an infertility update (I am so tired of that word...)

Not that any of you are keeping up (I know some are but...I also know the details of all of this are a wee bit boring too) we had our consult with our current infertility doctor (Dr. B) at the end of January, right after our consult with our potentially new doctor in Denver.  You can read all about our Denver consult here.  

Anyway, since it has been a while I thought I would drop a few lines and update on what is currently going on and how our appointment went with our Dr. B.  

First of all after talking to Dr. B I was just even more confused.  He said all the right things and did offer us some new ideas if we were to try for a 6th IVF (supplements prior to IVF to help with egg quality, endometrial biopsy to help embryos stick, etc).  He talked to us about some of the things they do in Denver and what he thought about it.  He said he would be happy to follow us here (labs, ultrasounds) if we chose to go to Denver and they would even try to help me out with getting some medication to help lower the cost.  (Gah...the cost). He talked to us for a good hour and it was good.  It is not Dr. B that I don't have faith in.  I believe if he were to do every single thing related to our case that he would and he would do it right.  But he can't. There are ancillary people all around that draw blood, schedule, make phone calls, order meds, etc and those are the people I do not trust.  How can I after what happened last time? And then there is the difference in the labs.  Which I talked about in the post I linked to above.  We both still feel strongly about the difference in the labs.  

So Lonnie and I left there and decided to take some time to decide which clinic to go to.  We agreed that we trusted Dr. B but maybe not the clinic in general at this moment in time.  But we were not completely sold on the other clinic either.

To proceed in Denver you have to fly out there for a full day of testing.  Once that testing is done then they come up with a plan and go forward from there.  You have to do this testing between day 5-13 on your cycle.  In early February I went ahead an made an appointment for this testing because it looked like my period and Lonnie's days off would coincide in March.  Miracle of miracles.  As the time began approaching I told Lonnie we really needed to decide what we were going to do.  We talked about it and realized that we needed to talk to our doctor in Denver and get some more questions answered.  We could do the testing, have another chat with Dr. S and then we could make a final decision.  

So that is where we are.  Our appointment is next week.  We are taking Blakely with us because I have the overwhelming desire to have her with me.  I don't know why but I want her near.  She is my happy and I need her there.  We are taking my mother in law so she can watch Blakely while we are at the actual appointment and we are staying a few extra days to make a little trip out of it.  I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.  I hope that we leave there feeling confidant in our decision to go for our 6th IVF.  I hope I don't throw up when they shove a metal scope into my uterus (with no sedation or pain meds I might add...WTH?).  I hope we have a good conversation with the doctor and he gives us a solid plan for what to do next.  If I am being completely honest I think we have made the decision to not use our previous clinic.  But I don't think we have decided that Dr. S is the right fit for us.  I hope to come out of this appointment feeling certain that he is.  I'll update early next week!  

February photos

Yesterday when I was searching for that gem of a picture I realized I have a few photos from February that I don't think I posted on the blog.  It's hard to keep up with all this social media.  What was posted where blah blah.  Anyway, I would like to have them on the blog and I know you are dying to see more pictures of my child.  No?

Yes.  It snowed.  And yes I took her outside.  Unfortunately Lonnie was at work so I got the job of bundling us up and going out in the freezing cold.  May I remind you that I live Arkansas.  We are not prepared for snow playing...hence the jeans.  But she loved it and I survived it.  Win.  

I even let her swing!  

I can't remember if I've mentioned this on the blog but my girl absolutely loves a photo booth.  We discovered one in the mall and now we can't go in that entrance anymore because it is FIVE DOLLARS A SESSION.  I am not even kidding.  In this picture I told her I turned it on but really I didn't.  HA!  

Blakely has done that thing with her tongue since the day she was born.  She used to put the back of her hand against her mouth when she was doing it but now she usually just twirls her hair.  Sleepy sweetie.  

He is her chair.  

Have I ever said that she is a teeeensy bit sassy?  

We went on a lunch date for Valentine's Day.  Here she is eating potato soup like it's her job.  She ate the whole bowl.  

I got her a bunch of princess socks and Min.nie socks as a present.  She loves them with all of her heart.  We have exactly 2 matching pairs now.  I found an Ar.iel one under the couch the other day and proudly exclaimed to her that I FOUND THE OTHER AR.IEL SOCK (that she was so sad she couldn't find).  We went to her sock drawer only to discover the other Ariel sock that had been found was now missing.  Socks are assholes.  

This was at the end of Lonnie's 20 day run at work.  He came home and fell asleep in my lap on the couch.  B decided to snuggle up and we read a book.  Please notice that she has on a nightgown, Daddy has a nightgown over his face and I am "wearing" one too.  She carries these things around all the time.  They even go in the car with us.  It is so funny the things she latches on to.  

I got to go on a date with this bearded guy.  Super grainy pic but I felt the need to document the fact that he was not wearing scrubs and I had on makeup!  

Since this is Arkansas, about 2 days after it snowed it was 70 degrees.  So we went to the park.  She was thuh-rilled.  

While the weather was still warm (because it is 15 today or something stupid) I took B to GranDi's to play.  

When I picked her up I found this.  Just singing away.  Pretty sure they had been doing this the whole day.  OH!  And I will post some videos of her singing later this week.  She let me take some when I told her it was for the blog ("bog")  :)

I'm not even sure what to say about this one....

Last week I got over my germaphobe craze and decided to take Blakely on a little day trip.  We drove to Li.ttle R.ock to go to a super fun play place and have lunch.  We had a great time and I only sanitized her hands 47 times.  

Playing cashier.  Lots of kids wanted to be the cashier and she said "oh no.  Me do it.  See?" But she did end up taking turns with them in the end.

And I know they would all hate this picture BUT I own the blog soooo.....  Last weekend we had a girls night at Jenny's house.  We drank wine and played games and I got home at 1:30 in the morning.  It was glorious and I can't wait to do it again.  Girl time was much needed.  

Good for you for making it through that post!  You're a saint :)

A gem of a picture

I posted this picture on the Insta a couple of weeks back but it is definitely blog worthy as well!  Blakely and I were playing with some stickers in the bathroom before her bath.  All of the sudden she yells "WOOK!  MOM! WOOK!  Me have sticker on me booty wike Mommy!"

Yeah...

I put the hashtag #trampstampproblems but really you could insert any of the following hashtags as well.  

#EighteenAndStupid
#CollegeGirlProblems
#IGotDrunkOnBealeStreet

Now.  To be fair to all of my fellow trampstampers they weren't called that when we were all out in the world getting them.  It's not like we were running around telling people we got a tramp stamp.  No we were telling them we got a tattoo...and then we showed them and thought we were badass.  Because we were.  

So.  Do I regret it?  Ehhh...not really.  I mean it is just a design.  It's not a symbol that is supposed to mean something but really means something else and it is pretty small.  No one ever sees it and even my bathing suits cover it up.  It reminds me of a super fun time in Memphis with friends when I was young and had no cares in the world.  I'm fine with having it forever.  

But I am not really sure how to explain this little stamp to my dear daughter.  I am sure people who have visible tattoos know exactly what they would or are going to say to their children.  Their tattoos usually mean something.  Mine means.....wellll...it means that me and my best friend had a ball on Beale Street!  Not really something I want to be telling her anytime soon!  

So any of you have a tramp stamp?  I know you're out there.  Don't make me feel all alone!  Do any of you want to get a tattoo?  I've thought about getting another one (that actually means something).  Let me hear about your tattoos or what you would get if you were to get one right now.  

Meltdown

Last weekend Blakely and I went to our friend Eli's second birthday party.  The weather cooperated so all of the kids got to run around and play outside.  It was perfect.  

Let me back up to a weeee bit earlier in the day.  To the not so perfect part.  Blakely got up early and I was letting Lonnie sleep in so I took B to do a little shopping.  We decided to go in Old N.avy to see some of the spring stuff since B has about zero spring clothes.  I left the house in a rush so I didn't have the stroller.  She is usually pretty good about holding my hand when we run in places so I chatted with her in the car about holding my hand and staying RIGHT BESIDE ME.  She agreed and did really good.  Until she spotted these shoes.  

Oh my lord.  This child started yelling SHINY SHOES!  SHINY SHOES!  She made a beeline to them and started tearing her boots off while screaming about how "pitty" they were.  I threw them in our pile of stuff to take to the dressing room and headed that way quickly.  While I was trying on things in the dressing room I realized in my haste to get the screaming toddler to the dressing room she had grabbed about 5 things for herself.  Totally fine because she was entertained while I tried on.  

And then we tried to leave the dressing room.  Cue more screaming.  I started to feel a wee bit panicky because she wasn't really listening to me like she normally does so I decided it was time to get the heck out of dodge.  I sat her down and explained to her that she needed to use her inside voice and walk with me to the check out or we ABSOLUTELY WERE NOT BUYING THE SHOES.  Yes ma'am mommy is what she said.  This is usually how the disciplining goes when we are out in public.  She starts to get a little loud and/or "out of control" and I firmly explain things to her and she obeys.  Works well.  Anyway....

We get to the check out line (I despise lines) and she realizes that we don't have those 5 random things that she picked out.  Holy freak out.  Only this time with flailing.  She yanked her hand out of mine and ran back to the clothes.  I smiled at the other shoppers as they looked at me with pity in their eyes and darted off to chase her.  I caught her at about the pajamas and she had already taken her shirt off and was working on her pants.  I could not believe the meltdown she was having.  I threw all of the things we were going to buy to the floor,  scooped her up and we walked straight out of the door to the car.  Because no.  There will be no acting like that!  

I have never seen this child cry so hard.  And over clothes.  She is usually so good in public so this totally caught me off guard.  We left Old Navy and and went to do a few other errands I needed to get done...errands that didn't require getting out of the car because it was a good 30 minutes before she stopped crying and whining.  I just acted like everything was normal as she was screaming in my backseat.  I would calmly say every so often "Blakely, if you calm down and stop crying then we can talk about it".  Finally she calmed down and quietly asked me about the clothes and shoes.  We talked about how she acted in the store and that is why we didn't buy the clothes or the shoes.  She took it all in and didn't cry.  As painful as the whole ordeal was (am I being dramatic?) I feel like she definitely learned something from it.

That leads me back to the party.  She was a complete and total angel while we were there.  When Eli was opening his presents she wanted to watch but I was sitting on the other side of the room.  I pointed out a spot to her and told her she could walk up to that spot and stand right there and watch.  She did exactly what I told her and kept looking back over her shoulder at me for confirmation that she was doing the right thing.  When she was done eating she wanted to go back outside.  I told her to wait for me to finish and she quietly did.  And she waited very patiently for her ice cream....

I'm not sure the point of this except that I am thankful to see that my disciplining actually works occasionally.  Sometimes I feel like I am the only parent who disciplines and sometimes I feel like I spend my whole day either giving timeouts or threatening timeouts.  It can be draining.  That is not to say Lonnie won't do it because he does, I am just around her more!  He is the fun parent.  He plays chase with her, gives her food off of his plate and lets her run free in the grocery store.  I refuse to play chase (because then she thinks it is fun to play that in public places LIKE OLD N.AVY.  No), I make her eat food off of her own plate (so she won't eat off of everyone else's when we are out) and I make her ride in the grocery cart (duh).  I just try really hard to be consistent in what I expect from her.  I feel like that is the best way for her to learn.  I know it is worth it in the end.  I know it is my job to teach her these things but sometimes it is so hard to be hard on her.  (I won't lie...sometimes it is easy!  Like when she pours my fingernail polish all over the bathroom floor!)  I never really understood how hard disciplining a child would be.  Ugh!  

Good news is that she still loves me :)

And those are some cute shoes, right?  We've since bought them and she went with me.  She held my hand the entire time and didn't make a single peep until we got back to the car.  Then she said "Mom!  Put these shoes on me pees!  They so pitty!"  Girl does have some style!  And mommy is not always mean...  ;)

2017

Last week Lonnie and I were talking about preschool.  Not a major conversation but he was asking me about the differences between Mothers Day Out and preschool.  He was mainly wondering if we can just keep her in MDO until she goes to kindergarten (because we love it so much)!  I told him I didn't really know all the details but, yes, she could stay at MDO until kindergarten because they have a preschool class.  I was telling him that I had heard about a couple of other preschools in town but I honestly felt like it was so far away so I would look into all of our options as it got closer.  And the conversation went on....

After we talked about it I started thinking more about it...because planning is what I do.  As many of you know or have experienced there is usually a wait list for good preschools or daycares.  So I thought it would be a good idea to plan it out in my head just so I would know when I needed to make some calls.  

And that is when I figured out that my child will start kindergarten in 2017.  Having a date placed on it kind of freaked me out!  I've just never thought about it that way before!  I realize that is still 3 years away so I am not crying just yet but knowing that I only have 3 more years of her at home with me makes me a little sentimental.  

I even called my friend Sarah (teacher) to confirm my math.  In Arkansas, the child has to be 5 on or before August 1st to start kindergarten that year.  So Blakely misses the cutoff by a couple of months.  That means she will start kindergarten 2 months before she turns six, in 2017.  She will always be one of the oldest in her class and I think that is great.  Starting children in school a year early is not an option in the public schools here.  (Sarah wouldn't let me do it even if it were but there is no need to get into that today!)  If I would have had Blakely a couple of months sooner then I would only have 2 years left at home with her.  So we kind of have an extra year together and an extra year of MDO/preschool/whatever we decide.  Sweet deal.  

Have any of you put a date in your head about when your kids will head off to big kid school? 

As of right now (because when it gets closer you know I will be researching ALL of the school possibilities) Blakely will go to school where I went to school all 13 years.  And because you read through this nonsense you get a picture of my kindergarten class.  Can you find me?  ;)  Good luck because it is a terrible picture!  

Five year old Kelly circa 1987

My little singer.

Y'all.  My girl is a lover of the music.  But mainly she is a lover of singing.  She sings all.day.long.  There is a constant string of nursery rhymes coming from my living room, the back seat of the car or from the bathroom.  

She gets this from my mom who has been singing with her basically since birth.  I mean I sing to her some too but I am not going to be winning any singing competitions any time soon.  My mom, on the other hand, can carry a tune very well and is definitely teaching Blakely all that she knows.  Every Sunday when Blakely comes home from GranDi's house she is singing a new song.  Most recently it was "She'll be comin' round the mountain".  

Here is a list of the favorites right now.  She knows all the words (although some of them come out sounding pretty funny) and the hand motions can get pretty out of control. 

ABC's (LMNOP sounds like Elmo-P)
Baa Baa Black Sheep
Ring Around the Rosie (ACID! ACID! We all fall day-own!  Makes me giggle every time)
E-I-E-I-O (All songs eventually come back to this one.  For example, baa baa black sheep have you any wool? E-I-E-I-O.  With a baa baa here...  You get the idea)
I'm a Little Tea Pot
The Itsy Bitsy Spider  
Where is Thumbkin?
If You're Happy and You Know it (This song is never ending and MOM must participate or it isn't any fun at all)
The Wheels on the Bus
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (Tinkle Tinkle)
Five Little Monkeys (usually mommy or daddy is the one jumping on the bed)

I will get some videos on the blog of this because it is hilarious but she is in a phase of pouting the second I pull out my phone.  Not cool, B.  I did post a little video of the singing in this post.

I am super glad that my mom is teaching her good wholesome songs because around here we jam out to Ludacris on the daily.  She even gets low when he asks "How low can you go?"  and she definitely shakes her moneymaker!  Oops.  ;)

Officially mom

When Blakely first started saying words she called me "mama".  That really only lasted for a tiny amount of time before she switched to "mommy".  So I have been "mommy" for most of the time I have actually been a mom.  

Anywho.  About a month ago, I noticed her calling me "MOM" and it has literally taken me this entire month to come to terms with this new name.  She just sounded so, I don't know, grown up when she said it!  When she says it I can actually hear my teenage self whining to my own mother.  Gah.  She is not a teenager!  She is a toddler!  I hear "NO, MOM!" multiple times a day.  Usually when I ask her to get dressed.  I also hear "Me do it, MOOOOOOM" a lot also.  A few other favorites....  

"Come wit me, Mom"  
"No, YOU go to timeout Mom"  
And my personal favorite that she yells when she has disappeared into the bathroom "MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM, wipe me booty peees!"  

Mommy just sounds like she is still a baby, ya know?  Mom is what she will call me when she is 40.  Yikes.  My baby girl is growing up!

This pose came with a very exasperated "NO.  MOM.  NO PICTURES, MOM!"  

What do your kids call you?