A chance to miss me

I have started going to the gym.  Mainly because I am completely out of shape and get out of breath going up my stairs.  But I joined also because they have child care.  So I can work out and she can interact with other kids...which she never gets to do.  I feel like she is getting to the age where she needs that.  They let you use the childcare for free with your membership for 2 hours a day.  Believe me, I seriously considered just taking her there and then sneaking into the locker room to read for 2 hours.  Still might do that.  

Anyway, we went yesterday for the second time.  There were about 10 kids there and Blakely was the youngest by at least 2 years.  She loves it because it is like a huge room and all she can think about is all the new toys she can play with.  The women who work there seem to really like B as well.  They keep telling me how happy she is, etc.  

I nearly died worked out for about an hour and then went back down to pick her up.  I walked in and she didn't see me.  She was busy chewing on some toy and being mesmerized by all the kids running around her.  I stood there and watched her for a few minutes.  I was telling myself how good this was for both of us.  I get a little me time (!!!!) and she gets to play...she was enjoying herself.  It made me happy.  

But then the most amazing thing happened.

She saw me.  

She threw that toy halfway across the room and crawled faster than I've ever seen her crawl, all with a huge smile on her face...heading directly to me.  She pulled up on my leg and started yanking my pants and saying "BA! BA! BA!" (which means up in baby).  I picked her up and she started giggling and snuggling.  

I almost burst into tears right there.  She missed me.  She loves me.  She recognized me and WANTED me....wanted me more than that awesome new chew toy that feels so good on her gums.

It was such an epiphany for me.  I know that she loves me, I am her mama after all.  But I don't really ever get to see it.  We spend all day together, every single day.  And yes, she gives me kisses and doesn't like it when I leave the room.  But she cries for me at home.  Cries when she's hungry, because I feed her.  Cries when she's sleepy, because I put her to bed.  Cries when she's bored, because I am the one who entertains her every day.  It is a good feeling knowing that I meet her needs and she knows it.  But, Lonnie is always the one who gets the "OMG! DADDY IS HOME...SQUEEEE!!!"  She is so happy to see him walk through that door everyday and it melts my heart every time.  She misses him.  

Watching her be that happy to see me, now that was a great feeling.  I don't get that very often.  She doesn't ever really get a chance to miss me.  She sees me all day long.  But, now I can be confidant that she does miss me even if I don't see it.  I am her person...I do all things for her.  She loves her mommy and that, THAT is the best feeling in the world.