playing catch up!

Things have been a bit nuts around here.  In a good way.  Lonnie has had some random days off and the weather has been nice so we've had quite a bit of fun family time.  I keep meaning to blog about certain things but I forget!  So here we go with a miss mash of a post and some pictures thrown in!  

• FIRST OF ALL.  I found out late last week that all three of our embryos are chromosomally normal!  Can I get a hallelujah?  I nearly flipped when I saw the clinic number on my phone.  But she immediately told me it was good news.  I cried.  Like full on silly cry.  I didn't mean to do it but it snuck up on me and I couldn't stop.  We have a phone consult with Dr. S on July 3rd and we are tentatively looking at a frozen transfer at the end of July/early August.  OMG.  

• Blakely is still going to MDO 2 days a week.  They aren't usually open during the summer but they decided to give it a try.  I am super happy about that because Blakely would have missed it so much!  I wanted to take a comparison picture of her from the beginning of the school year to the end.  It amazes me how much she has changed.  I mean, I expected it, but, she just looks so grown up!  And tall.  

• We have been going to the pool pretty much every weekend for the last month.  The first few times Blakely didn't really want to "swim".  She had to have me holding her AT ALL TIMES.  She didn't even want to get down in the water much.  Well fast forward to yesterday and all of the sudden she can swim all over the pool with her puddle jumper on.  Deep end, shallow end, jump off the steps, spin herself around, climb up on the floaties.  It is amazing.  I was so surprised at how much progress she made in just one day.  Something clicked with her and she realized holy crap I can swim around here!  Ha!  We are hopefully starting swim lessons soon.

• I found a co-op in my town!  I can't tell you how excited this makes me.  I have been wanting to find one for a while but I couldn't.  I am not really one to just go to the farmer's market, chat them up and ask if I can buy food from them on the regular.  I was reading one of our local magazines and boom, there it was.  The best part?  Besides farm fresh food obviously, is that you order online!  I just placed my second order and I was so thrilled with my first one.  Everything was so fresh and just beautiful!  This time I ordered some meats as well as veggies and fruit.  Eventually I would like to get all of my meat from them but I am starting slow.  See?  Pretty!

• On Fridays, after gymnastics class we go to my dad's house.  Last Friday we took a little boat ride while we were over there.  Blakely had a blast.  For about 20 minutes.  Then this happened....  I've told you before...boats are magic toddler sleep machines.  

• Last week at MDO they had water week.  They had some little pools and sprinklers set up outside and the kids got to play.  Well since then, Blakely has been begging to "play in the water and play in the little fishie pool and play in the sprinkler and run run run through the sprinkler like we did at school please Mommy please".  Everything is an elaborate run on sentence around here.  So I dug out the little pool I bought when she was a baby and the child was thuh-rilled.  I set up our sprinkler and she was a little timid about it at first but after a few tries she was running around like crazy.  So  much so that I went online right then and bought another ball like sprinkler for her.  I love summer.  

• Lonnie and I have been playing co-ed softball again this year.  Have I mentioned that? It is fun but it is hot.  Last week we had 2 games and it was 95 degrees with like a million percent humidity.  Towards the end I thought I may just lay down in the outfield. I think we have about 3 weeks left.  Good news is that I haven't been injured yet!

• I got Lonnie a Keu.rig for Father's Day.  Why did we not purchase this like 5 years ago? And why did no one tell me that it makes a lot more than just coffee?!?!?  I don't drink coffee so I never paid a bit of attention to the thing.  Hello Kelly (autocorrect tried to change that to Hello K.itty.  WTF).  It it so much more than a coffee maker.  I may have just placed a very large order of tea, cider, hot chocolate and lemonade.  B will flip over the lemonade.  Girl is obsessed.  She helps "make coffee with Daddy in his new coffee maker we got for him for Daddy Day yesterday and I sit on counter with Daddy and help him make super hot coffee".  Love that girl...

• The other night I put Blakely's pajamas on and forgot to pull her hair out of the neck.  A few minutes later I looked over and saw this.  How cute would a little toddler bob be?  Not going to happen but I had to take a pic of the cuteness.  Although I am about to make her an appointment for a trim.  Her very first one.  Just a trim...

Okay.  I think y'all are caught up!  Happy Monday!  

It's been feelin' like the weekend.

Lonnie was off last weekend and then, randomly, was off Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday as well.  We've been busy having lots of fun so my days are all mixed up and I've thought it was the weekend all week long.  Now it is Friday so I am just plain confused.  Ha!    

To start, I'll let y'all know that our other 4 embryos did not make it.  We were pretty sad about this when we found out on Tuesday we but chose not to dwell on it since we DO have 3 frozen embryos.  Now we just wait for the genetic testing on those.  That should take about 2-3 weeks and then the chromosomally normal ones will be available for transfer.  I have already started the protocol to build up my uterine lining to prep for a frozen transfer.  I just have a good feeling that these embryos are fighters and this is all going to work out!  

Last Saturday we went to a birthday pool party for my friend Keisha's daughter, Kyndal.  I couldn't get in the water due to my recent surgery so it was a little stressful to say the least.  No way was I letting Blakely get in by herself.  There were like 30 kids all running around and swimming so I was constantly making sure she was not close to the edge, someone taking her in, etc.  Not to mention it was HOT.  By the time it was over I was worn out.  She and I both came home and took a three hour nap!

When we woke up we took our first boat ride of the season.  Blakely was as fan.  She is immediately hungry the second we step foot on the boat.  I always pack like 4 snacks for her.  

Lonnie worked Monday but we met him after work to get some ice cream.  Blakely slept in panties overnight with no accidents so that was cause for major celebration!  

Then he was off again so Tuesday afternoon we picked B up from MDO and drove the hour to my MIL's house.  She has a pool and we were wanting some fun in the sun.  Blakely was a little timid at first but once she got used to it she was jumping in (with us catching her) and "practicing" her swimming.  My niece and nephew were there so Blakely was constantly entertained.  We spent the night and swam more the next day.  

We drove home Wednesday late afternoon because Lonnie and I had a softball game that night.  Y'all.  We have so much fun.  I get really nervous at the beginning of the game (hello, it has been a good 15 years since I have played) but then once the game gets going it all comes back to me.  Of course I am still sore!  

Yesterday our friends came to pick us up on their boat and we took a ride for a few hours.  Then we stopped at a pizza place on the lake and had lunch.  Their boys are 18 months and 4 years old so Blakely had loads of fun playing with them.  She conked out on the boat on the ride back home.  The boat is like a magic toddler sleeping machine.  Then when we got back home she told me she was still sleepy so I put her in her bed.  She slept for another hour.  This is completely unheard of.  Usually if she falls asleep for even 5 minutes in the car then there will be no napping after that.  

Lonnie is back at work today but then he is off for the weekend.  We are having a little sprinkle for my friend Tina and her total surprise third baby tomorrow morning.  After that I think we are going to head over to my grandfather's house and play in his pool.  It should be another fun summer weekend!  I hope you all get to enjoy being outside this weekend too!  

One step closer.

I know my blog is all about this IVF right now but, honestly, I am consumed by it.  There is just not much else going on in my life so bear with me.  I promise to post about something else soon!  

So I talked to the embryologist about an hour ago.  Of those original 4 embryos they were able to biopsy (CCS test) and freeze 3 of them.  3 out of 4 is really good!  My main fear this ENTIRE time was that we wouldn't have any embryos make it day 5 or 6 to be frozen.  And we have 3!  So yay!  

Also, those other 4 embryos that were created on the second day are still growing.  They are a day behind, obviously, because they were made a day later.  Tomorrow is day 6 for them so if they make it to the blastocyst stage then they will biopsy and freeze those tomorrow.  She made me a little nervous about these for some reason.  She said that 2 of them were lagging behind the other 2.  She said everything was fine but I, of course, have latched on to that and am stressing about it.  I just hope and pray that they keep growing and are able to be frozen tomorrow.  They are going to call and let me know something tomorrow.  

So, we are one step closer.  We have 3 frozen already and 4 more that could possibly be frozen tomorrow.  We are almost there.  We will get the results of the genetic (CCS) testing in three weeks.  The waiting and wishing and hoping and praying and worrying and stressing is difficult but I know all of this is worth it.  I feel really good about the whole process and I am so very thankful things have gone so well.  

And I am finally feeling back to normal.  I was a bloated up mess and now I have lost the 7 pounds (7 pounds!) I gained while pumped full of hormones.  Whew...it was not comfortable!  

Grow little embryos grow!  

Happy tears!

The embryologist called me about an hour ago.  She said that of the 5 eggs that matured overnight that they performed day 2 ICSI on.....they were able to make 4 more embryos!  FOUR MORE EMBRYOS!  

!!!!!!!!!!!

So now we have a total of 8 embryos.  I have been crying on and off since that phone call.  Such happy tears.  I just really wasn't expecting such good news.  I thought I was grasping by wanting one or two more so that phone call threw me for a loop.  

They did not check on the initial 4 today so we don't know how they are doing or if any more happened to start growing.  I will not hear anything else until Monday when they will call to tell me how many made it to the blastocyst stage and are available to freeze.  

This waiting is insane and hard.  But being with my sweet girl makes it much easier.  If I was still in a random Den.ver hotel I would have lost my mind by now.  

I hope and pray these little embryos keep growing and growing.  Stay strong little ones!  Mommy is trying to stay strong too!  

Embryo report

I got a phone call this morning while I was on the rental car shuttle.  We had told the embryologist that we would not be home until after one o'clock so I was expecting the call then but I guess they make these calls early!  

She told me this...

Out of the 18 eggs, 9 of them were mature.  Out of those 9, four fertilized normally.  

So we have 4 embryos.  But they are going to watch those other 5 to see if they divide.  Since it had not even been 24 hours since ICSI ("fertilization") they would wait to see if those divided.  It is not super likely but it is possible.  

Also, 5 of the eggs that were not mature yesterday matured overnight.  She said that they were going to ICSI those today.  She also said that was not as good as doing it on day one so it did not mean we would get embryos out of those but they would try.  They are going to call me tomorrow to let me know about those 5 that they ICSI's today. 

This is why we chose this clinic.  Their lab is one of the best.  We knew they could do the most with whatever I gave them.  I think when we knew I had 18 eggs, Lonnie and I were both hoping for a higher number of embryos.  But, honestly, I am just glad that we have some.  All I want is a chance to get pregnant.  Just a chance.  I have to have faith in this lab that they are doing everything possible to grow these embryos.  

I am hoping and praying that these embryos keep growing.  Whatever the number is I just want them to keep growing.  Blakely was a little fighter embryo and I just feel that we have a couple of those in this batch.  Please please please.  

Also, I am home now.  I couldn't be happier.  I am still hurting but I can at least get comfortable.  But let me tell you, traveling the day after surgery is NO JOKE!  I do not recommend it.  

I have never been happier than to see this girl.  

She was happy to see me too.  We have been snuggling and kissing and hugging and playing all evening.  I don't ever want to leave her again.

18!

They were able to get 18 eggs!  

18!

I am so happy with that number.  So happy.  We will not know until tomorrow how many of those were mature and how many were of good quality but this is a great start.  GREAT.  

I am definitely in pain.  Quite a bit of pain.  I'm not sure I've had this much pain after retrieval before.  Maybe I just don't remember.  I don't know.  It hurts to move.  It hurts to sit.  It hurts to walk.  It hurts to lay down.  I've been told I can take extra strength Tyle.nol and I did but not much relief with that.  I plan on taking more before bed so hopefully I can sleep.  After all my other retrievals I've slept the day away after.  I haven't slept at all today.  Just can't get comfortable.  

But!

18 eggs!  18!  Squeal!

Totally worth it.  

Our embryos are probably being created as I type this.  I can't stop thinking about it.  You can do this embryos!  Grow grow grow!  

I'll update tomorrow with that number! 

It's time!

I just got the call from my nurse and I get to take my trigger shot tonight!  I am so excited.  I was really going to cry if I had to go one more day.  I mean I knew it would be for the best but I am so uncomfortable and so ready to get this show on the road.  

Lonnie sent this to me a few days ago.  It made me laugh.  :)

Although at this point I feel like my ovaries are bigger than your head.  

So tonight (Sunday) I take a new medication at exactly midnight.  Then I take it again tomorrow at noon.  I go in for lab only tomorrow and then I get to pick my husband up from the airport.  Can not wait to see him.  For real.  

I can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight tomorrow night and I go in for my egg retrieval Tuesday morning.  Oh I am so excited for Tuesday to get here.  Mainly because that is when the important stuff starts.  Ya know, the making of the embryos.  I really really really hope and pray that my eggs are of good quality and they are mature so we can get the best possible embryos.  The last IVF (that was completely fucked up from the jump) my eggs were not mature and I was told they were not good quality.  I just hope that was a fluke or a lie.  I'll take either at this point.  

So far things have gone better than I could have expected.  I have responded well to the medications and I have at least 9 follicles on my right ovary and at least 6 on my left ovary.  A total of 15 eggs sounds wonderful to me.  When we had our consult with Dr. S back in March he said he would be shooting for 10 eggs with me.  So hopefully my ovaries have overachieved.  Here is the number of eggs they have gotten in all five of my previous attempts.  

IVF #1 - 14 eggs
IVF #2 - 14 eggs
IVF #3 - 19 eggs (Blakely's cycle)
IVF #4 - 13 eggs
IVF #5 - 7 eggs.  

My estrogen is higher than it has ever been.  When I triggered on IVF #3 it was like 2500 (the highest to this point) and this time it is 5300.  Hoping that means mature eggs.  It also means I feel like shit.  But totally worth it.  

Just some things to keep in mind.  I won't necessarily get the same number of embryos as the number of eggs.  Not all of the eggs will be mature (they can be premature or post mature) and some may not fertilize properly.  Usually a little more than half of the good eggs will be fertilized properly with ICSI.  Then those little balls of cells need to grow grow grow.  I will update on Tuesday when I get back to the hotel in the afternoon.

People keep telling me how strong I am.  Well let me just put it out there that I do not feel strong.  At all.  I feel weak and tired and like a little anxious ball of nerves.  I have cried numerous times while being here.  Mainly in the last couple of days.  Sometimes for a legit reason (I hurt) and other times not so much (I feel certain that Blakely will want nothing to do with me when I get home).  I have major anxiety every single time I drive to the clinic and have to immediately go into the bathroom and get it together when I get there.  I am an anxious person.  I am doing my best to control that and I have done a pretty good job (thank you essential oils).  If all I have to do is spend a minute or two in the bathroom talking myself down then I am doing well.  But it is a vicious cycle.  I know that stress and anxiety is not good for me right now.  So when I do get anxious I start to worry.  Which leads to stress. Blah.  Anyway, the point is that I do not feel strong but I feel like I am coping.  I am making it.  I am extremely excited to see Lonnie tomorrow so he can take some of the stress and anxiety away.  He has a way with me.  

clinic bathroom selfie.  trying to stay distracted.  

I am so happy at this moment right now.  This is what we have been waiting for and building up to.  Please let everything go smoothly and let us get the best possible outcome.  I am so ready.  This is also the time when I start to get really nervous.  Don't ovulate too early!  Mature on up little eggiest!  But not too mature!  No weather delays for Lonnie's flight!  You get the point.  I am trying really hard to stay focused.  Grow these eggs, Kelly.  You got this. Now, let's make some babies.