Emery Harper. Her second week.

Em's second week at Arkansas Children's Hospital she started turning a corner.  Her breathing was getting better every day and at the beginning of the week she was taken off all breathing support.  She was tolerating feedings and they were steadily increasing the amount she took via her tube every 3 hours until mid week she was at a full feeding for her weight.  

Sunday, May 3rd (6 days old), was the second time that I went to visit her.  My dad took me and I got to hold her almost the entire time I was there.  I took 15 minutes to pump but other than that I was snuggling my girl.  

I mentioned that I had a few meltdowns.  Well let me tell you about the biggest one.  I went to visit Em for the first time on Friday May 1st.  I immediately wanted to go back.  On Saturday morning we realized that Benton was going to be able to come home from the hospital Sunday.  Lonnie and I started planning when I could get back to Em.  We planned for Sunday afternoon after bringing Benton home...he would watch Blakely and Benton and his mom would be at the house to help if needed.  Saturday night he and I were talking like we always did before going to bed and we realized that if he got called in on Sunday afternoon while I was visiting Emery then his mom would be stuck with Blakely and Benton.  She was not comfortable with that and neither were we.  I was upset.  Then I started thinking.  He was working the whole next week.  There was literally not a time that I would be able to go see Emery because he was the only one we were comfortable with watching Benton and Blakely.  I freaked.  I felt like I was never going to be able to see her and I was the worst mom in the world.  I was worried something was going to happen to her and I had only seen her once.  Only held her once.  I knew nothing about her.  I felt so detached from her.  Let me tell you....it was not pretty.  

Lonnie understood.  He got it.  He didn't make me feel bad for freaking out.  He just went to work figuring it out.  He called his partner and asked him to cover call for a few hours so I could go visit Emery.  Thankfully he said he would and I got to go like originally planned.  So very thankful for him and his wife for helping us out.  (random but they actually have 2 year old twins and have been oh so helpful to us in more ways than one!)  

Sooooo on Sunday I got to see Em and hold her.  At this point she and Benton were eating on the same schedule.  This was not my doing but was some random miracle of the universe.  She got breast milk every three hours and she was on the 8 am schedule so she ate at 8a, 11a, 2p, 5p, 8p, 11p, 2a and 5a.  When I visited her the first time I realized that Benton had eaten at around 8a that day so I decided to keep him on that schedule IF AT ALL POSSIBLE OMG PLEASE.  Thankfully he did really well with eating every 3 hours so it worked out.  When I would visit her it was always about time for her to eat so I would pump there and leave the milk for her feedings.  

My dad took me back to Children's on Tuesday evening.  We waited until Lonnie got home from work and I fed Benton at 5p, pumped and then we left.  The nurse on Sunday had mentioned that the next time I came we may be able to try "non nutritive breastfeeding" since she was tolerating the breast milk so well.  I was thrilled about this because it meant we were making so much progress.  Non nutritive breastfeeding works like this....  I pumped and then I got to attempt nursing her.  When she latched on they gave her milk through her tube.  This helps to associate sucking with a full tummy.  But it takes away the risk of aspiration when preemies are first learning to eat.  

My sweet girl latched right on.  I mean open mouth and a strong suck.  I was so surprised!  So I cried, of course.  They started her tube feed and she just kept right on sucking for the first 5 minutes or so.  At one point I thought I was going to have a letdown and the nurse said it was okay to keep her on there because her vitals were doing okay.  After about 15 minutes she fell off and fell asleep.  I just held her like that and talked to her and told her how proud I was of her.  And then she threw up!  Ugh!  I was so happy she had done so well and then BOOM...vomit everywhere.  It freaked me out but the nurse said it was pretty normal because she was doing a few things at a time and she wasn't used to that.  I tried to not let it get me down and just be happy that she latched so well.  We snuggled for a while longer and then it was time to go home.  I hated leaving of course but planned on coming back on Thursday.  

On Thursday morning I was preparing to leave Benton and Blakely with my mother in law and Brenda so I could visit Emmers when I got a phone call from her pediatrician.  She told me that Emery was doing really well and she was ready to learn how to breastfeed!  EEEKKK!  

I want to take a minute here and just say how awesome Arkansas Children's Hospital was.  I mean they are seriously doing it right.  They make these difficult situations so much easier...as easy as they possibly can.  Any time I called up there I had Emery's nurse on the phone in minutes.  They answered all of my questions and never made me feel like I was wasting their time or asking something stupid.  At one point I had a question that the nurse didn't know the answer to.  She put me on hold and had the doctor on the line with both of us in a matter of minutes.  I then had a 10 minute conversation with the neonatologist who not only answered my questions but asked me how I was doing and wanted to know if Benton was doing well.  Everyone really cared and wanted the best for me and my babies.  

Anyway, when I got the call from the pediatrician that Emery was ready to learn how to nurse I was super happy.  I just had no idea how we were going to make that work when she was an hour away from her brother and I.  Little did I know but her doctor had some ideas on how to make it happen!