And we're back!

We got home from Denver yesterday.  Always happy to be home.  And coming home on a Tuesday was the best idea I've ever had because Juanet cleans my house on Tuesdays so yeah...clean kitchen, clean sheets, clean everything.  Amazing.  

Anyway, the trip went good.  We flew out in the evening Saturday so we really only had Sunday to explore and a little bit late Monday evening after our all day appointment.  

This is the first time she got her own seat.  

Waiting for the train.  She kept saying CHOO CHOO!  

Sharing lunch at the airport.  

Blakely did great on the plane rides.  We had a layover in Houston on the way there so that made the ride a bit longer.  She did not nap so about 20 minutes before we landed in Denver, at like 8pm, she was totally over it.  She was so so sleepy.  She didn't cry but she just kept telling me that she wanted to go to bed (never has said that before).  I tried to get her to watch a Mic.key and she said "me not want to".  Tried to get her to eat a snack and again "me not want to".  I knew she would be asleep the second we put her in the car and she was.  When we got to the hotel I carried her up and sat her on the bed so I could unpack her jammies.  She literally went to sleep right then and I had to undress and dress her while she slept.  I have never seen her so tired!  She slept for like 14 hours!  

On Sunday we lounged for a bit and then went to brunch.  We did not take a stroller and we didn't need one.  But I will say if we ever spend any amount of time in a downtown city-like place again we will take a stroller.  I can't tell you how nervous I was with her just walking along the side of busy streets.  I don't know how you city mamas do it!  I was a nervous wreck.  

Do you see that death grip I have on her hand?  

My husband captured this picture of her and I seriously love it.  

We walked around downtown until it was time for a nap.  After naps for us all we walked around some more and then went to dinner.  That evening I was starting to get a little anxious about our appointment the next day.  Our suite had a huge jacuzzi tub so I decided to take full advantage to try and relax a little so I could sleep.  It definitely helped.  

On Monday we had to be at the clinic at 6:45.  I mean that is seriously early.  They handed us a ginorm binder and we sat through a long class with 6 other couples.  We didn't really learn anything new in the class because it was all about IVF and stuff that I already knew.  But after that we got to meet our nurse and she was great.  We got to ask her questions and she was very knowledgable.  She actually answered most of the questions we had before we even met with the doctor.  We are assigned to her so we will be dealing with her throughout the process.  After signing about 400 things with her then we moved on to blood work.  They took about 15 vials from me.  I did not feel awesome.  Then we met with a lady from the lab and signed a million more things.  Then we had to meet with the business office and go over the cost of everything.  Lonnie and I did all of this together but then we were split up so I could get my ultrasound and he could go do his thing.  Bless him.  I don't even think I could count the number of times he has had to give his sample at a doctor's office.  If I had to guess I'd say over twenty.  What a trooper he is.  :)  

All of that took about 5 hours.  We were starving!  At noon we finally had a little break before our last two appointments at 1.  They have a little kiosk there with salads, fruits and pre made sandwiches.  We sat outside and enjoyed the AMAZING weather and ate our lunch.  

I had my hysteroscopy at one.  I was definitely nervous about this procedure before being called back.  But then the nurse told me that it really only takes 1-2 minutes.  That made me feel better because I know I can handle anything for a minute!  It wasn't near as bad as I had imagined.  I guess once you have a baby the pain tolerance down there is a tiny bit higher.  ;)  

After that we went and got Lonnie and she took us into a conference room to talk with Dr. S.  We had a good convo with him and he again told me that he thinks their lab can help us.  We talked about some of the concerns I had and I feel much better after hearing what he had to say.  There are lots of details here but I will spare you....at least for today because you know I will want to document those here at some point, maybe when we have a specific plan in place!  We left there feeling really good.  Like we are definitely going to do it.  We've talked about it since and we both think this is the best place for us.  They have their shit together unlike my old clinic.  I can trust them and I can relinquish control and let them do what they know how to do.  That actually feels really good.  I know if we were to try again at our old clinic I would be worried about every detail and questioning/second guessing their every move.  Here I don't have to worry about that which will mean I won't be as stressed with can only help the outcome if you ask me!  

Anyway, I was missing my baby girl like crazy.  I couldn't get back to her fast enough.  She stayed at the hotel with Bob (MIL) while we were out.  I think they just rode the elevators and opened/closed the door to our room the entire time.  Blakely is obviously in love with elevators.  She does not get that from her mama.  When we got back to her we went right outside to walk around.  Since she had been cooped up all day she needed some fresh air.  We stopped and she ate dinner while Lonnie and I enjoyed some adult beverages (much needed after the long day).  

Trying to get her ready for bed.  She thought sleeping with mom and dad meant party all night.  Then she would pass out and sleep like a rock while Lonnie and I tossed and turned all night.  She gets her own bed next time!  

Our flight home the next morning was direct and that made it so much easier.  It's a little less than 2 hours and Blakely did awesome again.  

I wish we had more time to go sightseeing but maybe next time.  Because I am pretty sure there is going to be a next time.  EEEK!    

an infertility update (I am so tired of that word...)

Not that any of you are keeping up (I know some are but...I also know the details of all of this are a wee bit boring too) we had our consult with our current infertility doctor (Dr. B) at the end of January, right after our consult with our potentially new doctor in Denver.  You can read all about our Denver consult here.  

Anyway, since it has been a while I thought I would drop a few lines and update on what is currently going on and how our appointment went with our Dr. B.  

First of all after talking to Dr. B I was just even more confused.  He said all the right things and did offer us some new ideas if we were to try for a 6th IVF (supplements prior to IVF to help with egg quality, endometrial biopsy to help embryos stick, etc).  He talked to us about some of the things they do in Denver and what he thought about it.  He said he would be happy to follow us here (labs, ultrasounds) if we chose to go to Denver and they would even try to help me out with getting some medication to help lower the cost.  (Gah...the cost). He talked to us for a good hour and it was good.  It is not Dr. B that I don't have faith in.  I believe if he were to do every single thing related to our case that he would and he would do it right.  But he can't. There are ancillary people all around that draw blood, schedule, make phone calls, order meds, etc and those are the people I do not trust.  How can I after what happened last time? And then there is the difference in the labs.  Which I talked about in the post I linked to above.  We both still feel strongly about the difference in the labs.  

So Lonnie and I left there and decided to take some time to decide which clinic to go to.  We agreed that we trusted Dr. B but maybe not the clinic in general at this moment in time.  But we were not completely sold on the other clinic either.

To proceed in Denver you have to fly out there for a full day of testing.  Once that testing is done then they come up with a plan and go forward from there.  You have to do this testing between day 5-13 on your cycle.  In early February I went ahead an made an appointment for this testing because it looked like my period and Lonnie's days off would coincide in March.  Miracle of miracles.  As the time began approaching I told Lonnie we really needed to decide what we were going to do.  We talked about it and realized that we needed to talk to our doctor in Denver and get some more questions answered.  We could do the testing, have another chat with Dr. S and then we could make a final decision.  

So that is where we are.  Our appointment is next week.  We are taking Blakely with us because I have the overwhelming desire to have her with me.  I don't know why but I want her near.  She is my happy and I need her there.  We are taking my mother in law so she can watch Blakely while we are at the actual appointment and we are staying a few extra days to make a little trip out of it.  I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.  I hope that we leave there feeling confidant in our decision to go for our 6th IVF.  I hope I don't throw up when they shove a metal scope into my uterus (with no sedation or pain meds I might add...WTH?).  I hope we have a good conversation with the doctor and he gives us a solid plan for what to do next.  If I am being completely honest I think we have made the decision to not use our previous clinic.  But I don't think we have decided that Dr. S is the right fit for us.  I hope to come out of this appointment feeling certain that he is.  I'll update early next week!  

A few appointments

Last week I took Blakely to her 15 month check up.  I never worry about taking her to these visits because she loves people and she is never scared.  

Well consider me worried about the next one!  

My sweet girl started screaming from the second we walked into the room until we walked out of the room at the end.  Geez.  

You should have seen me and the nurse trying to get her to be still so her head could be measured.  It was not fun.  Not fun at all.  

I am sure most of these appointments are the same everywhere.  The nurse checks her weight, height, and head circumference.  She leaves and the doctor comes in and does his thing.  Listens to her heart/lungs, mashes on her belly, looks in her ears and mouth, and takes any questions, etc.  Then nurse comes back in with shots.  Done.  

After her stats were taken and she had completely flipped her shit, I texted Lonnie and told him.  He blew me off (because she never acts like that) until he called and could hear her still screaming.  I'm not even kidding when I tell you that it took me a good 10 minutes to get her to chill.  Crackers, water, milk, books, and even my CELL PHONE would not do the trick.  I was sweating like a crazy person.  

Then our pedi comes in.  Blakely is not scared of other people.  She waves and grins at every single person in Walm.art...to the point where our trips there take twice as long as they should because of all the old people we have to chat with.  Well, as soon as she sees Dr. W she flips her shit again.  He and I had to talk over her the whole time.  The only time she wasn't actively screaming was when he let her play with his stethoscope.  But as soon as he tried to touch her with it, the jig was up.  You should have seen him trying to look in her mouth!  She hates that.  I have no clue how many teeth she has because she won't let me look.  Once I finally corralled all of her limbs and he pried her mouth open, he said, "Wow, she is getting a full set of molars and a few others too!"  Yeah, maybe that is why she is so sassy and cranky these days.

Thank goodness this visit was short.  I didn't have any questions and everything looked great for B.  He could tell that I was shocked by how B reacted to being there.  I just couldn't believe she was so freaked out!  He said this visit is always the hardest and she was acting completely normal for a 15 month check up.  I just laughed and thought no way in hell am I bringing her to the 18 month check up without Lonnie...no way in hell.  These toddlers are totally unpredictable.  

this is how Lonnie found us when he got home from work that day.  on the kitchen floor...just surviving until he got there....

She actually did pretty good with the shots.  I think she had just screamed herself out already so she didn't have much left in her.  

Good news is that our girl is doing wonderfully!  She has always been in the 50th percentile for height and weight.  She stayed there for weight this time but she jumped to the 90th percentile for height!   I knew she had gotten tall when she started pulling things off of the counter.  She is 32 inches tall and 22 pounds 10 ounces.  He asked me how many words she says and I had to think for a minute.  I've never really counted or known a number.  I did a quick rundown in my head and guessed about 10.  Once I had more time to think about it I think it might be more but I'm not sure.  I'll make a list for her 16 month post in a few weeks.  I am so happy to have a healthy growing girl.  I know how lucky we are to have her!  

As soon as this appointment was over, B and I got in the car and drove to my appointment (for IVF #4).  I had to go in for day 3 labs.  I had my mother in law meet me at the clinic because I knew it would turn into more than just labs and there is no way I can have B there with me.  MIL entertained her while I was getting labs, ultrasound, and a trial transfer.  He said we needed to to the trial transfer because everything is different in there since I had a baby.  No kidding.  

Anyway, everything looked great!  I got to start taking the birth control pills about a week ago (right after that appointment).  I start Lupron injections on the 13th.  On the 20th, I go in for labs to make sure I am suppressed and then we can start with the stimulation meds.  It is looking like a retrieval the first week of March and then a transfer soon after that.  My birthday is March 17th so hopefully I will be getting great news around that time!  

Sweet story....  There weren't that many people at the clinic that day, which is totally amazing.  I had told my MIL if more than one couple came into the waiting room to take Blakely out into the hallway.  (You know, because people who are trying to have a baby don't really need a baby shoved in their face). They are always so busy so I figured MIL and B were outside or in the car or something.  Well, when I was having my lab drawn the girl asked me if I was the mother of the dancing baby in the waiting room.  It took me a second and then I thought YES!  Yes, I'm sure I am!  Before I went back out there, I peeked around the corner and, sure enough, Blakely had MIL's phone, with the music turned on, shaking her booty all around the waiting room.  It was adorable.  There were no other couples out there thank goodness.  I'm sure I worry about that too much but I just try to think how I would have felt before I had Blakely.  Anyway, I am the mother of the dancing baby in the waiting room.  so awesome.  Hopefully soon, I'll be pregnant with another little dancer :)

always carrying around Nanabob's phone....

We are going to do it...IVF #4

After talking with Lonnie, we decided to go ahead with IVF #4 to expand our family.  We did not see any reason to wait a few months.  I mean...what would we be waiting for?  January and February are pretty slow months for us so it just makes sense.  We have vacations already planned for April and May so we don't want to wait until then and have to worry about that.  

We had an appointment on Tuesday to discuss things with the doctor.  I thought it was not necessary but I am actually glad they made us come in for a consult.  

We talked to Dr. M about some medication changes.  I wanted to do the same thing we did for our third IVF that was successful.  On that cycle I took Follistim and Luveris together and I had not done that previously...just the Follistim.  He said that they do not make Luveris anymore so I would need to take Menopur, which I have heard of through blogs but have never taken.  Menopur is made to be taken with Bravelle, another med that I have never taken.  So I can either take Follistim & Menopur (not made to be mixed together so it would mean another shot), or Bravelle & Menopur (made to be mixed together so only one shot).  

The reason I didn't take Bravelle and Menopur the first three IVF's is because I had insurance coverage and they only paid for Follistim.  I have since met my lifetime infertility max on my insurance so nothing is covered for this cycle.  Wonderful.  I do realize how lucky we were to have any coverage at all so I am trying not to be frustrated with that.  But writing that very large check was hard....but will be so worth it I know.  

He basically left it up to us as to which meds to take.  He said they use the Bravelle and Menopur combo with most of their IVF's because it is cheaper but, in his experience, there is no difference in ovarian response between the two medications.  I am not sure how to decide this.  I just want to respond well and have plenty of eggs.  I responded well with the Folli so I am a bit nervous to try something new.  But if this is what they use most of the time and have success then why not use that and save a few bucks?  I just don't know...  If any of you have taken both of these medications, could you tell a difference?  Did you have a different response?  

So the plan is this...

I will call them when I start my period.  I am on day 18 of my cycle right now.  I will go in for labs on day 3.  Since I haven't had day 3 labs since 2010 they want to just check my hormones and make sure I will respond to the meds in a similar fashion.  As long as that looks good I will start birth control pills on day 5.  The IVF nurse will send me a calendar and get my meds ordered that day.  I have to decide on what medication (Follistim vs. Bravelle) by then.  I guess I will do some research and have Lonnie do the same.  I'm just not sure how to decide.  

I am excited and totally nervous at the same time.  I feel like a seasoned IVF veteran.  I know what to expect so I do think that helps me.  I know what to expect so I think that stresses me as well!  I'm definitely not looking forward to that huge bloated feeling or getting a needle shoved through my vagina multiple times.  Ouch.  But I will do whatever it takes.  I can do this and I will do this.  I am excited and hopeful that this can work.

We are not keeping this as much of a secret as we did with the FET.  I mean we aren't shouting it from the rooftops (or blasting it on FB or Ins.tagram) but some family members and some friends will know.  I have to have help with B while going through all of this since there are so many appointments involved.

There ya go.  IVF #4 will be underway in about 10-14 days.  

My hope for this cycle is this.  I hope that I respond well to the medication and they are able to retrieve many eggs.  (I have had 14,14, and 19 eggs retrieved before).  I hope they are able to make healthy embryos.  I hope this is the cycle that I get pregnant with Blakely's sibling.  I hope getting someone to watch Blakely through all of this is easy.  I hope that Lonnie getting off of work for the necessary appointments is easy.  I hope I am able to stay calm and not get too stressed out about any one little thing.  I hope I stay sane and stay nice to my husband.

I just hope this works!  

I made the call...

So, I just made the call to my doctor. (like 45 seconds ago!)

I left a message saying that I was wanting to go ahead and make an appointment to talk about starting with our frozen embryo transfer.  

YIKES!  

I don't know why it seems so intimidating.  I was so nervous to leave a message for the nurses.  I mean it just brings back so many memories.  All bad/negative/depressing/sad.  Ugh.  It is so hard to go back to that place (that physical place).  But mainly I am worried about going back to that emotional place.  That is not a fun place to be in.  I was there for almost three years and in a REALLY bad spot for over a year (3 IVF's will do that).  I don't want to be that sad ever again.  I know it will probably be different because I have my miracle baby now but I won't know that until I go for it.  

The logistics of a FET or a full fresh IVF (please let the FET work) will be much harder this time, of course.  I really don't want to take Blakely there.  I am sure that there will be a time that I will have to but I am going to do everything in my power to not take her in there.  I remember being that girl in the waiting room and another girl there had her baby with her.  In a way, it gave me hope but mostly it made me want to run away and cry.  Those were not good days.  

When I was about 8 months pregnant my husband needed to get back on some medication that made his sperm count go way down (testosterone..see the our journey tab at the top for more info).  We decided to have some of his sperm frozen for future use in IVF's just in case when he got off of the meds his count didn't go back up.  We had to go to this same office three different times for him to give his sample.  

***sidenote that he might kill me for*** I am so proud of my husband for this.  He has had to do a semen analysis at least 15 times...all at the office.  He is a rockstar....he never complains to me about.  He just knows that it has to be done and he does it.  That has always made things so much easier on me...I never had to worry about him whining about this very inconvenient fact of infertility!***  I love you honey...don't be mad!  ;)

Anyway, I was 8 months pregnant.  I refused to go into that waiting room with him!  I mean, when I was struggling with IF I don't know what I would have done if a big ole pregnant belly walked up in that clinic!  He went in without me and when they called him back he told the nurse I was outside.  They snuck me in the back door!  A think a pregnant belly is harder on an infertile girl than a baby...at least it was for me.  

I am about 2% worried about the logistics of all of this.  I am 98% worried that I am going to go back to that unstable, crazy, depressed shadow of my normal self that I was for so long.  I don't want that.  I am scared of that.  I want to be a good mom to Blakely and I don't know that I can do that if I get that depressed again.  

So, yeah, I am worried.  But I am also excited.  Excited that we do have 2 frozen embryos.  Our last cycle was the only one where they were able to freeze any.  Excited to hopefully be pregnant again soon.  I miss it so much!  Excited to make my husband a daddy again.  He has been ready to have another baby for about 6 months!  

Here we go.  Scared, worried, excited, happy, sad...whatever emotional roller coaster I am in for, I am in...all in.  I have my little pea pod to come home to this time and that is more than I could have ever asked for.  I thought for a long tim that we might not ever get our happy ending but we did.  So whatever happens from here is just a bonus.

We Have Embryos!

The clinic called me this morning.  They said out of the 19 eggs, 10 were able to be ICSI’d.  Out of those 10, six fertilized normally.  SIX!!!  WE HAVE SIX EMBRYOS!!!  If you can’t tell I am excited!  Like seriously excited.....  This is the best cycle we have had so far.  

They will call me in the morning with a more detailed report, which will tell us how well they are dividing and how many cells they are.  

My hopes are up.  There is no other way for me to put it.  They are up....way up.  I’m not sure why.  I guess because everything has gone so well so far.  But I have been through this before...this emotional roller coaster, and I know that at any minute it can all come crashing down.  I think that is the hardest part of infertility.  The up and down, up and down.  We have been trying to conceive for over 2 1/2 years.  We have been on this roller coaster for 2 1/2 years.

At first, the roller coaster was not all that bad (I say this now....ya know hindsight is 20/20).  It was just monthly.  Use ovulation tests, have timed intercourse, get excited, start period and get crushed.  This went on for nine months.  

After that the ups and downs of the roller coaster are more often.  Doctor appointments, semen analysis, ultrasounds, IUI’s, labs, blah, blah, blah.  Just searching for the answer to why we aren’t pregnant and hoping one month we will get a surprise.  

Then on to IVF, which is a daily/hourly roller coaster.  The medications do not help this little problem at all.  I can go from feeling really great about everything to sobbing uncontrollably because I know it isn’t going to work.  This does not help ones sanity.

I think the reason I am surprised at my hopefulness this IVF is because I have felt pretty hopeful the entire time.  Sure, I have had some low moments but over all I have kept it positive and had a good feeling about the outcome.  This has not happened in either of my other two IVF’s.  I know that I might get crushed, and if I do I will pick myself up and figure out what to do next.  I always do.  But, I really hope that is not the case.  I really hope that this is it.  

As of right now I am the mommy of six tiny and beautiful embryos.  I am so proud of them already, I can’t believe it.

GROW BABIES GROW!!! 

Where are we now?

As far as baby making goes, we are smack in the middle of IVF #3.  I have put a timeline up on my blog to give you a brief overview of how we got here.  Basically IVF #1 was a total bust....we didn’t have any eggs fertilize.  But we did learn why we haven’t been able to conceive.  The covering around my eggs (zona pellucida) is very thick so the sperm are not able to penetrate.  This is actually a pretty rare thing.  My doctor told me over the phone the day after my retrieval (as I sat trying not to sob into the phone) that this only happens at their clinic about once every four years.  I am so special.  My eggs are frickin’ fortresses.  Awesome...

So on to IVF #2...this time with ICSI.  Everything went smoothly.  I mean I wish we could have gotten more mature eggs but beggars can’t be choosers now can they?  We only got three embryos but, to be totally honest, I was just glad that they were able to make embryos.  I was worried that the concrete barrier that is my egg would prevent us from even being able make any at all.  We transferred 2, other one did not make it to freeze, got a big fat negative and decided that wifey needed a break.

That was three months ago.  I feel a lot better after a little break.  I think the New Year helped as well.  2010 was just not my year.  Not just because of the baby-making, or lack thereof, but just everything.  I am not going to list all of the things because I am moving on from 2010!!!  

So, IVF #3 is where we are now.  I am on my 7th day of stims.  Everything is going smoothly and I had my first ultrasound yesterday.  I had about 6-8 measurable follicles on my right ovary and about 4-5 on the left.  There were lots of other smaller ones that I hope will get bigger.  We are looking at a retrieval on Tuesday or Wednesday.  The only thing we are doing different this cycle is Luveris.  It is supposed to help increase my LH since it was borderline low.  It also helps increase the number and maturity of the eggs.  I am OK with this except when you inject this medicine it feels like you are injecting a thousand flaming swords.  Oh well, it is only for a minute and well worth it in the end I’m sure.  

So there you have it....IVF #3 is well underway.....

I am excited

I am super scared

I am anxious

I am over thinking everything

I am driving myself and my husband crazy :)

Let’s hope this works because I don’t know where to go from here if it doesn’t.......


Kelly

Hello Blog World!

OK so here I go!  I have been wanting to start a blog for about a year now but I kept making excuses not to.  Well I am running out of reasons not to do it!  I have been reading some blogs for a while now and I just love the support that you girls give to each other through the good times and the bad.  And blogging just seems like fun!  So here I go....

Top 3 reasons to start blogging

1. I want to document my life.  I have always kept some form of journal/diary and blogging to me seems similar but way more fun!
2. I want to share my story.  My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over 2 1/2 years.  
3. I want to “meet” new friends that have been through some of the things that I have been through.  It is hard going through this when no one in real life understands!

Ok so I guess the first thing is to introduce myself!  

My name is Kelly and I am a southern girl from Arkansas (GO HOGS!!).  This is not to be confused with a country girl from Arkansas.  Nothing wrong with country girls at all...trust me I love them and are friends with LOTS of them...it is just that I am not one and I wouldn’t want you to be confused!  For example, I about lost my mind when I came home the other day from work and my husband had a deer strung up in our backyard.  

Top 3 things that went through my head

1. Who is this man covered in deer nasty and what has he done with my husband?
2. I cannot believe there is a dismembered dead deer all over my grass.
3. What does this man plan on doing with all this deer nasty?

(DISCLAIMER: I have no problem with hunting, people who hunt, or eating the things that one hunts.....I just do not want to see it in my yard.  Thanks!)

OK so long story short about the deer.  It was killed in our front yard, which is crazy because I live in a subdivision not the middle of the woods.  My husband had not dressed a deer since he was like a teenager so he thought that he would give it a go.  Boys are weird....

ANYWAY, a few more things about me.  I have been married to my husband for a little over 3 years and we have been together for 5 1/2 years.  He is wonderful and we were totally made for each other.  I could write an entire post about him....maybe I will?  

Here is a couple of pictures of us

Had to add a wedding pic ;)

in our Razorback Red

I am a sonographer which means that I do ultrasounds.  I work at a hospital and not a clinic so we do all types of ultrasounds (kidney, liver, gallbladder, babies, thyroid, arteries, veins, the list goes on and on).  And I mean all types!!  My coworkers and I have a motto “If you got it, we can scan it!”  I have many stories....

I am 28 years old and fast approaching 29.  This alone does not bother me at all.  The thing that bothers me is that I thought I would be a mother at the age of 26.  I am still not a mother.  And 30 is staring DI-RECTLY at me!!!

Ok quick backstory....

I was not the girl that constantly dreamed of her wedding day.  Nor was I the girl that dreamed of the day I would become a mother.  I never really thought about these things when I was growing up.  It is not that I didn’t want them at all.  I was just more concerned with sports and friends and my mom (I SO LOVE MY MOM IT IS CRAZY) than the future.    

BUT

Something happens when you meet that man

Something happens when you fall insanely in love

Something happens when you dedicate your life to someone

Something happens when you get married and start your life together

I was a very independent girl.  My goal was never to meet a man, have babies, and be a stay at home mom.  I wanted to get my education, get a good job, and support myself.  This comes from my mother always telling me to make my own money.  I did accomplish these things but very soon after I was set up on a date with my honey.  And like I said....SOMETHING HAPPENS!!!!

SOOOOO......About six months after Hubs and I got married we decided it was time to get off “the pill”.

That was May 2008.

It is now January 2011.

It has been a long road.

It has been a hard road.

It has been a scary road.

I know that my journey is not the longest, the hardest, or the scariest.  But it is mine and it still frickin’ SUCKS!!!  If I ever had one wish....it would be for all those women out there who have the desire in their hearts to have children for it to be easy.  No one can possibly know the pain that comes with infertility unless they have been through it.  I had such a hard time in the beginning of my journey because the things people would say to me would just...well, piss me off!  

So, I turned to Google to get info.  

I happened upon an infertility blog.  

I read many of your stories.  

I felt better.  

I was not alone.  

And now here I am.......sharing my story with the blog world :)

Thanks for listening....if you did!

Kelly