Well...

I have quite a bit to say but about zero energy to type to all out but I am going to try!  We just got home from Blakely's first three year old gymnastics class.  We have been in the Mommy and me class for almost 2 years but I don't get to go into this new class.  She did really good.  It makes me tear up to watch her from behind the mirror.  Just seeing my big girl with eager eyes watching everything that is going on around her and trying to learn all the things at once, man, it pulls at my heart strings.  This class is quite a bit more structured and that is a good thing.  She wanted to run off to the trampolines a couple of times but didn't.  She will get used to following her teachers.  

She is finally back to 100%.  It seemed like she was ill for the longest time.  It all started with a runny nose for a few days and then the puking started.  She had never thrown up before so she was and still is completely traumatized by it.  The last time she threw up was Saturday night so she went to MDO Tuesday morning like normal.  About an hour in I got a call that she broke out in a rash.  They sent me pictures and then I went to pick her up.  It went away after a few hours so I chalked it up to being part of the virus...common.  She was fine the rest of the day so I planned to sent her back to MDO on Wednesday but that morning while getting dressed she broke out again!  Her hands and feet turned really red and she said they itched.  She had a few splotches on her face and chest.  Weird.  So I started wondering if it was some sort of allergic reaction.  I called the doctor but he was out sick until today.  I didn't want to see the nurse practitioner so I just gave her some Ben.adryl and it went away and she was fine the rest of the day.  Mainly I didn't want to go sit at the office waiting to be worked in and expose both of us to all the germs.  I said if she did it again this morning I would take her in but she didn't.  So I am thinking it was just the end of the virus she had.  Lets hope it doesn't happen again.  

We are planning on having her birthday party next Sunday.  She is so excited about it again now that she is feeling better.  Since it was a last minute cancellation I still had to pick up the cake.  It was so adorable and I am going to have her make another one for the actual party. We are still eating on this one but I think I am going to throw it out today.  Must stop eating cake.  

We are having some fall type weather here and it is so nice.  I've got my doors and windows open today.  I also have my fall candles going and I am making soup for dinner tonight.  Love this time of year.  I am ready to paint pumpkins but my house is still decorated for the party that didn't happen.  Kind of in a holding pattern on that for now.  

Lonnie has to take his board recertification soon and I am not thrilled about him flying through Dallas with all this Eb.ola stuff going on.  Now I am not one of the many that are panicking (I have seen some crazy stuff out there.  For example...I saw someone on FB say that Ob.ama had the first guy infected so there would be an outbreak to help with population control.  I mean....I had to delete them immediately).  If Lonnie was flying through any place else I wouldn't worry at all.  I just worry about someone who was exposed to the patient who died getting on the airplane like they are not supposed to do.  I told him he has to take a mask and if anyone is puking or bleeding then rent a frickin' car.  Ha!  Lonnie has assured me not to worry.  I'm trying boo.  

And if you made it through all of that then you are rewarded with this.  I am so exhausted.  Like literally can't keep my eyes open past about 11 am and I am ready for bed at 6 pm Thank goodness Blakely still takes naps because I am ready for one right about now.  But I guess that is to be expected when you are growing two babies.  TWO BABIES.  

TWO BABIES!!!!!  

Like what I did there?  Now I am going to nap with my sweet three year old and dream about how in the world I am going to tell her she is going to be a big sister....times 2!  :)

an infertility update (I am so tired of that word...)

Not that any of you are keeping up (I know some are but...I also know the details of all of this are a wee bit boring too) we had our consult with our current infertility doctor (Dr. B) at the end of January, right after our consult with our potentially new doctor in Denver.  You can read all about our Denver consult here.  

Anyway, since it has been a while I thought I would drop a few lines and update on what is currently going on and how our appointment went with our Dr. B.  

First of all after talking to Dr. B I was just even more confused.  He said all the right things and did offer us some new ideas if we were to try for a 6th IVF (supplements prior to IVF to help with egg quality, endometrial biopsy to help embryos stick, etc).  He talked to us about some of the things they do in Denver and what he thought about it.  He said he would be happy to follow us here (labs, ultrasounds) if we chose to go to Denver and they would even try to help me out with getting some medication to help lower the cost.  (Gah...the cost). He talked to us for a good hour and it was good.  It is not Dr. B that I don't have faith in.  I believe if he were to do every single thing related to our case that he would and he would do it right.  But he can't. There are ancillary people all around that draw blood, schedule, make phone calls, order meds, etc and those are the people I do not trust.  How can I after what happened last time? And then there is the difference in the labs.  Which I talked about in the post I linked to above.  We both still feel strongly about the difference in the labs.  

So Lonnie and I left there and decided to take some time to decide which clinic to go to.  We agreed that we trusted Dr. B but maybe not the clinic in general at this moment in time.  But we were not completely sold on the other clinic either.

To proceed in Denver you have to fly out there for a full day of testing.  Once that testing is done then they come up with a plan and go forward from there.  You have to do this testing between day 5-13 on your cycle.  In early February I went ahead an made an appointment for this testing because it looked like my period and Lonnie's days off would coincide in March.  Miracle of miracles.  As the time began approaching I told Lonnie we really needed to decide what we were going to do.  We talked about it and realized that we needed to talk to our doctor in Denver and get some more questions answered.  We could do the testing, have another chat with Dr. S and then we could make a final decision.  

So that is where we are.  Our appointment is next week.  We are taking Blakely with us because I have the overwhelming desire to have her with me.  I don't know why but I want her near.  She is my happy and I need her there.  We are taking my mother in law so she can watch Blakely while we are at the actual appointment and we are staying a few extra days to make a little trip out of it.  I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.  I hope that we leave there feeling confidant in our decision to go for our 6th IVF.  I hope I don't throw up when they shove a metal scope into my uterus (with no sedation or pain meds I might add...WTH?).  I hope we have a good conversation with the doctor and he gives us a solid plan for what to do next.  If I am being completely honest I think we have made the decision to not use our previous clinic.  But I don't think we have decided that Dr. S is the right fit for us.  I hope to come out of this appointment feeling certain that he is.  I'll update early next week!  

some details

I ended my last post saying that Lonnie and I felt very encouraged after our phone consult.  I will give you a little rundown of why.  

We started off the conversation by going over my lengthy infertility history.  All of the testing and all of the procedures included.  Since this happened sooner than we had planned, my medical records had not yet made it to his office but he had gone over the detailed history forms I had filled out online.  

We talked a little about my thick zona pellucidas (covering around the eggs) and about the embryos we have made and how they grew (not many and not great, in general).  We talked about reasons why I didn’t produce many eggs during my last 2 IVF’s.  We talked about how we have always done our embryo transfers on day three and not day five.  Just basic infertility stuff really.  We broached the subject of donor eggs or embryos with him.  We are not ready to take that step yet but I wanted to know if he thought we should.  Was it worth another try for our own biological child?  His answer was a definite yes.  No hesitation, just yes.  He thinks he can help us if we want to try again.  He was very clear that if he thought we needed to go the route of donor eggs or embryos he would tell us.  That really made me feel better.  I know he doesn’t know all that much about me yet but I really needed someone to tell me that I (or my eggs specifically) were not a lost cause.  He was not salesman-like because, believe me, that would have turned me off instantly.  He just simply said we need more eggs, if possible, and we need to grow better embryos.  They have one of the best labs in the country and he went into many details on this subject.  Details I will save you from having to read ;)  

In my mind (and I believe in Lonnie’s as well) it all comes down to one thing.  The labs.  This doctor (Let’s call him Dr. S, I guess) told us that the greatest difference between any clinic is the lab.  The doctors trained in infertility are all very similar (yes, there are differences but generally speaking) and the medications used are generally the same anywhere you go.  All labs are different.  This is something Lonnie and I never thought that much about.  

I am trying hard to explain our feelings on this without everyone thinking that our old clinic has a bad lab.  They do not at all and I do not want anyone to think that!!  They are wonderful and they gave us our Blakely and other chances to get pregnant.  They succeed in making families on the daily.  They perform miracles and I am so so thankful for the work they have done for us and for their many other patients.  

That being said, apparently my case is not the easiest.  My thickened zonas have made it difficult to perform ICSI and then have made it difficult for the embryos to grow from there.  If I thought our old clinic was not good at what they do I wouldn’t have done 5 IVF’s with them!  I am just simply trying to explain how Lonnie and I are feeling and how we are trying to come to a decision on expanding our family.

We talked about the process of doing an IVF when you are 1,000 miles away.  Oh wait, I haven’t mentioned that?  Yeah, far far away.  It actually doesn’t seem as crazy once he explained the process in detail.  Although, still pretty crazy.  

Here is the deal and this is where Lonnie and I are right now.  No matter how many eggs I produce or how thick my zonas happen to be, we feel like this new clinic’s lab can do more with it.  And I don’t mean more as in number.  I mean more as in just please help us to get a few (one? two?  I’m not picky) good ones that will stick and complete our family.  We feel like we have tried multiple times with our old clinic and if we did that again we wouldn’t really be trying anything new or different.  This is very important to us as many of you can imagine.  We want to do everything possible to give us the best chance of expanding our family.  I know there will come a time when we have to jump off this baby making train and I want to do it knowing that we tried everything we could think of.  That we actually tried something different.  We are really leaning towards going for it with this new clinic in Denver.  Of course, “going for it” is a long process when you live this far away.

We still have our appointment with Dr. B this Thursday and I still want to hear what he has to say about another cycle.  But, if I’m being honest, I think our decision has already been made.  We will see how this all plays out but, like I said the other day, we have hope and that is worth so much to us.  

Funkity Funk

Gah.  I'm not sure what is going on but I am in a rut and neeeeed to get out.  I figured if I wrote a pity post then that would snap me right out!  Aren't you excited?  

Reasons for said funk...
1.  WEATHER.  I am over winter.  I know we have a mild winter compared to a lot of you but it seems like there have been more dark/rainy/gray/icy/gross days than sunny but still cold days.  Move on winter.

2.  I was sick last week.  Sick like whoa.  It started on Wednesday while B was at MDO but she was home with me the rest of the week.  I barely survived Thursday.  All I wanted was to curl up in a ball and she was like LET'S PLAY JUMP RUN TOYS FOOD POTTY MOM!  It was not easy.  She was especially NOT independent and she was not having the "night night" game which is usually a fave.  We made it through.  

pretty much sums it up...

3.  Lonnie was on call this weekend.  I was still sick so that makes for bayyyysically no fun at all.  

4.  I miss my Lonnie.  It seems that we haven't had any time just the 2 of us in 47 months.  I'm exaggerating.  You get my point.  We have a little getaway planned for the next time he is off so I am counting down the days...hours...minutes...  

5.  I am kind of at a loss as to what to do about wanting to try for another baby.  I've never felt this way about it.  Before I just called the clinic and we got started in that direction.  But since our clinic completely screwed us over in July I'm just not sure I can go back there.  So then what?  Any other clinic will require minimum of 5 hours of travel one way or a plane flight.  Does that sound easy to you?  No.  So here I sit just wavering on what to do next.  I am ready to do something I am just not sure what.  It makes me feel yucky.  

6.  I am starting to feel the need for a change around these parts.  I am sure all of the above whines lead my brain to thinking these things but I am just not feeling the stay at home mom gig right now.  The other day someone asked me what I had been up to.  Simple and innocent question.  But all I could come up with was shit.  I am sure they didn't want to hear about the fact that I had spent 3 hours that morning bribing Blakely to sit on the potty.  Recently she has become deathly afraid of pooping.  Apparently it hurt once or something so she was trying to hold it in.  No amount of marshmallow bribery would work.  We would play, she would grab her butt and yell poop, we would go to the toilet and she would jump right off of it.  Repeat every 30-45 seconds for 3 hours until we had success.  I literally could not come up with any other topic of conversation for my friend.  Probably an ex-friend now!  (I think we have since solved this problem.  Thank God because one more episode like that may have sent me to crazytown)  I am just itching to use my brain for something other than dishes, laundry, poop, bills, toddler games, dishes, cleaning, more toddler games, cooking, grocery shopping, more damn dishes, blah blah blah now I'm rambling.  See?  I have mushy brain.  

Ok.  I think that is enough.  Woe is me and I need to get over it.  I know and I will.  Riiiight after I show you a little of this.  

All photos by HER

I mean who could be in a funk after seeing those pics?  And these aren't even the best ones! Winter family pics for the win.  

Feel free to kick me in the booty for such a whiny post.  At least there are pictures?  

I forgot how hard this was.

IVF is hard.  I mean for real.  I forgot just how hard it was and this time I have a toddler.  Hard.    The hardest thing is how I feel.  I can figure out someone to take care of Blakely at the very last minute when I have appointments.  I can inject myself 4 times per night.  But these damn emotions.  They get me.  

This post will probably be all over the place because that is just how I feel right now.

I was really feeling good about this whole thing.  I mean we have Blakely....that is what matters.  I thought I could focus on that.  I can't really explain how all of these hormones make me feel.  It is like every single thing in my head is the biggest deal.  Every thing is so important even though, rationally, I know it isn't.  For example, I dropped a can of salsa this morning.  Normally I would just clean it up...no big deal.  Well I burst into tears because why do I have to drop the fucking salsa?  Another example.  I forgot to turn the dryer on last night. So now I have to re-wash all of those clothes.  I do this a lot...no big deal.  I got so frustrated this morning.  I was throwing the clothes back in the washer and near tears of frustration.  See?  I know these are stupid things to get worked up over but I get worked up anyway.  I don't have any control over it.  

Then there are the big things that actually do matter.  

Yesterday I had my first ultrasound since starting the stimulation meds.  I had been taking them every night for 5 nights.  Well I watched the ultrasound and I thought it looked okay.  Not the best ever but okay.  I had about 11 follicles that he measured and a few more smaller ones.  After he was finished he took me into his office to talk about how it looked and where we go from here.  The usual.  He started comparing it to my last IVF (#3...the one that worked..obvs).  I am not responding to the meds as well as I did last time.  He said we need more follicles and my estrogen needs to go up higher.  Ok.  Fine.  Let's add more meds.  Then he said he would call me after they got my labs back and he would either up my dose or CANCEL THE WHOLE THING.

I froze.  He had to be kidding.  But he wasn't.  I couldn't even ask him any questions for fear of crying all over his desk.  I just got the heck out of there.  I got to my car and proceeded to cry the entire way home.  An hour drive.  I called Lonnie and I'm not sure I even made any sense on the phone.  He kept telling me it was going to be ok.  He kept saying if this IVF got cancelled then we would just try again.  I know he was trying to make me feel better but I don't want to try again.  I want this one to work.  I am tired of this shit.  I just want to have our babies and move on from this IVF chapter of our lives.  We have been bogged down by infertility for so damn long.  It is exhausting.  I just wish sex made a baby for us.  Is that so much to ask?  

They called me late in the afternoon and said that my estrogen had gone up but it was still a little low.  He decided to up my medication for 2 days and see me back on Saturday.  I am really hoping for a good report tomorrow.  Bigger follicles, more follicles, and higher estrogen.  Please.  

So yeah.  It is a roller coaster.  I knew it was but I forgot just how severe these emotions can be.  By last night I was happy and feeling good about the whole thing again.

The doctor that I saw yesterday has made me cry before.  He is great and probably my favorite but he always prepares you for the worst case scenario.  I hate that.  On our first IVF after our first ultrasound he told me that I would probably only get 5 eggs and maybe no embryos.  I cried the whole way home...it was tragic (in my head anyway).  Well it turns out that by the next ultrasound 2 days later my body had kicked into gear and I had plenty of follicles.  I ended up with 14 eggs at retrieval.  I am hoping he is just telling me worst case scenario this time and it will all work out fine in the end.  At least that is what I am clinging to at this moment.  

 I just wanted this time to be a little easier.  It took 3 years to finally get pregnant with Blakely.  Three really hard years.  Countless timed cycles, too many ovulation tests to count, a million medical tests for both of us, more injections than either of us can remember, 4 IUI's, 3 IVF's, a shit ton of money, and a whole lot of depression.  But it was all worth it.  I would do it all again because she is the best thing that ever happened to us.  I need to keep reminding myself of that instead of having this ridiculous pity party.

A few appointments

Last week I took Blakely to her 15 month check up.  I never worry about taking her to these visits because she loves people and she is never scared.  

Well consider me worried about the next one!  

My sweet girl started screaming from the second we walked into the room until we walked out of the room at the end.  Geez.  

You should have seen me and the nurse trying to get her to be still so her head could be measured.  It was not fun.  Not fun at all.  

I am sure most of these appointments are the same everywhere.  The nurse checks her weight, height, and head circumference.  She leaves and the doctor comes in and does his thing.  Listens to her heart/lungs, mashes on her belly, looks in her ears and mouth, and takes any questions, etc.  Then nurse comes back in with shots.  Done.  

After her stats were taken and she had completely flipped her shit, I texted Lonnie and told him.  He blew me off (because she never acts like that) until he called and could hear her still screaming.  I'm not even kidding when I tell you that it took me a good 10 minutes to get her to chill.  Crackers, water, milk, books, and even my CELL PHONE would not do the trick.  I was sweating like a crazy person.  

Then our pedi comes in.  Blakely is not scared of other people.  She waves and grins at every single person in Walm.art...to the point where our trips there take twice as long as they should because of all the old people we have to chat with.  Well, as soon as she sees Dr. W she flips her shit again.  He and I had to talk over her the whole time.  The only time she wasn't actively screaming was when he let her play with his stethoscope.  But as soon as he tried to touch her with it, the jig was up.  You should have seen him trying to look in her mouth!  She hates that.  I have no clue how many teeth she has because she won't let me look.  Once I finally corralled all of her limbs and he pried her mouth open, he said, "Wow, she is getting a full set of molars and a few others too!"  Yeah, maybe that is why she is so sassy and cranky these days.

Thank goodness this visit was short.  I didn't have any questions and everything looked great for B.  He could tell that I was shocked by how B reacted to being there.  I just couldn't believe she was so freaked out!  He said this visit is always the hardest and she was acting completely normal for a 15 month check up.  I just laughed and thought no way in hell am I bringing her to the 18 month check up without Lonnie...no way in hell.  These toddlers are totally unpredictable.  

this is how Lonnie found us when he got home from work that day.  on the kitchen floor...just surviving until he got there....

She actually did pretty good with the shots.  I think she had just screamed herself out already so she didn't have much left in her.  

Good news is that our girl is doing wonderfully!  She has always been in the 50th percentile for height and weight.  She stayed there for weight this time but she jumped to the 90th percentile for height!   I knew she had gotten tall when she started pulling things off of the counter.  She is 32 inches tall and 22 pounds 10 ounces.  He asked me how many words she says and I had to think for a minute.  I've never really counted or known a number.  I did a quick rundown in my head and guessed about 10.  Once I had more time to think about it I think it might be more but I'm not sure.  I'll make a list for her 16 month post in a few weeks.  I am so happy to have a healthy growing girl.  I know how lucky we are to have her!  

As soon as this appointment was over, B and I got in the car and drove to my appointment (for IVF #4).  I had to go in for day 3 labs.  I had my mother in law meet me at the clinic because I knew it would turn into more than just labs and there is no way I can have B there with me.  MIL entertained her while I was getting labs, ultrasound, and a trial transfer.  He said we needed to to the trial transfer because everything is different in there since I had a baby.  No kidding.  

Anyway, everything looked great!  I got to start taking the birth control pills about a week ago (right after that appointment).  I start Lupron injections on the 13th.  On the 20th, I go in for labs to make sure I am suppressed and then we can start with the stimulation meds.  It is looking like a retrieval the first week of March and then a transfer soon after that.  My birthday is March 17th so hopefully I will be getting great news around that time!  

Sweet story....  There weren't that many people at the clinic that day, which is totally amazing.  I had told my MIL if more than one couple came into the waiting room to take Blakely out into the hallway.  (You know, because people who are trying to have a baby don't really need a baby shoved in their face). They are always so busy so I figured MIL and B were outside or in the car or something.  Well, when I was having my lab drawn the girl asked me if I was the mother of the dancing baby in the waiting room.  It took me a second and then I thought YES!  Yes, I'm sure I am!  Before I went back out there, I peeked around the corner and, sure enough, Blakely had MIL's phone, with the music turned on, shaking her booty all around the waiting room.  It was adorable.  There were no other couples out there thank goodness.  I'm sure I worry about that too much but I just try to think how I would have felt before I had Blakely.  Anyway, I am the mother of the dancing baby in the waiting room.  so awesome.  Hopefully soon, I'll be pregnant with another little dancer :)

always carrying around Nanabob's phone....

Here we go!

Hi!  Long time, no blog.  Sorry about that.  Things have been hectic lately!  Lonnie and I took our first vacation without Blakely.  I just wrote a long post all about it but Blogger won't let me upload any pictures.  It says that I have run out of space and that I need to purchase more.  WHAT???  I am so frustrated with this.  So, as soon as I get that figured out (please help!) you will get to see super fun Miami pics :)

The biggest thing going on here is that we decided to go ahead with our FET...like now!  We thought we would wait until January but then we started wondering why we were waiting.  I started my period the day we got to Miami, of course.  So that meant starting the estrogen patches.  I will be on those for a few weeks and, as long as my uterine lining looks good and I don't ovulate, we will transfer our 2 embryos around mid December.  Hopefully I will be knocked up by Christmas!  That is just craziness...

I seem to have forgotten the effects the estrogen has on me.  I hate the world.  I am annoyed, easily irritated, and highly emotional.  Lonnie LOVES estrogen...HA!!  I feel bad for him...for a second...and then he says something that irritates me and I don't feel bad for him anymore ;)  
Oh well.  It will all be worth it!  He will love me through it...just like he did last time.  Maybe I should get him a really great Christmas gift to make it better?  I'm going to look for some cyb.er Monday deals right now.  Have y'all been online shopping all weekend like me?  I seriously can't stop....

I made the call...

So, I just made the call to my doctor. (like 45 seconds ago!)

I left a message saying that I was wanting to go ahead and make an appointment to talk about starting with our frozen embryo transfer.  

YIKES!  

I don't know why it seems so intimidating.  I was so nervous to leave a message for the nurses.  I mean it just brings back so many memories.  All bad/negative/depressing/sad.  Ugh.  It is so hard to go back to that place (that physical place).  But mainly I am worried about going back to that emotional place.  That is not a fun place to be in.  I was there for almost three years and in a REALLY bad spot for over a year (3 IVF's will do that).  I don't want to be that sad ever again.  I know it will probably be different because I have my miracle baby now but I won't know that until I go for it.  

The logistics of a FET or a full fresh IVF (please let the FET work) will be much harder this time, of course.  I really don't want to take Blakely there.  I am sure that there will be a time that I will have to but I am going to do everything in my power to not take her in there.  I remember being that girl in the waiting room and another girl there had her baby with her.  In a way, it gave me hope but mostly it made me want to run away and cry.  Those were not good days.  

When I was about 8 months pregnant my husband needed to get back on some medication that made his sperm count go way down (testosterone..see the our journey tab at the top for more info).  We decided to have some of his sperm frozen for future use in IVF's just in case when he got off of the meds his count didn't go back up.  We had to go to this same office three different times for him to give his sample.  

***sidenote that he might kill me for*** I am so proud of my husband for this.  He has had to do a semen analysis at least 15 times...all at the office.  He is a rockstar....he never complains to me about.  He just knows that it has to be done and he does it.  That has always made things so much easier on me...I never had to worry about him whining about this very inconvenient fact of infertility!***  I love you honey...don't be mad!  ;)

Anyway, I was 8 months pregnant.  I refused to go into that waiting room with him!  I mean, when I was struggling with IF I don't know what I would have done if a big ole pregnant belly walked up in that clinic!  He went in without me and when they called him back he told the nurse I was outside.  They snuck me in the back door!  A think a pregnant belly is harder on an infertile girl than a baby...at least it was for me.  

I am about 2% worried about the logistics of all of this.  I am 98% worried that I am going to go back to that unstable, crazy, depressed shadow of my normal self that I was for so long.  I don't want that.  I am scared of that.  I want to be a good mom to Blakely and I don't know that I can do that if I get that depressed again.  

So, yeah, I am worried.  But I am also excited.  Excited that we do have 2 frozen embryos.  Our last cycle was the only one where they were able to freeze any.  Excited to hopefully be pregnant again soon.  I miss it so much!  Excited to make my husband a daddy again.  He has been ready to have another baby for about 6 months!  

Here we go.  Scared, worried, excited, happy, sad...whatever emotional roller coaster I am in for, I am in...all in.  I have my little pea pod to come home to this time and that is more than I could have ever asked for.  I thought for a long tim that we might not ever get our happy ending but we did.  So whatever happens from here is just a bonus.

I'm back!

We got home from Cape Cod yesterday.  We had a great time but it was definitely exhausting!  We sent Blakely to my mom's (Gran Di's) house for the afternoon.  She hadn't seen B in 2 weeks because she was in Florida the week before we left.  Lonnie and I are so worn out so she's having fun over there while we relax.  He's watching a movie and I am going to catch up on blogs until I fall asleep.  

I have so many posts to catch up on!  We tried to stay disconnected while on vacation so I am behind on my reading.  It was kind of nice not to be on FB every 5 minutes or on the computer.  I did have my phone so if you follow me on Insta.gram then you've seen some pics for sure ;)

I have a ton of posts in draft that I really want to finish.  Hopefully I will be able to do that this week.  I am, of course, going to photo bomb you with vacation pics and I still have to finish up her 10 month post and she's 10 1/2 months now...Grrrrrr....

I am also in full on birthday party planning mode now that we are back.  I need to pick out invites this week and get those ordered.  I can't decide on an outfit....she might need more than one?  We really aren't having a huge party but it sure is going to be cute!  Mostly family will be invited and then some of my friends as well.  I can't believe she is almost one.  She is looking more like a toddler every day.  She can stand up without holding on to anything for a long time and she cruises all over the house.  Her top two teeth can be seen when she smiles and it makes her look so grown up.  

Having this huge milestone coming up has been making me think about trying for #2.  I'm definitely ready but I'm trying not to get my hopes up just yet.  I'm going to call the doctor soon and set up and appointment so we can figure out what all we have to do to get set for our frozen embryo transfer.  I would like to have the transfer around November or December but I doubt that will happen.  I'm sure she will have to be weaned (which I am about to start working on) first and then you know nothing ever goes fast there.  So, I am thinking maybe it will happen by the first of the year...we will see.  Please, oh please, let the FET work.  I really don't want to have to do a full IVF again..although I will if I have to.  

Anyway!  Here is a pic from vacay to hold you over...because I just know you are all dying to see them ;)  Hope everyone is having a great weekend!