I'm still here...

...but barely!  After a whirlwind couple of weeks I am hoping to catch up on life now.  

Things have just been cray.  Blakely was sick for a good 2 weeks.  Then Lonnie was out of town.  And then...

The pregnancy sickness hit me.  And wow.  I was not sick with Blakely so this is a whole new world for me.  I do okay for a few hours in the morning but then the nausea sets in for the rest of the day.  I am also STARVING OMG GET ME SOME FOOD NOW so that is cool.  Yesterday was a good day but I've already thrown up twice today.  Really hoping this passes quickly.

We took a quick peek at the babes the other day and they are both growing right along.  I think at that ultrasound I started feeling like okay this is actually happening.  I have another official ultrasound tomorrow with labs and if all looks good I can start weaning off my medications.  Which I am very happy about because my ass is one giant and painful bruise from the daily progesterone shots.  

We went to a Halloween party at a friends house for all the kids on Saturday.  It was really fun and the kids were all so cute.  I love watching Blakely want to play with the big girls.  She just follows them around trying to do everything that they do.  She even went into the "spooky room" with them which surprised me.  I struggled through the entire thing.  I had scoped out a distant bathroom early on just in case I needed to make a run for it.  I almost did because of all the food smells.  But it was fun anyway.  :)

Then on Sunday we FINALLY had Blakely's birthday party.  She loved it and keeps saying she wants to do it again.  Ha!  Honestly, I am so glad the thing is over.  It just felt like the longest lead up to a party ever.  Since we had to postpone it for 2 weeks I had all the decor already set up so I was ready to get the show on the road.  We had a good turnout and it is always great having my family and friends together.  Lonnie hates having parties but then once we have them he says he is so glad that we did.  So yeah...we will continue.  

Blakely is having a Halloween party at school today and then another one at dance tonight.  Let me tell you, once Halloween is over she is not getting any more candy for a long time.  I had a piñata at the party so we have had a few bags full of candy in this house for 2 weeks and she knew it.  She snuck some, Lonnie snuck her some and I have bribed her with some. So we are all guilty but I am putting a stop to it!  The good thing is that she wants to brush her teeth about 4 times a day!  (Maybe Lonnie and I need to stop eating candy too!)

Speaking of brushing teeth...  She has always been really good at letting me do it but the last few weeks she has been putting up a major fight.  Ugh.  Well the other day we were waiting at the doctor's office for her flu shot when she asked me for a sucker.  I said no.  She begged and finally I got frustrated and told her that if she eats candy and doesn't brush her teeth then her teeth will turn brown and then fall out.  Her head jerked up and she looked at me with huge eyes.  Then they started filling with tears.  The child started hard core crying and pulling on me to leave saying through her sobs, "Let's go home right now and brush my teeth!  I don't want to have brown teeth!".  I couldn't believe it.  I felt terrible but it did get through to her.  So now she brushed them multiple times a day! 

That's all I've got for today.  Hoping to get the birthday party post and her three year post up this week but we will see.  No pressure ;) 

some details

I want to lay out a few of the details leading up to us finding out about the two babies.  (Still sounds SO CRAZY to say twins or two babies...)

Before our ultrasound at 6 weeks 3 days, Lonnie and I took a peek at 5 weeks 3 days.  We were only expecting to see a gestational sac with a yolk sac.  That is what I was hoping for.  We were able to see 2 gestational sacs and one had a great yolk sac and we could even see the embryo and a heartbeat.  That was wonderful and very surprising to see the heart motion that early.  The other sac was odd shaped and it was really hard to see a yolk sac...like weren't sure if we were seeing it or not.  We weren't really sure what to think about this.  I knew it was still so very early and the embryos could have implanted at different times so could be growing at a different pace.  But I also hoped to see a circular sac and a good yolk sac.  So we were left kind of in limbo. 

To be honest, I still held out hope that the second one was just a few days behind.  I just had a feeling.  Lonnie on the other hand really thought that at our next ultrasound we would find out for sure that the second one had stopped growing.  I think he was just preparing himself and me for the news. It was a really weird feeling for a few days.  I mean we were so pumped that we saw a heartbeat in the first sac.  So then it was odd to be sad about the second one.  Should we be sad?  But we are happy about the first one.  Just a strange thing to be honest.  

We didn't tell anyone except my mom and Lonnie's mom (and my friend Casey who scanned me knew as well).  It was just hard to explain to people and I wanted a confirmed answer before telling my close friends.  

One week later at 6w3d I went to Li.ttle Ro.ck to get my first official ultrasound...by myself.  I was nervous but very excited as well.  As soon as Dr. B started scanning I was looking at the second sac.  I could tell it was bigger which was awesome.  Then Dr. B said there are two heartbeats!  I was so caught off guard that I started crying.  I had prepared myself so much for the second one to have stopped growing so I was a little surprised.  Wonderfully surprised!  Baby A measured 6 weeks 4 days and Baby B measured 6 weeks 2 days.  

They all congratulated me.  They are so sweet at this clinic.  I know I have had my issues there but they are good people and really really really wanted to see me get pregnant.  I have been going there for 6 years and I feel indebted to them for giving me my sweet Blakely.  I was holding in a really big ugly cry while they drew my blood (which I proceeded to let out the second I stepped on the elevated on my way out of the building).   A couple of the other girls came up and congratulated me.  I was still feeling very numb and wanted to talk to Lonnie so bad.  

I called him as soon as I got in the car but he was in surgery so I had to wait an hour for him to call me back.  So long.  Finally he called and the convo went a little bit like this.  

Lonnie:  Hey babe.  You ok?

Me:  I'm fine.  There are two heartbeats in my uterus.  

Lonnie: ......

Me:  You there, babe?

Lonnie:  Okayyyyyyy......

Me:  You just taking it all in?  Panic attack?

Lonnie:  I'm okay.  It's okay.  

Me:  Can you believe it?  {I told him a few details here}  

Lonnie:  Okay.  Twins.  Wow.  

Me:  Lots of me telling him it's going to be okay, etc.  

He is a bit freaked out still.  We are both slowly becoming less numb to the idea of 2 babies.  Sure, we knew it was a possibility but it didn't seem likely.  Well, here we are pregnant with twins.  Awesome!

Most of the people who know I am pregnant now know that it is twins.  We are not publicly telling people (no FB, please!) yet because it is too early and I am uncomfortable with that.  Honestly it is a little uncomfortable this many people knowing.  But our situation this time has been different and I understand that.  So our family knows and close friends and you, the blog world!  Ha!  

I have another official ultrasound at 8 weeks 3 days.  I am still nervous as it is still very early.  I hope and pray that they both keep growing and everything continues to go smoothly!  

Well...

I have quite a bit to say but about zero energy to type to all out but I am going to try!  We just got home from Blakely's first three year old gymnastics class.  We have been in the Mommy and me class for almost 2 years but I don't get to go into this new class.  She did really good.  It makes me tear up to watch her from behind the mirror.  Just seeing my big girl with eager eyes watching everything that is going on around her and trying to learn all the things at once, man, it pulls at my heart strings.  This class is quite a bit more structured and that is a good thing.  She wanted to run off to the trampolines a couple of times but didn't.  She will get used to following her teachers.  

She is finally back to 100%.  It seemed like she was ill for the longest time.  It all started with a runny nose for a few days and then the puking started.  She had never thrown up before so she was and still is completely traumatized by it.  The last time she threw up was Saturday night so she went to MDO Tuesday morning like normal.  About an hour in I got a call that she broke out in a rash.  They sent me pictures and then I went to pick her up.  It went away after a few hours so I chalked it up to being part of the virus...common.  She was fine the rest of the day so I planned to sent her back to MDO on Wednesday but that morning while getting dressed she broke out again!  Her hands and feet turned really red and she said they itched.  She had a few splotches on her face and chest.  Weird.  So I started wondering if it was some sort of allergic reaction.  I called the doctor but he was out sick until today.  I didn't want to see the nurse practitioner so I just gave her some Ben.adryl and it went away and she was fine the rest of the day.  Mainly I didn't want to go sit at the office waiting to be worked in and expose both of us to all the germs.  I said if she did it again this morning I would take her in but she didn't.  So I am thinking it was just the end of the virus she had.  Lets hope it doesn't happen again.  

We are planning on having her birthday party next Sunday.  She is so excited about it again now that she is feeling better.  Since it was a last minute cancellation I still had to pick up the cake.  It was so adorable and I am going to have her make another one for the actual party. We are still eating on this one but I think I am going to throw it out today.  Must stop eating cake.  

We are having some fall type weather here and it is so nice.  I've got my doors and windows open today.  I also have my fall candles going and I am making soup for dinner tonight.  Love this time of year.  I am ready to paint pumpkins but my house is still decorated for the party that didn't happen.  Kind of in a holding pattern on that for now.  

Lonnie has to take his board recertification soon and I am not thrilled about him flying through Dallas with all this Eb.ola stuff going on.  Now I am not one of the many that are panicking (I have seen some crazy stuff out there.  For example...I saw someone on FB say that Ob.ama had the first guy infected so there would be an outbreak to help with population control.  I mean....I had to delete them immediately).  If Lonnie was flying through any place else I wouldn't worry at all.  I just worry about someone who was exposed to the patient who died getting on the airplane like they are not supposed to do.  I told him he has to take a mask and if anyone is puking or bleeding then rent a frickin' car.  Ha!  Lonnie has assured me not to worry.  I'm trying boo.  

And if you made it through all of that then you are rewarded with this.  I am so exhausted.  Like literally can't keep my eyes open past about 11 am and I am ready for bed at 6 pm Thank goodness Blakely still takes naps because I am ready for one right about now.  But I guess that is to be expected when you are growing two babies.  TWO BABIES.  

TWO BABIES!!!!!  

Like what I did there?  Now I am going to nap with my sweet three year old and dream about how in the world I am going to tell her she is going to be a big sister....times 2!  :)

3 years

Three years ago today we were blessed with this sweet miracle.  

Gah.  I still tear up when thinking about that day.  

I remember so many nights of wondering if I was ever going to get to experience pregnancy.  Wondering if I would ever get to experience labor and birth.  Wondering if I would ever get to raise a child.  Well I did and I am.  I am so thankful for that.  That day three years ago was the best day of our lives.  I looked back over the pictures this morning and you can just see it in Lonnie's eyes and in my eyes.  Happiness.  Total happiness.  

We were planning a big birthday bash for our girl yesterday but we had to cancel it the day before.  She got a stomach bug and was throwing up multiple times a day.  This was my first experience as a mom with the stomach bug and let me tell you...it has been awful.  My poor girl wanted to do nothing but lay on the couch and watch movies or sleep.  She fell asleep on the couch many times (unheard of) and she told me a few times that she was "ready to go to her bed and close her eyes".  She has been dehydrated and it has been a struggle to get her to drink fluids.  Today is day 5 but she stopped throwing up yesterday.  I think we are on the mend today.  She actually wanted to play with her babies and paint for about 45 minutes this morning before wanting to go lay down.

She was very disappointed about her party being postponed.  She had been asking every morning how many more days until her ice cream party.  When I told her we were going to have it in two weeks she said, "okayyyyy, I know I'm real sick, Mommy".  My mom and Jenni came over yesterday anyway and gave her a few presents and we sang her Happy Birthday.  She liked that but didn't last very long before wanting to lay down again.  

sicky...

first smile in days...

Hopefully we will have better luck in two weeks!  

Happy birthday sweet Blakely!  

Still good news.

I had my second beta yesterday and it was 1,128.  That is great.  It should double every other day so it definitely did that.  As a note, with Blakely on this same day, my beta was 311.  

This is actually happening, people.  I can't even believe it.  I am still just floating around reminding myself every few minutes that I am pregnant.  Craziness really.  

I waited all day for the phone call with the result yesterday.  Well they of course called right as I was taking B into dance class.  I scooted her inside to her teacher and then stepped outside to talk to my nurse.  

Side note...one of the greatest things about this clinic is you are assigned ONE NURSE that you deal with the entire time.  Sure she is off one day a week so I have spoken to another nurse on occasion (like twice).  And last Sunday when I found out I was pregnant she was not working so she wasn't the one who told me the good news.  I love this girl.  I've been dealing with her since March.  She is so sweet and knows her shit.  I've asked her stupid questions and she never acts like I am over stressing or over thinking things.  She is just great.  It really makes the patient feel comfortable when you are speaking to one person each time about your care.  She remembers everything about me and I don't have to constantly be saying the same things over and over to different nurses each time.  So, I was happy to get to talk to her yesterday.  Moving on...

First thing she said was everything looked great and she was happy for me.  She told me the number and I said, "girl that is high, right?".  She giggled and said yes.  She did say, again, that they do sometimes see this high of a number with singleton pregnancies.  So we will just have to wait and see.  Then she gave me all of my instructions for the next few weeks.  

I go back weekly for labs, every Wednesday (because that is the day she is for sure in the office.  See?  Awesome).  Then I will have an ultrasound at 6 1/2 and 8 1/2 weeks (that is in 2 weeks and then in 4 weeks).  If everything looks good at the second ultrasound then they will start weaning me off my meds.  I continue everything I am on right now until then.  I put on 4 estrogen patches every other day, baby aspirin every night, progesterone in oil injection every other morning and then vaginal progesterone 3 times a day (real fun I tell you).

At one point I interrupted her and told her that this was all so crazy.  It was just so weird to be talking to her and her telling me that I was 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant so then I needed the ultrasound when I was 6 weeks, etc.  Like, I am pregnant.  Totally pregnant.  Mind=blown.  

I also told her there was no way I could wait until 6 and a half weeks to look in there.  She laughed.  I already have my friend ready to go with an ultrasound next week.  With Blakely, we could see a gestational sac and a yolk sac at 5 weeks 2 days...then a heartbeat at 6 weeks.  Next Tuesday will be 5w2d so I am thinking sometime next week we will check it out.  CAN'T WAIT.  

Oh.  And I want to document my symptoms so far.  Peeing a lot.  Very thirsty.  TIRED.  I am really tired.  But I have been all summer it seems with all the medication.  I am having the carpets cleaned today and I am having a difficult time keeping my eyes open while they are here.

Thank you all for your well wishes and congratulations!  Y'all are awesome and I don't know how I got so lucky to have such great friends!  I can not wait to tell this sweet girl she is going to be a big sister...

WOW!

After waiting forever I finally got the call I have wanted for.   

I AM PREGNANT!  

What a day it has been...

I got up way early to head to Little Ro.ck (hour drive).  As I was walking out the door Sarah texted me just to say she loved me.  I told her I was about to leave.  She asked if Lonnie was coming and I said no.  She said come get me and I'll ride with you.  I'll be ready in five!  I was like yes!  I am so thankful for a friend like that because it helped me so much.  I was totally distracted from obsessing about the results and it was wonderful.  

When I got home Lonnie and I sat outside because the weather is so nice.  Blakely spent the night at my mom's house so it was just the 2 of us.  This is where things get a little crazy.   At some point Lonnie's phone rings and it is Dr. B from our Little Ro.ck clinic.  I was like holy shit.  He answered and I just put my head in my hands.  They talked for a few minutes and I couldn't understand what they were talking about.  Something about the labs and yes they want the results today or something.  Lonnie was giving nothing away and he looked very concerned.  

When he got off the phone I said OMG JUST TELL ME!  He said it is positive.  I was like WHAT???   He said yes, the beta was positive.  He wasn't sounding all that excited but he is not one to show much emotion so I was just confused.  I said did he tell you a number?  He said yes...it was over 400.  This is where I started bawling.  I couldn't believe it.  I was worried in that moment that maybe my beta was really low and that is why Lonnie was being so very calm.  But 400 is HIGH.  

The reason Dr. B called is that the result was high so they needed to dilute it to get a more accurate result which was going to take a while.  He also wanted to know if they wanted an estrogen and progesterone level.  

At this point I was excited but nervous.  We weren't sure if we needed to be worried since the result was high.  Both of our medical minds were racing.  After a while Dr. B called back and said my beta was 476 and the estrogen and progesterone levels were fine.  He was faxing the results to Den.ver and we should hear from them soon.  I asked him my questions and he said not to be worried.  

Then I waited FOREVER to hear from my clinic.  ALL DAY.  I mean I've been excited but for some reason I just wanted confirmation from them.  It didn't feel real until then.  Just talked to them and everything is fine.  I asked about being worried about a high beta (mainly a molar pregnancy...don't goo.gle it)...she said no. It could mean twins but there is no way to know until ultrasound.  They do see betas over 400 with singleton pregnancies.  

So there it is!  I hope this all makes sense because Blakely is waking from her nap and I gotta go so I can't re-read.  

The point is...I AM TOTALLY PREGNANT!  

Side note... My beta with Blakely on this exact day (14 days after conception) was 92.  Today it is 476.  #holy  

One more thing.  I changed my instag.ram to private.  Mainly because some random friends on FB had found it.  I have a few requests pending and if they are my blog friends I want to accept!  Please leave your username in the comments or email it to me!  southernprincesskelly {at} gmail {dot} com

up and down... back and forth...

The title of this post basically explains me right now.  

My pregnancy test is this Sunday.  As in 2 days from now.  And I am literally driving myself crazy.  

One minute I have completely convinced myself that I am pregnant.  Five minutes later I have convinced myself that there is no way I am pregnant.  Back and forth all day long.  

When I was still in Denver I was feeling pretty hopeful that this whole frozen transfer worked.  I was able to really lay down and stay down for a few days.  It was much easier to be on bed rest there than here.  I mean it wasn't as comfortable as my own home but I didn't have the distractions that I would have had here.  But boy did I miss my peeps.  I had a little bit of cramping a few days after the transfer but nothing too crazy.  I am so in tune with my body and over analyze ever single little twinge otherwise I probably wouldn't have even felt it.

Now that I am home I am feeling much more negative than positive.  I still have my  moments where I hope that it worked but overall I just feel like it didn't.  I have had some more cramping since I have been home and I don't know if that is good or bad but I feel like it is bad. I hope I am wrong.  Part of me thinks this is my way of protecting myself.  Preparing myself.  I have gotten the call more than once that crushed me.  I really hope that doesn't happen this time.  But if it does, I will be okay.  It will take me a while but I will be.   

I should probably look back at my posts during this time with Blakely's cycle but I am scared.  I am sure it is something similar to this post.  Not knowing...going crazy.  I remember with my 4th IVF (the first one after giving birth to Blakely) I was convinced I was pregnant.  I really truly thought I was.  It was rough to learn that I was not.  

I have cried multiple times, due to both things.  Cried thinking about getting that call telling me I am pregnant.  I remember that phone call with Blakely's pregnancy like it was yesterday.  Day dreamed about when and how we will tell Blakely she is going to be a big sister.  Thought about what we will do with her room and how we will rearrange the house.  I have cried thinking about getting that phone call telling me I am not pregnant and that it is all over (has happened more than once).  Just a lot of crying and wishing and hoping and ready to know the result of this.  

I am glad my test is on a Sunday so Lonnie can be home with me.  I will probably make him answer the phone because I am going to be so freaking nervous.  Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.  I go early in the morning for labs and then come home and wait.  My clinic here in Arkansas will fax the results to CCRM and then a nurse from CCRM will call me and let me know.  It's all very dramatic.  

I hope I get a good result but I am very nervous.  I will definitely update this space as well as my instagram @mile_high_mama  when I find out.  Here's hoping...