Because errrbody loves a bullet post...

• I went to the gym this morning for the first time in 2 months.  After Sarah's wedding I just sort of bummed out, got lazy and ate everything in sight.  I have to say...it was awesome!  Ha!  But my clothes are getting a wee bit snug and I am feeling yuck so I knew it was time.  Gah, it felt great to be back there and to sweat.
• Speaking of Sarah, she said I could steal (is it still stealing if I asked her?) a bunch of pictures from her FB of the wedding and post them here.  SO I will work on that because seriously...it was awesome.    
• Did y'all watch the Super B.owl?  What an awful game!  I mean the Seaha.wks did amazing but I like it when the games are close, ya know?  Anyway, my cousin lives in Boulder CO, and is a huge Broncos fan.  She bought B a Mann.ing jersey for Christmas so I let her wear it yesterday.  No we are not cheating on Tom...but if it couldn't be Tom we were sure hoping Ma.nning could get that ring.  Boo.  

• I did lose a bet to this same cousin 2 weeks ago when the Pats and the Broncos played.  So I will be sporting a Broncos bathing suit cover up to the beach every day on our beach trip in May.  Awesome...
• I'm pretty sure a lot of my readers also read Bridget's blog but if you haven't you should be checking it out right now.  Seriously, now.  She has been doing some awesome research on essential oils and since she mentioned it to me I have too.  I bought a starter kit and have been using them for about 5 days or so.  I'm loving them!  
• I got sick (again!) on Friday and was completely miserable Saturday.  On Saturday the only time I didn't feel like death is after I would do my little concoction of oils.  It was the only relief I could get.  I was using peppermint, breathe and lavender.  I would inhale them and then rub them on my chest.  Then I would also put a dab on my sinuses and it would relieve some of the intense sinus pressure and sinus headache I was having and my nose would immediately start running trying to get that junk out of there.  I did the same thing every couple of hours.  I was amazed actually.  I've been putting the OnGuard on Blakely and Lonnie so hopefully they won't catch what I had.  So far so good.  
• We have taken Blakely out of MDO for a couple of weeks.  A few kids had the flu there and I just didn't want to risk her getting it.  I don't have to go to work or anything so she doesn't HAVE to go.  I would feel terrible if she did get sick just so I could grocery shop alone, ya know?  
• Can spring just get here?  I am so tired of the germs and the sickies and the cold.  I am sure all of you are as well. 
• We are on day 8 of 20 days in a row of Lonnie working.  So far it hasn't been pretty.  Not only has he had crazy full days with difficult cases but he had a busy weekend and has had to go back to the hospital at night a few times on call.  It isn't fun but he is off a week at the end so I am focusing on that.  Focusing on that...  I'll stop complaining about that now.  Sorry.
• Speaking of work.  My friend that manages a clinic close to my house and who I also went to ultrasound school with mentioned that they may have a PRN ultrasound job at the clinic.  I think I may be interested.  I need to know more.  What I do know is there would be no call and no weekends (I wouldn't even consider a job that did at this point).  Clinic hours and I could possibly make that work with MDO hours and with Juanet's help.  I'm thinking about it.  
• I just got my blog book in the mail.  I get it printed every year and I love having all my posts all in one place.  I can't stop flipping through it.  So many things I already forgot about.  
• I am devouring books on my iPad.  You guys have any good book suggestions?  I'm not picky...I read all types of books.  Bring it!  
• Now that is a whole lot of random.  Happy Monday!  I'm off the eat the rest of the dips I made for the game last night.  

Paint Date

Today, Blakely and I had a painting date.  She absolutely loves to paint and asks to do it every day but since I am such a mean mommy she doesn't get to do it as much as she would like.  ;)  

But since my girl was out of MDO today I decided to surprise her and let her go at it.  The reason we don't do it every day will become very obvious very soon.  

We started like this.

Once we finished making Valentine's for all of her friends (thanks for the great idea Sarah!), we moved on to more intense painting...

tongue out due to major concentration 

And after that things got real.  As I knew they would.  

scoop the paint out...

rub together...

show mom...

then slap 'em down.  

Repeat 487 times for maximum fun!  

We had a blast and I know I should let her do it more.  And bonus!  Bubble baths in the middle of the day.  

Blakely Lately

I am not doing the monthly updates for Blakely but I do want to check in every few months and pound out a few details about her.  All of the things that I don't want to forget!  So here are a few (okay, a lot) of things about Blakely lately.  27 1/2 months old.  

Language.  I love listening to her talk.  I can understand most of what she says and she makes me laugh daily.  The way she says some words are funny and I know it won't last long.  I remember when she called Snow Wh.ite "doh doh white".  Haha!  She doesn't usually say "I" so it is a lot of "me do this" or "me do that".  I correct her occasionally on this but I know it is pretty normal for toddlers to talk this way so I figure she will work it out soon.  I'm certainly not going to go around correcting her grammar all day..how annoying!   

• She still calls herself Boppy although it has gradually changed into Poppy.
• She talks really fast and we have been working on getting her to slow down and say each words instead of smushing 2 and 3 words together.  "Ma hep Poppy" means "Mommy help Poppy"  You get the idea.  
• When she is trying to say YEP it sounds like "knee-YUP", long and drawn out.  Random but she has done this for months.  
• She calls all of her babies her peeps.  When we get her out of bed in the morning she says "get me peeps, Daddy" or when I take her to the store she tells me "take dees 3 peeps to store, Mommy.  Bay Doll, Sophie, and Minnie...3 peeps!"  
• When she is doing something she knows that she isn't supposed to be doing she will say "Go away Mommy, GO AWAY" to try and get me to go in the other room so she can keep doing whatever it is.  
• She calls the computer the "pooter".  *giggle*
• Excuse me sounds like "shoo me"
• Hungry=honey
• Peanut butter=pee pee buttuh
• Oops=wups
• toilet paper= tutu paper
• sparkly=farky
• She most definitely has a southern accent.  Lonnie and I laugh because she draws out some words and it sounds so country.  A few examples.  1.  down=day-own                  2. bed=bay-ud.  3.  out=ay-out.  My sweet little southern princess ;)
• she say's "I sorry" anytime she bumps into anyone or anything..even inanimate objects.  
• If you ask her a questions sometimes she will say "ummmmmm" before answering, like she is thinking.  
• The phrase I hear most often is "me do it meself!"

And some things that she loves...

• snuggling

• bubble baths
• milk..good lord this child would drink it all day every day if I would let her.  If I had to guess she is drink about 4-5 sippy cups on days she is home with me and 3 on school days.  Too much...
• sweeping (!)
• apples
• going to the pet store
• her baby Sophie
• GranDi

• bandaids
• shoes...still
• anything daddy is eating
• MMCH (killmenow)
• playing chase with Daddy
• gymnastics (I have a love/hate relaysh with it.  Love-it wears her out.  Hate-jumps and tries to flip off of everything)
• doing every thing herself. 

A few other little things...

-She talks about people or her peeps being happy or sad.  She will say Minnie sad and make a super sad face and pretend to cry.  Then she will jump up with a smile and yell Minnie happy!  

-Her peeps get in trouble.  We have conversations like this fairly often.            
B:  Bay Doll get in trouble Mommy.  
Me: Oh.  Why?
B:  Bay Doll not listen.  Bay Doll get timeout.  
Me:  Oh ok...
B:  (to Bay Doll)  No Bay Doll.  You get timeout.  You no listen to Boppy.  Get timeout for 2 minutes!
B:  (15 seconds later) Be good girl Bay Doll.  Love you Bay Doll.  Hug and kiss Bay Doll.  

-She does get timeouts.  At this very moment the threat of a timeout usually does the trick to get her to mind.  We went through a rough phase a month or so ago where I felt like it was one constant timeout but she seems to be listening a little better these days.  I am sure typing that will totally backfire on me.  

-She still loves the "night night" game.  She will stand in the middle of the living room, put both hands in the air and yell "EVABODY GO NIGHT NIGHT" about forty eleven times.  Then she lays them all out and pretends to change their diapers.  Then they get kisses and blankets.  Repeat...a lot.   

-She can lock and unlock every single door in our house.  Yeah, that is fun.  We are in the process of installing a few slide locks on the tops of some of the doors...mainly the ones that lead outside!  

-She is a little obsessed with the thermometer.  She was sick a while back and we had to take her temperature.  So now it is a fun game when she sneaks the thermometer out of the drawer.  "Sophie not feel good, Mommy.  Need mama-tuh (thermometer).  Open mouf Soph.  BEEP BEEP!"  

-She loves to sing.  She knows so many nursery rhymes that I can't even keep up with her.  My mom teaches them to her and they sing together all the time.  Sometimes I will hear her sing something and I sort of recognize it so I will call my mom and she will remind me of all the words so I can sing with her.

-She is a sensitive little girl.  She is not sensitive when it comes to herself but sensitive about others.  I think she is going to be very compassionate just like her daddy.  A few examples.  If she sees someone crying on TV she gets very concerned and wants to know why they are sad.  While reading about Lit.tle Bo Pe.ep one day with GranDi she looked up at my mom with big tears in her eyes because she was sad that LIt.tle Bo Pe.ep had lost her sheep!  And one day when we went to the store we forgot to take Sophie with us.  When we got home she ran to find her and held her like this for a good 10 minutes straight.  

We love being the parents of  this smart, sweet, sassy and sensitive baby girl!!

some details

I ended my last post saying that Lonnie and I felt very encouraged after our phone consult.  I will give you a little rundown of why.  

We started off the conversation by going over my lengthy infertility history.  All of the testing and all of the procedures included.  Since this happened sooner than we had planned, my medical records had not yet made it to his office but he had gone over the detailed history forms I had filled out online.  

We talked a little about my thick zona pellucidas (covering around the eggs) and about the embryos we have made and how they grew (not many and not great, in general).  We talked about reasons why I didn’t produce many eggs during my last 2 IVF’s.  We talked about how we have always done our embryo transfers on day three and not day five.  Just basic infertility stuff really.  We broached the subject of donor eggs or embryos with him.  We are not ready to take that step yet but I wanted to know if he thought we should.  Was it worth another try for our own biological child?  His answer was a definite yes.  No hesitation, just yes.  He thinks he can help us if we want to try again.  He was very clear that if he thought we needed to go the route of donor eggs or embryos he would tell us.  That really made me feel better.  I know he doesn’t know all that much about me yet but I really needed someone to tell me that I (or my eggs specifically) were not a lost cause.  He was not salesman-like because, believe me, that would have turned me off instantly.  He just simply said we need more eggs, if possible, and we need to grow better embryos.  They have one of the best labs in the country and he went into many details on this subject.  Details I will save you from having to read ;)  

In my mind (and I believe in Lonnie’s as well) it all comes down to one thing.  The labs.  This doctor (Let’s call him Dr. S, I guess) told us that the greatest difference between any clinic is the lab.  The doctors trained in infertility are all very similar (yes, there are differences but generally speaking) and the medications used are generally the same anywhere you go.  All labs are different.  This is something Lonnie and I never thought that much about.  

I am trying hard to explain our feelings on this without everyone thinking that our old clinic has a bad lab.  They do not at all and I do not want anyone to think that!!  They are wonderful and they gave us our Blakely and other chances to get pregnant.  They succeed in making families on the daily.  They perform miracles and I am so so thankful for the work they have done for us and for their many other patients.  

That being said, apparently my case is not the easiest.  My thickened zonas have made it difficult to perform ICSI and then have made it difficult for the embryos to grow from there.  If I thought our old clinic was not good at what they do I wouldn’t have done 5 IVF’s with them!  I am just simply trying to explain how Lonnie and I are feeling and how we are trying to come to a decision on expanding our family.

We talked about the process of doing an IVF when you are 1,000 miles away.  Oh wait, I haven’t mentioned that?  Yeah, far far away.  It actually doesn’t seem as crazy once he explained the process in detail.  Although, still pretty crazy.  

Here is the deal and this is where Lonnie and I are right now.  No matter how many eggs I produce or how thick my zonas happen to be, we feel like this new clinic’s lab can do more with it.  And I don’t mean more as in number.  I mean more as in just please help us to get a few (one? two?  I’m not picky) good ones that will stick and complete our family.  We feel like we have tried multiple times with our old clinic and if we did that again we wouldn’t really be trying anything new or different.  This is very important to us as many of you can imagine.  We want to do everything possible to give us the best chance of expanding our family.  I know there will come a time when we have to jump off this baby making train and I want to do it knowing that we tried everything we could think of.  That we actually tried something different.  We are really leaning towards going for it with this new clinic in Denver.  Of course, “going for it” is a long process when you live this far away.

We still have our appointment with Dr. B this Thursday and I still want to hear what he has to say about another cycle.  But, if I’m being honest, I think our decision has already been made.  We will see how this all plays out but, like I said the other day, we have hope and that is worth so much to us.  

next steps.

***If you are coming to this post from the SUYL infertility link up, hi!  Please feel free to check out the "Our Journey" tab across the top to see a detailed infertility history.  In short, we tried for 3 years before getting pregnant on our 3rd IVF.  Our miracle daughter was born in 2011.  We have since been trying to add another child to our family.  One negative FET, one negative IVF and another completely messed up IVF later and we are still waiting and hoping!  Please leave a comment or email me if you have any questions!  southernprincesskelly {at} gmail {dot} com   ***


Alert.  Wordy infertility post coming at ya.  Feel free to skip if this isn't your jam.  

I figure I can't just wallow in not knowing what steps to take when it comes to trying for another baby.  I just gotta go for it and do something.  As many of you mentioned, I called and made an appointment with my clinic.  I sort of wanted to vom while talking to the nice lady.  She asked me if I was a new patient...HAHAHA!  No.  I explained that I wanted to meet with Dr. B to discuss the possibility of us doing another IVF and to also discuss the the possibility of y'all not screwing it up.  

I was straightforward with her (no curse words, I promise).  I mentioned a tiny bit about the screw up in July and she acted like she knew what I was talking about, maybe not specifics but she knew something.  I told her we were thinking about giving it one more shot and we wanted to have a lengthy discussion with the doctor about it.  Appointment scheduled for next Thursday.  

What do I want out of this appointment?  Well, basically I want to see how I feel going back there.  I am still obviously bitter and I want to know if I can trust them.  As of right now the answer to that is a big fat no.  This is a big deal and very important to us.  I want to be reassured that they think they can help us.  I have no idea how I will feel going back there.  I may want to run out the second my foot hits the waiting room.  We will see.  

I also want to know what Dr. B has to say about another IVF.  Would he do anything differently?  Is there anything we can do to help improve egg quality?  I am only 31!  Does he think it is worth a shot or do we need to move on?  (Donor eggs, Donor embryos, adoption, etc)  I want to know if he would have a plan and if we felt comfortable with that plan.  

So we wait for that appointment.  

Right after I scheduled that I decided to look into a few clinics that I have heard great things about either from blogs, blog friends, or the internets in general.  I found one that seemed like a good fit.  The more I looked at them and their doctors the better I felt.  On a whim I clicked the link that said schedule a phone consult.  I figured it couldn't hurt to see what my doctor had to say and then have a phone conversation with another doctor and see what he/she had to say.  

After filling out a boatload of information (all very easy by the way, their site and service has been marvelous) we scheduled our phone consult for the end of January (after our consult with Dr. B).  Once this was scheduled I was sent a list of different steps that needed to be taken before that consult.  I got to work on it immediately.  Since we had to schedule the phone consult for a time when Lonnie was working (there was nothing else available and his schedule is very inflexible), I asked if I could be put on the cancellation list and if anything came up sooner could they give me a call.  

Well they called me 2 days ago and said they had a cancellation for yesterday evening.  Lonnie would be home.  My mom would be off work to watch B.  I'll take it.  

So yesterday evening we had a phone consult with the doctor who founded one of the leading fertility clinics in the nation.  Oh my word.  This all happened so fast.  I clicked the link on a whim during nap time like 4 days ago!  I mean I thought I was going to have weeks to prepare my questions and prepare my heart.  I'll save the details of that convo for my next post (i'm sure you can't wait...) but I will say that when we hung up the phone Lonnie and I looked at each other and smiled big.  We felt very encouraged and it's been a looooong time since we've felt that way.  That right there is worth a lot.  

Funkity Funk

Gah.  I'm not sure what is going on but I am in a rut and neeeeed to get out.  I figured if I wrote a pity post then that would snap me right out!  Aren't you excited?  

Reasons for said funk...
1.  WEATHER.  I am over winter.  I know we have a mild winter compared to a lot of you but it seems like there have been more dark/rainy/gray/icy/gross days than sunny but still cold days.  Move on winter.

2.  I was sick last week.  Sick like whoa.  It started on Wednesday while B was at MDO but she was home with me the rest of the week.  I barely survived Thursday.  All I wanted was to curl up in a ball and she was like LET'S PLAY JUMP RUN TOYS FOOD POTTY MOM!  It was not easy.  She was especially NOT independent and she was not having the "night night" game which is usually a fave.  We made it through.  

pretty much sums it up...

3.  Lonnie was on call this weekend.  I was still sick so that makes for bayyyysically no fun at all.  

4.  I miss my Lonnie.  It seems that we haven't had any time just the 2 of us in 47 months.  I'm exaggerating.  You get my point.  We have a little getaway planned for the next time he is off so I am counting down the days...hours...minutes...  

5.  I am kind of at a loss as to what to do about wanting to try for another baby.  I've never felt this way about it.  Before I just called the clinic and we got started in that direction.  But since our clinic completely screwed us over in July I'm just not sure I can go back there.  So then what?  Any other clinic will require minimum of 5 hours of travel one way or a plane flight.  Does that sound easy to you?  No.  So here I sit just wavering on what to do next.  I am ready to do something I am just not sure what.  It makes me feel yucky.  

6.  I am starting to feel the need for a change around these parts.  I am sure all of the above whines lead my brain to thinking these things but I am just not feeling the stay at home mom gig right now.  The other day someone asked me what I had been up to.  Simple and innocent question.  But all I could come up with was shit.  I am sure they didn't want to hear about the fact that I had spent 3 hours that morning bribing Blakely to sit on the potty.  Recently she has become deathly afraid of pooping.  Apparently it hurt once or something so she was trying to hold it in.  No amount of marshmallow bribery would work.  We would play, she would grab her butt and yell poop, we would go to the toilet and she would jump right off of it.  Repeat every 30-45 seconds for 3 hours until we had success.  I literally could not come up with any other topic of conversation for my friend.  Probably an ex-friend now!  (I think we have since solved this problem.  Thank God because one more episode like that may have sent me to crazytown)  I am just itching to use my brain for something other than dishes, laundry, poop, bills, toddler games, dishes, cleaning, more toddler games, cooking, grocery shopping, more damn dishes, blah blah blah now I'm rambling.  See?  I have mushy brain.  

Ok.  I think that is enough.  Woe is me and I need to get over it.  I know and I will.  Riiiight after I show you a little of this.  

All photos by HER

I mean who could be in a funk after seeing those pics?  And these aren't even the best ones! Winter family pics for the win.  

Feel free to kick me in the booty for such a whiny post.  At least there are pictures?  

Year in Review 2013

As we say goodbye to 2013, I want to reflect on this year and all the wonderful memories that we made.  I usually do a detailed review post but today I am just going to hit some of the high points.  And, well some low points as well.  

We started the year off with Lonnie turning 40 and us having his family down for the weekend.  He had issues with the big birthday but I think he's moved on.  He refused to let me do anything special but I've told him he needs to just get prepared for when his 50th comes around!  We are going to his brothers house soon for our yearly New Year's celebration with them.  

One thing Lonnie and I did really well with for the first half of the year was day dates.  I posted about a few of them here.  We have gotten out of that habit and we are both itching to get back to our days of fun together.  Luckily we are going away for a long weekend together really soon.  YES.  

In January we decided to proceed with IVF #4.  It was an up and down experience (duh) but overall I felt really good about it.  It was heartbreaking when we learned that our two embryos didn't take.  I wrote this post about moving on from that.  

In April we went back to New Orleans.  We took B when she was barely 5 months old so it was fun to go back when she was a bit older.  I am sure it won't be the last time we go!  

Also, in April we discovered Blakely's fear of bugs!  She is still not a fan but she doesn't freak out as bad.  Although I wonder what will happen in the spring when all the caterpillars come out.  YUCKY.  

In May we took our annual beach trip.  I think this trip will just get better and better every year.  We just made our reservations for this May and Blakely is already talking about the beach and "sand tassles".  {I just read that whole post and I can't believe how little she looks.  I felt liek she was so grown up then!}

We spent a lot of time outside and on the lake this year.  Looking back on those posts makes me yearn for summer!!  One of the best weekends was near the 4th of July when my brother in law and his family came to town.  We had so much fun and I can't wait to do it again this summer.  

As great as that weekend was it is completely overshadowed, in my mind.  See, I was right near the end of our fifth IVF.  I was not comfortable and I was exhausted.  I had not blogged about it or told many people.  I wrote a series of 5 posts explaining what happened during that IVF.  As I am writing this post I have gone back and read many of my posts over the past year and all of the ones I have put a link to.  I can not read those 5 posts.  I just can't do it right now.  My brain is trying to protect my heart.  {Thank you brain.}  One day I will be able to read them {thank you blog} but it still hurts a little too much to scroll through and relive that time.  I will link to them in case someone comes across this post and wants to know what happened.  
one
two
three
four
five

Moving on.  At the end of July is when we started potty training.  Looking back now we had a pretty easy time of it.  Blakely was ready and she took to it easily.  I am thankful for no more diapers/diaper laundry and for adorable toddler pan.ties!!  

In August Blakely started going to Moth.ers D.ay Out once a week and with Juanet once a week to Pri.ce's house. I can't even tell you how happy we all are with this set up.  Blakely loves MDO and she crazy loves going with Juanet.  There is no way to tell you how grateful I am for Juanet.  If there were more Juanet's in this world it would be a better place.  She is one of the good ones and I am so glad that we found her!  Honestly I am not sure any of us would survive without her.  She knows this although doesn't believe it.  

One of my favorites this year was our trip to Pittsburgh!!!  I got to meet up with my blog bestie and Blakely got to meet her future blog husband.  :)  Hello, we need to do this again pronto.

This fall we went camping.  Can't wait to do that again this spring.  

After that things kicked into high gear and we got really busy.  Blakely turned 2, we went to the Wor.ld S.eries, Halloween, bachelorette weekend, our dog died, hosted a couples shower, went to a concert and then my Sarah got married!  I still haven't posted about the wedding but will soon!  

Once that whirlwind died down we were able to relax some and enjoy Christmas.  I feel like I haven't gotten out of my pajamas in a month and I'm happy about it.  I have also been eating everything in sight since I couldn't do that before the wedding.  I should probably stop doing that now.  ;)

I am not a big resolution maker but I do have some goals for 2014.  Well really just 2. One is to disconnect from my devices a little bit more when Blakely is around.  I want to be present for her when she is with me.  I am never on the computer when she is around but I always have my phone.  It's no wonder she is obsessed with it!    

And my second goal is not all that specific yet very specific at the same time.  I want to have another baby.  I have no idea how we are going to accomplish that and I just realized recently that I am ready.  That we are ready.  I am still hurting over the fiasco in July and over infertility in general but I am ready to move forward.  I think moving forward will help those last little cracks in my heart to heal.  

Here's to 2014!  Happy New Year to you all and thank you for reading this little blog of mine!