It's done!

The transfer went great this morning!  

My phone rang at 7:15 this morning and it was the embryology lab calling to confirm that I was in town and would be making it to the transfer. I said yes and then she said "Okay then. We will start the thawing process now and see you in a bit".  

I started crying when she hung up. Like blubbering, snorting hard core crying. It took me 10 minutes to get it together. It completely caught me off guard. I think the reality of it all just hit me.  It wasn't a sad cry but a super happy one. A thankful cry. A grateful cry.  I called Lonnie and he made me feel that much better. 

We headed over to the clinic and the first thing they did was give me a Valium so my uterus wouldn't cramp after the transfer. Then I just had to wait. I closed my eyes and listened to my meditations for a while and then the embryologist came in. He told me that both embryos did great during the thawing process and they were "expanding nicely".  Such great news! I texted that to Lonnie and then listened to more meditations. 

My lucky socks from my awesome Bridget!  Dr. S even commented on my crazy socks. I told them they were lucky even though they were Steelers colors!  ;)

Soon after talking to Lonnie the sonographer, Dr. S, and the embryologist came in to start the transfer process. I got to see the embryos on his computer screen before he drew them up in the catheter.  I liked that!  It isn't painful at all but is uncomfortable. Mainly because you have a full bladder. The sonographer is pressing on your bladder with the transducer and you have a speculum in so you pretty much feel like you're going to pee everwhere!  

Once the embryos were in I laid there for an hour. I listened to more meditations and dozed off most of the time. 

Now I am back at the hotel snuggling up with my two sweet embryos and the two peeps Blakely sent with me. 

Now I just lay here and wait. I am just so happy to be in this place right now. Hang in there babies and stick stick stick!  

Ready!

Tomorrow is the day!  We will be transferring 2 beautiful, wonderful and perfect embryos.  I am so very ready to do this thing.  Nervous, yes.  But more than anything I am excited.  We have been working towards this specific goal for almost 10 months.  Part of me can't believe we are actually here and doing this.  I just think back to December when Lonnie and I decided that we had to make a move on what we wanted to do regarding having another baby.  And now here we are with 3 frozen day 5 blasts.  Amazing.  

I'll update tomorrow on how things go!  Here we go!  

playing catch up!

Things have been a bit nuts around here.  In a good way.  Lonnie has had some random days off and the weather has been nice so we've had quite a bit of fun family time.  I keep meaning to blog about certain things but I forget!  So here we go with a miss mash of a post and some pictures thrown in!  

• FIRST OF ALL.  I found out late last week that all three of our embryos are chromosomally normal!  Can I get a hallelujah?  I nearly flipped when I saw the clinic number on my phone.  But she immediately told me it was good news.  I cried.  Like full on silly cry.  I didn't mean to do it but it snuck up on me and I couldn't stop.  We have a phone consult with Dr. S on July 3rd and we are tentatively looking at a frozen transfer at the end of July/early August.  OMG.  

• Blakely is still going to MDO 2 days a week.  They aren't usually open during the summer but they decided to give it a try.  I am super happy about that because Blakely would have missed it so much!  I wanted to take a comparison picture of her from the beginning of the school year to the end.  It amazes me how much she has changed.  I mean, I expected it, but, she just looks so grown up!  And tall.  

• We have been going to the pool pretty much every weekend for the last month.  The first few times Blakely didn't really want to "swim".  She had to have me holding her AT ALL TIMES.  She didn't even want to get down in the water much.  Well fast forward to yesterday and all of the sudden she can swim all over the pool with her puddle jumper on.  Deep end, shallow end, jump off the steps, spin herself around, climb up on the floaties.  It is amazing.  I was so surprised at how much progress she made in just one day.  Something clicked with her and she realized holy crap I can swim around here!  Ha!  We are hopefully starting swim lessons soon.

• I found a co-op in my town!  I can't tell you how excited this makes me.  I have been wanting to find one for a while but I couldn't.  I am not really one to just go to the farmer's market, chat them up and ask if I can buy food from them on the regular.  I was reading one of our local magazines and boom, there it was.  The best part?  Besides farm fresh food obviously, is that you order online!  I just placed my second order and I was so thrilled with my first one.  Everything was so fresh and just beautiful!  This time I ordered some meats as well as veggies and fruit.  Eventually I would like to get all of my meat from them but I am starting slow.  See?  Pretty!

• On Fridays, after gymnastics class we go to my dad's house.  Last Friday we took a little boat ride while we were over there.  Blakely had a blast.  For about 20 minutes.  Then this happened....  I've told you before...boats are magic toddler sleep machines.  

• Last week at MDO they had water week.  They had some little pools and sprinklers set up outside and the kids got to play.  Well since then, Blakely has been begging to "play in the water and play in the little fishie pool and play in the sprinkler and run run run through the sprinkler like we did at school please Mommy please".  Everything is an elaborate run on sentence around here.  So I dug out the little pool I bought when she was a baby and the child was thuh-rilled.  I set up our sprinkler and she was a little timid about it at first but after a few tries she was running around like crazy.  So  much so that I went online right then and bought another ball like sprinkler for her.  I love summer.  

• Lonnie and I have been playing co-ed softball again this year.  Have I mentioned that? It is fun but it is hot.  Last week we had 2 games and it was 95 degrees with like a million percent humidity.  Towards the end I thought I may just lay down in the outfield. I think we have about 3 weeks left.  Good news is that I haven't been injured yet!

• I got Lonnie a Keu.rig for Father's Day.  Why did we not purchase this like 5 years ago? And why did no one tell me that it makes a lot more than just coffee?!?!?  I don't drink coffee so I never paid a bit of attention to the thing.  Hello Kelly (autocorrect tried to change that to Hello K.itty.  WTF).  It it so much more than a coffee maker.  I may have just placed a very large order of tea, cider, hot chocolate and lemonade.  B will flip over the lemonade.  Girl is obsessed.  She helps "make coffee with Daddy in his new coffee maker we got for him for Daddy Day yesterday and I sit on counter with Daddy and help him make super hot coffee".  Love that girl...

• The other night I put Blakely's pajamas on and forgot to pull her hair out of the neck.  A few minutes later I looked over and saw this.  How cute would a little toddler bob be?  Not going to happen but I had to take a pic of the cuteness.  Although I am about to make her an appointment for a trim.  Her very first one.  Just a trim...

Okay.  I think y'all are caught up!  Happy Monday!  

One step closer.

I know my blog is all about this IVF right now but, honestly, I am consumed by it.  There is just not much else going on in my life so bear with me.  I promise to post about something else soon!  

So I talked to the embryologist about an hour ago.  Of those original 4 embryos they were able to biopsy (CCS test) and freeze 3 of them.  3 out of 4 is really good!  My main fear this ENTIRE time was that we wouldn't have any embryos make it day 5 or 6 to be frozen.  And we have 3!  So yay!  

Also, those other 4 embryos that were created on the second day are still growing.  They are a day behind, obviously, because they were made a day later.  Tomorrow is day 6 for them so if they make it to the blastocyst stage then they will biopsy and freeze those tomorrow.  She made me a little nervous about these for some reason.  She said that 2 of them were lagging behind the other 2.  She said everything was fine but I, of course, have latched on to that and am stressing about it.  I just hope and pray that they keep growing and are able to be frozen tomorrow.  They are going to call and let me know something tomorrow.  

So, we are one step closer.  We have 3 frozen already and 4 more that could possibly be frozen tomorrow.  We are almost there.  We will get the results of the genetic (CCS) testing in three weeks.  The waiting and wishing and hoping and praying and worrying and stressing is difficult but I know all of this is worth it.  I feel really good about the whole process and I am so very thankful things have gone so well.  

And I am finally feeling back to normal.  I was a bloated up mess and now I have lost the 7 pounds (7 pounds!) I gained while pumped full of hormones.  Whew...it was not comfortable!  

Grow little embryos grow!  

Happy tears!

The embryologist called me about an hour ago.  She said that of the 5 eggs that matured overnight that they performed day 2 ICSI on.....they were able to make 4 more embryos!  FOUR MORE EMBRYOS!  

!!!!!!!!!!!

So now we have a total of 8 embryos.  I have been crying on and off since that phone call.  Such happy tears.  I just really wasn't expecting such good news.  I thought I was grasping by wanting one or two more so that phone call threw me for a loop.  

They did not check on the initial 4 today so we don't know how they are doing or if any more happened to start growing.  I will not hear anything else until Monday when they will call to tell me how many made it to the blastocyst stage and are available to freeze.  

This waiting is insane and hard.  But being with my sweet girl makes it much easier.  If I was still in a random Den.ver hotel I would have lost my mind by now.  

I hope and pray these little embryos keep growing and growing.  Stay strong little ones!  Mommy is trying to stay strong too!  

Embryo report

I got a phone call this morning while I was on the rental car shuttle.  We had told the embryologist that we would not be home until after one o'clock so I was expecting the call then but I guess they make these calls early!  

She told me this...

Out of the 18 eggs, 9 of them were mature.  Out of those 9, four fertilized normally.  

So we have 4 embryos.  But they are going to watch those other 5 to see if they divide.  Since it had not even been 24 hours since ICSI ("fertilization") they would wait to see if those divided.  It is not super likely but it is possible.  

Also, 5 of the eggs that were not mature yesterday matured overnight.  She said that they were going to ICSI those today.  She also said that was not as good as doing it on day one so it did not mean we would get embryos out of those but they would try.  They are going to call me tomorrow to let me know about those 5 that they ICSI's today. 

This is why we chose this clinic.  Their lab is one of the best.  We knew they could do the most with whatever I gave them.  I think when we knew I had 18 eggs, Lonnie and I were both hoping for a higher number of embryos.  But, honestly, I am just glad that we have some.  All I want is a chance to get pregnant.  Just a chance.  I have to have faith in this lab that they are doing everything possible to grow these embryos.  

I am hoping and praying that these embryos keep growing.  Whatever the number is I just want them to keep growing.  Blakely was a little fighter embryo and I just feel that we have a couple of those in this batch.  Please please please.  

Also, I am home now.  I couldn't be happier.  I am still hurting but I can at least get comfortable.  But let me tell you, traveling the day after surgery is NO JOKE!  I do not recommend it.  

I have never been happier than to see this girl.  

She was happy to see me too.  We have been snuggling and kissing and hugging and playing all evening.  I don't ever want to leave her again.

It's time!

I just got the call from my nurse and I get to take my trigger shot tonight!  I am so excited.  I was really going to cry if I had to go one more day.  I mean I knew it would be for the best but I am so uncomfortable and so ready to get this show on the road.  

Lonnie sent this to me a few days ago.  It made me laugh.  :)

Although at this point I feel like my ovaries are bigger than your head.  

So tonight (Sunday) I take a new medication at exactly midnight.  Then I take it again tomorrow at noon.  I go in for lab only tomorrow and then I get to pick my husband up from the airport.  Can not wait to see him.  For real.  

I can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight tomorrow night and I go in for my egg retrieval Tuesday morning.  Oh I am so excited for Tuesday to get here.  Mainly because that is when the important stuff starts.  Ya know, the making of the embryos.  I really really really hope and pray that my eggs are of good quality and they are mature so we can get the best possible embryos.  The last IVF (that was completely fucked up from the jump) my eggs were not mature and I was told they were not good quality.  I just hope that was a fluke or a lie.  I'll take either at this point.  

So far things have gone better than I could have expected.  I have responded well to the medications and I have at least 9 follicles on my right ovary and at least 6 on my left ovary.  A total of 15 eggs sounds wonderful to me.  When we had our consult with Dr. S back in March he said he would be shooting for 10 eggs with me.  So hopefully my ovaries have overachieved.  Here is the number of eggs they have gotten in all five of my previous attempts.  

IVF #1 - 14 eggs
IVF #2 - 14 eggs
IVF #3 - 19 eggs (Blakely's cycle)
IVF #4 - 13 eggs
IVF #5 - 7 eggs.  

My estrogen is higher than it has ever been.  When I triggered on IVF #3 it was like 2500 (the highest to this point) and this time it is 5300.  Hoping that means mature eggs.  It also means I feel like shit.  But totally worth it.  

Just some things to keep in mind.  I won't necessarily get the same number of embryos as the number of eggs.  Not all of the eggs will be mature (they can be premature or post mature) and some may not fertilize properly.  Usually a little more than half of the good eggs will be fertilized properly with ICSI.  Then those little balls of cells need to grow grow grow.  I will update on Tuesday when I get back to the hotel in the afternoon.

People keep telling me how strong I am.  Well let me just put it out there that I do not feel strong.  At all.  I feel weak and tired and like a little anxious ball of nerves.  I have cried numerous times while being here.  Mainly in the last couple of days.  Sometimes for a legit reason (I hurt) and other times not so much (I feel certain that Blakely will want nothing to do with me when I get home).  I have major anxiety every single time I drive to the clinic and have to immediately go into the bathroom and get it together when I get there.  I am an anxious person.  I am doing my best to control that and I have done a pretty good job (thank you essential oils).  If all I have to do is spend a minute or two in the bathroom talking myself down then I am doing well.  But it is a vicious cycle.  I know that stress and anxiety is not good for me right now.  So when I do get anxious I start to worry.  Which leads to stress. Blah.  Anyway, the point is that I do not feel strong but I feel like I am coping.  I am making it.  I am extremely excited to see Lonnie tomorrow so he can take some of the stress and anxiety away.  He has a way with me.  

clinic bathroom selfie.  trying to stay distracted.  

I am so happy at this moment right now.  This is what we have been waiting for and building up to.  Please let everything go smoothly and let us get the best possible outcome.  I am so ready.  This is also the time when I start to get really nervous.  Don't ovulate too early!  Mature on up little eggiest!  But not too mature!  No weather delays for Lonnie's flight!  You get the point.  I am trying really hard to stay focused.  Grow these eggs, Kelly.  You got this. Now, let's make some babies.  

A super technical post + an update

I am still here in Denver plugging away at this IVF thing.  Things are going great except that I miss my girl, my husband and my bed.  Hotel beds are awesome for about 3 days.  The "me time" is great but now I feel pretty yuck and I don't really want and to get out and do anything.  I am trying hard not to mope.  

A little recap of the last few days.  

I had an ultrasound and lab on Tuesday.  All of that still looked good.  I had about 5 follicles on the left and about 9 on the right.  I was told to come back for a recheck on Thursday.  I also had a physical that day.  It seemed unnecessary but what do I know.  They did prick my finger to check a hemoglobin level and mine was a little high.  I was told to drink more water but it should be fine.  I can't not even tell you how much water I am drinking.  I am peeing every 5 minutes it seems.  

On Wednesday I had to go to a class all about the genetic testing (CCS) of our embryos.  I DID NOT want to go.  I was dreading it so much.  I just found out about the class the day before so I was not prepared.  The thought of going and listening to all of the risks and bad things that could happen to our embryos sounded like zero fun.  It took me 3 months to even decide to do the testing.  Sitting through a class that was going to make me doubt my decision was not on my list of things I wanted to do.  

As it turns out the class made me feel better about it.  Imagine that?  They went over the process, we had a little biology lesson and then she answered any questions.  A few things that stood out to me.

• 90% of their patients do CCS.  (A lot of people come here specifically for this testing)
• Less than 1% chance of damage/destruction of the embryo during the biopsy
• Less than 2% chance that an embryo will not survive the freezing/thawing process
• CCS is 95% accurate.  
• 1,200 healthy pregnancies via CCS
• They have had 9 misdiagnoses.  9 embryos that tested normal but they ended up not being normal.  7 of those ended in miscarriage and the other 2 were found at prenatal testing.  

Here is how the process works.  I know this is technical but, to me, it was interesting and it helped me to feel less stressed about the process.  

The day of my egg retrieval is considered day 0.  The eggs are injected with a sperm (ICSI) about 4 hours after the retrieval.  The next day (day 1) I will get a phone call from the embryologist telling me how many embryos were created.  They will then monitor the embryos for the next several days.  When the embryos get to the blastocyst stage (either day 5 or 6) they will then take the biopsy.  Little note here about the blastocyst.  They look for 2 things to determine if an embryo has reached the blastocyst stage.  1) they need to be 80-100 cells and 2) there needs to be differentiation of those cells.  This differentiation is when there becomes a ring of cells around the outside of the embryo which becomes the placenta and a mass of cells in the middle which becomes the baby.  Okay, so the biopsy takes 3-5 cells off of this outer ring.  Once the biopsy is done they freeze the embryos.  

They use a method called flash freezing.  Many years ago they used a method called a slow freeze and the embryo loss rate was 30%.  They have found that flash freezing is much better and the embryos tolerate it well.

Soooooo.  And this is important.  I will then receive a phone call (on day 5 or 6 after the embryos have been biopsied and frozen) telling me how may embryos we had that made it. I will hear from them on day 1 and not again until day 5 or 6.  OMG.  When I first heard this I was worried.  I have always been updated each day on how my embryos are doing.  The more I thought about it the more I came around to this idea.  First of all, hearing every day is a freaking emotional roller coaster.  Just read this post from my third IVF.  And then this one from the very next day.   I was a WRECK.  It seems on day 2 our embryos are never growing super fast and all I ever hear is bad things.  But then on day 3 they are always doing better.  So yeah, we will avoid that roller coaster of emotions.  I will be anxious for those 5 days no doubt.  But I did ask them and they said if all of the embryos arrest earlier than day 5 then they will call me immediately and let me know.  No news during those days is good news!

So that is the process.  I will learn the results of this testing 3 weeks after the test so 4 weeks after my retrieval.  Then I will be able to do a frozen transfer of the embryos that are available.  I can do a frozen transfer 8-12 weeks after my retrieval.

Moving on from that.  I had my recheck of labs and ultrasound yesterday.  Things are still looking good.  5-6 on the left and 8-9 on the right.  I talked to my nurse and she thought I may be on the stimulation meds a day or so longer than we thought.  This is normal but I only have enough meds until Saturday.  They wanted me to bring in my used vials of meds since there can be a little left in the bottom.  They drew up all that was left and were able to get another dose!  That saves be from dropping another grand at the pharmacy.  I still have to get my other medication from the pharmacy so that is what I am going to do as soon as I hit publish.  Drive into downtown Denver and try to find the pharmacy!  Awesome.  

I go back on Saturday morning for another recheck.  We are tentatively looking at an egg retrieval on Tuesday instead of Monday.  Lonnie is just waiting for confirmation before booking his flight.  

Sometimes (like right now after writing this) I feel like this is all so crazy.  There is just so much and it is overwhelming at times.  But, in the end, I know I am doing the right thing for us, for my family.  I would ramble on here about why it is right for us and how bad I want to make Blakely a big sister (and how much I miss that girl!) but then I would just cry and not be able to stop.  These hormones are no freaking joke.  

Again, I really appreciate each and every one of you for reading and supporting me.  I seriously don't know what I would do without this space and the friends I have made here.  All of the prayers, well wishes and good vibes being sent my way are working!  Love y'all!  

Also, feel free to ask any questions.  I am an open book!  Aaaaaaand just a reminder that I am documenting this on insta.gram @mile_high_mama if you want to follow me there.  

Here we go.

IVF #6 is officially underway.  

It actually started while I was at the beach since I started taking some medications there.  But the hard core stimulation meds started last Thursday.  I arrived in Denver Saturday and I will be here for 12 or so days.  This post is going to be a bit technical but I want to document the details and this is my place for documenting!  

My protocol this time around is different from any that I have ever done.  My previous 5 attempts were all basically the same.  Take birth control pills for a month or so.  Take lupron towards the end of the bcp's.  Stop bcp's.  Have a period and then start stimulations meds.  

This time around we skipped the birth control.  The reason you take that is basically to suppress all your hormones, mainly estrogen.  I have felt like my body doesn't respond right away to the stimulation meds the last 2 IVF's because maybe I am too suppressed?  Or maybe since I was so suppressed it took my body a few extra days to kick into to gear?  Anyway, no birth control pills this time.  This time I...

-had a period.  

-tested for ovulation 

-then started taking medication 10 days after ovulation.  

-had another period right at the time my body would normally have a period

-then started taking the medication that stimulates your ovaries to produce lots of follicles. 

To me it seemed more in line with what my body is already trying to do on a monthly basis.  I don't know?

Here is the rundown of my medications.  

-On Thursday May 15th I started taking Estra.diol (a pill) morning and night.  

-On Friday May 16th I started taking Cetro.tide (injection) in the evening

-On Sunday May 18th I stopped taking Cetro.tide

-On Tuesday May 20th I stopped taking Estra.diol

-On Wednesday May 21st I had an ultrasound and labs at home to make sure I didn't have any cysts on my ovaries and to make sure my estrogen, LH and progesterone were normal. (It was all good)

-On Thursday May 22nd I started taking Meno.pur (2 vials, injection) in the morning before 830 and Foll.istim (300 units, injection) in the evening, 12 hours after the Meno.pur and a dexametha.sone tablet before bed.  I will continue this medication everyday until it is time for retrieval.  

When we got the results of my appointment Wednesday we frantically booked my flight and my hotel room.  We didn't want to do it before just in case everything got postponed.  Luckily there was still a direct flight and I got a great deal on a hotel for being a patient of this clinic.  

I had my first lab and ultrasound here in Denver yesterday.  Everything looked good and I go back on Tuesday morning for another check.  I had about 5 follicles on my left ovary with a couple smaller ones that may or may not catch up.  And I had about 7-9 follicles on my right ovary.  They are all around the same size and that is really good.  We want them to grow at the same rate so we can get the highest number of mature eggs possible.  

A major thing that is different this time is that we are not doing a fresh transfer.  That is what we have always done.  That is where 3-5 days after the embryos are made the best ones are put back into the uterus.  This time, we are having all the embryos cultured until day five (5 days after retrieval) and then they will be frozen and genetically tested.  Once those results come back we will do a frozen transfer with the "best" embryos (not genetically abnormal).  This was a major source of stress for me that last few months, basically since we came out for testing in March.  They recommended we have this testing (called CCS).  Lonnie thought we should.  I didn't want to do it.  Here were my reasons why.  

• We have only ever had 3 embryos make it to day 5.  Blakely and 2 that were frozen on her cycle.  (We have had 8 embryos total, ever)  The thought of going through all of this and none making it to day 5 and being left with nothing makes me want to vom.  
• I didn't like not having the opportunity to transfer them on day 3 if they weren't growing well.
• I have always heard/thought frozen success rates were lower than fresh success rates
• I just felt like it was another major thing for the embryos to have to be put through that could harm them or destroy them.  Case in point...one of the embryos that made it to day 5 to be frozen during Blakely's cycle "disintegrated" during the freezing process.  Yeah...

Here were the counter points to my points (per Lonnie, my nurse and my doctor, Dr. S)

• They have one of the best labs in the country.  This was one of the reasons we decided to come here.  We felt like they could do more with whatever I gave them.  So hopefully they could culture the embryos "better" and more would make it to day 5.  (Lonnie)
• This clinic actually has better frozen success rates than fresh success rates.  (nurse and Dr. S)  Now, part of that is because they do this testing so they are only transferring genetically normal frozen embryos.  But if the reason we have had failures was due to genetically abnormal embryos then at least we would know.  (Lonnie and Dr. S)  Also, Dr. S feels like the body is not as well prepared to accept an embryo after just going through weeks of hormones and then a surgery.  He feels like a month or two after the retrieval when the body is back to normal it is better equipped to accept a pregnancy.  
• They have actually never damaged an embryo with this process.  And, not only that, it is extremely rare for them to lose an embryo during the freezing or thawing process.  My nurse couldn't even recall a time it had happened.  (nurse and Dr. S)
• One of the main reasons we changed clinics was because we wanted something different.  This is something different along with other things this cycle.  We need to trust their expertise.  That is why we chose them.  (Lonnie)

Lonnie left it up to me to decide and I decided to do the CCS testing.  I literally waited until the absolute last day possible to notify my nurse of this.  I just kept going back and forth.  But, in the end, I decided on the CCS testing.  I feel like Lonnie is right when he said we came here to trust the experts and to try something different.  I also have faith in their lab that they can get me some good day 5 embryos and this will all work out.  I told myself once I made the decision that I was not going to look back so that is what I am doing.  No what if's and no shoulda, woulda, coulda's.  This was the decision and we are going with it.  Now let's get lots of good quality eggs that can turn into good quality embryos!  

I am feeling pretty good.  I have headaches but I always do when I am on hormones.  I had one every single day I was pregnant with Blakely.  I can already feel my ovaries aching a little bit but nothing painful just something I am aware of.  I really like the place I am staying.  There is a lot of shopping nearby and that is what I did all day today.  Lots of Memori.al Day sales!  I know after a few more days I won't feel like doing anything but laying around or sleeping so I am exploring my area while I feel good.  I have a kitchen so I went to the grocery store so I wouldn't have to eat out every meal.  Although I have already seen so many new-to-me restaurants that I must try!  I brought some books and will probably find a bookstore and get more.  So far everything is good!  I am not too bored yet!  Ha!  I am sure that will come.  

Of course I miss Blakely and Lonnie like crazy already.  I know they miss me too.  I have already gotten quite a few sweet texts from the husband and I've talked to B a few times.  I can tell she is trying to be big girl.  I told her to take care of Daddy while Mommy was gone and she said, "don't worry, Mom.  I will."  Swoon.  

Also, I have decided to document this little trip of mine with a new Ins.tagram account.  I wanted to be able to update my friends and family without having to send a bunch of texts each day.  Plus, it gives me something to do!  If you would like to follow along the account is @mile_high_mama 

2 embryos transferred!

I had 2 embryos transferred into my uterus this morning.  I could not be happier!

I got the call yesterday that they had grown and to come in today.  My MIL drove me up there because there was no way Lonnie could cancel his cases for the second day this week.

When I got there all I wanted was to hear how they were doing.  I just needed good news.  We had one 7 cell and one 8 cell embryo.  I nearly cried.  PERFECT NEWS!!!  They are both such strong little embryos...I am so proud of them :)

The transfer itself went very smoothly.  The worst part is having a full bladder with pressure on your bladder from the ultrasound transducer and then a speculum inserted.  Not cool.  It is over quickly thank goodness.  Now I am on bed rest for 2 days.  My MIL is staying here tonight and Lonnie is finally off this weekend.  So we have plenty of help taking care of B.  I hate not being able to play with her.  She doesn't understand and gets upset when I am in the room with her but not able to pick her up.  So I am hibernating downstairs while she plays upstairs.  I miss her tons but she comes down for a kiss every so often.  I have a stack of books so maybe this time will pass quickly.  

I am so happy to be laying here with 2 embryos in my uterus.  All I wanted was a chance to get pregnant.  In my life I have only really had 4 chances to become pregnant (because of my eggs)...this being the 4th.  I have hope that this will work.  I have hope that these embabies are little miracles like Blakely and will complete our family.  

This whole process is such an emotional roller coaster.  I really appreciate all of your support during this crazy time!  I know I have been up and down and I thank you for being there with me through it all.  

Now we wait....

I can't even think of a title.

Out of 13 eggs, they were only able to ICSI 3 of them.  Out of those 3, only 2 fertilized normally.  They will call me tomorrow to let me know if those 2 have continued to grow.  

I wasn't able to ask her why only 3 out of the 13 eggs were viable.  I am assuming those were the only "mature" eggs.  I don't know.  I waited around all morning for them to call.  Then I ran to Walg.reens for .004 seconds and she called when I was in line to check out.  Of course.  I'll ask her tomorrow although it doesn't really matter.  

Please let these 2 embryos turn into miracle babies like Blakely.  I am not very hopeful.  I have a terrible feeling that they are going to call me tomorrow and say that they stopped growing and that it is over.  All of this an not even a chance to get pregnant.  I don't know if I can take that.  Please let them keep growing.  Please let them have a chance to be transferred into my uterus.  I can take a negative pregnancy test but I don't know if I can take no embryos at all.  

But maybe they will be miracles like Blakely.  Stay strong little embabies.  Momma is trying to stay strong too.  

Such a downer blog lately.  Sorry for that.  

Darwin and 3dp3dt

First of all, I am 3dp3dt and I am still feeling hopeful.  I was getting down the past two days (bedrest will do that to ya!) but I got a very uplifting phone call this morning.  They were able to freeze our other two embryos!!!!  HOLLA!!!  This girl is excited.  I burst into tears when she said that on the phone.  I was NOT expecting her to say that at all.  I really needed some good news.  Other than that I am trying not to think about what is possibly going on in my pelvic region...which is super hard!  I have found that reading a book is the best way to stop thinking about it.  I have read about 3.  So moving on!


I thought I would do a post about my furry little babies.  The dogs and I have a love/hate relationship...it is mostly love though.  You will understand more of this later.  

When Hubs and I met, he had a dog and I had a dog.  It just so happened that they were the same age and about the same size (they will both be nine in May but they were almost four at the time).  Their similarities end right there.  They are complete opposites.  His (our) dog is a Jack Russell named Darwin.  If you know anything about Jack Russells then you know they are spastic/crazy/psycho dogs.  This is totally true...take it from me.  I swear someone slips this dog crack on a daily basis just to drive me bonkers.  A few fun facts about Darwin...

-He absolutely despises other dogs.  He loses his shit anytime a person walks by our house with their dog.  He tries to chew through the metal fence that he is in to get to them.  My husband keeps telling me he is smart...but his actions make me think otherwise.  Some of our neighbors (they are Russian) have two huge dogs (Hubs says they are Rhodesian Ridgebacks which means nothing to me....all I know is they are huge and mean and not on a leash) and Darwin would love nothing more than to be let out to have a go at them.  I actually do love him most of the time so I do not open the gate.  Oh, and those dogs only respond to Russian commands...I need a lesson...

-He LOVES peanut butter.  I mean most dogs do but not the way Darwin does.  He, like, has a sixth sense and he knows when the PB has been taken out of the pantry.  He comes barreling in from wherever he was and will pretty much knock you over to get at it....He’s like 20 pounds...OK?  I am convinced that if you put him in an endless container of PB he would eat it until he died....like, exploded!  You see why I question his intelligence?  Also, if you have gotten the PB out and eaten it yourself and not given him any, he will find your favorite shoe and chew it to pieces.  Even though your favorite shoes are not kept on the floor.  I think he has special powers.  This would be the hate part of our relationship.  

-He LOVES my husband.  Maybe because my Lonnie was the one to raise him for the first three years of his life...who knows?  All I know is that Darwin only listens to him.  I can say something....it gets ignored.  Lonnie tells him something and he does it IMMEDIATELY.  Is this how our kids are going to be??  I hope not because it is quite irritating.  He would NEVER chew his shoes...although he did chew his house shoes ONCE but I am convinced it was because I wore them to get the newspaper and he was confused.  He never refuses to go to his doggy room if Lonnie asks him.  And he doesn’t bark maniacally at the birds or geese or the wind or whatever when hubs is home.  ARGHHH!!!

I really do love Darwin, although it may not seem like it.  He is such a lover!  Sure for the first 20 minutes that you walk in the door he acts like crazy man, running in circles all over the house and jumping on you relentlessly, BUT after that he wants nothing more than to be snuggled and petted.  I often find him curled up on top of one of my decorative pillows from the bed (that is on the floor because I am not one to make the bed).  He knows he is not supposed to do that so he holds really really still and thinks that if he doesn’t move or look at me that I won’t notice him.  It is really cute.

Our dogs are not allowed on the bed (long story for another day).  Sometimes, if he has been recently groomed and Lonnie is not home, I will let him up there to cuddle.  He loves this.  He curls up next to my legs and just snores away.  We bond....

He is also very protective of me which I find very cute as well.  I mean, of course he would protect Lonnie first, but I’m ok with that :)  

Anyway.....here are a few pictures of crazy Darwin also know as D, crazy D, D-dog, Dar-Dar, and Darweenie.  

Staring out the window to make sure he's not missing anything he can bark at....

I caught him on the couch.....

really hoping for some PB.....

This has turned into an extremely long post so I will do Dusty another time!  But here's just a little preview....

That's right....biggest Shih-Tzu ever...

We Have Embryos!

The clinic called me this morning.  They said out of the 19 eggs, 10 were able to be ICSI’d.  Out of those 10, six fertilized normally.  SIX!!!  WE HAVE SIX EMBRYOS!!!  If you can’t tell I am excited!  Like seriously excited.....  This is the best cycle we have had so far.  

They will call me in the morning with a more detailed report, which will tell us how well they are dividing and how many cells they are.  

My hopes are up.  There is no other way for me to put it.  They are up....way up.  I’m not sure why.  I guess because everything has gone so well so far.  But I have been through this before...this emotional roller coaster, and I know that at any minute it can all come crashing down.  I think that is the hardest part of infertility.  The up and down, up and down.  We have been trying to conceive for over 2 1/2 years.  We have been on this roller coaster for 2 1/2 years.

At first, the roller coaster was not all that bad (I say this now....ya know hindsight is 20/20).  It was just monthly.  Use ovulation tests, have timed intercourse, get excited, start period and get crushed.  This went on for nine months.  

After that the ups and downs of the roller coaster are more often.  Doctor appointments, semen analysis, ultrasounds, IUI’s, labs, blah, blah, blah.  Just searching for the answer to why we aren’t pregnant and hoping one month we will get a surprise.  

Then on to IVF, which is a daily/hourly roller coaster.  The medications do not help this little problem at all.  I can go from feeling really great about everything to sobbing uncontrollably because I know it isn’t going to work.  This does not help ones sanity.

I think the reason I am surprised at my hopefulness this IVF is because I have felt pretty hopeful the entire time.  Sure, I have had some low moments but over all I have kept it positive and had a good feeling about the outcome.  This has not happened in either of my other two IVF’s.  I know that I might get crushed, and if I do I will pick myself up and figure out what to do next.  I always do.  But, I really hope that is not the case.  I really hope that this is it.  

As of right now I am the mommy of six tiny and beautiful embryos.  I am so proud of them already, I can’t believe it.

GROW BABIES GROW!!!