Unofficial Ultrasound

There's a baby in there!!!!


I finally did my ultrasound yesterday.  There was no way I was waiting until next Friday.  Me and my husband decided yesterday was the day because I was 5 weeks 2 days.  You should definitely see at least a gestational sac and a yolk sac at this time.  I knew it was unlikely to see a embryonic pole and a heartbeat this early but I just needed to make sure the beeb was in the right spot and growing like he/she should.  So here is the first ultrasound pic!!!  I'm sure there will be a million more to come!

(For those of you that don't know....The black circle is the gestational sac and the smaller "white-rimmed" circle within the gestational sac is the yolk sac.  The embryo develops very close to the yolk sac but is not visible this early....but very soon!)


I absolutely cannot believe this is a picture of MY uterus.  


Honestly, I am still just in shock. 


I do ultrasounds on women in early pregnancy every day that I am at work so I see this image all the time.  It is just surreal that this is mine....my baby....my uterus...my pregnancy.....


I had convinced myself that my beta must have gone down so the pregnancy was over because I didn't feel pregnant anymore.  So, I peed on another stick and the line showed up instantly and basically stole all the ink from the control line.  I felt better.  This was actually stupid for me to feel this way because I am for sure having a few pregnancy symptoms.  More on those later...


Then I had totally convinced myself that I had an ectopic (rare....but still possible with IVF).  I was (and still am) having left lower quadrant pain.  Since we scanned yesterday I feel better...no ectopic just a cyst on my ovary...I can deal with that!


I also thought maybe I had just made it all up.  That I had literally lost my mind and created this all in my head.  That my husband was going to sit me down any minute and tell me that I needed to come back to reality.  
***sidenote:  This feeling probably comes from the fact that I have had to ultrasound multiple different women who HAVE made it up.  They come to the emergency room and tell the doctors they are pregnant.  The doctors then order an ultrasound and a pregnancy test.  I do the ultrasound before the results of the pregnancy test and BAM they aren't even pregnant.  I even one time had to go in the middle of the night because they couldn't find a heartbeat on a 34 week baby.  This is the worst possible ultrasound to have to do by the way.  The woman was extremely large so you wouldn't have been able to tell if she was pregnant anyway.  Basically I put the transducer down and she had a totally empty uterus.***


So see, I was driving myself crazy.  I feel much better after the ultrasound.  I know the beeb is in the right spot and is right on track and that I didn't make it up!  I can now focus on enjoying this as much as possible...and that is what I intend to do :)


I want to document everything since this is my journal/diary so these are the symptoms I am having as of right now.

• peeing all the time.  I have to get up at least twice in the middle of the night.  Is it dumb that I thought this was only a symptom of late pregnancy?  Apparently not....
• thirsty all the time and not really for water which is weird because pre-pregnancy I was a major water drinker.  Now I just want orange juice or apple juice.  A fellow blogger said something about Simply Lemonade and I am dying to try it but it wasn't at the store that I went to yesterday!  Ugh....
• I haven't been nauseous or anything but I did throw up the other night.  I was eating cauliflower and my husband asked me if I washed it off really good.  I started thinking about all the chemicals and that just made me totally sick really quick!
• fatigue.  I have been napping every day that I can.
• starting to want to eat weird stuff.  Last night I made myself a peanut butter sandwich that I dipped in syrup.  I really wanted peanut butter pancakes and this was the closest thing to it.  Hubs was eating a turkey sandwich and had pickle spears on the side.  I started dipping the pickles in my syrup.  Like it wasn't weird at all.....

I have also started walking daily although I did miss yesterday.  I walked 1.5 miles this morning.  


I purchased some really good lotion to rub on my belly to hopefully help with stretch marks.  I already have some stretch marks on my hips from when I had a major growth spurt in 9th grade so I know that I am susceptible to them.  I used it for the first time last night and I am not sure about it.  When I read about it online it said "delicately scented".  I'm not sure if I would call that scent delicate but I am going to keep trying it and we will see how it turns out.  I might try a few other just to see which I like best.  It is the belly butter from Bellamama.  Here is a pic...

I can't wait until we can tell people.  I am already trying to think of cute ways to do it.  I am most  anxious to tell my dad, my grandmother (this will be her first great grandchild), my brother-in-law and his wife and their two kids (they are almost 6 year old twins).  We will be waiting a while to tell them but a girl can plan can't she???  If you have any ideas I would love to hear them!

Valentine's and Orange Juice

First of all, I want to thank all of you who commented on my last two posts.  It really means a lot to me to hear from you girls that are reading my blog.  I love y'all!!!


Hope everyone is having a great weekend.  I know I have because it has been 60 degrees and sunny here and that always helps.

I have had to work all weekend but the guy we just hired took my night time call last night and tonight....I really heart him!  It is pretty super working with a guy (hard to find a male in my field) that just got out of school and is totally gung-ho about taking call as much as possible so he can save money.  That ship has totally sailed for me.  I want to work my hours and then be done.  I would be ok not taking any call but I don’t have that option where I work.  I am on call every 7th weekend and every other Thursday, which I know is not bad AT ALL (compared to what I did when I was full time), but I despise call.  Getting out of bed and driving to the hospital multiple times a night gets old really fast.  Not to mention it is usually to scan a pregnant girl, who is 17, has a baby with her, and reeks of cigarettes.  This is not good for an infertile girl......I have had to bite my tongue many times and I have also cried on the way home multiple times.  Seriously, there are so many stories.  Sometimes my profession is absolute torture....but I do love it most of the time! 

Sooooo.....tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  We don’t have big plans at all.  I think we are going to go out to dinner because, honestly, I don’t want to clean the kitchen.  I mean....I like it when we cook together but we don’t clean together and this girl is tired.  I am not a big fan of going out to dinner on Valentine’s because of the crowds and the prix fixe menus but I think I’ll make an exception this time!  Last Valentine’s Day my honey cooked me an awesome meal and we drank lots of wine....

Rigatoni pasta with sausage and peppers

Terrible picture but here we are!  I look like I have been crying and probably was.  This was just after our first IUI had failed and I had been convinced it had worked :(

So we drank tons of this!

The year before that (2009) I was really into making cakes (which I want to get back into) so I made him a cake.  It was presh....

Cake next to the pink roses he got me

All I really want to do this Valentine's Day is hang out with my honey.  He has been so busy at work and I have been so flippin' crazy through all this IVF stuff so we haven't really gotten to spend quality time together.  I want to go out and eat yummy dinner, come home and watch a movie while we snuggle on the couch with our sweet baby(ies).  This sounds ahhh-mazing to me!  


Speaking of baby(ies).....this is what is sitting next to me as I type this....

This stuff is my best friend.  I can not get enough!  It's not a craving but I am just so thirsty all the time and water is getting old.  I have never been a huge fan of OJ but it looked yums at the store so I made the purchase.  Pumped that I did because it is rocking my world!  Oh and I don't have a glass next to me....I have the whole container :)


Hope y'all have a great day tomorrow with your sweeties!!

Beta #2 and Spring Please Hurry!

Beta #2 was today and it was 311.  This is just perfect and I couldn’t be happier.  This is really happening.  I go back in two weeks for an ultrasound.  By my calculations I will be 6 weeks 3 days then.  

Oh there is absolutely no way I can wait that long to look!  Are you kidding me??

How am I supposed to scan people all day long at work and not take a peek at my own uterus?  PSSSHHHHH.....not happening!  I mean tell me all you girls would do the same!  I think I will wait until at least 5 weeks....that will be next Tuesday.  At 5 weeks I should see a gestational sac....maybe more....

The only people that we have told are the people that knew we were going through IVF.  My mom, my mother-in-law, my aunt, 3 of my friends (one of which went through IVF and now has twins), and my boss at work.  It freaks me out that this many people know, although I know none of them will tell.  I have seen them all keep secrets before ;)  

It is weird though.  I feel like I am walking around with the words I AM PREGNANT tattooed on my forehead!

My husband is the cutest thing ever and I love him so much.  Here are just a few of the texts that I got while I was at work yesterday....

-You have to start flossing your teeth once a day...good dental care is good for pregnancy (maybe I don’t floss every day)

-You can’t be around cats (I’m allergic anyway)

-You can’t clean up anymore dog puke (Darwin tends to randomly puke and I am totally fine not cleaning it up anymore!)

-Wear a mask around ANY patient that looks or acts like they have the flu (ummm....they all act like they have the flu...)

-Have you had the chicken pox?

-We have to weigh you tonight (yeah that didn’t happen...at night? really??)

Seriously....is he not so cute?  I mean he is so worried and I love that about him although it might drive me crazy later  ;)

In other news.....I AM SO SICK OF THE SNOW!!  I live in Arkansas people...not Minnesota!  It is supposed to snow once a year, like maybe 2 inches.  Well not this year!  This is like our 4th snow and each one has been major (for the south)!  We got 8-10 inches on Wednesday and the entire city shut down completely.  Actually it was shut down before it even started snowing.  I had to work that day and it wasn’t bad driving to work but on the way home....totally different story.  I couldn’t even see the road.  Thank goodness for 4 wheel drive!  Here are a few pics of my drive home.  Yes I took pictures while driving but I was only going 5 MPH!!

That's right....where the crack is the road?@!#$!??

A couple pictures from my house

And just because it is so cool...a picture of my mom's bottle tree!

Yes...I agree...the snow is pretty.  But we have had enough.  I am so ready for spring!  I want 75-80 degrees with a breeze.  I want pedicures and flip flops.  I want sundresses and a tan.  I want walks through the neighborhood with my honey looking at all the flowers.  

Come on

Daffodils mean spring is near!

I heart hydrangeas.  My entire wedding was based on this flower and color!

and daisies...just because they are awesomeness!

Doesn't it make everyone just a lil' happier to see these flower pics???


I keep reading about all these BFP's on different blogs and I am so happy for everyone.  For those of you still waiting...I think about you everyday and I can't wait to read your BFP stories in the coming days, weeks, and months!  Stay strong girlies!

11dp3dt and GREAT NEWS!!!!

I can't even believe I am writing this post.

I am pregnant!  

Really....I am pregnant.....

I am pretty shocked....

My husband is SUPER shocked!

My heart races every time I say or think "I'm pregnant".  

So here is the story if you want to read it.  If you don't I totally understand.  I have been there and I know that this can be very hard to read.  I still can't believe this is happening...

I had my lab drawn this morning at 8:00.  Hubs and I decided that I would tell them to leave a message on my cell phone and we would listen to the message together when he got home from work.  This is what we did last time as well.  Except, last time I was totally preoccupied the entire day and didn't even have my phone with me, so I wasn't tempted to answer or listen to the message early.

Well today I had nothing to do.  I didn't sleep well at all last night so when I got home from the doctor at about 10:00 I decided this girl needed a nap.  I just wanted to sleep until he got home.  

So I slept for a couple of hours and then woke up and was playing Words with Friends (yes I am still addicted to this game) when DUN DUN DUN.....the phone starts ringing and it is my doctor's office.  

I immediately throw the phone across the room.  

I proceed to stare at it until it stops ringing.

I wait for the voicemail tone but it never comes....WTH??

Then....it starts ringing again!!!  HOLY SMOKES!!!

Why are they calling back?  They never do that.  What if something is wrong?  What if they dropped my blood or something totally ridiculous and need me to come back??

I better answer it then...right???

Me: Hello?

Nurse: Oh I am so glad that you answered!  I really hate leaving messages.

Me: I can't believe I did...I'm not supposed to....

Nurse: Huh?

Me: My husband and I were supposed to listen to the message together when he got home from work.

Nurse: Oh...WEEEEEEELLLLLLLL.....YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!!!  Now you can surprise him when he comes home!!!!!  (I'm not kidding....she said it with that much excitement)

Me: WHAT????  Are you serious?  Are you sure? (I have no idea why I asked these dumb questions....did I think she was calling to play a trick on me or something?)

Nurse: Yes.  You definitely are pregnant.  You have a great level...it is 91.2 and we just want it to be over 50

At this point I was shaking uncontrollably and crying so I don't remember the rest of the conversation.  I think she told me to come back on Thursday but the weather is supposed to be really bad (it is an hour away) so I am going on Friday...no clue what time.....

We got off the phone and I didn't know what to do?  I didn't want to call Lonnie at work because we had talked about how he didn't want to know either way while he was a work.  

HMMMMMM.....what to do???

Call my mother of course!!!!

So I called my mom and she was, as expected, so excited!  My mom, my aunt Jenni, and my mother in law are the only people who knew that we would get results today.  

Then I just couldn't hold it in....I had to tell Lonnie.

Juanet, who cleans my house, was here so I couldn't get my HPT's out of the bathroom without her seeing.  So I decided that I would run to Walgreens, POAS in Walgreens, and then go to hubby's office and surprise him.  He was not going to be in his office until 1:30 so I thought I could make it.

When I was on my way he called me and said he had like 20  minutes before he had to go into the office and since I was in town why didn't I come by and we could listen to the message.  He was ready to know...I could tell.  So, I didn't have time to go to Walgreens.

He got in my car and looked really nervous.  I said let's hug for a minute and calm down before we listen.  While we were hugging and he said "you're going to be ok if it is negative, right?".  I whispered in his ear "I already talked to the nurse and we are pregnant"  He was totally, completely, and utterly shocked.  He reaction was wonderful and I will never forget it my entire life.  I was very happy to be able to surprise him!  I am so lucky to have him and our children are going to be so lucky to have him as their daddy.  I can't wait!

So there it is...

I finally got a BFP...

I refuse to stress about anything else......next beta, ultrasound, twins, ectopic, chemical pregnancy blah blah blah

I am just going to enjoy this moment with my husband.  

Oh and here is a picture...because I did say that I would pee on anything that will tell me I'm pregnant!

Oh, and I swear there is another pink line there.  I took this one tonight after dinner and about 5 glasses of water.  That is definitely a symptom....thirsty ALL THE TIME!!!!  I love it....

Oh and by the way, if you know me in real life and have happened upon my blog I request that you keep this news to yourself for a while.  We do not plan on telling anyone about this until AT LEAST 12 weeks.  Thanks!!!!

9dp3dt and Super Bowl

Today I am 9dp3dt and I really don’t feel any different.  I mean my boobs are really sore but, like I said in my last post, they have been this way since transfer day.  I keep going back and forth convincing myself that it didn’t work and then that it did. 

The things that make me thing that it didn’t work are:

1. I don’t feel pregnant.   Not that I wold know how it feels...but ya know what I mean...
2. I feel exactly like I did last time....and it didn’t work then...
3. I am cramping.  I have been for a couple of days now, which makes me think AF is just trying to show up.  They are not terrible cramps and not all the time...just occasional...

The things that make me think that it did work are:

1. Google says cramping can be a good thing.....
2. My boobs are sore and they weren’t last time...maybe they are getting a little bit more sore??
3. Surely it worked right?  The need to stay positive is overwhelming right now....

So there you have it...a whole bunch of nothing.  I wish something would happen to make me know it worked.  Like I could throw up at the sight of these sausage balls I am about to make.  Then I would KNOW it worked right?  Or I could pass out like they do in the movies...always know they are pregnant then!  Or then maybe I would just think I was crazy and making everything up.  Infertility makes me crazy.....

I had a ginormous breakdown the other night because I was convinced that I wasn’t pregnant.  I stormed off to bed early and cried like a frickin’ child having a tantrum.  Looking back this probably had less to do with symptoms and more to do with the fact that I was snowed into the house, all day, by myself, WITH NO ELECTRICITY!!!!  Not good for a girl on her 2 week wait who is trying to be distracted!!!  I’m pretty sure my husband has decided that I have lost it.  Maybe I have...not really sure at this point....  

It is getting harder and harder not to test at home.  I want to know but then I don’t want to have to go through getting a negative result at home and then go through it again on Tuesday.  Also, it would totally ruin my day.  I am having a good day so I think I should just leave it at that :)

My family is having a party for the Super Bowl.  We are going to my grandmother’s house (who will from here on out be referred to as Grand...because that is what we call her and it is weird to say type grandmother).  Not a huge party because my family is not huge...just about 8-9 people.  It should be fun and will for sure take my mind off of my lady parts.  

And just for fun here are a few pics of my family...

Grand on the right and my Aunt Jerry on the left (this was at their birthday lunch in December...they have the same birthday but 12 years apart)

My mom on the right (have I told y'all how awesome she is?) and Vickie (she is married to my mom's brother) on the left

 My aunt Jenni (my mom's sister, if you can't tell) on the right (she is super awesome as well!) and family friend Casey on the left...she is really more like family than just friend....

And just because it is not really a Super Bowl Sunday without out him....here is a picture of me with my Uncle Robyn (married to Jenni in the above picture).  He passed away in October.  His funeral was the day I got my negative beta results from IVF #2...awesome...I know....

I think he would be for the Packers but I am not sure....I'll have to ask Jenni and then that is who I am rooting for!  


Hope y'all have a great Sunday!!!!

6dp3dt

and I am going crazy...

I just need to know.  I’m not sure I can wait until Tuesday.  UGH!  I just want to go to sleep until then....wish that were possible.  

I will absolutely not POAS (pee on a stick).  I have peed on so many of them the past three years and I just can’t do it.  I don’t think I can see one pink line and not lose it completely.  I will only POAS if I get a positive Beta.  And then you can bet your booty that I will pee on anything that will tell me I’m pregnant!!!  Seriously...anything....

I have found that reading, cooking, and sleeping are the only things that take my mind off of my uterus.  So I have been doing those all day, everyday.  I sleep as much as possible.  I have read about 5 books and I have cooked dinner every night.  Husband isn’t going to be home tonight so I’m not cooking.  I think the only way I am going to survive this is Thursday night TV.  I love all the shows that come on tonight on N.B.C.  Three hours of laughing???  I’ll take it!  I can’t wait....

I don’t go back to work until next week and I actually miss it.  Working all day would probably distract me.  I only work part time and I was supposed to work Monday and Tuesday of this week.  I took them off because at the time I may have still been on bed rest.  So....no work this week.  I am just thankful that I was able to take the days off that I needed and it wasn’t too difficult to get someone to work for me.  Last IVF it was super hard!!!

I'm trying really hard not to obsess about symptoms but we all know that is almost impossible.  The only thing that seems different is that I am sleeping a lot.  But I am not really getting out and about so that is probably why.  Also my boobies are pretty sore BUT they have been like this since transfer.  They were never like this last IVF, even with the PIO (progesterone in oil) shots.  I think maybe it was the Luveris that I took this cycle.  Who knows!  We will see if I get any new symptoms or if these change at all.....

So now I am going to snuggle in the bed with my doggies (secretly, because they aren't supposed to be on the bed) and take a nap.  sleep....read....cook....repeat...until Tuesday....maybe I should throw a shower in there somewhere??? :)

Dusty

Dusty is my sweet little baby dog.  He is a Shih-Tzu and I got him when I lived by myself in 2002.  I had this type of dog when I was growing up and I loved him so much.  His name was Willie and he lived to be almost 15 years old.  We had to put him to sleep about a year ago and it was seriously hard.  I cried for days.  I still get upset thinking about it.  Anyway, when I decided to get a puppy I knew this was the kind I wanted.  They are soft and snuggly, and they don’t shed!  

Dusty and I were BFF’s.  He slept on my pillow every night and went everywhere with me (except to class!).  Yes, he is a boy but I spoiled him rotten. 

After Lonnie and I had been dating for a while, we decided that our pups needed to meet.  This was a huge step!  So, Lonnie brought Darwin over to my apartment and we were going to take a walk.  The second Darwin was let loose in my apartment he peed on my carpet...sweet!  But I sort of expected this....he gets a lil' crazy.  Then he spotted sweet innocent Dusty.  He took off like lightening after Dusty and my poor baby didn’t even have a chance.  Darwin had him cornered and was barking his head off and trying to gnaw off his legs.  Dusty was looking at me like “Momma....HELP!!!!”  I proceeded to freak out and save Dusty.

This was not going well....

Lonnie thought it would be better if we went on the walk so Darwin would be distracted.  We tried but didn’t even make it out of the parking lot. Darwin got so tangled up in Dusty’s leash that Dusty got loose.  I spent the next 30 minutes trying to catch Dusty who was running for his life to get as far away from Darwin as possible.  

This was bad....

We went strait back to the apartment and Lonnie took Darwin home.

I wasn’t sure what to do.

I super loved Lonnie.

I super loved Dusty.

What was a girl to do?

We tried to do this multiple more times and it went the same way.  Finally, one time when Dusty was cornered and Darwin was going at him, Dusty just flipped out.  He barked back and tried to bite Darwin and started chasing him.  Apparently this was all that it took.  Dusty just needed to stand up for himself.  They have been BFF ever since!  What a relief!

snuggle buddies...

this was before we kicked them off the furniture...I was obviously sick ;)

A few fun facts about Dusty...

He HATES being groomed.  I’ve literally had to pick him up mid-appt because the groomer thought he was going to have a heart attack.  Mid-groom....not good.  Then I got him some doggy Xanax for when he got groomed.  This did not go well either.  It did not kick in until AFTER he got groomed and then it lasted for like 3 days.  Then mommy needed Xanax.  I have finally (after 8 years) found a groomer that is totally awesome.  She is a flippin’ dog whisperer and Dusty loves her.  I just say “wanna go see Helga?” and he starts turning circles.  

He gets no attention.  Darwin will not allow it.  Anytime you pet Dusty, Darwin comes rushing in pushing him out of the way.  I feel bad about this because Dusty was used to sleeping with me and cuddling on the couch all the time.  His life was forever changed when Darwin entered the picture and I think he secretly despises Darweenie for this.  Don’t worry though...I got Dusty groomed right before my transfer so he has been secretly snuggling with me in the recliner...don’t tell hubby....

I have to feed him in secret because Darwin eats all of his food.  I took them both to the vet a couple of months ago and Darwin had gained 3 pounds and Dusty had lost 3 pounds.  Not cool.  So Darwin is on a diet and Dusty gets all the peanut butter he wants.  :)

Here are a few pics of Dusty...also known as Duster, Dustmop, Dusteroo, Dustdog, and Loverdust.......

He always has crazy eyes....

umm...think he needs groomed?

 He had been playing in the mud...which was super fun for momma when she got home...

He's just so cute....

Thanks for listening about my fur babies....

I sure hope these real babies are sticking...