Because errrbody loves a bullet post...

• I went to the gym this morning for the first time in 2 months.  After Sarah's wedding I just sort of bummed out, got lazy and ate everything in sight.  I have to say...it was awesome!  Ha!  But my clothes are getting a wee bit snug and I am feeling yuck so I knew it was time.  Gah, it felt great to be back there and to sweat.
• Speaking of Sarah, she said I could steal (is it still stealing if I asked her?) a bunch of pictures from her FB of the wedding and post them here.  SO I will work on that because seriously...it was awesome.    
• Did y'all watch the Super B.owl?  What an awful game!  I mean the Seaha.wks did amazing but I like it when the games are close, ya know?  Anyway, my cousin lives in Boulder CO, and is a huge Broncos fan.  She bought B a Mann.ing jersey for Christmas so I let her wear it yesterday.  No we are not cheating on Tom...but if it couldn't be Tom we were sure hoping Ma.nning could get that ring.  Boo.  

• I did lose a bet to this same cousin 2 weeks ago when the Pats and the Broncos played.  So I will be sporting a Broncos bathing suit cover up to the beach every day on our beach trip in May.  Awesome...
• I'm pretty sure a lot of my readers also read Bridget's blog but if you haven't you should be checking it out right now.  Seriously, now.  She has been doing some awesome research on essential oils and since she mentioned it to me I have too.  I bought a starter kit and have been using them for about 5 days or so.  I'm loving them!  
• I got sick (again!) on Friday and was completely miserable Saturday.  On Saturday the only time I didn't feel like death is after I would do my little concoction of oils.  It was the only relief I could get.  I was using peppermint, breathe and lavender.  I would inhale them and then rub them on my chest.  Then I would also put a dab on my sinuses and it would relieve some of the intense sinus pressure and sinus headache I was having and my nose would immediately start running trying to get that junk out of there.  I did the same thing every couple of hours.  I was amazed actually.  I've been putting the OnGuard on Blakely and Lonnie so hopefully they won't catch what I had.  So far so good.  
• We have taken Blakely out of MDO for a couple of weeks.  A few kids had the flu there and I just didn't want to risk her getting it.  I don't have to go to work or anything so she doesn't HAVE to go.  I would feel terrible if she did get sick just so I could grocery shop alone, ya know?  
• Can spring just get here?  I am so tired of the germs and the sickies and the cold.  I am sure all of you are as well. 
• We are on day 8 of 20 days in a row of Lonnie working.  So far it hasn't been pretty.  Not only has he had crazy full days with difficult cases but he had a busy weekend and has had to go back to the hospital at night a few times on call.  It isn't fun but he is off a week at the end so I am focusing on that.  Focusing on that...  I'll stop complaining about that now.  Sorry.
• Speaking of work.  My friend that manages a clinic close to my house and who I also went to ultrasound school with mentioned that they may have a PRN ultrasound job at the clinic.  I think I may be interested.  I need to know more.  What I do know is there would be no call and no weekends (I wouldn't even consider a job that did at this point).  Clinic hours and I could possibly make that work with MDO hours and with Juanet's help.  I'm thinking about it.  
• I just got my blog book in the mail.  I get it printed every year and I love having all my posts all in one place.  I can't stop flipping through it.  So many things I already forgot about.  
• I am devouring books on my iPad.  You guys have any good book suggestions?  I'm not picky...I read all types of books.  Bring it!  
• Now that is a whole lot of random.  Happy Monday!  I'm off the eat the rest of the dips I made for the game last night.  

A long time coming.

Lonnie has worked, oh I don't know, 45 days in a row?  Not really, but it does feel like it.  A few times a year he has a super long stretch with a couple of call weekends thrown in.  It is certainly not fun and this year it just happened to fall during a time when I was super busy as well (wedding prep/wedding, etc).  So it has been stressful for all involved.  

But, dear readers, we have reached the light at the end of the tunnel.  My boo is off this entire week.  

THE WHOLE WEEK.  

This mama is fired up like whoa.  I have been looking forward to this week for what seems like a year.  Maybe I exaggerate a little...  I have finished most of my Christmas shopping and I have even wrapped!  Our Christmas cards have been sent and all the decor has been finished for weeks.  I wanted to get things done so we could just enjoy this week together as a family.  

We have a few things planned and they are all Christmas related.  Go see Santa, go see the Christmas lights, stay in our Christmas pajamas and watch Christmas movies all day.  Sounds amazing, right?  It's going to be.  We need some family time...just the three of us. 

Blakely did go to school today because it is pajama week and they are having a Christmas party today.  She was sothrilled to wear her slippers.  She wants to wear them to school every day but obviously I don't let her.  They are about 3 sizes too small.  Today though, she got her wish and she was one happy little girl!  

Hope everyone has a great week!  I am off to buy new slippers for my girl!

Balance

I feel so behind lately.  Just behind at life...

There seems to constantly been 10 things that I HAVE to get done and I only have time for about three.  

I just haven't found the balance yet, I guess.  

I am so busy being a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a friend that there is absolutely no time for myself.  I am plenty of other things as well but those are the main ones.  The only alone time I can get is when I take a shower...which is actually a pretty rare occurrence around here.  And about half of my showers are taken while Blakely is in the bouncer and I am singing to her the whole time..so that is definitely not time for me.  

Don't get me wrong.  I am enjoying every single minute of all of this.  It is just that I am realizing that I need to make time for myself....or I am going to go bonkers.  Seriously.  

I spend all day trying to do the best for B that I can and I still feel like I am failing at that some days.  For example, I really need to be giving her oatmeal every day so she will actually start eating it but I haven't been able to find the time.  I need to be consistent with it or we will probably end up how we were with giving her a bottle...NOT FUN!

I spend all day trying to get stuff done around the house so my husband doesn't have to worry about it.  I am not talking about cleaning or anything because that is just not happening.  We live in a total mess until Tuesdays, when Juanet comes over and cleans.  I would just shrivel up and die in this mess without her.  I'm talking about all the other crap.  Getting all of our tax stuff together, renewing our car registration, renewing the boat insurance and registration, getting the oil changed on our cars, paying all of the bills, etc.  You know, just the normal stuff that keeps a household running.  I feel like I can't ever get that stuff done on time.  

I spend a ton of time trying to be a good friend.  I love my friends and I love hanging out with them.  I am having another baby shower at my house this weekend.  I really enjoy hosting these showers for my friends but it does take up quite a bit of time.  I am excited about it but also ready for it to be over all at the same time.  

Since my mom has been living with us since the beginning of January, I have been spending a lot of time trying to be a good daughter.  She never asks me for anything...even in the beginning when she couldn't get around at all.  She doesn't want to be a burden and she doesn't expect anything from me.  Literally there would be days I forgot to feed her.  She never said anything until I realized at five o'clock that she hadn't eaten all day!  I know she is so ready to go home and get back to her normal routine.  I have really enjoyed having her here and I am going to miss her when she is gone :(

So after doing all of that every day, where is the time I spend on myself?  Yeah, it doesn't exist.  And I don't even have a job!  Well I do have a job...this stay at home mom thing IS my job but you know what I mean.  I think that is part of my problem though.  I look at this as my job and feel like I need to get a certain amount accomplished each day.  Like I need to have something to show my husband when he gets home.  "Look honey, this is what I did today!"  He works so hard every single second that he is at work and I just feel like I need to have something to show for my day.  I can't just be like, well, I went and got a mani/pedi for myself today.  Or I spent 2 hours reading blogs just for me.   

On Sunday night I told Lonnie that I was going to take a bath with a glass of wine and let him put Blake to bed.  Well once the time rolled around for me to do that I was so sleepy I just wanted to go to bed!!  UGH!  Maybe I should start getting up earlier than B so I can have an hour to myself?  But I am so not a morning person and at this very moment that would mean getting up at 4...that should be illegal.  

I guess it is just a constant struggle to find the balance in our lives.  Some days I feel like I have this mommy thing down and I am super woman and then other days I feel like I totally suck.  I am still learning...

How do y'all find the balance??? 

My big news!

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas.  I know we did!  It was a busy couple of days and I am worn out.  Apparently Blakely is too because she has slept all day!  I hope she will still sleep well tonight....

Anyway, I said that I had a big announcement, so here it is!

I quit my job!

When I realized that I only had 5 more weeks at home with my girl I kind of freaked out.  I just didn't want to leave her when she was so little.  Lonnie and I talked about it and decided it would be best if I stayed at home.  

I never thought I would be a stay at home mom but now I can't imagine it any other way!  I had good intentions of going back to work although I knew it would be hard to leave her.  I just had no idea how hard.  

No one, and I mean no one, thought I would go back.  I almost felt like I was trying to prove something to someone.  But I didn't really know what I was trying to prove or to whom I was trying to prove it!  Isn't that stupid??  

When I was deciding to do this I just kept going back to the fact that I can always go back to work....anytime I want.  She will only be little once.  I am lucky enough to be able to spend this time with her, so why wouldn't I?  

It was really hard to tell my boss that I wasn't going to come back.  I consider her a friend as well as all of my other co workers.  I already miss them but, like my husband said, I can see them outside of work any time I want.  They are going to be very short handed for a while and I know how awful that is because I have been there when it was understaffed.  They were all very understanding and said that they would do the same thing if they were in my shoes.  That made me feel better.  

I am really excited to have this new job :)  Because, let's be honest, it is totally a job.  I had a hard time keeping up with everything before Blakely was born, so I am really going to have to work hard to do it all AND raise my little babe.  I feel like now I can focus all of my energy on being a good wife and mom now that I don't have to put part of my energy into my hospital job. 

I am also a little scared about this.  I hope that I am good at it?!  I guess I have this vision of what kind of mom and wife I want to be and now that I get to devote all of my attention to it I hope I can live up to my own standards.  When I was working, I always had that as an excuse to not be exactly how I wanted to be.  Well no more excuses! 

I am going to have to get on some sort of schedule because I find myself wanting to stay in my pajamas all day and just cuddle with her!  Maybe the New Year will give me some motivation.  

I know just how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with my little girl and I am not going to take a single second for granted.  My husband works very hard to provide us with this luxury and I appreciate it very much...I love you honey!  

So there it is girls!  I am a stay at home mom.  WOW!!  This is going to be a big change for me but definitely one that I will not regret!

Oh, and any stay at home moms out there with any advice to give...please feel free :)

 

TVT

So thankful for TVT because apparently I can't blog without it :/

• I really need some motivation to decorate my Christmas tree.  My tree is usually up before Thanksgiving but not this year.  We did actually bring it upstairs and turn on the lights but that is it.  Oh and I figured out how to make the lights twinkle!  Blakely LOVES it...I put her in her bouncer in front of the tree yesterday morning and she sat there for an hour!!!!  I got so much accomplished!
• My girl doesn't sleep very good during the day.  Which I am totally not complaining about because she does pretty well at night so I will take it.  But it does make for a pretty cranky baby in the late afternoon/evening and a pretty busy momma all day long.  I can't really find a good place for her to nap because I don't want to put her in her crib for naps (long story but basically just don't want her to get confused about the night time sleep since she does pretty good with that).  She HATED the pack n play so I tried the swing, bouncer, boppy pillow, couch, floor, playmat, you get the point.  She only stays asleep for about 15-20 minutes...30 if I'm very lucky.  She does sleep well when you hold her but I can't really do that all day every day.  I tried the Moby wrap yesterday and it went ok...I might try it again today.  I decided to try the pack n play again this morning since it had been about a week since I put her in it.  She has been asleep for 25 minutes...which is why I have time to blog!  Any suggestions in this area would be oh so helpful!
• I sent out her birth announcements the other day and I have gotten lots of compliments on them.  If I knew how the heck to imbed it onto my blog I would but I have no clue....again blog stupid!
• I am back on the caffeine..DAMN IT!  I didn't drink caffeine during my IVF3 or my pregnancy (well maybe like three times).  Recently I would randomly drink a diet coke or stop at Sonic and get a small diet dr. pepper. I didn't have any yesterday and by the evening I had a supreme headache.  So bad that I drove to Walgreen's at like eight o'clock to get some....now that is addiction people.  I will be stopping this habit very soon.  Oh and I don't have much just one in the late morning to keep my eyelids open....
• My sweet girl is seven weeks old today...that is just crazy!  But this also means that my maternity leave is more than halfway over.  I really don't know what I am going to do about work...should I be a stay at home mom?  Whole other post.......
• Should I have her picture taken with Santa?  I really want to...mostly for the baby book and since it is her first Christmas but HELLO GERMS!  Not so much the random guy that holds her but all the other sicky kids that have been on there before her.  Ok I just totally talked myself out of it.  Maybe I'll get Lonnie to dress up????
• I'm considering doing cloth diapers.  I did quite a bit of research on it while I was pregnant and I really want to try once she is about 3 months old.  My only hold up is that I feel like I have no support in doing it.   My husband says ok but I don't think he thinks I will really do it.  My mom and mother in law think I am crazy!
• TMI....but I want to have sex with my husband.  Is this crazy or what?  I actually can't believe it!  My lady parts are just not quite ready for that adventure though....
• I cooked dinner last night...like seriously.  I can't even remember the last time I did that.  It was for sure before B was born and I don't think I did it in the last like month or two of pregnancy.  Bad wife..I know.  I am really going to start making an effort to do better...we must eat healthier!
• I am going to try to get back in to running in the very near future.  I downloaded the couch to 5K app last night and I am going to try to start in the next week or two.  I think my lady parts are almost ready for that :) Now my lungs are a totally different story....
• My girl is still asleep!!!  It has been 30 minutes!!!!  I have to stop blogging and do some dishes...UGH....

Happy Thursday y'all!!!!  

Work...

Ok...I have worked the past two days and I am worn out!  I am so thankful that I only work two days a week...but those two days are tough sometimes.  Some days the job is ok...others not so much.  Like today.  My job is not easy....although some people might think so.  I do ultrasounds for all the patients in the hospital and we do them in their room.  So, this means that I have to push a HUGE (it's like 12 years old and ridiculously heavy) machine all over the hospital all day long.  Then when I get to a patient room I have to rearrange their furniture (bed, multiple chairs, cots, bedside toilets, IV poles, lunch trays, bedside tables,ventilators, you get the point) to get the HUGE machine into the room so I can do the exam.  Then there is the actual exam...which I won't I won't even get into how hard this part can be...I'll just say that people aren't skinny :(


So needless to say, this is getting harder the bigger I get!  


Oh and I am on call as I type this.  Which means at any minute my phone could go off and I have to put my scrubs back on, drive back to the hospital and do all of the above again.  (by the way, no one tells you in school how HORRID ultrasound call is...not fair)


I hate to complain because there are times when I love my job....just not today.  It really makes me wonder if I am making the right decision to go back to work after baby girl is born.  My husband would like for me to stop working now...although he supports me if I want to keep working.  I know that I am so lucky to have the option of not working.  I think I am just scared to quit work and be a stay at home mom...what if I'm not good at it?  


Ugh...such a tough decision.  I guess I will just see how things go.  The plan right now is to go back after 3 months off.  Although, if I actually sleep well tonight and my phone rings at 3 am and I have to go in for some non-emergent "emergency", I very well may change my mind about that!

Valentine's and Orange Juice

First of all, I want to thank all of you who commented on my last two posts.  It really means a lot to me to hear from you girls that are reading my blog.  I love y'all!!!


Hope everyone is having a great weekend.  I know I have because it has been 60 degrees and sunny here and that always helps.

I have had to work all weekend but the guy we just hired took my night time call last night and tonight....I really heart him!  It is pretty super working with a guy (hard to find a male in my field) that just got out of school and is totally gung-ho about taking call as much as possible so he can save money.  That ship has totally sailed for me.  I want to work my hours and then be done.  I would be ok not taking any call but I don’t have that option where I work.  I am on call every 7th weekend and every other Thursday, which I know is not bad AT ALL (compared to what I did when I was full time), but I despise call.  Getting out of bed and driving to the hospital multiple times a night gets old really fast.  Not to mention it is usually to scan a pregnant girl, who is 17, has a baby with her, and reeks of cigarettes.  This is not good for an infertile girl......I have had to bite my tongue many times and I have also cried on the way home multiple times.  Seriously, there are so many stories.  Sometimes my profession is absolute torture....but I do love it most of the time! 

Sooooo.....tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  We don’t have big plans at all.  I think we are going to go out to dinner because, honestly, I don’t want to clean the kitchen.  I mean....I like it when we cook together but we don’t clean together and this girl is tired.  I am not a big fan of going out to dinner on Valentine’s because of the crowds and the prix fixe menus but I think I’ll make an exception this time!  Last Valentine’s Day my honey cooked me an awesome meal and we drank lots of wine....

Rigatoni pasta with sausage and peppers

Terrible picture but here we are!  I look like I have been crying and probably was.  This was just after our first IUI had failed and I had been convinced it had worked :(

So we drank tons of this!

The year before that (2009) I was really into making cakes (which I want to get back into) so I made him a cake.  It was presh....

Cake next to the pink roses he got me

All I really want to do this Valentine's Day is hang out with my honey.  He has been so busy at work and I have been so flippin' crazy through all this IVF stuff so we haven't really gotten to spend quality time together.  I want to go out and eat yummy dinner, come home and watch a movie while we snuggle on the couch with our sweet baby(ies).  This sounds ahhh-mazing to me!  


Speaking of baby(ies).....this is what is sitting next to me as I type this....

This stuff is my best friend.  I can not get enough!  It's not a craving but I am just so thirsty all the time and water is getting old.  I have never been a huge fan of OJ but it looked yums at the store so I made the purchase.  Pumped that I did because it is rocking my world!  Oh and I don't have a glass next to me....I have the whole container :)


Hope y'all have a great day tomorrow with your sweeties!!

Hello Blog World!

OK so here I go!  I have been wanting to start a blog for about a year now but I kept making excuses not to.  Well I am running out of reasons not to do it!  I have been reading some blogs for a while now and I just love the support that you girls give to each other through the good times and the bad.  And blogging just seems like fun!  So here I go....

Top 3 reasons to start blogging

1. I want to document my life.  I have always kept some form of journal/diary and blogging to me seems similar but way more fun!
2. I want to share my story.  My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over 2 1/2 years.  
3. I want to “meet” new friends that have been through some of the things that I have been through.  It is hard going through this when no one in real life understands!

Ok so I guess the first thing is to introduce myself!  

My name is Kelly and I am a southern girl from Arkansas (GO HOGS!!).  This is not to be confused with a country girl from Arkansas.  Nothing wrong with country girls at all...trust me I love them and are friends with LOTS of them...it is just that I am not one and I wouldn’t want you to be confused!  For example, I about lost my mind when I came home the other day from work and my husband had a deer strung up in our backyard.  

Top 3 things that went through my head

1. Who is this man covered in deer nasty and what has he done with my husband?
2. I cannot believe there is a dismembered dead deer all over my grass.
3. What does this man plan on doing with all this deer nasty?

(DISCLAIMER: I have no problem with hunting, people who hunt, or eating the things that one hunts.....I just do not want to see it in my yard.  Thanks!)

OK so long story short about the deer.  It was killed in our front yard, which is crazy because I live in a subdivision not the middle of the woods.  My husband had not dressed a deer since he was like a teenager so he thought that he would give it a go.  Boys are weird....

ANYWAY, a few more things about me.  I have been married to my husband for a little over 3 years and we have been together for 5 1/2 years.  He is wonderful and we were totally made for each other.  I could write an entire post about him....maybe I will?  

Here is a couple of pictures of us

Had to add a wedding pic ;)

in our Razorback Red

I am a sonographer which means that I do ultrasounds.  I work at a hospital and not a clinic so we do all types of ultrasounds (kidney, liver, gallbladder, babies, thyroid, arteries, veins, the list goes on and on).  And I mean all types!!  My coworkers and I have a motto “If you got it, we can scan it!”  I have many stories....

I am 28 years old and fast approaching 29.  This alone does not bother me at all.  The thing that bothers me is that I thought I would be a mother at the age of 26.  I am still not a mother.  And 30 is staring DI-RECTLY at me!!!

Ok quick backstory....

I was not the girl that constantly dreamed of her wedding day.  Nor was I the girl that dreamed of the day I would become a mother.  I never really thought about these things when I was growing up.  It is not that I didn’t want them at all.  I was just more concerned with sports and friends and my mom (I SO LOVE MY MOM IT IS CRAZY) than the future.    

BUT

Something happens when you meet that man

Something happens when you fall insanely in love

Something happens when you dedicate your life to someone

Something happens when you get married and start your life together

I was a very independent girl.  My goal was never to meet a man, have babies, and be a stay at home mom.  I wanted to get my education, get a good job, and support myself.  This comes from my mother always telling me to make my own money.  I did accomplish these things but very soon after I was set up on a date with my honey.  And like I said....SOMETHING HAPPENS!!!!

SOOOOO......About six months after Hubs and I got married we decided it was time to get off “the pill”.

That was May 2008.

It is now January 2011.

It has been a long road.

It has been a hard road.

It has been a scary road.

I know that my journey is not the longest, the hardest, or the scariest.  But it is mine and it still frickin’ SUCKS!!!  If I ever had one wish....it would be for all those women out there who have the desire in their hearts to have children for it to be easy.  No one can possibly know the pain that comes with infertility unless they have been through it.  I had such a hard time in the beginning of my journey because the things people would say to me would just...well, piss me off!  

So, I turned to Google to get info.  

I happened upon an infertility blog.  

I read many of your stories.  

I felt better.  

I was not alone.  

And now here I am.......sharing my story with the blog world :)

Thanks for listening....if you did!

Kelly