I'm still here...really, I am!

I have been absent for a good reason!  We took another vacation.  This time to Los Angeles. It was absolutely wonderful and I will be doing a post on it later this week.  For now though it is bullet points...it's all I've got!!!

• THE birthday is in just over 3 weeks.  I think I may have overextended myself on this one.  I didn't invite many people, just family and close friends, but I still feel like I have a bunch to do.  I'm trying not to stress about it though.  After all, no one cares about the little details except me, right?!?

• I have had quite a few blog friends celebrate their babes 1st birthday recently.  I just love it!  I remember when we were all pregnant and waiting for our miracles.  Amazing what a difference a year makes.  

• Speaking of babies...mine has turned into a "monster baby".  I feel like she is giving me a taste of what the toddler years are going to be like.  She screams her adorable little head off if she doesn't get what she wants rightthatverysecond.  It is weird because I don't really know what to do.  She is obviously too young for discipline yet she definitely knows what she is doing.  It is just a weird age I guess.  For example, I give her carrots and peas for lunch and she freaks out and throws them all over the floor.  Weird.  So I decide to try strawberries and grapes....she devoured them.  That is just a tiny example of what I am talking about.  Another example, I strap her in the car seat and give her the book that she usually loves to play with and she scream/kicks/has a total meltdown.  I then reach over and hand her the moose and she is happy as a clam.  Cray Cray.  

• Do any of you watch football?  If so, did you watch the game last night?  Talk about crazy...I mean....there really are no words!  

• For all of my Big Bro.ther watchers...IAN WON!?!?!  I liked the kid but seriously...Dan is the best that ever played the game.  Besides Dr. Will...maybe.  

• Blakely's one year appointment is the same day as our appointment for the consultation for our FET.  Full circle or what....

• Weaning is going pretty smooth so far.  My main worry is that she is getting enough breast milk.  I seem to be producing just as much (which is painful when cutting out feedings!) so I think she is.  I am down to 2 and sometimes 3 feedings a day.  By this weekend I want to be down to only 2...morning and night.  

Ok...I am hitting the bed pronto.  Long day tomorrow!

11 months old!

Yesterday, September 13, Blakely turned 11 months old!  I just can't believe in one short month I will have a one year old.  Some days it still just doesn't seem real that this is my life.  I am so thankful and grateful for our miracle B!

She will not leave a headband on her head...

Firsts this month:

The biggest first this month is that Blakely took her first steps!  She took about 4 and she has done it a few times since.  She just really doesn't want to let go but if she gets excited to see someone she will do it.  I am not sure I am ready for her to be walking!  She will be holding onto the couch and want to go to the recliner.  She leans out and will take one step on her own as she reaches out for the recliner.  Other than that though she isn't really all that interested in letting go.  

When she took these first steps we were all at my mom's house.  Gran Di and Jenni had been trying to get her to do it all afternoon.  Lonnie and I went to pick her up and they wanted to show us how close she was.  Well I guess she was so happy to see us that she walked from Lonnie to me!  My aunt was actually snapping pics at the time so we actually got one of her first steps.  Obviously I was shocked.  

Blakely got two more teeth this month for a total of 6 (4 on top and 2 on bottom).  The top right next to the middle came in on 8-25 and the top left next to the middle came in on 9-2.  It is so adorable to see her smile with all those teeth!

We took our first vacation with just the three of us.  

First time celebrating Gran Di and Jenni's birthday!  

First time having whole milk and she really likes it....Hallelujah  

Feeding:  Still nursing although the wean is on.  I repeat...THE WEAN IS ON!  I have cut back to just 4 nursings a day and I'm about about to try just three today..morning, before afternoon nap, and night.  I usually feed her after her morning nap but she usually only does one side so I figured this would be the easiest one to cut out.  Please wish me luck...I am so ready to have my boobies back.  I think the hardest feeding to cut out is going to be the morning feeding.

Blakely eats regular food well most days.  She is kind of going through a phase where she just wants carbs, mostly bread, although this is getting better.  Her favorite things are cottage cheese, bread, grapes, pickles and the fruit and veggie pouches.  She would be happy eating only those things at every meal.  I am trying to get her to eat more veggies but she just isn't having it lately.  She has also learned how to deliberately throw her food on the floor...super cool. 

GRAPES!! 

Sleeping:  Sleeping is SOMUCH better now.  I swear, we let her "cry it out" like twice and now she is a champ.  It was like she needed to be reminded that she can put herself to sleep...I think she just forgot!  She sleeps about 11 hours at night and takes two naps during the day.  I started more of "time to sleep" routine with her as well and I think that helps.  We go in her room and turn on the sound machine.  I tell her that it is nap/bed time and she needs to sleep good so when she wakes up we can play.  I rock her for a minute or two and then put her in the crib.  I give her Jaffy (pink giraffe lovie) and I turn on Gigi (pink giraffe that sings for a few minutes) and then I pat her on the booty and leave the room.  Sometimes she goes right to sleep and other times she will sit up and play before falling asleep.  It's working and I am happy about it!

Clothing: 12 months clothes.  Some 9 month stuff fits when she isn't wearing a cloth diaper.  I just bought some 18 month winter clothes because the pants have to be a little bigger with the cloth booty.  

Diapers: She wears a size 3 disposable diaper.  We are still doing cloth but it seems like we haven't been using them for a little while.  She had strep the first time and went on antibiotics.  That gave her diarrhea and I was worried about her getting a yeast rash so we went to Pamp.ers.  Then on vacation we used disposables.  When we got back I was pumped to get back to the cloth.  A few days home and she had strep for the second time!  So back to disposables we went because of the antibiotics.  Now she has some sort of weird rash plus we are leaving for Los Angeles this weekend so no cloth until we get back.  

It wouldn't be my monthly post without the screaming in the crib pic

Height:  I measured her and I think she's about 29 1/2 inches.  I don't normally measure her but I had to for a custom birthday dress that I am having made...EEEEE!

Weight:  I am thinking about 21 pounds

Eyes:  super blue

Hair:  Light brown although sometimes it looks a little red.  It is getting so much thicker and I think finally getting a little longer.  I was able to put it in a itty bitty ponytail the other day!  Doesn't it look red?

Talking: Oh my...I'm pretty sure we have a major talker on our hands.  Lonnie is in trouble.  She pretty much jabbers all day long.  Lately she has become very good at mimicking what I say.  It is adorable.  The words that she says and knows what she is talking about are:
Da-dee
UH oh..complete with major emphasis on the UH part!
Dus-dee (Dusty...our dog)
Dan Die (Gran Di)
Mama (although she has stopped saying this unless she is waking up from a nap or in the mornings :-/)  
Hiii-eeee (Hi!  She perfected this one on our trip because she said it and waved to everyone!)

Other things that she can say but I don't think she really knows exactly what they are:
Bay-bee (baby obvi)
Nen-nee (Jenni, my aunt)
Tee (Trent, my cousin)
Bee (B, we call her that a lot)

A few other things I want to remember:

I used to take Blakely over to the mirror and point to myself and say "Mama" and then point to her and say "Baby" or "Blakely".  I haven't done this in at least a month or so.  Now that she has decided to stop saying Mama I have been trying to get her to start back but every.single.time I say "Mama" she responds "Bay-beee".  It is adorable and she is so proud of herself when she does it.  I can get her to say like five different things in a row but when I say Mama she says baby....

She got strep for the second time.  Grrrrr...

Blakely LOVES the "Where's Blakely" game.  She buries her face in the couch or in some pillows and we say "Where's Blakely?" then she pops her little face of with the biggest grin and we yell "There she is!!"  She could play this game for an hour.  

If you say "How old is Blakely?" She will hold up her first finger.  Beyond adorable.  

She waves bye bye to everyone.  

We always wait by the dining room window to see who is coming over.  Honestly, she gets the most excited when it is Gran Di.  She sees her walking down the driveway and tenses up her whole body and starts yelling and smiling.  I know it makes my mom feel so good :)

Sloppy Blakely kisses are the absolute BEST

She can climb..oh my.  She can climb into the recliner if we leave the foot rest out.  She is so close to being able to climb onto the other chair in our living room.  I've been trying to teach her how to get down from the furniture without nose diving.  I mean when she learns how to get onto the couch I'm not going to be able to take my eyes of of her for a second!  THis is what I found the other day.  

She fell off the box about 2 seconds after I took this picture.  Dear husband, please install the gates instead of propping them up with boxes of beer!!

She can stand on her own for quite a while and has even bent down to pick something up and gone back to standing.  

No.  Just no.  

Dear Blakely,
I can't believe you are 11 months old.  You are growing so fast.  I feel like you learn something new every day.  You are definitely soaking everything up like a sponge and I am so proud of how smart you are!  It is such a joy to watch you every day.  You have started to show your personality more this month also.  When I tell you no, you can't do something, you give me this look like "Oh yes I can!".  I think you are already giving me a taste of the toddler years to come.  You definitely know what you want and what you definitely DON'T want.  You know how to keep me on my toes! I am super busy planning your birthday party.  It is going to be so much fun.  I just know you will love cake!  I love you so much sweet girl!
Mama (not Bay-beeee)

a little bit of this...a little bit of that...

Dudes...I got my blog printed into a book and it freakin' rocks!  I am so pumped.  I started this blog in January of 2011 so I just printed all of that year into one book.  I will definitely be doing this each year.  I was always so worried that I would lose all of this one day.  I try to save each post into a document but I forget a lot of the time.  Since this blog is basically my journal it was really important to me to have a hard copy of it.  I can't even tell you how easy it was and I don't know why it took me so long to do it!  

Blakely has been learning new things every single day.  She now says quite a few different words and her new favorite thing is to throw her food on the floor.  I am not the biggest fan of this at all.  

I taught her how to hold her first finger up when she is asked "How old is Blakely??".  It took a few days but she has it down now.  So adorable by the way.  I started early because I wanted her to be able to actually do it on her bday.  I need to get a pic of this...  I still can't get her to clap her hands though...been trying that forever!

Lonnie came home from work in the middle of the day yesterday because he was covered in blood from the chest down.  He came home to take a shower and get new scrubs.  He undressed in the garage and left everything out there.  His brand new shoes (which were light gray) are completely red.  Gross.  I tossed everything but the shoes.  I am going to wash them in some oxyclean or something.  We have been together 7 years and he has never ever had to come home in the middle of the day.  It is things like this that stress me about his job.  Getting soaked in someone else's blood?  Not cool....

Blakely went to my mom's on Sunday from about 11 to 630.  I came home and watched football and relaxed most of the day.  Lonnie slept.  It was the ultimate lazy Sunday and I loved every second of it.  I also won my fantasy football game so yay!  

I'm not sure if I ever posted any of B's 6 month pics.  I just finally got the cd...I totally procrastinated.  It was weird to look at them because she is so much bigger now and has WAY more hair!  I couldn't even believe how thin her hair was.  She had just learned to sit up in these pics.  Here are a few of my faves.  

It was freezing that day.  We tried to do some outside ones but that didn't last too long.  

Definitely my favorite one for sure.  

This was the last picture taken.  When B gets sleepy she sucks on the back of her hand.  She has done this forever.  I knew the photo shoot was over when she did this while sitting up!  I love this pic...so sweet.  

Speaking of pics, I need to schedule her one year pictures.  I think I want to do family pictures also.  I'll have to talk Lonnie into that.  

Ok baby is awake from her nap!  Gotta run :)  

I made the call...

So, I just made the call to my doctor. (like 45 seconds ago!)

I left a message saying that I was wanting to go ahead and make an appointment to talk about starting with our frozen embryo transfer.  

YIKES!  

I don't know why it seems so intimidating.  I was so nervous to leave a message for the nurses.  I mean it just brings back so many memories.  All bad/negative/depressing/sad.  Ugh.  It is so hard to go back to that place (that physical place).  But mainly I am worried about going back to that emotional place.  That is not a fun place to be in.  I was there for almost three years and in a REALLY bad spot for over a year (3 IVF's will do that).  I don't want to be that sad ever again.  I know it will probably be different because I have my miracle baby now but I won't know that until I go for it.  

The logistics of a FET or a full fresh IVF (please let the FET work) will be much harder this time, of course.  I really don't want to take Blakely there.  I am sure that there will be a time that I will have to but I am going to do everything in my power to not take her in there.  I remember being that girl in the waiting room and another girl there had her baby with her.  In a way, it gave me hope but mostly it made me want to run away and cry.  Those were not good days.  

When I was about 8 months pregnant my husband needed to get back on some medication that made his sperm count go way down (testosterone..see the our journey tab at the top for more info).  We decided to have some of his sperm frozen for future use in IVF's just in case when he got off of the meds his count didn't go back up.  We had to go to this same office three different times for him to give his sample.  

***sidenote that he might kill me for*** I am so proud of my husband for this.  He has had to do a semen analysis at least 15 times...all at the office.  He is a rockstar....he never complains to me about.  He just knows that it has to be done and he does it.  That has always made things so much easier on me...I never had to worry about him whining about this very inconvenient fact of infertility!***  I love you honey...don't be mad!  ;)

Anyway, I was 8 months pregnant.  I refused to go into that waiting room with him!  I mean, when I was struggling with IF I don't know what I would have done if a big ole pregnant belly walked up in that clinic!  He went in without me and when they called him back he told the nurse I was outside.  They snuck me in the back door!  A think a pregnant belly is harder on an infertile girl than a baby...at least it was for me.  

I am about 2% worried about the logistics of all of this.  I am 98% worried that I am going to go back to that unstable, crazy, depressed shadow of my normal self that I was for so long.  I don't want that.  I am scared of that.  I want to be a good mom to Blakely and I don't know that I can do that if I get that depressed again.  

So, yeah, I am worried.  But I am also excited.  Excited that we do have 2 frozen embryos.  Our last cycle was the only one where they were able to freeze any.  Excited to hopefully be pregnant again soon.  I miss it so much!  Excited to make my husband a daddy again.  He has been ready to have another baby for about 6 months!  

Here we go.  Scared, worried, excited, happy, sad...whatever emotional roller coaster I am in for, I am in...all in.  I have my little pea pod to come home to this time and that is more than I could have ever asked for.  I thought for a long tim that we might not ever get our happy ending but we did.  So whatever happens from here is just a bonus.

Weekend Wrap-up...on a Wednesday!

We had a pretty good weekend even though we were all a little sicky.  On Thursday night B woke up SUPER snotty.  I wasn't worried on Friday morning because she seemed to feel fine and didn't have a temperature.  Well Friday afternoon she all of the sudden spiked a fever of 103 and I got worried.  I did not want to wait out the holiday weekend..we did that with the salmonella on Memorial Day and it was awful.  So I called the dr.  Our pedi wasn't there but his partner agreed to see us.  We headed in immediately.  I had just put her down for a nap and had to get her right back up...she wasn't thrilled about this. 

Would you even believe that she has strep..AGAIN??  I mean she had it less than a month ago!  Ugh....  Lonnie had a crazy sore throat a few days before so we are assuming he gave it to her.  She is back on antibiotics (different kind).  The good news is that she has felt pretty great the whole time unlike last time when she was whiney whiney mess.  

Saturday one of my best friends turned 30.  We had a little get together at a local restaurant to watch the first Razorback football game.  Lonnie went with me and we left B with my mom and Jenni.  I did get her dressed up to cheer on the Hogs.  I also managed to get a few strands of hair into a ponytail and add a bow.  A few of her bloggy friends are sporting this look so we decided to try it out.

I had my mom snap this one right before we left.  Not a great pic but we had to take one in our razorback gear.  

We had a great time hanging out with my friends!  The bar was packed because the game was on pay per view.

This is Lonnie trying to be funny and grabbing my boob...such a boy ;)

Then a crazy face picture, of course, because we always do.  Courtney and Jenny (in the back) didn't get the memo apparently.  

At halftime we left and went to watch the second half with one of Lonnie's friends that was in town.  His wife is pregnant and so we talked a lot about that and it really made me have baby fever!  Or pregnancy fever?  Either way, you get the idea.  We had a great night out together. It has been a long time since we have done something like that.  Like I don't even remember the last time we have gone out with friends.  We need to do it more.  

On Sunday my mom came over to help us with Blakely.  Lonnie was still not feeling great and I was starting to get a sore throat.  So Sunday was a stay in your jammies all day and eat Lucky Ch.arms kind of day around here.  It was really nice.  We actually did the same thing on Monday but Lonnie's mom came instead!  We are more than lucky to have such great help.  

Tonight is the first NFL game.  I am super pumped because that means fantasy football starts!  I *think* I have mentioned that I am obsessed before.  Me and my girlfriends play in a league together and we are very very competitive.  Lots of trash talking occurs.  They can talk all they want...I have Aaron Rodgers so it is a done deal ;)  

Happy Wednesday everyone!  

Cape Cod vacation. The good, the bad, and the ugly...

*Please be prepared for a bomb of pictures in your face.  I don't have time to narrow them down to "the best" ones so you get A LOT of them.*

Let me start by saying that my child is amazing.  She did so so well the entire time.  She traveled well, she slept through the night, she napped well, and she ate great.  I could not have asked for more from her, seriously.  

Now, with that being said, traveling with a 10 month old is hard HARD.  Like this has to be the hardest possible age for traveling right?  Mobile but not yet walking.  Sweet yet oh so demanding.  I mean she doesn't understand that you have to wait for the waiter to bring your food.  When she's hungry, you better have foodinherfacerightthen.  So yeah, hard.  Also, all 3 of us being in the same room.  Hard.  She goes to bed at 8pm...we do not.  So it was a lot of whispering if we were inside and lots of using our inside voice if we were out on the balcony.    For naps we had to build a pillow wall so she couldn't see us in the room.  Then there were no pillows left for us to use if we wanted to nap too.  Need to pee?  If you flush the toilet I will strangle you.  One night, we had just put her to bed and were sitting outside drinking some wine (awesome).  All of the sudden it sounded like a machine gun inside our room (not awesome).  We both FLEW inside and quickly realized some jackass had lit a shit ton of firecrackers right outside of our room.  Who does that?  People who don't have kids on vacation, that's who.  So you get the idea of hard right?  So this was the bad I guess you could say.  A few pics...

This was on the ferry to Nantucket.  Every single seat was taken so we had to hold her and she did not want to be held.  It was a 1 hour ride.  Across from us sat 3 ridiculously dumb girls (20ish?).  It was hard not to slap them...they obvi didn't want to be near a baby.  Next to us sat first time parents with their 2 month old sleeping little angel baby.  Blakely wanted to pull her hair and scratch her face off.  Neat.  When we got there I downed 4 mimosas and told Lonnie we weren't going back.  Luckily the ferry back later that day wasn't full so she got to crawl all over any seat she wanted.  Score.   

Lonnie will kill me for posting this pic but it is too good not to.  This was one of those getfoodinmyfaceNOWMOM moments.  

 pillow wall...

She kept trying to get my hat so I finally put it on her.  Not what she wanted.  

And now for the good.  My baby girl is amazing and is going to be a great traveler.  You just have to know going into the whole thing that it is her vacation and not yours.  Everything will revolve around her...when she's hungry, when she's sleepy, when she's bored, and when she's over it...you are just along for the ride.  Isn't that how it is at home too?  Yeah, it is.  So "vacation" is basically the same stuff but in a more awesome place with better weather (not 105 thank God) and hopefully a beach.  Picture explosion follows. 

Lonnie took this of me nursing because he thought it was hilarious that she was kicking me in the face while shoving her hand in my mouth.  time.to.wean.

Nap in Nantu.cket

I just have to show off my packing skills....

If the snacks, sippy, and toys are all out at the same time then you know we are moments away from meltdown mode.  

loves climbing stairs...

toes in the Atlantic

burning energy waiting for the ferry back to Hyan.nis

This was "date night".  Blakely was asleep on the other side of the room (pillow wall) and we sat on the couch and drank wine and ate pizza.  It was wonderful :)

She gives the best kisses.  It was so wonderful waking up to her talking every morning.  We would bring her into our bed to play and she would give us good morning kisses.  It was the best thing ever.  

So, all in all, vacation was a success.  It was exhausting but so worth it.  We had a great time and made some great memories.  We learned a lot about how (or how not) to travel with a babe.  I have a few tips but this post has gotten long enough so I'll save that for another day.  

Oh and the ugly.  I almost forgot.  Apparently (since I cut down to 4 nursings a day) my body *sort of* wants to have a period.  By *sort of* I mean get all bloated, eat everything in sight, get pimples in weird places (my neck???) and have spotting for a zillion days.  Body...make up your mind please. kthanks....