Graduated!

My appointment today went really well.  

Although getting there was a totally different story!  My mom texted me at 6 am to tell me she saw on the news that the interstate was shut down.  Apparently a semi wrecked and spilled loads of gasoline everywhere and they were trying to clean it up.  So I had to get up and get ready earlier than I normally would and figure out a way around the interstate, which I did.  It didn't take that much longer than my normal route, it was just a curvy 2 lane road.  Can you imagine the stress this would have caused if it had been an egg retrieval day???  Anyhoo...

My appointment was at 9:30 and I didn't get my ultrasound until about 11:20.  We (my mother-in-law was with me) waited in the waiting room for about 20 minutes and then the rest of the time was spent in the ultrasound room....in other words I waited with no pants on.  Really cool....actually not cool at all but sticky....you girls know what I mean....booty sticking to the super thin paper on the table....I hate that!

I always know that I am going to have to wait when I go there.  There have been very few times that I was in and out on time.  I never complain to them about it....ever.  I know they are doing their best and going as fast as they can.  I always come prepared to wait.  I was there for 4 hours one day.  I can't say I was happy about that....but I sure didn't let them know...

Do you girls ever have a super long wait?

I was hoping that it would be Dr. B that would be scanning me.  He is not actually my doctor but I have seen him more than anyone.  This IVF I saw him at every appointment and none of the other doctors.  He did my retrieval and transfer as well.  

Well it wasn't.....it was Dr. M, who I like but have only seen twice in two years.  

He came in and quickly asked how I was feeling.  I immediately told him that I "cheated" and me and my husband already looked and it was one baby and he/she had a heartbeat.  Then I realized that sounded kinda crazy so I reminded him that I do ultrasound.  He laughed. He scanned for a minute and said there is a heartbeat.  Then he showed it to us and took a few pictures. 

He told me that they would draw a progesterone today and if it looked good then I could stop the PIO injections.  He could tell by the look on my face that I was a little worried about that.  I'm just scared to stop them too soon.  He told me all the statistics and studies....blah blah blah.  I trust them completely (I mean look what they have done for me) but I am just a worrier.....Since I already have a bunch of Endometrin he said I could take those for 3 more weeks if it made me more comfortable.  It does...of course...although ask me later how much I hate them...

He printed me out some stuff to take to my OB doctor and told me to make an appointment and I was released into his care!!!  That is pretty crazy!  I mean I get to go to a real OB and not just for a damn pap smear?!@#!??  This girl is excited!

When he was done I went out into the hall to wait for the girl to draw my blood.  I saw Dr. B coming down the hall and I swear I wanted to kiss him on the mouth!!!  He hugged me and asked me if I "cheated" and looked before today and said that he knew I would.  He was so happy for me and then hugged me again and told me to let them know in the fall about the baby.  I was trying so hard not to just burst into tears.  It is just amazing what they do for people and I am so so so thankful!

Here is a picture of the baby that is growing inside of me!  Measuring 6w3d with a due date of 10-18

   

I called my OB doctor the instant I got home.  It was pretty weird making that appointment.  I have been waiting to make that call for almost 3 years.  I was tearing up before they even answered.  

Nurse:  How can I help you?

Me: I need to make an appointment with Dr. C

Nurse:  Ok, for your yearly exam?

Me:  NOOOOO!!  I'M PREGNANT!!! (yes...I did scream...didn't mean to...it just came out...)

Anyway, finding a day was a scheduling nightmare.  It is easy for me but my husband...ehhh not so much.  So after a ton of maneuvering.....we will be going on March 16.  I will be 9 weeks.  

This is the day before my birthday.  Pretty ironic....Two years ago on my birthday was our first appointment with Dr. C because we hadn't gotten pregnant.  What a difference.... 

A girl I work with, the one who went through IVF 5 years ago and now has twins, bought me a pregnancy journal.  What a sweetheart!  

(image courtesy of Google Images)

I really like this one A LOT.  It has a ton of space and places for pictures.  It also has stickers and frames you can put around each picture if you like.  It even has some scrapbook paper in the back that you can use if you want to make the picture pages scrapbook-like.  This thing is so me!  

So I am going to head into my living room and spend my entire Friday night getting started on it.  I am old and I love it :)

So Special

My husband and I shared something soooo wonderful today!  

Something that I think is pretty rare.  

Something that I will treasure for the rest of my life. 

We were able to see our baby's heartbeat together, for the first time, and only share it with each other.  There was no one else in the room.  

I don't think that I have talked about what my husband does but he is a physician....an interventional radiologist to be specific.  (if you don't know what that is...because most people don't...you can read a brief description here. So he is very familiar and comfortable doing ultrasound.  He scanned me this afternoon and we were able to see our little beeb's beating heart for the very first time.

I, of course, cried.  He just looked shocked.  It was a fantastic moment.

I have my official ultrasound tomorrow but he is not going to be able to be there so we wanted to see it together before then.  I am so glad we did.  It is a little weird because we both see these tiny flickering hearts on a daily basis so you would think that we would be used to it.  But I cannot even explain how much different it was to see that in MY uterus.  So special.....

I will post a picture from my ultrasound tomorrow.




By the way....my dinner with the girls went great.  I kept thinking I was so stupid for having stressed about it so much.  None of them said anything about me not drinking...


UNTIL....


The waiter brought us complimentary after dinner drinks!  What the hell?  I mean it was really nice but they had to know I had been ordering water all night....


I was pretty ticked because this made it obvious that I wasn't drinking whereas before it wasn't that noticeable.  


We all toasted and I slipped mine over to M and thankfully she took it quickly.  Only one girl noticed and she gave M a look and M just said something like "oh it's her reflux".  


I think the waiter was out to get me...


Happy Thursday everyone!

To lie or not....that is the question!

I am not sure what to do.  I DO NOT want to tell people about my pregnancy yet.  I mean it is still SUPER early and we haven't even seen a heartbeat yet.  There are so many more hurdles to jump over.  I deal with early pregnancies at work and I know what can go wrong.  

But I feel bad about just flat out lying. 

In a normal situation (which would mean us having conceived on our own and only the two of us knowing about it) this would not be a problem.  

But our situation is totally different.

This was our 3rd IVF.  When we had our first IVF in August we told some people.  A few of my friends, some of our family, and the people that I work with and the people that my husband works with.  A total of about 20 people.  When we didn't end up with any embryos it was torture having to tell people about it.  I made my husband do it actually.  I was devastated.  

Our 2nd IVf was in September/October.  Only a couple of people knew about that (my mom, my boss, and 2 of my friends).  I learned my lesson from the first experience.  So when that didn't work, I was devastated but I didn't have to put on a happy face and talk about it with people.  That was so much better.

During this IVF more people had to know than during IVF #2 and we had no control over that.  A few more girls that I work with figured it out because I had to take off of work.  More of Lonnie's partners had to know because he had to get someone to work for him on egg retrieval day.  

This is my problem!

These people keep asking about it.  I know they mean well and are just being nice but I just don't know what to say! 

It is hard to keep from the girls I work with (there are 5 of them) because of what we do (ultrasound).  I am like the 4th one that has gotten pregnant over the past two years and we all scan each other very early in pregnancy.  We have all kept each others secret until the person is ready to let the public know about their pregnancy.  I trust them to not tell anyone because I have seen them keep this same secret before.

My husband had to tell a few of his partners because they kept asking and knew that we had been trying and knew we would have results soon.  We told one of them and his wife (we will call her M) the other night at dinner.  This was perfect because I asked them to keep it to themselves and I feel confidant that they will.  They suffered a miscarriage before having their two kids and understand not wanting to spread the news too early.  


I have a girls dinner tonight with M and 3 of the other wives.  I just had a complete breakdown because I don't want to tell them and I have a feeling they will ask because I will not be drinking wine (this is rare for me to not have a glass on a girls night!).  


My freaking family doesn't even know!!!!


I don't feel like I am obligated to tell them but my husband says that I shouldn't lie to them if they ask.  


WELL WHY THE HELL NOT???  


I just reread this post and can not stop laughing.  I mean seriously???  WTF???  This is MY body and MY pregnancy.  If I want to lie to people about it I will.  I'm pretty sure most women out there would understand!  


I considered just deleting all of this and not posting it but I want to remember this.  I spent an hour 20 minutes crying, worrying, and basically throwing a fit about dinner tonight and what I was going to say and how unfair it was that I had to deal with this.  


Then I just spent the last 20 minutes laughing at myself for being so stupid.  UGH!  I guess it's the hormones...I'm going to take a nap....

I've been tagged!!!!

I've been tagged by Crossing My Fingers!!!!
And this is my second post today...GO ME!!


Rule #1: the tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Rule #2: tag 4 people to do this quiz; they cannot refuse (ok, so nothing bad will happen if you don’t participate but I would love to see your answers). The tag-ee must state who tagged them.


1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family? They are members of the family.  We will not be getting any more pets after they are gone though because I don't want to deal with losing a pet...

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be?  That this baby growing inside of me will continue to be healthy and come home with us in October.

3. What would you do with a billion dollars? Oh so many things....move to the beach would be the first thing!

4. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood? Hobby Lobby

5. What is your bedtime routine, with your kids? Well I don't have any kids but my routine is to read for about 30 minutes and then turn the light out.

6. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your significant other? We were set up on a date by a mutual friend.

7. What kind of books do you read? All kinds really....mostly girly romantic books though...

8. How do you see yourself in 10 years? It is hard to say...I have learned through infertility that I don't always get to plan my life the way I want it.  But I hope to be happy and healthy.....

9. What’s your fear? Oh I have a few of them....Mostly that I won't get to bring home a baby in October

10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space? Yeah right!  I have zero desire to see space...BRING ON THE JUNK FOOD!

11. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? pee....

12. If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be? I wish he LOVED to do the dishes...because I really hate it!

13. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be? I like my name.  I think it fits me very well..although people always want to spell it wrong (Kelli, Kelley, Kellie).  

14. If you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose? Really? This is a question? Who in their right mind would pick rain unless they were a vampire? <-----I like that answer!

15. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be? at this very moment I say macaroni and cheese...but that could change any minute!

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most? meeting people that have been on the IF roller coaster just like I have.  

17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods? hmmm....salty.....popcorn sounds really good right now...

18. What items are in your purse right now? anything I can shove in there....

19. If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains where would you go? to the beach for sure!

20. What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn’t? Oh my...all kinds of reality shows.  I'd say Jersey Shore is my guiltiest pleasure!  


These are the people I am going to tag..
still a guest room
No I'm not fat, just pregnant
Viva la Vida
The Chronicles of Violetta Margarita

Hope everyone has had a great Monday!

ABC's of me

I've seen a few other bloggers post this so I thought that I would do it.  Read on if you want to learn a little bit more about me....


(A) Age: 28....will be 29 in less than a month

(B) Bed Size: King....my husband and I are both very tall and sleep with lots of pillows!  He even has nicknames for each of his pillows.....

(C) Chore You Hate:  folding the laundry

(D) Dogs? Yes.  Two...Dusty who you can read about here and Darwin who you can read about here

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Well right now it is Orange Juice but before pregnancy it was Diet Dr. Pepper

(F) Favorite Color: blue

(G) Gold or Silver? silver

(H) Height: 5 feet 9 1/2 inches....the 1/2 is very important ;)

(I) Instruments You Play: ummm none....that would be comical

(J) Job Title: Sonographer

(K) Kids: one little muffin....I'm 5 weeks 6 days today.  Honestly that is still so weird to say....

(L) Live: Arkansas

(M) Mom's Name: Dianne

(N) Nicknames: My friends call me Kels or K Dub...my husband calls me Boo, Booble, or Blueberry

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Never

(P) Pet Peeves: Not rinsing off your dishes before putting them in the sink

(Q) Quote from a Movie: I can't really think of any quotes from movies so I'll just tell you some of my favorite movies!  Pretty Woman, 16 Candles, Crazy/Beautiful, Titanic, Avatar, The Contender (that one is for you honey), and anything with Clint Eastwood

(R) Right or Left Handed? right

(S) Siblings: One younger brother

(T) Time You Wake Up? 9:00 if I am off work, 5:45 if it is a workday

(U) Underwear: I am actually in the middle of a panty crisis right now.....I need to go shopping!

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: I really like all veggies...I can't think of one that I dislike....

(W) What Makes You Run Late: pretty much anything...hubby can't stand it...

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done:  ankle and wrist...Oh and an HSG (that counts because it was hella painful!)
 
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Chicken Spaghetti, Bean Soup, Ranch Chicken, Butter Pecan Gooey Bars, Just the Best Cookies...that is all I can think of right now...

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: I like Polar Bears!

Unofficial Ultrasound

There's a baby in there!!!!


I finally did my ultrasound yesterday.  There was no way I was waiting until next Friday.  Me and my husband decided yesterday was the day because I was 5 weeks 2 days.  You should definitely see at least a gestational sac and a yolk sac at this time.  I knew it was unlikely to see a embryonic pole and a heartbeat this early but I just needed to make sure the beeb was in the right spot and growing like he/she should.  So here is the first ultrasound pic!!!  I'm sure there will be a million more to come!

(For those of you that don't know....The black circle is the gestational sac and the smaller "white-rimmed" circle within the gestational sac is the yolk sac.  The embryo develops very close to the yolk sac but is not visible this early....but very soon!)


I absolutely cannot believe this is a picture of MY uterus.  


Honestly, I am still just in shock. 


I do ultrasounds on women in early pregnancy every day that I am at work so I see this image all the time.  It is just surreal that this is mine....my baby....my uterus...my pregnancy.....


I had convinced myself that my beta must have gone down so the pregnancy was over because I didn't feel pregnant anymore.  So, I peed on another stick and the line showed up instantly and basically stole all the ink from the control line.  I felt better.  This was actually stupid for me to feel this way because I am for sure having a few pregnancy symptoms.  More on those later...


Then I had totally convinced myself that I had an ectopic (rare....but still possible with IVF).  I was (and still am) having left lower quadrant pain.  Since we scanned yesterday I feel better...no ectopic just a cyst on my ovary...I can deal with that!


I also thought maybe I had just made it all up.  That I had literally lost my mind and created this all in my head.  That my husband was going to sit me down any minute and tell me that I needed to come back to reality.  
***sidenote:  This feeling probably comes from the fact that I have had to ultrasound multiple different women who HAVE made it up.  They come to the emergency room and tell the doctors they are pregnant.  The doctors then order an ultrasound and a pregnancy test.  I do the ultrasound before the results of the pregnancy test and BAM they aren't even pregnant.  I even one time had to go in the middle of the night because they couldn't find a heartbeat on a 34 week baby.  This is the worst possible ultrasound to have to do by the way.  The woman was extremely large so you wouldn't have been able to tell if she was pregnant anyway.  Basically I put the transducer down and she had a totally empty uterus.***


So see, I was driving myself crazy.  I feel much better after the ultrasound.  I know the beeb is in the right spot and is right on track and that I didn't make it up!  I can now focus on enjoying this as much as possible...and that is what I intend to do :)


I want to document everything since this is my journal/diary so these are the symptoms I am having as of right now.

• peeing all the time.  I have to get up at least twice in the middle of the night.  Is it dumb that I thought this was only a symptom of late pregnancy?  Apparently not....
• thirsty all the time and not really for water which is weird because pre-pregnancy I was a major water drinker.  Now I just want orange juice or apple juice.  A fellow blogger said something about Simply Lemonade and I am dying to try it but it wasn't at the store that I went to yesterday!  Ugh....
• I haven't been nauseous or anything but I did throw up the other night.  I was eating cauliflower and my husband asked me if I washed it off really good.  I started thinking about all the chemicals and that just made me totally sick really quick!
• fatigue.  I have been napping every day that I can.
• starting to want to eat weird stuff.  Last night I made myself a peanut butter sandwich that I dipped in syrup.  I really wanted peanut butter pancakes and this was the closest thing to it.  Hubs was eating a turkey sandwich and had pickle spears on the side.  I started dipping the pickles in my syrup.  Like it wasn't weird at all.....

I have also started walking daily although I did miss yesterday.  I walked 1.5 miles this morning.  


I purchased some really good lotion to rub on my belly to hopefully help with stretch marks.  I already have some stretch marks on my hips from when I had a major growth spurt in 9th grade so I know that I am susceptible to them.  I used it for the first time last night and I am not sure about it.  When I read about it online it said "delicately scented".  I'm not sure if I would call that scent delicate but I am going to keep trying it and we will see how it turns out.  I might try a few other just to see which I like best.  It is the belly butter from Bellamama.  Here is a pic...

I can't wait until we can tell people.  I am already trying to think of cute ways to do it.  I am most  anxious to tell my dad, my grandmother (this will be her first great grandchild), my brother-in-law and his wife and their two kids (they are almost 6 year old twins).  We will be waiting a while to tell them but a girl can plan can't she???  If you have any ideas I would love to hear them!

Valentine's and Orange Juice

First of all, I want to thank all of you who commented on my last two posts.  It really means a lot to me to hear from you girls that are reading my blog.  I love y'all!!!


Hope everyone is having a great weekend.  I know I have because it has been 60 degrees and sunny here and that always helps.

I have had to work all weekend but the guy we just hired took my night time call last night and tonight....I really heart him!  It is pretty super working with a guy (hard to find a male in my field) that just got out of school and is totally gung-ho about taking call as much as possible so he can save money.  That ship has totally sailed for me.  I want to work my hours and then be done.  I would be ok not taking any call but I don’t have that option where I work.  I am on call every 7th weekend and every other Thursday, which I know is not bad AT ALL (compared to what I did when I was full time), but I despise call.  Getting out of bed and driving to the hospital multiple times a night gets old really fast.  Not to mention it is usually to scan a pregnant girl, who is 17, has a baby with her, and reeks of cigarettes.  This is not good for an infertile girl......I have had to bite my tongue many times and I have also cried on the way home multiple times.  Seriously, there are so many stories.  Sometimes my profession is absolute torture....but I do love it most of the time! 

Sooooo.....tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  We don’t have big plans at all.  I think we are going to go out to dinner because, honestly, I don’t want to clean the kitchen.  I mean....I like it when we cook together but we don’t clean together and this girl is tired.  I am not a big fan of going out to dinner on Valentine’s because of the crowds and the prix fixe menus but I think I’ll make an exception this time!  Last Valentine’s Day my honey cooked me an awesome meal and we drank lots of wine....

Rigatoni pasta with sausage and peppers

Terrible picture but here we are!  I look like I have been crying and probably was.  This was just after our first IUI had failed and I had been convinced it had worked :(

So we drank tons of this!

The year before that (2009) I was really into making cakes (which I want to get back into) so I made him a cake.  It was presh....

Cake next to the pink roses he got me

All I really want to do this Valentine's Day is hang out with my honey.  He has been so busy at work and I have been so flippin' crazy through all this IVF stuff so we haven't really gotten to spend quality time together.  I want to go out and eat yummy dinner, come home and watch a movie while we snuggle on the couch with our sweet baby(ies).  This sounds ahhh-mazing to me!  


Speaking of baby(ies).....this is what is sitting next to me as I type this....

This stuff is my best friend.  I can not get enough!  It's not a craving but I am just so thirsty all the time and water is getting old.  I have never been a huge fan of OJ but it looked yums at the store so I made the purchase.  Pumped that I did because it is rocking my world!  Oh and I don't have a glass next to me....I have the whole container :)


Hope y'all have a great day tomorrow with your sweeties!!

Beta #2 and Spring Please Hurry!

Beta #2 was today and it was 311.  This is just perfect and I couldn’t be happier.  This is really happening.  I go back in two weeks for an ultrasound.  By my calculations I will be 6 weeks 3 days then.  

Oh there is absolutely no way I can wait that long to look!  Are you kidding me??

How am I supposed to scan people all day long at work and not take a peek at my own uterus?  PSSSHHHHH.....not happening!  I mean tell me all you girls would do the same!  I think I will wait until at least 5 weeks....that will be next Tuesday.  At 5 weeks I should see a gestational sac....maybe more....

The only people that we have told are the people that knew we were going through IVF.  My mom, my mother-in-law, my aunt, 3 of my friends (one of which went through IVF and now has twins), and my boss at work.  It freaks me out that this many people know, although I know none of them will tell.  I have seen them all keep secrets before ;)  

It is weird though.  I feel like I am walking around with the words I AM PREGNANT tattooed on my forehead!

My husband is the cutest thing ever and I love him so much.  Here are just a few of the texts that I got while I was at work yesterday....

-You have to start flossing your teeth once a day...good dental care is good for pregnancy (maybe I don’t floss every day)

-You can’t be around cats (I’m allergic anyway)

-You can’t clean up anymore dog puke (Darwin tends to randomly puke and I am totally fine not cleaning it up anymore!)

-Wear a mask around ANY patient that looks or acts like they have the flu (ummm....they all act like they have the flu...)

-Have you had the chicken pox?

-We have to weigh you tonight (yeah that didn’t happen...at night? really??)

Seriously....is he not so cute?  I mean he is so worried and I love that about him although it might drive me crazy later  ;)

In other news.....I AM SO SICK OF THE SNOW!!  I live in Arkansas people...not Minnesota!  It is supposed to snow once a year, like maybe 2 inches.  Well not this year!  This is like our 4th snow and each one has been major (for the south)!  We got 8-10 inches on Wednesday and the entire city shut down completely.  Actually it was shut down before it even started snowing.  I had to work that day and it wasn’t bad driving to work but on the way home....totally different story.  I couldn’t even see the road.  Thank goodness for 4 wheel drive!  Here are a few pics of my drive home.  Yes I took pictures while driving but I was only going 5 MPH!!

That's right....where the crack is the road?@!#$!??

A couple pictures from my house

And just because it is so cool...a picture of my mom's bottle tree!

Yes...I agree...the snow is pretty.  But we have had enough.  I am so ready for spring!  I want 75-80 degrees with a breeze.  I want pedicures and flip flops.  I want sundresses and a tan.  I want walks through the neighborhood with my honey looking at all the flowers.  

Come on

Daffodils mean spring is near!

I heart hydrangeas.  My entire wedding was based on this flower and color!

and daisies...just because they are awesomeness!

Doesn't it make everyone just a lil' happier to see these flower pics???


I keep reading about all these BFP's on different blogs and I am so happy for everyone.  For those of you still waiting...I think about you everyday and I can't wait to read your BFP stories in the coming days, weeks, and months!  Stay strong girlies!