Easter Fun

Yesterday was one of those days that makes me so happy and thankful to live near my family.  We had a wonderful day that mainly consisted of all of us sitting around watching Blakely ham it up.  Oh and eating.  That too.  

Blakely is the only baby in my family since my brother.  Who is about to be 27.  So basically she gets spoiled like crazy and she thinks every thing is about her.  I am okay with that for now ;)

Last week I did a few fun things with Blakely just to celebrate the holiday.  If you know me at all then you know that I love to do crafts.  I get it from my mama.  I am hoping to pass this fun on to Blakely.  So far she loves crafting too, although "crafting" to her means "stickers".  Gotta start small.  

I got a bunch of these foam Easter eggs and way to many thick stickers.  We made one egg to give to each family member yesterday.  They loved getting them and Blakely actually loved handing them out.  

One day last week I made her snack look like this.  I found this really fun site on Pin.terest (Creative Kid Snacks) and there are a ton of ideas for toddler foods and snacks.  They have neat ways to make meals go along with books, tv shows, or holidays.  I thought it would be fun to make her snack look like flowers.

She, of course, went straight for the strawberries.  

The next day this was her lunch.  We were talking all about bunnies in preparation to get her picture made with the Easter bunny.  

I had fun making her creative lunches.  It took way too much of my time but I had fun.  Not something I will do everyday though because I need a child that doesn't have to have Mick.ey shaped food just to eat!  I will be saving it for holidays or if she seems really interested in a book or movie when she is older.  I mean look at this Giving Tree, how cool is that?  

Blakely loves to play with cotton balls.  It is really the only way I am able to shower.  I give her the bag of cotton balls and a bowl and she plays for 15 minutes while I speed shower.  So I thought it would be fun to make a cotton ball bunny.  I got a paper plate and covered it with double sided tape and let her go to town.  At first it was cool.  

Then she shook the bag until they all fell out....  Even cooler.  

Then she very intently scraped all cotton balls of the plate....

When she was finished scraping them off she said TASH and went directly and threw the plate in the trash can.  

So she didn't want to make a bunny.  She just wanted to tear the cotton balls into a million pieces.  That is ok too.  I did make the bunny myself just to show it to her.  We had been talking about "bunnies" and "Easter bunnies" all day long.  (Ya know, prepping her to meet the Easter bunny)

So do you think all that talk about the Easter bunny helped with getting her picture made?  Of course not.  

The next day at gymnastics her teacher dressed up as a bunny and Blakely was not scared one bit.  She wouldn't smile but she also wouldn't get out of her lap!  I had to go pick her up.  Gymnastics is awesome by the way.  

Blakely liked her Easter basket.  She really liked the bath toys but she hasn't gotten to play with them in the bath yet.  We skipped bath last night because we didn't get home until 630 and she was so so worn out so we just put her to bed.  She insisted on keeping her shoes on so she slept with her summer flip flops on all night long.  Girlfriend had a big day.  

After she checked out her basket I hid some eggs around the living room.  It was raining so hard so we couldn't hunt them outside.  I really didn't know if she was going to get into hunting the eggs but she LOVED IT.  She would get so excited when she saw an egg, yelling and highstepping over to get it.  Adorable really.  We did this again at my mom's house later just so everyone could watch her.  

My beautiful baby girl.  

She is totally posing in this picture and I love it.  

Even with all the rain that morning, the afternoon turned out to be pretty.  We took B for a wagon ride and to play on her swing.  

I love days like yesterday.  Spending time with my family is always wonderful.  They love my little Blakely so very much.  It makes my heart happy to see them excited to see her and laugh at every little thing she does.  She brings much joy to everyone.  I am thankful to have so many people around that love her.  

Blakely's Easter basket

I thought I would link up with Sarah today and show you guys Blakely's Easter basket!  She is hosting an Easter Basket Showcase link party.  How fun!  

I have been collecting things for her basket over the past month or so.  Just little things that I know she would like and a few things that she "needed".  

Of course she is getting more Easter gel stickers.  I end up finding these gel stickers all over the house.  

Lots of books

Bracelets.  Because she is obsessed.  

I thought she might like these pinwheels if we stick them in the yard and watch them spin.  

She already has the cow that matches these.  We are working on a collection ;)

I got her another "toob" of animals.  I talked about them a little bit here.  I think I am going to put an animal in each plastic egg that she hunts.  She will freaking love that.  

Some small bath toys.  Her favorite will be the starfish!  

Obviously she needed this bathing suit.  Duh.  

And this dress.  Don't tell my husband!  

There are a few little other things in the basket as well.  A couple of new t-shirts, some of those magic grow things that grow when you put them in water, and a *tiny* bit of chocolate.  

Here is the basket all put together.  I just put everything in this rubber beach bag that I got for her beach toys.  I am so ready for our trip!  

We are spending Easter at my mom's house and I am looking forward to it.  My family hasn't gotten together since Christmas so it should be fun.  Mostly everyone wants to see Blakely. ;)  I can't wait for her to hunt Easter eggs!  

it's just another photo dump post

I feel like I have done quite a few catch up posts lately.  Also known as "photo dumping pictures of my child" posts.  But, I can't help it.  I have a few "meaningful" posts in my drafts but I haven't been able to find the time to finish them up.  So here is a catch up before I bombard you with all of the fun Easter crafts I have planned for this week!  

I had a birthday and I spent it with my two favorite people!  

Blakely started gymnastics!  OMG what fun that is.  She loves jumping on the trampoline and walking on the balance beam.  She isn't really into the "warming up"...she just wants to run around like a crazy person.  Cutest thing ever.  Know what isn't so cute?  Trying to leave gymnastics....talk about flop down freak outs....

I took B to the park last week because the weather was nice.  I didn't realize it was spring break.  Shoot me.  We had to stay though because she was enthralled with all of the people there.  Blakely had a great time.  She wouldn't let me or any of the other kids help her.  She was Miss Independent.  She probably went down the slide 50 times.  Such a big girl!  In other park news, I nearly throat punched a little boy for running over Blakely 50 times, trying to push her down, AND spitting on the slide so no one could go down.  All in front of his mother who was busy on her phone (in her defense she was 17...maximum).  Because of this boy I slammed my shin into a metal rod while running to make sure he didn't push her off the steps.  I would show you the hideous black and purple bruise that covers my entire lower leg but my legs haven't been shaved in three days.  No, I lied, three months.  Anyway, she had fun!

Look at all those people MOM!

We recently accomplished our first big girl ponytail.  

I mentioned in B's 17 month post that she is obsessed with shoes.  This is how she came walking out of my closet the other day....

I went to an all day bachelorette party this past Saturday.  I learned one thing during this party.  I AM OLD!  Seriously.  It is sad.  We got pedicures, had lunch and then went to the race track all day.  After the races were over we went to dinner and then out for drinks.  I was ready for bed before dinner.  Oh how my 25 year old self would laugh!  It was a great time with friends, although, I am still recovering.  

Terrible picture but that is what you get in a dark and smoky bar....

That is all the catch up I have.  B is waking up from her nap wayyyyy too early.  Happy Monday!  

day dates

Recently Lonnie and I have been making an effort to go on more dates.  A few months ago we had a talk about how we sometimes just felt like we lived together and didn't really spend much time together.  I would say we were in a rut.  We decided that spending time together, just the two of us, needed to become a priority.

We realized that we needed to change our idea of a date.  Going out to dinner was just too hard.  I felt like I had to get all fancy (took too much time).  He felt too tired after working all day.  We would get to the restaurant, eat and then look at each other like ok let's go home and go to bed!  We came to the conclusion that we needed to go out when we had energy and do something that didn't require getting dressed up.  DAY DATES!  

Day dates were the perfect fix.  We could do something fun during the day...like when the sun was out!  Genius, really.  My mother in law comes to town about once a week so we decided to start having her come on Saturdays.  If she couldn't then we would have a date on Sunday's while B was at my mom's house.  Sunday wasn't an option until football season was over ;)

For the past 6 or 7 weeks we have had a day date once a week.  This has helped us tremendously.  We weren't in a bad spot or anything.  I just missed my husband.  I missed dating him!  We used to do all kinds of fun things together and it has become hard to put us first since adding one to our family.  I know how important it is for us to keep a healthy relationship and that is the very best thing for Blakely.  Spending time with him has been good for my soul.  He is my best friend and he "gets" me like no one else.  He would say he likes it...not sure he would say it was good for his soul ;)

Here are a few of the things we have done!

We went to see the movie Lincoln.  LOVED.  We are both history nerds and he is a total movie buff so I knew we would like it.  I cried, of course, even though I knew what was going to happen.  Great movie.  We hadn't been to an actual movie in a while.  I felt like a teenager holding his hand and stealing kisses.  We may have acted like teenagers.  

We played pool.  Actually, he taught me how to play pool.  People in there were staring at us because they were all regulars (on an early Friday afternoon?) and we just looked funny hopping in there for pool and some drinks.

One Saturday we went downtown to a gun show and then we went to to a shooting range to shoot our guns.  I had never been to a gun show before and was not all that excited to go.  I am not comfortable around guns but Lonnie was raised around them and likes having them.  A few years ago all of his guns (most were given to him by his dad) were stolen.  Since then he has wanted to sort of rebuild his small collection.  The gun show turned out to be very interesting.  It is very safe.  They have zip ties on all of the guns so the triggers can't even be pulled and all the guns that are brought in by patrons are emptied and zip tied.  That made me feel better.  Anyway, then we went and shot the few guns that we have.  I have only shot them once before so I was a bit nervous.  It turned out to be super fun!  I like knowing how to shoot in case I ever need too (hope not!).

We went to see Silver Linings Playbook.  We were going to do something outside but it was pouring rain the day of our date.  We had been wanting to see a few more of the Academy Award nominated films so to the movies we went.  We both really liked this movie.  There were a few times I was thinking ok...on with it.  But all in all it was great.  Sometimes it was even hard to watch.  It was the kind of movie that you are still thinking about days later.  Good.  

We go all out at the movies.  Popcorn, hot dogs, drinks, and candy!  

He took me to the driving range.  I haven't hit golf balls in like 20 years.  That makes me sound old.  We had a great time.  He used to golf a lot so he was trying to teach me how to hit the ball.  After a while I got the hang of it.  

These dates have been so much fun and I can't wait for our next one.  We missed a few weeks with all of the IVF stuff going on.  He is already planning a few for when the weather warms up and I have a few in mind as well.  I feel like I am dating my husband again..almost like it was back in the beginning.  Excited to see him on our date...even though I see him everyday...it is different.  We can focus on each other and, most importantly, HAVE FUN TOGETHER!  

Reflecting and Moving Forward

I am still pretty sad about this failed IVF cycle.  I am trying to move forward but I think I do need to grieve a little bit.  I thought if I wrote down all of my feelings that would help.  

The main thing that hurts my heart is that I don't know if we are going to be able to expand our family like we so desperately want to do.  I guess I feel like if we try again that will be our last time and that scares the crap out of me.  I really wanted this one to work so we wouldn't have to face that last try.  There is just so much pressure knowing that could be our last attempt.  There is already so much pressure during IVF to begin with, I am not sure I could handle it.  I mean you saw how emotional I was through this whole process.  Could you imagine adding to that?

I am also sad that this didn't work for reasons surrounding Blakely.  I weaned her at 12 1/2 months.  One of the main reasons I weaned her was so we could try for a second child.  Well here we are 6 months later (2 frozen embryos transferred in December and 2 fresh embryos this time) and not pregnant.  Now I am not saying that I would still be nursing her.  I don't know.  But I did feel pressure to hurry up and get her weaned so we could move forward.  The pressure came from myself, of course.  I guess I feel like it could have been a slower process.  

Also, the thought of never nursing another baby pretty much breaks my heart.  Into a million pieces.  I knew when I was pregnant with Blakely and throughout her entire life that I may not ever get to do this again.  I did, and continue to, soak up every second and enjoy every little thing.  I want to do it again.  I want to do it again so very badly.  

The IVF process is hard on my marriage.  It doesn't put my marriage in jeopardy or anything like that, but it is just a really hard thing for Lonnie and I to have to go through.  Not only the logistics of it (easier for me than him) but the emotional crazy person that I become when pumped full of hormones is hard on me AND him.  I just want us to move on from this phase in our lives.  We have had this huge burden with us for so long.  I want us to not have to worry about infertility anymore.  I am sure we will replace that worry with something else and that is just fine.  I am tired of this specific worry.  

When we were trying to get pregnant for the first time I went through some really tough times.  I was depressed.  I withdrew from my friends.  I did not want to go out and socialize ever.  Mostly because when you are meeting people the first thing they ask you is "Do you have any kids?"  Then everyone who has kids has a ton to talk about and I ended up feeling left out.  I avoided those situations at all costs.  My main concern when we decided to try for baby #2 was getting back into that funk.  I was very scared of that.  I have to say that when our FET failed in December I was ok.  I was sad for a minute but I was ok.  I knew we could do another IVF...we had another option.  Now that this option has failed I am feeling myself being pulled back into that dark place.  I can recognize that in myself and do something about it.  

So, moving forward, I am going to focus on what I do have.  I realize even more than I did before what a miracle Blakely is.  We are so lucky to have her in our lives and she is beyond amazing.  She is loving, smart, funny, and beautiful!  How incredible that she is our daughter.  I know there are some that struggle with infertility and never get their miracle.  We got ours and I am so grateful for that.  I am also grateful that I found such a wonderful man to marry me.  He works so hard to provide a great life for our little family.  I could not ask for anything more.  I am moved to tears almost every night when I (secretly) listen/watch over the monitor while he is putting her to bed.  He sings, she giggles, he reads, she cuddles, he talks, she talks.  They have such a wonderful relationship already.   

I want to thank you for your kind words over the past few days.  You guys are amazing and I don't know what I would do without your support.  I promise...no more sad posts from me!  I am moving on and getting happy!  

Negative :(

The pregnancy test was negative.  Of course.

Ugh.  Story of my life.  

I'm heading to the liquor store.