To lie or not....that is the question!

I am not sure what to do.  I DO NOT want to tell people about my pregnancy yet.  I mean it is still SUPER early and we haven't even seen a heartbeat yet.  There are so many more hurdles to jump over.  I deal with early pregnancies at work and I know what can go wrong.  

But I feel bad about just flat out lying. 

In a normal situation (which would mean us having conceived on our own and only the two of us knowing about it) this would not be a problem.  

But our situation is totally different.

This was our 3rd IVF.  When we had our first IVF in August we told some people.  A few of my friends, some of our family, and the people that I work with and the people that my husband works with.  A total of about 20 people.  When we didn't end up with any embryos it was torture having to tell people about it.  I made my husband do it actually.  I was devastated.  

Our 2nd IVf was in September/October.  Only a couple of people knew about that (my mom, my boss, and 2 of my friends).  I learned my lesson from the first experience.  So when that didn't work, I was devastated but I didn't have to put on a happy face and talk about it with people.  That was so much better.

During this IVF more people had to know than during IVF #2 and we had no control over that.  A few more girls that I work with figured it out because I had to take off of work.  More of Lonnie's partners had to know because he had to get someone to work for him on egg retrieval day.  

This is my problem!

These people keep asking about it.  I know they mean well and are just being nice but I just don't know what to say! 

It is hard to keep from the girls I work with (there are 5 of them) because of what we do (ultrasound).  I am like the 4th one that has gotten pregnant over the past two years and we all scan each other very early in pregnancy.  We have all kept each others secret until the person is ready to let the public know about their pregnancy.  I trust them to not tell anyone because I have seen them keep this same secret before.

My husband had to tell a few of his partners because they kept asking and knew that we had been trying and knew we would have results soon.  We told one of them and his wife (we will call her M) the other night at dinner.  This was perfect because I asked them to keep it to themselves and I feel confidant that they will.  They suffered a miscarriage before having their two kids and understand not wanting to spread the news too early.  


I have a girls dinner tonight with M and 3 of the other wives.  I just had a complete breakdown because I don't want to tell them and I have a feeling they will ask because I will not be drinking wine (this is rare for me to not have a glass on a girls night!).  


My freaking family doesn't even know!!!!


I don't feel like I am obligated to tell them but my husband says that I shouldn't lie to them if they ask.  


WELL WHY THE HELL NOT???  


I just reread this post and can not stop laughing.  I mean seriously???  WTF???  This is MY body and MY pregnancy.  If I want to lie to people about it I will.  I'm pretty sure most women out there would understand!  


I considered just deleting all of this and not posting it but I want to remember this.  I spent an hour 20 minutes crying, worrying, and basically throwing a fit about dinner tonight and what I was going to say and how unfair it was that I had to deal with this.  


Then I just spent the last 20 minutes laughing at myself for being so stupid.  UGH!  I guess it's the hormones...I'm going to take a nap....