I am going to tell you a story. Part 4

This is part 4 in my story of our fifth IVF. 

Lonnie and I got to the clinic on Thursday the 4th of July at 830.  I brought them donuts because I know no one wants to be at work on a holiday!

I knew going into the retrieval that we would not be getting as many eggs as we had in the past.  I wasn't concerning myself with the number.  I just wanted some mature eggs that could be fertilized so I could have a chance at getting pregnant.  

In order to continue this story I need to back up a little bit and tell you (for those that do not know) a little bit about the reason for our infertility and explain a little bit of the IVF process.  I will keep this pretty simple but I feel that it is needed in order to understand what happens next.  I have the "Our journey" tab at the top that goes into all the details of our struggle with infertility and you can check that out if you are interested.  It is lengthy.  

We had unexplained infertility until our first IVF.  In "normal" IVF, after the egg is retrieved from the ovary it is put into a dish.  Then a bunch of sperm are put into each dish with each egg and they watch the magic happen.  The day after your retrieval they call you to let you know how many eggs were fertilized.  They call you each day to let you know how your embryos are growing until they decide they are ready to be transferred...usually 3 days or 5 days after the egg retrieval.  

On our first IVF, I got a call the day after our egg retrieval, from Dr. M, telling me that we didn't have any eggs fertilize.  That was not the phone call I was expecting.  We had retrieved 12 eggs so I had my hopes up very high.  To say I was upset would be an understatement.  I won't go into that but we did find out why we had been unable to get pregnant.  The outer covering of my eggs (the zona pellucida) is very thick and the sperm are not able to penetrate.  I was told this was pretty rare but there was something they could do.  We could do IVF with ICSI.  ICSI is when they inject the sperm directly into the egg to fertilize it.  So from then on we knew we had to do IVF with ICSI and we did for the following IVF's.  

Ok.  Back to this story.  Dr. B was able to retrieve 7 eggs.  That was a pretty low number but I was still hopeful.  We came home that day and I slept the rest of the day.  I could not relax until I knew the results of fertilization.  I listened to my Cir.cle + Bl.oom many times trying to relax and think positively about my little fighter embryos growing growing growing.  

The next day I tried to stay busy even though I was still in pain.  Lonnie, B and I went to the grocery store.  Right when we got back in the car my phone rang.  

It was Dr. B.  Not the nurse like usual.  

My stomach dropped.  I just knew.  Only doctors give bad news.  

He told me that we did not have any fertilization.  I looked at Lonnie and shook my head.  

Then he rocked my world.  He told me that they did not do the ICSI.  I am just going to say that again.  THEY DID NOT INJECT THE SPERM INTO THE EGGS.  In other words...they completely and totally fucked up.  

From this point on it is a bit of a blur.  I know that I burst into tears complete with sobs and shakes.  I threw the phone to Lonnie because I could not even speak.  Dr. B told him the same thing and began to explain but Lonnie told him we would have to call him back.  I was a mess and B was starting to cry in the back seat.  

The did not do ICSI.  The most important detail.  The reason we were having this done in the first place.  No embryos.

I did not have a chance to get pregnant.  No embryos.  They did not do ICSI.  It is all over.  Just like that.  

We came home and I went straight to bed.  It was the middle of the day.  I haven't cried that hard in a long time.  The only time I can even remember coming close is when I got the "no fertilization" call with our first IVF.  But that time I knew we had other options next time.  

I got up a few hours later and told Lonnie we had to call Dr. B back because I needed to know more.  How did this happen?  How in the fuck did this happen?  Did they just forget?  I mean, so many questions.  

I talked to Dr. B for almost an hour.  I got some answers.  None of them helped me to feel better.  How can they?  I am still left with no embryos.  He understood that.  He made no excuses.  He explained how it happened but he took full responsibility.  He was emotional right along with me.  There were a lot screw ups from the beginning but the basic fuck up was this.  The embryologist who does the ICSI was not working that week.  I should have never been scheduled to have my IVF during that time.  They did not realize this until right after the retrieval.  There was nothing they could do.  It should have been caught many times throughout this process.  Keep in mind I started birth control pills to begin this IVF at the end of May.  THE END OF MAY.  I fell through the cracks...  Just unbelievable.  

I am still in shock from what happened.  Even a week later I can not even believe that the clinic messed up and did not do the ICSI.  I am hurting.  I could have handled the embryos just not sticking and getting a negative pregnancy test in 2 weeks.  But this?  This is really hard to take.  They failed me and I had a lot on the line.  I am just sick.  

Part one
Part two
Part three