was the first day he felt a little bit better.  We are going back for more labs this morning and hoping that he is on the mend!  His diagnosis is infectious myositis (inflammation of the muscles caused by an infectious process) and rhabdomyolysis (breakdown of muscle tissue).  So freaking random.

Weekend fun. And not so fun.

I intended on posting this on Monday but right after our super great weekend everything went to shit.  More on that later!  

We had a super full weekend so I'll just start with Friday.  Blakely had gymnastics and then we went to my dad's house after that.  We have started getting into that routine the past month or so.  Sometimes I stay over there with them and other times I run a few errands while they hang out for an hour or two.  This Friday I had a doctor's appointment so I left her there to run around outside, play with Shady (the only dog in the world that she is not scared of) and play on the boat.  

I picked her up and we drove the long way through the country home.  She loves this because we drive by a few farms and she can see the COWS!  SHEEP!  HORSIES!  One of these days I am just going to walk up to one of their doors and ask if she can get a close up look.  She took a late nap because we were heading to the local high school baseball game that evening.

My girlfriends and I were having a girls night starting at the game.  We have a friend whose son is the star of the team so we went to watch him.  I knew Blakely would think that was fun!  And she did.  I think she entertained everyone around us the whole game.  Lonnie came after work to watch a little of the game and to take B home.

My girl will finally smile a good smile for a selfie instead of that cheese ball grin!

After the game we headed over to Jenny's and the girls who couldn't make the game came over then.  We ordered pizza, played games and talked for hours.  It was so much fun!  I had really good intentions of getting home at a decent hour.  But at midnight my pregnant friend, Tina, was still going strong so I felt I had to at least outlast her.  I made it home at 2 in the morning.  Whoa.  We had such a great time and I truly believe a girls night is good for the soul.  Blakely didn't get the memo about sleeping in so I was running on about 4 hours of sleep Saturday.  

Lonnie was on call but it was looking like his weekend wouldn't be too busy.  We decided to head out to our local horse racing track for a fun event they were having in the infield.  They had a huge BBQ competition and you could purchase a plate for $5 and sample all the food.  Ummm, yes.  Sign me up.  A huge open area for B to run around + food + live music + some bounce houses = a super happy toddler.  She ate more BBQ than Lonnie and I did.  We got there a little early before there were too many people there.  Definitely planned it that way.  Here are a few pics because I actually took my good camera.  Go me.  

come on, Mom!  

Taking a little break from jumping.  

We finally got her to sit down under the shade of a huge tree.  

The child ate 2 plates full!

Be happy I only posted 3 of them sitting like this.  I have about 50...

Adoration...

On the way home from the racetrack I felt like it was the perfect time for an ice cream date.  We have only gone for ice cream about 5 times ever.  The first 4 she didn't even know there were toppings for the ice cream.  I planned on keeping it that way but the last time we went Lonnie picked her up and showed them to her before I could catch him.  If I could show you the look on her face.  The child was so excited.  So, of course, this time she wanted to pick her toppings.  She decided on orange ice cream with gummy bears, chocolate chips and M&M's.  Yum.  Not.  I usually share hers but that sounded gross so I got my own.  She ate every single bite.  We were there for an hour.  She is not the fastest eater.  

By the time she was done she was in serious need of a bath.  Sweat mixed with sunscreen mixed with BBQ sauce mixed with orange ice cream made for a dirty little two year old.  

I soaked her and scrubbed her and then we settled in for a movie night.  Her favorite.  Toy S.tory.  About half way through I could tell Lonnie wasn't feeling well.  He mentioned earlier in the day that his muscles were hurting but I didn't really know what to make of that.  I thought he just slept weird or something.  Anyway, when it was time to put Blakely to bed he calmly told me to call my mom and and have her come over while Blakely was sleeping so I could take him to get checked out by the ER doctor.  Ummmm...excuse me?!?!?  My husband who refused to even get a physical for like 6 years wanted to voluntarily go to the ER on a Saturday night?  Yeah, so our weekend went to shit right there.  I'll post all about it tomorrow or Friday.  He is okay but still pretty ill.  Blah.  

IVF #6 update

The last I mentioned about our upcoming IVF was when we got home from Denver for the full day of testing.  

The week after that we got all of the results back and everything looked great.  Our next step was to get labs drawn on day 3 of my cycle.  They had to send me a kit and I had to get the blood drawn at my old clinic and they shipped it to Denver.  This was mildly stressful, could have been a lot worse.  Mainly, I was worried about the clinic doing the kit correctly but that wasn't a problem.  I was also a little nervous because I had to tell my old clinic that we were going with the Denver clinic.  I didn't mind telling them I just wanted to get it over with and not dwell on it.  Blech.  

My nurse from CCRM, we will call her J, called with the results of those labs.  I was a little bit nervous about the results and I will tell you why.  They check estrogen, FSH (follicle stimulating hormone, and LH (luteinizing hormone).  My FSH has always been borderline high.  Dr. B has told me it was just a little high for my age before our last 3 IVF's.  (I believe the numbers were around 12 and 13 each time...and they want it less than 10).  Older women have higher FSH levels which mean your ovaries just aren't producing like they did when you were younger.  I just turned 32, so not old.  I was worried since my eggs haven't been so great the last 2 IVF's that maybe my FSH would be sky high.  All of that explanation to say that J told me my FSH was fine...it was 9.  I was so happy to hear this.  

J explained to me the protocol Dr. S had decided upon.  It is different than what we have done before.  Previously I have been on birth control pills for about a month before starting any medication.  This protocol has no birth control pills and I begin medication based on when I ovulate instead of when I start my period.  She told me we could get started when I ovulated.  At this point I was on about day 8 so that meant we could get started really soon!  I wasn't ready and it was going to run into our beach trip.  We are absolutely going to the beach so I told her we needed to put it off another month.

Once we got the protocol and the calendar from CCRM Lonnie and I got to work looking at his schedule and trying to make sure this was going to work out.  We don't know things down to the day because anything can change but we were a little worried about the timing for when Lonnie was going to need to come out to Denver.  He had a call weekend around that time and that would be nearly impossible to switch.  We were looking at this a few weeks ago when he was off for a few days.  We realized that we may need a back up sample from him in the event that he can't make it out for my egg retrieval. (Please do not let that happen!)  But the only days he was off until the time for the egg retrieval were right then.  So we decided to fly him out to Denver to give his sample and then he flew back home the next day.  Yeah.  A little crazy.  Or maybe a lot crazy.  But there was just no way we could go through with all of this and then get almost to the end and him not be able to come.  That would have been a huge waste of everything.  So this seemed worth it to us.  (Please lord let travel expenses for IVF be tax deductible, anyone know anything about that?)  

Anyway, so I guess that is where we are now.  I will start testing for ovulation in another few days and then I will start medication 10 days after I ovulate.  I will be on that medication for a few weeks or so and then I will start the stimulation medication.  That is when things get real.

I will have one appointment at my old clinic for lab and ultrasound to make sure my ovaries are suppressed and then I will head out to Denver for all other monitoring.  

So that is all of the technical stuff.  Now how about the emotional stuff?  

I am really excited about this.  I am nervous, of course, but I am ready to do this.  I trust this clinic fully and that really helps.  I have to be able to let go of control and let them do what they are trained to do.  They know this stuff and I have to let them guide me and I trust they will guide me in the right direction.  

I want this to work so very badly.  I want to be pregnant again.  I want to feel a baby kick inside me.  I want to give birth to another baby.  I want to nurse again.  I want to make Blakely a big sister.  I want to see Lonnie holding our newborn again.  I want the sleepless nights.  I want the sore vagina.  I want the stinky spit up filled burp cloths.  I want it all.  Sometimes I feel like I need it.  I know that sounds weird but I almost feel like my life is on hold while we just wait and see what our family is going to look like.  We know what we want.  We have talked a few times about "what if we were fertile"?  We both agree that if we were able to choose when we got pregnant and how many kids we were going to have that we would for sure already have another one and we both would like to have a third.  I know we only have one so it is hard to say what we would want once we had a second but the point is we don't get to decide.  We don't have that privilege.  I can't even imagine being able to say, "Ok, our family is complete".  Am I ever going to feel like that?  I don't know but I know I don't feel that way now.  But I know we are lucky.  I know that.  I am focusing on that and staying positive through this whole process.  Actually I am just imagining that it is going to work.  Surely if I think it enough it will happen, right? 

Easter 2014...as if you haven't had enough :)

We had a great Easter weekend and I wanted to get a few pictures up to prove that we did actually get dressed up!   

picture of a picture because I am about tho throw my scanner in the lake.  But it did turn out much better than last year!  

Friday morning we went to gymnastics as usual.  Her teacher dressed up like the Easter bunny and we took pics of the kids.  Blakely jumped right in and it reminded me that last year she 100% did not want to go near Mrs. Bethany in that suit and I had to bribe her with a piece of candy.  What a difference a year can make.  

On Friday night my mom came over and we dyed eggs.  Blakely enjoyed it but mostly putting the stickers on the eggs after they were dyed.

I got up early Saturday morning to get all of our stuff ready to go to my BIL's house.  Blakely slept almost the whole way and she was so excited to see C and S.  They played outside while we hung out and got things ready for brunch the next day.  

At one point S brought Blakely into the kitchen looking like this...

Makeup and dress up.  My girl was thrilled.  Although I think she would be thrilled with whatever S wanted to do!  Blakely even got to keep some of the outfits because they don't fit S anymore.    

The kids had a ball.  Besides dress up, they played in the sand outside, they read books to Blakely, they played hide and seek, they dyed more eggs, they pushed B around on their scooters and go cart and they ended the night by eating dinner outside in the new pool (that doesn't have water yet).  C and S passed out before Blakely.  I finally told B that she had to go to bed for the Easter bunny to come.  That did it and she conked out quick.  

Sunday morning we all got up really early to get ready for church.  Except Blakely.  I think she would have slept a lot longer.  I actually had to wake her up so she could see her Easter basket before we had to leave for church.  I was a little nervous about taking Blakely to church but she did great.  My child is definitely not used to being quiet for that long.  I was armed with all kinds of snacks!  When we got there my SIL plopped right down on the front row.  I wasn't all that fired up about that but it worked out fine and Blakely didn't run on stage and try to play the piano or anything.  Although she wanted to.  

After church we headed back to the house and did an Easter egg hunt.  Blakely wasn't all that into the hunting of the eggs.  I think she was distracted by her cousins running around like crazy.  She was more concerned with opening each egg that she found.  

Look, Mom!

One of her peeps is never too far.  On this day it was "purple Min.nie"

Blakely's favorite thing about Easter was the piano.  Oh my.  She would have sat there and played it for ages.  S is pretty good at it so she played songs B knows and my girl would sing sing sing.  She loved it.  We are definitely gong to look into lessons in the future. 

After stuffing our faces with all kinds of food we left for the drive home.  Lonnie and Blakely didn't make it to the interstate before passing out.  :)

It was a great weekend with family and we can't wait to go back this summer when the pool will be finished!