Stash

I have been dipping into my freezer stash of frozen breast milk WAY too often.  

I first started freezing milk on November 1.  In the beginning I was storing it in my freezer inside.  They said it is only good for 3 months that way since the door is opened so much.  For Christmas, my dad got us a deep freezer for the garage so we moved everything out there (good for 6 months in that).  Thanks, Dad!

I still thought I needed to use the milk from November though before the 3 months was up.  So, I've been giving her a bottle or two a day of the frozen.  This gave mommy a perfect opportunity to have a cocktail!  I pumped SO often in the beginning that I had a ton of milk.  The November milk lasted all through January and February, giving at least one bottle a day and the occasional day of 3-4 bottles if I was away from her.  All the milk filled up two entire shelves in the deep freezer.  Now it only fills up one and a half.  

I sort of had a panic attack when I noticed that.  Why?  Because I am crazy.  I was a pumping machine because I thought I was going back to work.  I also pumped because I was always worried about my supply and I wanted to make sure I produced enough.  And, if I am totally honest, I pumped a ton because I didn't know when I would be ready to have another baby.  I wanted her to have breast milk as long as possible but I knew I couldn't be breastfeeding when we decided to try for another one.  So pump I did.  After every feeding.  For the first 8 or so weeks she only ate off of one side so I would pump the other.  Then when she started eating from both sides I would double pump after almost every feeding.  I wouldn't pump after the evening feedings because my supply was on the lower side then.  But I did pump after every middle of the night feeding even when she started sleeping longer stretches and every morning feeding.  When she started sleeping through the night at about 10 weeks I did too.  But she could only do one side when she woke up because I was so full.  So I would pump the other side and get a crazy about of milk.  This has since slowed down now that my supply has evened out.  

I still pump every night when I go to bed which is about 2 hours after she does so I get a decent amount then (4-5 oz).  I also pump after she eats in the morning because sometimes she can still only do one side (3 oz).  This is a good amount, although not near as much as I used to get.  These are the only times a day that I pump.  

I have enjoyed being able to have a cocktail when we give her a bottle at the 7pm feeding!  But I am going to stop dipping into my stash and just give her a bottle of what I pumped that day.  If I take something out of the freezer I feel like I need to put that same amount back in.  

Isn't it insane that I am worried about my freezer stash?  What is wrong with me?  I mean I saved it for her to DRINK!  Hello!!!  But for some reason I hate to see it get smaller.  Here is a picture of it now...

That top shelf used to be full up to the vent thingy!  These are all 3-5 oz bags. 

I guess it's just that I am proud of all that milk!  I don't know, I mean, I worked really hard for it.  I know that I am so lucky to have this and I guess that is why It makes my heart race to see it dwindle.  But it is ridiculous to worry so much about it.  Since I noticed it was so much smaller I have been like a drill sergeant when it comes to her bottles.  I only want a certain amount put in and if it gets wasted (as in she ends up not taking it from someone else) I get all worked up.  So stupid.  GAHHH!!  I have also started pumping like crazy too.  It is 2 pm and I have already pumped three times.  I have pumped enough for her to have a bottle this afternoon and will probably pump enough for her bottle tomorrow by the end of the day.  I need to relax and breathe.  Is anyone else this crazy about their stash???  Or anything else baby related??

And just because she is almost too adorable to handle...