Not that any of you are keeping up (I know some are but...I also know the details of all of this are a wee bit boring too) we had our consult with our current infertility doctor (Dr. B) at the end of January, right after our consult with our potentially new doctor in Denver. You can read all about our Denver consult here.
Anyway, since it has been a while I thought I would drop a few lines and update on what is currently going on and how our appointment went with our Dr. B.
First of all after talking to Dr. B I was just even more confused. He said all the right things and did offer us some new ideas if we were to try for a 6th IVF (supplements prior to IVF to help with egg quality, endometrial biopsy to help embryos stick, etc). He talked to us about some of the things they do in Denver and what he thought about it. He said he would be happy to follow us here (labs, ultrasounds) if we chose to go to Denver and they would even try to help me out with getting some medication to help lower the cost. (Gah...the cost). He talked to us for a good hour and it was good. It is not Dr. B that I don't have faith in. I believe if he were to do every single thing related to our case that he would and he would do it right. But he can't. There are ancillary people all around that draw blood, schedule, make phone calls, order meds, etc and those are the people I do not trust. How can I after what happened last time? And then there is the difference in the labs. Which I talked about in the post I linked to above. We both still feel strongly about the difference in the labs.
So Lonnie and I left there and decided to take some time to decide which clinic to go to. We agreed that we trusted Dr. B but maybe not the clinic in general at this moment in time. But we were not completely sold on the other clinic either.
To proceed in Denver you have to fly out there for a full day of testing. Once that testing is done then they come up with a plan and go forward from there. You have to do this testing between day 5-13 on your cycle. In early February I went ahead an made an appointment for this testing because it looked like my period and Lonnie's days off would coincide in March. Miracle of miracles. As the time began approaching I told Lonnie we really needed to decide what we were going to do. We talked about it and realized that we needed to talk to our doctor in Denver and get some more questions answered. We could do the testing, have another chat with Dr. S and then we could make a final decision.
So that is where we are. Our appointment is next week. We are taking Blakely with us because I have the overwhelming desire to have her with me. I don't know why but I want her near. She is my happy and I need her there. We are taking my mother in law so she can watch Blakely while we are at the actual appointment and we are staying a few extra days to make a little trip out of it. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I hope that we leave there feeling confidant in our decision to go for our 6th IVF. I hope I don't throw up when they shove a metal scope into my uterus (with no sedation or pain meds I might add...WTH?). I hope we have a good conversation with the doctor and he gives us a solid plan for what to do next. If I am being completely honest I think we have made the decision to not use our previous clinic. But I don't think we have decided that Dr. S is the right fit for us. I hope to come out of this appointment feeling certain that he is. I'll update early next week!
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Friday, March 7, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
some details
I ended my last post saying that Lonnie and I felt very encouraged after our phone consult. I will give you a little rundown of why.
We started off the conversation by going over my lengthy infertility history. All of the testing and all of the procedures included. Since this happened sooner than we had planned, my medical records had not yet made it to his office but he had gone over the detailed history forms I had filled out online.
We talked a little about my thick zona pellucidas (covering around the eggs) and about the embryos we have made and how they grew (not many and not great, in general). We talked about reasons why I didn’t produce many eggs during my last 2 IVF’s. We talked about how we have always done our embryo transfers on day three and not day five. Just basic infertility stuff really. We broached the subject of donor eggs or embryos with him. We are not ready to take that step yet but I wanted to know if he thought we should. Was it worth another try for our own biological child? His answer was a definite yes. No hesitation, just yes. He thinks he can help us if we want to try again. He was very clear that if he thought we needed to go the route of donor eggs or embryos he would tell us. That really made me feel better. I know he doesn’t know all that much about me yet but I really needed someone to tell me that I (or my eggs specifically) were not a lost cause. He was not salesman-like because, believe me, that would have turned me off instantly. He just simply said we need more eggs, if possible, and we need to grow better embryos. They have one of the best labs in the country and he went into many details on this subject. Details I will save you from having to read ;)
In my mind (and I believe in Lonnie’s as well) it all comes down to one thing. The labs. This doctor (Let’s call him Dr. S, I guess) told us that the greatest difference between any clinic is the lab. The doctors trained in infertility are all very similar (yes, there are differences but generally speaking) and the medications used are generally the same anywhere you go. All labs are different. This is something Lonnie and I never thought that much about.
I am trying hard to explain our feelings on this without everyone thinking that our old clinic has a bad lab. They do not at all and I do not want anyone to think that!! They are wonderful and they gave us our Blakely and other chances to get pregnant. They succeed in making families on the daily. They perform miracles and I am so so thankful for the work they have done for us and for their many other patients.
That being said, apparently my case is not the easiest. My thickened zonas have made it difficult to perform ICSI and then have made it difficult for the embryos to grow from there. If I thought our old clinic was not good at what they do I wouldn’t have done 5 IVF’s with them! I am just simply trying to explain how Lonnie and I are feeling and how we are trying to come to a decision on expanding our family.
We talked about the process of doing an IVF when you are 1,000 miles away. Oh wait, I haven’t mentioned that? Yeah, far far away. It actually doesn’t seem as crazy once he explained the process in detail. Although, still pretty crazy.
Here is the deal and this is where Lonnie and I are right now. No matter how many eggs I produce or how thick my zonas happen to be, we feel like this new clinic’s lab can do more with it. And I don’t mean more as in number. I mean more as in just please help us to get a few (one? two? I’m not picky) good ones that will stick and complete our family. We feel like we have tried multiple times with our old clinic and if we did that again we wouldn’t really be trying anything new or different. This is very important to us as many of you can imagine. We want to do everything possible to give us the best chance of expanding our family. I know there will come a time when we have to jump off this baby making train and I want to do it knowing that we tried everything we could think of. That we actually tried something different. We are really leaning towards going for it with this new clinic in Denver. Of course, “going for it” is a long process when you live this far away.
We still have our appointment with Dr. B this Thursday and I still want to hear what he has to say about another cycle. But, if I’m being honest, I think our decision has already been made. We will see how this all plays out but, like I said the other day, we have hope and that is worth so much to us.
Friday, January 17, 2014
next steps.
***If you are coming to this post from the SUYL infertility link up, hi! Please feel free to check out the "Our Journey" tab across the top to see a detailed infertility history. In short, we tried for 3 years before getting pregnant on our 3rd IVF. Our miracle daughter was born in 2011. We have since been trying to add another child to our family. One negative FET, one negative IVF and another completely messed up IVF later and we are still waiting and hoping! Please leave a comment or email me if you have any questions! southernprincesskelly {at} gmail {dot} com ***
Alert. Wordy infertility post coming at ya. Feel free to skip if this isn't your jam.
I figure I can't just wallow in not knowing what steps to take when it comes to trying for another baby. I just gotta go for it and do something. As many of you mentioned, I called and made an appointment with my clinic. I sort of wanted to vom while talking to the nice lady. She asked me if I was a new patient...HAHAHA! No. I explained that I wanted to meet with Dr. B to discuss the possibility of us doing another IVF and to also discuss the the possibility of y'all not screwing it up.
I was straightforward with her (no curse words, I promise). I mentioned a tiny bit about the screw up in July and she acted like she knew what I was talking about, maybe not specifics but she knew something. I told her we were thinking about giving it one more shot and we wanted to have a lengthy discussion with the doctor about it. Appointment scheduled for next Thursday.
What do I want out of this appointment? Well, basically I want to see how I feel going back there. I am still obviously bitter and I want to know if I can trust them. As of right now the answer to that is a big fat no. This is a big deal and very important to us. I want to be reassured that they think they can help us. I have no idea how I will feel going back there. I may want to run out the second my foot hits the waiting room. We will see.
I also want to know what Dr. B has to say about another IVF. Would he do anything differently? Is there anything we can do to help improve egg quality? I am only 31! Does he think it is worth a shot or do we need to move on? (Donor eggs, Donor embryos, adoption, etc) I want to know if he would have a plan and if we felt comfortable with that plan.
So we wait for that appointment.
Right after I scheduled that I decided to look into a few clinics that I have heard great things about either from blogs, blog friends, or the internets in general. I found one that seemed like a good fit. The more I looked at them and their doctors the better I felt. On a whim I clicked the link that said schedule a phone consult. I figured it couldn't hurt to see what my doctor had to say and then have a phone conversation with another doctor and see what he/she had to say.
After filling out a boatload of information (all very easy by the way, their site and service has been marvelous) we scheduled our phone consult for the end of January (after our consult with Dr. B). Once this was scheduled I was sent a list of different steps that needed to be taken before that consult. I got to work on it immediately. Since we had to schedule the phone consult for a time when Lonnie was working (there was nothing else available and his schedule is very inflexible), I asked if I could be put on the cancellation list and if anything came up sooner could they give me a call.
Well they called me 2 days ago and said they had a cancellation for yesterday evening. Lonnie would be home. My mom would be off work to watch B. I'll take it.
So yesterday evening we had a phone consult with the doctor who founded one of the leading fertility clinics in the nation. Oh my word. This all happened so fast. I clicked the link on a whim during nap time like 4 days ago! I mean I thought I was going to have weeks to prepare my questions and prepare my heart. I'll save the details of that convo for my next post (i'm sure you can't wait...) but I will say that when we hung up the phone Lonnie and I looked at each other and smiled big. We felt very encouraged and it's been a looooong time since we've felt that way. That right there is worth a lot.
Alert. Wordy infertility post coming at ya. Feel free to skip if this isn't your jam.
I figure I can't just wallow in not knowing what steps to take when it comes to trying for another baby. I just gotta go for it and do something. As many of you mentioned, I called and made an appointment with my clinic. I sort of wanted to vom while talking to the nice lady. She asked me if I was a new patient...HAHAHA! No. I explained that I wanted to meet with Dr. B to discuss the possibility of us doing another IVF and to also discuss the the possibility of y'all not screwing it up.
I was straightforward with her (no curse words, I promise). I mentioned a tiny bit about the screw up in July and she acted like she knew what I was talking about, maybe not specifics but she knew something. I told her we were thinking about giving it one more shot and we wanted to have a lengthy discussion with the doctor about it. Appointment scheduled for next Thursday.
What do I want out of this appointment? Well, basically I want to see how I feel going back there. I am still obviously bitter and I want to know if I can trust them. As of right now the answer to that is a big fat no. This is a big deal and very important to us. I want to be reassured that they think they can help us. I have no idea how I will feel going back there. I may want to run out the second my foot hits the waiting room. We will see.
I also want to know what Dr. B has to say about another IVF. Would he do anything differently? Is there anything we can do to help improve egg quality? I am only 31! Does he think it is worth a shot or do we need to move on? (Donor eggs, Donor embryos, adoption, etc) I want to know if he would have a plan and if we felt comfortable with that plan.
So we wait for that appointment.
Right after I scheduled that I decided to look into a few clinics that I have heard great things about either from blogs, blog friends, or the internets in general. I found one that seemed like a good fit. The more I looked at them and their doctors the better I felt. On a whim I clicked the link that said schedule a phone consult. I figured it couldn't hurt to see what my doctor had to say and then have a phone conversation with another doctor and see what he/she had to say.
After filling out a boatload of information (all very easy by the way, their site and service has been marvelous) we scheduled our phone consult for the end of January (after our consult with Dr. B). Once this was scheduled I was sent a list of different steps that needed to be taken before that consult. I got to work on it immediately. Since we had to schedule the phone consult for a time when Lonnie was working (there was nothing else available and his schedule is very inflexible), I asked if I could be put on the cancellation list and if anything came up sooner could they give me a call.
Well they called me 2 days ago and said they had a cancellation for yesterday evening. Lonnie would be home. My mom would be off work to watch B. I'll take it.
So yesterday evening we had a phone consult with the doctor who founded one of the leading fertility clinics in the nation. Oh my word. This all happened so fast. I clicked the link on a whim during nap time like 4 days ago! I mean I thought I was going to have weeks to prepare my questions and prepare my heart. I'll save the details of that convo for my next post (i'm sure you can't wait...) but I will say that when we hung up the phone Lonnie and I looked at each other and smiled big. We felt very encouraged and it's been a looooong time since we've felt that way. That right there is worth a lot.
Friday, July 12, 2013
I am going to tell you a story. Part 5.
*A reminder. All of this was written on Sunday July 7. I have added some things at the bottom of this post to address some questions that have come up over the past week.*
I know this story has been long. I really appreciate anyone who reads it. It has been very cathartic for me to write everything down. It is helping me to move on. I am going to end this story with my thoughts on the whole thing.
As I said in the last post, I am still in shock that this happened to us. I have a lot of emotions swirling around in me.
I am pissed. They screwed up my "last" chance to get pregnant. How can I not be angry? I seem to be getting a bit angrier by the day.
I am sad. Obviously. All I wanted was a chance to get pregnant. I went through all of that just to have it end because of someone else's mistake. Forget all of the physical pain because I can get over that, but the emotional pain is what hurts the most.
I sort of blame myself. What if I had said something about ICSI to someone at any point in time. Would that have changed the outcome? I signed consents for ICSI. I thought that was enough. I didn't think I needed to "remind" them.
I feel sorry for Dr. B. I know some may be surprised by this but I really do. I know he didn't want to make that call to me. I know he would never want this to happen. I know he didn't sleep that night knowing that he was going to rock my world the next day. And I guarantee he hasn't stopped thinking about it since. He is the doctor. He takes all the blame when anyone messes up. Believe me. My husband has to apologize for others mistakes all the time. I know he will never forget this mistake that his clinic made. I cannot be angry at him.
The clinic is in a state of upheaval. I knew it when I learned that Dr. M quit. I should have known when I got that first call from the nurse and she didn't know what cycle day I was on. If there is anything positive that can come of what happened to us, it is this. They will change the way they do things. They will not become complacent again. They will double check every detail from now on. I know it. I know these people. I have been going there since 2009. I know they want the best for their patients. I know this mistake is not going to fade out of their minds soon. They will all be very aware that they can screw up, and in the business they are in, it messes with people's lives, minds and bodies. As horrific as this mistake was, I know that it could have been worse. Not much worse but still worse. And I know they know that too. I know this is a great clinic and I would not have my miracle Blakely without each and every one of them. I am not writing any of this to bash them. I am thankful for them. I am writing all of this to help myself heal and to share my story with y'all.
I have allowed myself a few days to wallow in self pity. I have eaten crappy food, drank caffeine for the first time in months (whoa!) and enjoyed a few adult beverages. I am going to pull myself out of this funk soon.
After reflecting for a few days and accepting that I have to move on from these emotions, I am still left with this. I am confused. How can we let our last try for a baby be this one? How can we go out like that? How do you accept that you will never be pregnant again when on your last try someone else messed up your chance? I can't do it. I cannot accept this IVF as our last try for a baby. I just can't do it.
Now. There is no way I am in a place to try again right now. I don't know that I will ever be ready to do IVF again. I am worn out. Over the next few months Lonnie and I will be doing a lot of thinking and talking. I can't accept that as our last try but I don't think I can do IVF again. See? I am confused. The clinic has offered us a full refund of our money. We can also just do a free cycle instead of getting a refund if we want. We are going to take the refund and I am going to buy myself something nice. Something really freaking nice.
Again, thank you all for listening. I have shed many tears writing this but it has really helped me to get out of my funk. Blogging is the best. Blog friends are even better.
This little blue eyed beauty makes everything better as well. :)
-This is a really great clinic that made a bad mistake. I can forgive but I will not be able to ever forget. If we wanted another opinion at a different clinic we would have to travel a minimum of 3 hours away. An option but not a great one.
-Dr. B made a judgement call in allowing the eggs and sperm to at least try to fertilize instead of freezing the eggs. I also had not signed a consent for egg freezing so there is that. He did tell me that the covering around my eggs was not as thick as it had been in the past but he also said that he "was pretty sure" they wouldn't fertilize.
-The embryologist that WAS there was not trained in ICSI. He is in the process of learning but it is a very long and detailed thing to be able to do it. Dr. B even told me he thought about letting the guy try and see what happened. In the end he felt that was unethical and did not allow it. I agree.
-I'd be happy to answer any more questions if there are any. I try to respond via email when someone comments but not everyone has an email attached to their blogger profile. (Get one!) So comment with a question or just email me.
Y'all. What in the world would I do without you? I really just want to say again how thankful I am to have made such great friends through this blog. You guys have been amazing through this story and I appreciate you reading. Thank you all so much for the sweet words of encouragement on each post and for genuinely caring about me and my family. I know I haven't "met" many of you but I feel very attached to you and your families as well. Thank you for being there for me. It means more than I can express in words.
I know this story has been long. I really appreciate anyone who reads it. It has been very cathartic for me to write everything down. It is helping me to move on. I am going to end this story with my thoughts on the whole thing.
As I said in the last post, I am still in shock that this happened to us. I have a lot of emotions swirling around in me.
I am pissed. They screwed up my "last" chance to get pregnant. How can I not be angry? I seem to be getting a bit angrier by the day.
I am sad. Obviously. All I wanted was a chance to get pregnant. I went through all of that just to have it end because of someone else's mistake. Forget all of the physical pain because I can get over that, but the emotional pain is what hurts the most.
I sort of blame myself. What if I had said something about ICSI to someone at any point in time. Would that have changed the outcome? I signed consents for ICSI. I thought that was enough. I didn't think I needed to "remind" them.
I feel sorry for Dr. B. I know some may be surprised by this but I really do. I know he didn't want to make that call to me. I know he would never want this to happen. I know he didn't sleep that night knowing that he was going to rock my world the next day. And I guarantee he hasn't stopped thinking about it since. He is the doctor. He takes all the blame when anyone messes up. Believe me. My husband has to apologize for others mistakes all the time. I know he will never forget this mistake that his clinic made. I cannot be angry at him.
The clinic is in a state of upheaval. I knew it when I learned that Dr. M quit. I should have known when I got that first call from the nurse and she didn't know what cycle day I was on. If there is anything positive that can come of what happened to us, it is this. They will change the way they do things. They will not become complacent again. They will double check every detail from now on. I know it. I know these people. I have been going there since 2009. I know they want the best for their patients. I know this mistake is not going to fade out of their minds soon. They will all be very aware that they can screw up, and in the business they are in, it messes with people's lives, minds and bodies. As horrific as this mistake was, I know that it could have been worse. Not much worse but still worse. And I know they know that too. I know this is a great clinic and I would not have my miracle Blakely without each and every one of them. I am not writing any of this to bash them. I am thankful for them. I am writing all of this to help myself heal and to share my story with y'all.
I have allowed myself a few days to wallow in self pity. I have eaten crappy food, drank caffeine for the first time in months (whoa!) and enjoyed a few adult beverages. I am going to pull myself out of this funk soon.
After reflecting for a few days and accepting that I have to move on from these emotions, I am still left with this. I am confused. How can we let our last try for a baby be this one? How can we go out like that? How do you accept that you will never be pregnant again when on your last try someone else messed up your chance? I can't do it. I cannot accept this IVF as our last try for a baby. I just can't do it.
Now. There is no way I am in a place to try again right now. I don't know that I will ever be ready to do IVF again. I am worn out. Over the next few months Lonnie and I will be doing a lot of thinking and talking. I can't accept that as our last try but I don't think I can do IVF again. See? I am confused. The clinic has offered us a full refund of our money. We can also just do a free cycle instead of getting a refund if we want. We are going to take the refund and I am going to buy myself something nice. Something really freaking nice.
Again, thank you all for listening. I have shed many tears writing this but it has really helped me to get out of my funk. Blogging is the best. Blog friends are even better.
This little blue eyed beauty makes everything better as well. :)
-This is a really great clinic that made a bad mistake. I can forgive but I will not be able to ever forget. If we wanted another opinion at a different clinic we would have to travel a minimum of 3 hours away. An option but not a great one.
-Dr. B made a judgement call in allowing the eggs and sperm to at least try to fertilize instead of freezing the eggs. I also had not signed a consent for egg freezing so there is that. He did tell me that the covering around my eggs was not as thick as it had been in the past but he also said that he "was pretty sure" they wouldn't fertilize.
-The embryologist that WAS there was not trained in ICSI. He is in the process of learning but it is a very long and detailed thing to be able to do it. Dr. B even told me he thought about letting the guy try and see what happened. In the end he felt that was unethical and did not allow it. I agree.
-I'd be happy to answer any more questions if there are any. I try to respond via email when someone comments but not everyone has an email attached to their blogger profile. (Get one!) So comment with a question or just email me.
Y'all. What in the world would I do without you? I really just want to say again how thankful I am to have made such great friends through this blog. You guys have been amazing through this story and I appreciate you reading. Thank you all so much for the sweet words of encouragement on each post and for genuinely caring about me and my family. I know I haven't "met" many of you but I feel very attached to you and your families as well. Thank you for being there for me. It means more than I can express in words.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
I am going to tell you a story. Part 4
This is part 4 in my story of our fifth IVF.
Lonnie and I got to the clinic on Thursday the 4th of July at 830. I brought them donuts because I know no one wants to be at work on a holiday!
I knew going into the retrieval that we would not be getting as many eggs as we had in the past. I wasn't concerning myself with the number. I just wanted some mature eggs that could be fertilized so I could have a chance at getting pregnant.
In order to continue this story I need to back up a little bit and tell you (for those that do not know) a little bit about the reason for our infertility and explain a little bit of the IVF process. I will keep this pretty simple but I feel that it is needed in order to understand what happens next. I have the "Our journey" tab at the top that goes into all the details of our struggle with infertility and you can check that out if you are interested. It is lengthy.
We had unexplained infertility until our first IVF. In "normal" IVF, after the egg is retrieved from the ovary it is put into a dish. Then a bunch of sperm are put into each dish with each egg and they watch the magic happen. The day after your retrieval they call you to let you know how many eggs were fertilized. They call you each day to let you know how your embryos are growing until they decide they are ready to be transferred...usually 3 days or 5 days after the egg retrieval.
On our first IVF, I got a call the day after our egg retrieval, from Dr. M, telling me that we didn't have any eggs fertilize. That was not the phone call I was expecting. We had retrieved 12 eggs so I had my hopes up very high. To say I was upset would be an understatement. I won't go into that but we did find out why we had been unable to get pregnant. The outer covering of my eggs (the zona pellucida) is very thick and the sperm are not able to penetrate. I was told this was pretty rare but there was something they could do. We could do IVF with ICSI. ICSI is when they inject the sperm directly into the egg to fertilize it. So from then on we knew we had to do IVF with ICSI and we did for the following IVF's.
Ok. Back to this story. Dr. B was able to retrieve 7 eggs. That was a pretty low number but I was still hopeful. We came home that day and I slept the rest of the day. I could not relax until I knew the results of fertilization. I listened to my Cir.cle + Bl.oom many times trying to relax and think positively about my little fighter embryos growing growing growing.
The next day I tried to stay busy even though I was still in pain. Lonnie, B and I went to the grocery store. Right when we got back in the car my phone rang.
It was Dr. B. Not the nurse like usual.
My stomach dropped. I just knew. Only doctors give bad news.
He told me that we did not have any fertilization. I looked at Lonnie and shook my head.
Then he rocked my world. He told me that they did not do the ICSI. I am just going to say that again. THEY DID NOT INJECT THE SPERM INTO THE EGGS. In other words...they completely and totally fucked up.
From this point on it is a bit of a blur. I know that I burst into tears complete with sobs and shakes. I threw the phone to Lonnie because I could not even speak. Dr. B told him the same thing and began to explain but Lonnie told him we would have to call him back. I was a mess and B was starting to cry in the back seat.
The did not do ICSI. The most important detail. The reason we were having this done in the first place. No embryos.
I did not have a chance to get pregnant. No embryos. They did not do ICSI. It is all over. Just like that.
We came home and I went straight to bed. It was the middle of the day. I haven't cried that hard in a long time. The only time I can even remember coming close is when I got the "no fertilization" call with our first IVF. But that time I knew we had other options next time.
I got up a few hours later and told Lonnie we had to call Dr. B back because I needed to know more. How did this happen? How in the fuck did this happen? Did they just forget? I mean, so many questions.
I talked to Dr. B for almost an hour. I got some answers. None of them helped me to feel better. How can they? I am still left with no embryos. He understood that. He made no excuses. He explained how it happened but he took full responsibility. He was emotional right along with me. There were a lot screw ups from the beginning but the basic fuck up was this. The embryologist who does the ICSI was not working that week. I should have never been scheduled to have my IVF during that time. They did not realize this until right after the retrieval. There was nothing they could do. It should have been caught many times throughout this process. Keep in mind I started birth control pills to begin this IVF at the end of May. THE END OF MAY. I fell through the cracks... Just unbelievable.
I am still in shock from what happened. Even a week later I can not even believe that the clinic messed up and did not do the ICSI. I am hurting. I could have handled the embryos just not sticking and getting a negative pregnancy test in 2 weeks. But this? This is really hard to take. They failed me and I had a lot on the line. I am just sick.
Part one
Part two
Part three
Lonnie and I got to the clinic on Thursday the 4th of July at 830. I brought them donuts because I know no one wants to be at work on a holiday!
I knew going into the retrieval that we would not be getting as many eggs as we had in the past. I wasn't concerning myself with the number. I just wanted some mature eggs that could be fertilized so I could have a chance at getting pregnant.
In order to continue this story I need to back up a little bit and tell you (for those that do not know) a little bit about the reason for our infertility and explain a little bit of the IVF process. I will keep this pretty simple but I feel that it is needed in order to understand what happens next. I have the "Our journey" tab at the top that goes into all the details of our struggle with infertility and you can check that out if you are interested. It is lengthy.
We had unexplained infertility until our first IVF. In "normal" IVF, after the egg is retrieved from the ovary it is put into a dish. Then a bunch of sperm are put into each dish with each egg and they watch the magic happen. The day after your retrieval they call you to let you know how many eggs were fertilized. They call you each day to let you know how your embryos are growing until they decide they are ready to be transferred...usually 3 days or 5 days after the egg retrieval.
On our first IVF, I got a call the day after our egg retrieval, from Dr. M, telling me that we didn't have any eggs fertilize. That was not the phone call I was expecting. We had retrieved 12 eggs so I had my hopes up very high. To say I was upset would be an understatement. I won't go into that but we did find out why we had been unable to get pregnant. The outer covering of my eggs (the zona pellucida) is very thick and the sperm are not able to penetrate. I was told this was pretty rare but there was something they could do. We could do IVF with ICSI. ICSI is when they inject the sperm directly into the egg to fertilize it. So from then on we knew we had to do IVF with ICSI and we did for the following IVF's.
Ok. Back to this story. Dr. B was able to retrieve 7 eggs. That was a pretty low number but I was still hopeful. We came home that day and I slept the rest of the day. I could not relax until I knew the results of fertilization. I listened to my Cir.cle + Bl.oom many times trying to relax and think positively about my little fighter embryos growing growing growing.
The next day I tried to stay busy even though I was still in pain. Lonnie, B and I went to the grocery store. Right when we got back in the car my phone rang.
It was Dr. B. Not the nurse like usual.
My stomach dropped. I just knew. Only doctors give bad news.
He told me that we did not have any fertilization. I looked at Lonnie and shook my head.
Then he rocked my world. He told me that they did not do the ICSI. I am just going to say that again. THEY DID NOT INJECT THE SPERM INTO THE EGGS. In other words...they completely and totally fucked up.
From this point on it is a bit of a blur. I know that I burst into tears complete with sobs and shakes. I threw the phone to Lonnie because I could not even speak. Dr. B told him the same thing and began to explain but Lonnie told him we would have to call him back. I was a mess and B was starting to cry in the back seat.
The did not do ICSI. The most important detail. The reason we were having this done in the first place. No embryos.
I did not have a chance to get pregnant. No embryos. They did not do ICSI. It is all over. Just like that.
We came home and I went straight to bed. It was the middle of the day. I haven't cried that hard in a long time. The only time I can even remember coming close is when I got the "no fertilization" call with our first IVF. But that time I knew we had other options next time.
I got up a few hours later and told Lonnie we had to call Dr. B back because I needed to know more. How did this happen? How in the fuck did this happen? Did they just forget? I mean, so many questions.
I talked to Dr. B for almost an hour. I got some answers. None of them helped me to feel better. How can they? I am still left with no embryos. He understood that. He made no excuses. He explained how it happened but he took full responsibility. He was emotional right along with me. There were a lot screw ups from the beginning but the basic fuck up was this. The embryologist who does the ICSI was not working that week. I should have never been scheduled to have my IVF during that time. They did not realize this until right after the retrieval. There was nothing they could do. It should have been caught many times throughout this process. Keep in mind I started birth control pills to begin this IVF at the end of May. THE END OF MAY. I fell through the cracks... Just unbelievable.
I am still in shock from what happened. Even a week later I can not even believe that the clinic messed up and did not do the ICSI. I am hurting. I could have handled the embryos just not sticking and getting a negative pregnancy test in 2 weeks. But this? This is really hard to take. They failed me and I had a lot on the line. I am just sick.
Part one
Part two
Part three
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
I am going to tell you a story. Part 3
This is part three of my story about our fifth IVF.
I left off yesterday with me increasing my medication and being told to go back to the clinic in 3 days.
I headed back to the clinic on Friday for lab and ultrasound. This was my first ultrasound to see the follicles. The results were not that awesome but they weren't terrible either. My left ovary (which is usually a rockstar) only had 2 follicles and the right ovary (usually lags behind) had 7-8. I could deal with that. Like I said in part one of this story....I just wanted a chance to get pregnant.
I saw Dr. M that day. He is actually my main doctor but I have seen all of them many times. If you remember during our last IVF we retrieved 13 eggs. Out of those 13 we only had 3 that were mature. I wanted to make sure each of the doctors looked back at that cycle during this cycle to compare and to hopefully get more mature eggs this time. Only the mature eggs can be fertilized.
On that Friday I spoke with Dr. M about this. He told me that he was the one on call that weekend and he would look back at all of my cycles. He suggested possibly doing the stimulation medications an extra day to try to get more mature eggs. I felt good that I had talked to him about it and that he was going to be the one I would see all weekend. I would have been happy with any of the doctors but I liked the idea of having the same one all weekend.
In all of my other cycles I have taken the trigger shot on Sunday night and had the egg retrieval on Tuesday so that is why I had asked about the doctor on call for the weekend. I felt like he would be the one making the decision as to when to trigger and whether or not to stim for an extra day.
Anyway. Friday afternoon they called me with my results and told me to continue the same meds and come back on Sunday morning.
I did just that. When I got there on Sunday Dr. MS walked in the room. I thought that was odd since Dr. M specifically told me he would be the one there. I went through the whole spiel with him about not having many mature eggs last time and really wanting to try to get more mature eggs this cycle just like I did with Dr. M on Friday. After the ultrasound he said that he thought I would probably stim one more day if not 2 more but he would have to check my lab to make sure. Later that day he called and said to continue the same meds that night and come back to the clinic in the morning...Monday morning.
I was very happy with that. That meant I was going one day longer than I ever had and I felt very hopeful that would help with my egg maturity.
I went back to the clinic on Monday morning. This time it is Dr. B. I love him and I saw him the entire cycle when I got pregnant with B. He takes plenty of time to talk to each patient so I knew he would hear me out. I went through my whole spiel about egg maturity with him. This was my third time. I was being proactive because I felt like I needed to make sure they understood how important this cycle was. After my ultrasound he told me to come back into his office.
When I sit down the first thing he says to me is this.
"Dr. M is no longer practicing here so you will be seeing Dr. MS and myself the rest of the time."
Seriously? Dr. M quit on Friday afternoon. Quit. Resigned. Retired. Whatever. He quit on a Friday afternoon (soon after I had my talk with him!) heading into his call weekend.
I worked in the medical field for years. My husband is a physician. That is one of the worst things you can do. If one of my husbands partners did that, I mean, I can't even really imagine it. I am sure there is much more to the story that I don't know (I've heard maybe he had some medical issues) so I will just leave it at that. Dr. M left the practice and left Dr. B and Dr. MS to take care of all the patients.
Another sign? Maybe... But I was only looking for hopeful signs.
Back to the story. Dr. B listened to me about this cycle. He knows me well. I have seen him the most out of any of the 3 doctors in the practice. I trust him. I know he is very thorough. I was not concerned that my main doctor had quit. I knew Dr. B would take care of me.
He called me Monday afternoon and said he wanted me to stim for one more day. (This meant going back to the clinic the next day for monitoring.) He thought I may have one egg that would be "post mature" but I had quite a few others that he thought could mature after one more day. I was very happy with this. I felt like we were doing something different and hopefully would get a different outcome.
I headed back to the clinic on Tuesday. Keep in mind I had been on the hormones 2 days longer than I ever had. I was uncomfortable. I was bitchy. It is 2 hours round trip to this clinic and I had been there Friday, Sunday, Monday, and now Tuesday. I was ready for a retrieval. More than ready.
Tuesday afternoon the nurse calls to tell me that I am ready to trigger. I will get detailed here. The trigger shot is Ovid.ril. You take this at a very specific time and you have the egg retrieval exactly 36 hours after. This medication stimulates ovulation and helps to mature the eggs. I was told to take the shot at 10pm and be at the clinic on the 4th of July at 830.
A 4th of July retrieval! That sounded good to me. Surely a holiday is a good day to make some babies...
Part one
Part two
Part four
I left off yesterday with me increasing my medication and being told to go back to the clinic in 3 days.
I headed back to the clinic on Friday for lab and ultrasound. This was my first ultrasound to see the follicles. The results were not that awesome but they weren't terrible either. My left ovary (which is usually a rockstar) only had 2 follicles and the right ovary (usually lags behind) had 7-8. I could deal with that. Like I said in part one of this story....I just wanted a chance to get pregnant.
I saw Dr. M that day. He is actually my main doctor but I have seen all of them many times. If you remember during our last IVF we retrieved 13 eggs. Out of those 13 we only had 3 that were mature. I wanted to make sure each of the doctors looked back at that cycle during this cycle to compare and to hopefully get more mature eggs this time. Only the mature eggs can be fertilized.
On that Friday I spoke with Dr. M about this. He told me that he was the one on call that weekend and he would look back at all of my cycles. He suggested possibly doing the stimulation medications an extra day to try to get more mature eggs. I felt good that I had talked to him about it and that he was going to be the one I would see all weekend. I would have been happy with any of the doctors but I liked the idea of having the same one all weekend.
In all of my other cycles I have taken the trigger shot on Sunday night and had the egg retrieval on Tuesday so that is why I had asked about the doctor on call for the weekend. I felt like he would be the one making the decision as to when to trigger and whether or not to stim for an extra day.
Anyway. Friday afternoon they called me with my results and told me to continue the same meds and come back on Sunday morning.
I did just that. When I got there on Sunday Dr. MS walked in the room. I thought that was odd since Dr. M specifically told me he would be the one there. I went through the whole spiel with him about not having many mature eggs last time and really wanting to try to get more mature eggs this cycle just like I did with Dr. M on Friday. After the ultrasound he said that he thought I would probably stim one more day if not 2 more but he would have to check my lab to make sure. Later that day he called and said to continue the same meds that night and come back to the clinic in the morning...Monday morning.
I was very happy with that. That meant I was going one day longer than I ever had and I felt very hopeful that would help with my egg maturity.
I went back to the clinic on Monday morning. This time it is Dr. B. I love him and I saw him the entire cycle when I got pregnant with B. He takes plenty of time to talk to each patient so I knew he would hear me out. I went through my whole spiel about egg maturity with him. This was my third time. I was being proactive because I felt like I needed to make sure they understood how important this cycle was. After my ultrasound he told me to come back into his office.
When I sit down the first thing he says to me is this.
"Dr. M is no longer practicing here so you will be seeing Dr. MS and myself the rest of the time."
Seriously? Dr. M quit on Friday afternoon. Quit. Resigned. Retired. Whatever. He quit on a Friday afternoon (soon after I had my talk with him!) heading into his call weekend.
I worked in the medical field for years. My husband is a physician. That is one of the worst things you can do. If one of my husbands partners did that, I mean, I can't even really imagine it. I am sure there is much more to the story that I don't know (I've heard maybe he had some medical issues) so I will just leave it at that. Dr. M left the practice and left Dr. B and Dr. MS to take care of all the patients.
Another sign? Maybe... But I was only looking for hopeful signs.
Back to the story. Dr. B listened to me about this cycle. He knows me well. I have seen him the most out of any of the 3 doctors in the practice. I trust him. I know he is very thorough. I was not concerned that my main doctor had quit. I knew Dr. B would take care of me.
He called me Monday afternoon and said he wanted me to stim for one more day. (This meant going back to the clinic the next day for monitoring.) He thought I may have one egg that would be "post mature" but I had quite a few others that he thought could mature after one more day. I was very happy with this. I felt like we were doing something different and hopefully would get a different outcome.
I headed back to the clinic on Tuesday. Keep in mind I had been on the hormones 2 days longer than I ever had. I was uncomfortable. I was bitchy. It is 2 hours round trip to this clinic and I had been there Friday, Sunday, Monday, and now Tuesday. I was ready for a retrieval. More than ready.
Tuesday afternoon the nurse calls to tell me that I am ready to trigger. I will get detailed here. The trigger shot is Ovid.ril. You take this at a very specific time and you have the egg retrieval exactly 36 hours after. This medication stimulates ovulation and helps to mature the eggs. I was told to take the shot at 10pm and be at the clinic on the 4th of July at 830.
A 4th of July retrieval! That sounded good to me. Surely a holiday is a good day to make some babies...
Part one
Part two
Part four
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
I am going to tell you a story. Part 2
This is part 2 of my story about our fifth IVF.
I left off yesterday with me having started the ovarian stimulation medications. Once again, I am going to be very detailed about this process because I know I have some readers who are not familiar with IVF.
After being on the stimulation hormones for 3 days I went in for lab work. During this process your estrogen levels are monitored through lab work and your eggs/follicles are monitored via ultrasound multiple times. They do this to see if they need to increase or decrease your medication and to see when your eggs are ready to be retrieved.
This first monitoring appointment was just lab work so I was able to take Blakely with me. She was an absolute angel doll sitting with me while I had blood drawn. She was so sweet to the nurses and secretaries and really kept them laughing the whole time. That girl loves to entertain. I may be in trouble with her "I love being the center of attention" act.
That day was Lonnie and I's 8 year anniversary of our first date. I would be lying if I didn't hope that was a sign of good things to come. There were other "signs" as well. I started my first injection of lup.ron on the day Blakely turned 20 months old. Once we got this process started I realized that if I did get pregnant I would be due in March. And close to my birthday. I have always ALWAYS wanted to have a baby in March. I just thought it was a great time of year to have a birthday. When Lonnie and I first decided to try for a baby we started trying i June with the hopes of having a baby in March (naive and stupid). It just seemed like things may be lining up perfectly for us this cycle. I tried to ignore these signs but, like I said, LYING if I didn't have hope about it.
After my lab work was done I came home and waited for the phone call to tell me what to do next. The nurse finally called at 5:00. Just another stressor in this process. I have to sit around and wait by my phone all day in order to know what meds to take that night and when to come back to the clinic. I don't get great cell service at my house so I literally put my phone in one spot where I know it will reliably ring. And then I wait. Anyway, the nurse finally calls.
She tells me that my estrogen is 75. Then she says that I might have a cyst because they want my estrogen to be below 25. She wants me to come back for repeat lab before we start the stimulations meds and if it is still up then we will have to postpone the cycle. To someone who hasn't done this before that might sound reasonable and they would have just done what she said. But I am a veteran and I knew that wasn't right. I HAD ALREADY STARTED THE STIMULATION MEDS.
When you have the lab work to make sure your ovaries are suppressed your estrogen needs to be lower than 25. Once you begin the stimulation meds (which I had done 3 days prior!) they want your estrogen to go up. That is what helps to produce the eggs! I told her that I was confused and that I HAD ALREADY STARTED THE MEDS. She sounded confused and put me on hold. She came back and said that I was right and told me what the doctor wanted me to do. Keep my Follistim the same (375), double the Menopur (up to 150) and come back in three days (on Friday the 28th).
When I got off the phone I was in a bit of shock. I am glad I was on top of it and said something. But that just added to my stress unnecessarily. Talking about signs, maybe I should have read that as a sign of things to come.
I will continue tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Part one
Part three
Part four
After my lab work was done I came home and waited for the phone call to tell me what to do next. The nurse finally called at 5:00. Just another stressor in this process. I have to sit around and wait by my phone all day in order to know what meds to take that night and when to come back to the clinic. I don't get great cell service at my house so I literally put my phone in one spot where I know it will reliably ring. And then I wait. Anyway, the nurse finally calls.
She tells me that my estrogen is 75. Then she says that I might have a cyst because they want my estrogen to be below 25. She wants me to come back for repeat lab before we start the stimulations meds and if it is still up then we will have to postpone the cycle. To someone who hasn't done this before that might sound reasonable and they would have just done what she said. But I am a veteran and I knew that wasn't right. I HAD ALREADY STARTED THE STIMULATION MEDS.
When you have the lab work to make sure your ovaries are suppressed your estrogen needs to be lower than 25. Once you begin the stimulation meds (which I had done 3 days prior!) they want your estrogen to go up. That is what helps to produce the eggs! I told her that I was confused and that I HAD ALREADY STARTED THE MEDS. She sounded confused and put me on hold. She came back and said that I was right and told me what the doctor wanted me to do. Keep my Follistim the same (375), double the Menopur (up to 150) and come back in three days (on Friday the 28th).
When I got off the phone I was in a bit of shock. I am glad I was on top of it and said something. But that just added to my stress unnecessarily. Talking about signs, maybe I should have read that as a sign of things to come.
I will continue tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Part one
Part three
Part four
Monday, July 8, 2013
I am going to tell you a story. Part 1.
I have a lot to get out right now. And I have to start from the beginning. Mainly because that is the only way for you to understand but also because I need to heal. The only way I can do that is to write it out. I am hoping this helps. This story does not end well so don't get your hopes up or anything.
We did IVF. Number 5 for those of you keeping count.
I began taking birth control pills at the end of May and started the Lupron injections in mid June. For those unfamiliar I'm going to be very detailed here. Those two medications are used to suppress the ovaries. Once they are good and suppressed then you can start the ovarian stimulation medication (used to help your ovaries produce a bunch of eggs).
I went in on June 19 and was told that everything looked good and that I could start the stimulation medications the following Saturday, June 22. This cycle I was going to take Follistim and Menopur...the same medications I have taken before.
I did everything right this cycle. We took a break and made sure we were in a good spot to start this process over again. I had gotten back into my gym routine and I had been keeping myself healthy. I had lost 12 pounds by eating clean and exercising 3 days a week. That made me 5 pounds less than what I was when I got pregnant with Blakely and back down close to my wedding weight. I was feeling really great about myself. I had stopped drinking alcohol even casually and stopped drinking caffeine (hard). I also purchased Circl.e + Bl.oom meditations to listen to during the whole cycle. I hoped it would keep me calm and positive during the stresses of IVF. I had heard great things from people about it and felt like it was worth the money. I wanted to do everything that I could since I had so little control over everything else in this process.
I was ready.
I felt like my body was ready.
If you remember this post then you know that we figured this to be our last cycle. I couldn't think about that going in to it just because that is a lot of pressure. I wanted to stay calm and try to be positive about the whole thing. One of the reasons we decided to go ahead with this IVF is because we felt content with out lives. We are so lucky to have our miracle Blakely and we knew that if she was the only child we were blessed with then that was enough. Of course, we want more children but you don't always get what you want. We could be happy with our family of three.
A lot of you asked me when our last cycle failed why would the next one be our last. There are a few reasons for this. The main one being that it takes a huge physical and emotional toll on me and our family. It is hard to inject so many hormones into your body. It makes me feel out of control of my body. It is a roller coaster of emotions and I am not easy to be around during the process. Is it going to work? Is it not going to work? Happy when things are going well. Completely down when things aren't going exactly right. Then there is the physical toll. The actual process is painful. Swollen ovaries, multiple injections each night and then the egg retrieval. Having a needle punched through your vagina multiple times is not comfortable. Also, what are the side effects of doing this to my body 5 times? No one really knows but it is always in the back of my mind.
The other big reason for this one to be our last is the financial toll. IVF is not cheap. I know some of my readers know this first hand. We were luckier than lucky to have great insurance coverage for our first 3 IVF's. But going into our FET (frozen embryo transfer) last December we had reached our lifetime max of infertility coverage. So every single dime since then has come out of our pocket. I can't tell you the exact amount (because I don't want to go back and add it up) but each IVF costs about $13,000-$15,000. Yeah. Not cheap. There comes a time when you have to think about using that money in a different way. We have saved up enough to do these fertility treatments without it putting too much of a strain on our finances but, like I said, there comes a time when you really need to take a good hard look and decide what is best for the family in the long run.
So. On June 22 I started taking Follistim (375 units) and Menopur (75 units). I know, having gone through this before, that I probably would not have an excellent response. The more you do this the slower your ovaries respond, in general. I didn't care about getting 25 eggs or a huge number of embryos. I just wanted a chance to get pregnant. Just a chance.
I'll stop here for today. I decided to divide this story into 5 parts so I don't write the longest post in history and so I don't bombard you with information! I will post one each day this week. All five posts are already written and were written on Sunday July 7.
Part two
Part three
Part four
We did IVF. Number 5 for those of you keeping count.
I began taking birth control pills at the end of May and started the Lupron injections in mid June. For those unfamiliar I'm going to be very detailed here. Those two medications are used to suppress the ovaries. Once they are good and suppressed then you can start the ovarian stimulation medication (used to help your ovaries produce a bunch of eggs).
I went in on June 19 and was told that everything looked good and that I could start the stimulation medications the following Saturday, June 22. This cycle I was going to take Follistim and Menopur...the same medications I have taken before.
I did everything right this cycle. We took a break and made sure we were in a good spot to start this process over again. I had gotten back into my gym routine and I had been keeping myself healthy. I had lost 12 pounds by eating clean and exercising 3 days a week. That made me 5 pounds less than what I was when I got pregnant with Blakely and back down close to my wedding weight. I was feeling really great about myself. I had stopped drinking alcohol even casually and stopped drinking caffeine (hard). I also purchased Circl.e + Bl.oom meditations to listen to during the whole cycle. I hoped it would keep me calm and positive during the stresses of IVF. I had heard great things from people about it and felt like it was worth the money. I wanted to do everything that I could since I had so little control over everything else in this process.
I was ready.
I felt like my body was ready.
If you remember this post then you know that we figured this to be our last cycle. I couldn't think about that going in to it just because that is a lot of pressure. I wanted to stay calm and try to be positive about the whole thing. One of the reasons we decided to go ahead with this IVF is because we felt content with out lives. We are so lucky to have our miracle Blakely and we knew that if she was the only child we were blessed with then that was enough. Of course, we want more children but you don't always get what you want. We could be happy with our family of three.
A lot of you asked me when our last cycle failed why would the next one be our last. There are a few reasons for this. The main one being that it takes a huge physical and emotional toll on me and our family. It is hard to inject so many hormones into your body. It makes me feel out of control of my body. It is a roller coaster of emotions and I am not easy to be around during the process. Is it going to work? Is it not going to work? Happy when things are going well. Completely down when things aren't going exactly right. Then there is the physical toll. The actual process is painful. Swollen ovaries, multiple injections each night and then the egg retrieval. Having a needle punched through your vagina multiple times is not comfortable. Also, what are the side effects of doing this to my body 5 times? No one really knows but it is always in the back of my mind.
The other big reason for this one to be our last is the financial toll. IVF is not cheap. I know some of my readers know this first hand. We were luckier than lucky to have great insurance coverage for our first 3 IVF's. But going into our FET (frozen embryo transfer) last December we had reached our lifetime max of infertility coverage. So every single dime since then has come out of our pocket. I can't tell you the exact amount (because I don't want to go back and add it up) but each IVF costs about $13,000-$15,000. Yeah. Not cheap. There comes a time when you have to think about using that money in a different way. We have saved up enough to do these fertility treatments without it putting too much of a strain on our finances but, like I said, there comes a time when you really need to take a good hard look and decide what is best for the family in the long run.
So. On June 22 I started taking Follistim (375 units) and Menopur (75 units). I know, having gone through this before, that I probably would not have an excellent response. The more you do this the slower your ovaries respond, in general. I didn't care about getting 25 eggs or a huge number of embryos. I just wanted a chance to get pregnant. Just a chance.
I'll stop here for today. I decided to divide this story into 5 parts so I don't write the longest post in history and so I don't bombard you with information! I will post one each day this week. All five posts are already written and were written on Sunday July 7.
Part two
Part three
Part four
Friday, April 15, 2011
Doctor's Appointment and Facebook
I had a doctors appointment yesterday. I got to keep my pants on for the first time in like three years!!! Now that is exciting people. I had to go by myself because my husband was working at the hospital across town (his practice covers multiple different hospitals but he is usually at the hospital that I work in). The nurse listened to the heartbeat and it was 164. What a sweet sound that is.... She asked me a few questions and then left and said the Dr. C would be in in a minute. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and in walks my hubby!!!!! I was shocked! It made me cry....I was so happy to see him. He had one case that he needed to do at this hospital so after he was done he just surprised me. Brownie points for him :)
Then Dr. C came in and asked us some questions and I asked him the couple of questions that I had. Then he started talking about the blood work that can be done at the next appointment....to check for your risk of Down's, Trisomy 18, and other stuff. He wanted us to decide if we wanted to do it or not. He said that if you know 100% that you would not get an amniocentesis then you might not want to get the lab done because then you would just worry and probably for no reason. I always thought that I would for sure get all of this done no matter what because I would want to know. Now that it is real I am not so sure....
When we were checking out the girl at the counter was so damn rude! She made my appointment for next month, handed me the card and then just started working on her computer.
Me: "Do I need to pay anything?"
Mean Girl: "I don't know...do you?"
Me: "Well I didn't pay anything last time sooooo...."
Mean Girl: "Do you not remember anything that we talked about last time?"
Me: After looking at my husband like WTF? "Yes, I think it was like one eighty something per month if I didn't pay in a lump sum"
Mean Girl: "Do you want me to look it up? I'll print you off another one so you will know next time."
I mean what the hell? Is she just not ever going to ask me if I want to pay? At the first appointment I asked her if I needed to pay and she said no. Isn't this her job? Are you telling me that if I had told her that I wanted to pay my $100 that she would have just believed that is how much I owe and not look it up? I wanted to smack her! She has never been very friendly but I felt like this was downright RUDE!
Anyhoo.....appointment went well and I go back in a month. I'll be 17 weeks then....WOW...
OK my next thing is this. I haven't announced that I am pregnant on Facebook. I don't think that I am going to. Here is why.... Dealing with infertility for the past....forever it seems...I have seen many a pregnancy announcement on FB. They don't all hurt....but most of them do. I think it is just the surprise factor. I mean one minute you are reading about someone's day at work or their husband and then SLAM! it just slaps you in the face. I know for a fact that there is one girl that is my friend that is struggling with IF....because I ran into her at the clinic. I am sure there are some more because it is just so common. I don't want to be the one to cause that hurt.
And I haven't been able to figure out a way to say it that wouldn't hurt. So I decided that I wasn't going to make a big announcement. I told all of my friends and family that they could put whatever they wanted about it and that was fine. I mean I plan to talk about it eventually on FB. I thought this would actually help....because then there wouldn't be an announcement but people would figure it out. Problem is...none of them will do it! They are all scared to be the first to say something. So it has been 2 1/2 weeks and not a word on FB...Is that not amazing? I am totally shocked...I just figured it would get out there without me saying anything.
And there is this.... I kinda want to make an announcement! I mean it is finally my turn. I am the one who gets to say something cute about making my husband a daddy and get all the comments and all the excitement. Totally selfish, right? But there is a part of me that wants to say screw it and just do it. I know there would be idiot comments as well but that is just part of the FB monster.
So I am torn. I thought my plan would work....but FB is totally silent about my pregnancy.
How did you girls do it? Or did you? Any suggestions on a way to do it that might not hurt someone still struggling? Am I totally overreacting? UGH! I really hate Facebook sometimes.....
Then Dr. C came in and asked us some questions and I asked him the couple of questions that I had. Then he started talking about the blood work that can be done at the next appointment....to check for your risk of Down's, Trisomy 18, and other stuff. He wanted us to decide if we wanted to do it or not. He said that if you know 100% that you would not get an amniocentesis then you might not want to get the lab done because then you would just worry and probably for no reason. I always thought that I would for sure get all of this done no matter what because I would want to know. Now that it is real I am not so sure....
When we were checking out the girl at the counter was so damn rude! She made my appointment for next month, handed me the card and then just started working on her computer.
Me: "Do I need to pay anything?"
Mean Girl: "I don't know...do you?"
Me: "Well I didn't pay anything last time sooooo...."
Mean Girl: "Do you not remember anything that we talked about last time?"
Me: After looking at my husband like WTF? "Yes, I think it was like one eighty something per month if I didn't pay in a lump sum"
Mean Girl: "Do you want me to look it up? I'll print you off another one so you will know next time."
I mean what the hell? Is she just not ever going to ask me if I want to pay? At the first appointment I asked her if I needed to pay and she said no. Isn't this her job? Are you telling me that if I had told her that I wanted to pay my $100 that she would have just believed that is how much I owe and not look it up? I wanted to smack her! She has never been very friendly but I felt like this was downright RUDE!
Anyhoo.....appointment went well and I go back in a month. I'll be 17 weeks then....WOW...
OK my next thing is this. I haven't announced that I am pregnant on Facebook. I don't think that I am going to. Here is why.... Dealing with infertility for the past....forever it seems...I have seen many a pregnancy announcement on FB. They don't all hurt....but most of them do. I think it is just the surprise factor. I mean one minute you are reading about someone's day at work or their husband and then SLAM! it just slaps you in the face. I know for a fact that there is one girl that is my friend that is struggling with IF....because I ran into her at the clinic. I am sure there are some more because it is just so common. I don't want to be the one to cause that hurt.
And I haven't been able to figure out a way to say it that wouldn't hurt. So I decided that I wasn't going to make a big announcement. I told all of my friends and family that they could put whatever they wanted about it and that was fine. I mean I plan to talk about it eventually on FB. I thought this would actually help....because then there wouldn't be an announcement but people would figure it out. Problem is...none of them will do it! They are all scared to be the first to say something. So it has been 2 1/2 weeks and not a word on FB...Is that not amazing? I am totally shocked...I just figured it would get out there without me saying anything.
And there is this.... I kinda want to make an announcement! I mean it is finally my turn. I am the one who gets to say something cute about making my husband a daddy and get all the comments and all the excitement. Totally selfish, right? But there is a part of me that wants to say screw it and just do it. I know there would be idiot comments as well but that is just part of the FB monster.
So I am torn. I thought my plan would work....but FB is totally silent about my pregnancy.
How did you girls do it? Or did you? Any suggestions on a way to do it that might not hurt someone still struggling? Am I totally overreacting? UGH! I really hate Facebook sometimes.....
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Kelly Belly-13 weeks
How Far Along: 13 weeks
Size of Baby: size of a peach..how cute :)
Maternity Clothes: No but, again, my belly looks completely different.
Weight Gain: By my scale I have gained 3 lbs...I go back to the doctor tomorrow and we will see what his scale says.
Stretch Marks: same as before the pregnancy
Sleep: not too great this week. I keep waking up with a stiff neck....
Best Moment of the Week: I made my first maternity purchase! My mom and I went to a maternity store and I got a little black dress and another shirt that can be worn with jeans or leggings. The best part is that I can wear the shirt now. The owner said that that brand (I can't remember which brand) makes all of their stuff so you can wear it throughout pregnancy and even after pregnancy.
Movement: not yet
Symptoms: still peeing all the time....at least 3 times a night and just 2 on a good night. The nausea seems to be gone (fingers crossed) but I did throw up Monday morning at work. I didn't feel bad I just all of the sudden had to run to the bathroom...kinda weird but I love it! My boobs are still sore and bigger than they have ever been. A sports bra is so comfy!
Food Cravings/Aversions: I am loving the pina colada shaved ice. I also bought some ice cream sandwiches this week. I haven't had them in forever and they are great. I love all fruit....this week Granny Smith apples seem to be my fave. I haven't really had any aversions this week.
Gender: who knows? But I will know next week hopefully!
What I Miss: Nothing...I really am enjoying being pregnant!
What I'm Looking Forward to: my doctor's appointment tomorrow and finding out the sex soon!
Weekly Wisdom: Embrace your chubby little belly and sleep while you can!
Milestones: Second trimester! Some of my books say it starts at the beginning of the 13th week and some say at the end but whatever...I'm saying I've made it!!!!
Dreams: All you IF girls will totally understand this week's dream and how stressed out I was during it! In the dream I woke up to my phone ringing early one morning and it was my fertility doctor's nurse asking me why I missed my 10 week ultrasound this morning. I was all confused and telling her that I thought they released me at 6 weeks. She said oh no honey you have to have a 10 week ultrasound! She then proceeds to tell me to continue taking my Lupron and come in in the morning. I told her I wasn't taking any meds! Then I hear her and Dr. M talking in the background about how bad it is that I haven't been on the Lupron and how they can't believe I thought I was released at 6 weeks! This was about the time I woke up.....STRESSED OUT. UGH! The stress from that place will always haunt me I guess....
Here is my 13 week picture. I had to take this one myself so not the greatest but you get the idea. Notice I am in my workout pants....again!
Happy Tuesday to all!
Size of Baby: size of a peach..how cute :)
Maternity Clothes: No but, again, my belly looks completely different.
Weight Gain: By my scale I have gained 3 lbs...I go back to the doctor tomorrow and we will see what his scale says.
Stretch Marks: same as before the pregnancy
Sleep: not too great this week. I keep waking up with a stiff neck....
Best Moment of the Week: I made my first maternity purchase! My mom and I went to a maternity store and I got a little black dress and another shirt that can be worn with jeans or leggings. The best part is that I can wear the shirt now. The owner said that that brand (I can't remember which brand) makes all of their stuff so you can wear it throughout pregnancy and even after pregnancy.
Movement: not yet
Symptoms: still peeing all the time....at least 3 times a night and just 2 on a good night. The nausea seems to be gone (fingers crossed) but I did throw up Monday morning at work. I didn't feel bad I just all of the sudden had to run to the bathroom...kinda weird but I love it! My boobs are still sore and bigger than they have ever been. A sports bra is so comfy!
Food Cravings/Aversions: I am loving the pina colada shaved ice. I also bought some ice cream sandwiches this week. I haven't had them in forever and they are great. I love all fruit....this week Granny Smith apples seem to be my fave. I haven't really had any aversions this week.
Gender: who knows? But I will know next week hopefully!
What I Miss: Nothing...I really am enjoying being pregnant!
What I'm Looking Forward to: my doctor's appointment tomorrow and finding out the sex soon!
Weekly Wisdom: Embrace your chubby little belly and sleep while you can!
Milestones: Second trimester! Some of my books say it starts at the beginning of the 13th week and some say at the end but whatever...I'm saying I've made it!!!!
Dreams: All you IF girls will totally understand this week's dream and how stressed out I was during it! In the dream I woke up to my phone ringing early one morning and it was my fertility doctor's nurse asking me why I missed my 10 week ultrasound this morning. I was all confused and telling her that I thought they released me at 6 weeks. She said oh no honey you have to have a 10 week ultrasound! She then proceeds to tell me to continue taking my Lupron and come in in the morning. I told her I wasn't taking any meds! Then I hear her and Dr. M talking in the background about how bad it is that I haven't been on the Lupron and how they can't believe I thought I was released at 6 weeks! This was about the time I woke up.....STRESSED OUT. UGH! The stress from that place will always haunt me I guess....
Here is my 13 week picture. I had to take this one myself so not the greatest but you get the idea. Notice I am in my workout pants....again!
Happy Tuesday to all!
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