First day of school...

I am writing this while sitting at my kitchen table.  Alone.

Because Blakely is at SCHOOL!!

Wait...I haven't mentioned this yet?  

Well let me back up a bit then.  

At the beginning of the summer I started thinking about getting B into a Mother's Day Out program here in town starting in the fall.  Apparently MDO is a southern thing because I have mentioned it to a couple of non-southern blog friends and they had no idea what I was talking about.  (cough cough, Bridget, cough cough).

I mean it is basically a day care but they don't have the hours of a day care?  I really don't know much about day care in general so I can't really compare.  I can just tell you about this MDO!  It is from 8-330, 4 days a week.  I can take her when I want and pick her up when I want.  I guess you could say it is day care for stay at home moms!  

To start, I am only sending her one day a week.  Eventually I may send her 2 days a week but I would have to get on the waiting list so it probably wouldn't happen until the spring anyway.  She is also going to be spending one day a week with my friend Juanet.  Have I ever mentioned Juanet?  I can't remember but she needs a whole post so I'll do that later.  Anyway, starting now, B will be spending one day a week at MDO and one day a week with Juanet.  

Can I just tell you how excited I am about this?  For real.  It is going to be so good for her.  One of the main reasons I wanted her to go is because I think she needs more interaction with kids.  She only really plays with other kids at the gym day care and she loves that so much that I knew MDO would be a hit.  

I am also, of course, nervous.  Someone else is taking care of my baby!  I am pushing through my fears because I know it is what is best for her and for me.  I mean, I just ate a huge breakfast and I didn't have to share!  I am blogging and I haven't been interrupted one time!  Mommy win!  

And because you know she had a special outfit for the occasion....

She, of course, decided to sleep in this morning so she wasn't all that happy about pictures at first.  {always twirling that hair}

Then she warmed up a bit...  Can we talk about how big she is?  

And now I am off to take the hottest and longest shower ever...because I can!!!  Yippeeee!

A funny for your Friday

If you follow me on Inst.agram then you saw this video yesterday, but I just had to share it here as well.  This is Blakely trying to say football.  She doesn't quite have the "foot" part down just yet and it sounds like another 4 letter word.  She runs around the house saying this all day since I got her a mini football the other day.  

Toddler talk is hilarious!  That or my husband is trying to sabotage football season already...

HAPPY FRIDAY!  

on staying at home.

I have honestly been wanting to write a post on my thoughts about being a stay at home mom for a good 6 months.  I can't ever seem to find the right words.  Sometimes I sit down to write it and everything sounds like I am complaining.  Then other times everything sounds all pretty and glitter and rainbows.  Staying at home is neither.  I guess it depends on where I am at when I try to write it out.  I've decided that I am never going to get it written unless I just sit down, write and be honest.  So here goes...

To begin with I was never one of those that knew I would be a SAHM.  I thought I was going back to work after I had Blakely up until I was set to go back in 4 weeks.  Then something sort of clicked with me.  I did not want to leave her.  I also had no idea where she was going to go when I went back to work.  (Obviously I had procrastinated on that).  I just looked at Lonnie one night and told him that I wanted to stay at home with her for a while longer.  He was all for it as he had been trying to get me to stop working since I got pregnant.  

It was hard for me to call my boss but I knew it was the right thing at the time.

The first few months of being a SAHM were hard but they were hard in an "omg I just had this baby and I have no clue what I am doing" way.  Just like all new moms...working or staying at home.  My life revolved around poop and boobs (and my recovering perineum...oh the endless pain).  I felt successful if I washed my hair and pooped without crying.  

I found my groove when B was about 6 months old.  I was rocking the stay at home mom gig.  My girl was on a great schedule (crucial) and she was happy.  I was napping when she napped for her morning nap so I was well rested.  During her other naps I got all the things done.  All the things.  I felt successful at life.  Dinner was cooked, the house was cleaned and I had make up on.  

Dude...this is easy.  We can NAP!

At about the one year mark, or a little before, things got a bit hard.  She started walking so there was that.  She was in to more things and I couldn't leave the room for even a second.  Where she could destroy a cabinet full of stuff in no time while she was a crawler, when she became a walker she was able to destroy three rooms in the same amount of time.  We were beginning the transition from baby to toddler.  But oh how fun that stage was!  A tiny tot toddling around like a drunken sailor.  And the few words she was starting to say.  It was so cute and I miss that!  

Things got a lot hard at about 14 months and stayed that way until about 18-19 months.  For me I felt like she wasn't a baby anymore.  We can't just lay on the floor all day and play with a basket of stuffed toys or blocks anymore.  I felt like I needed to be teaching her things.  How do I teach her things?!?  This was also the end of any "me time" I had during the day.  She now noticed everything I was doing and, therefore, wanted to be doing those same things.  I could no longer read a blog while she ate her lunch or pay bills while she played on the floor.  And forget about making any phone calls while she was awake.  I could not pee without a toddler on my lap (still can't pee without her yelling "ready, set, go!  Mommy peeeeee!) and showers were out of the question.  I started looking forward to nap time so much.  The days were running together and they felt a little like this.  Feed the toddler, clean up the toddler mess, change the toddler diaper (after catching her), entertain the toddler, get the toddler to nap, do household chores at lightening speed before toddler wakes up, toddler always wakes up before chores are finished (always), feed the toddler, clean up the toddler mess, change more diapers, entertain the toddler, pick up after the toddler, give the toddler snacks, clean up the toddler snacks, entertain the toddler with the afternoon fussies, change more diapers, feed the toddler, clean up the toddler mess, and pray that Lonnie is going to walk through the door to help me soon.  I felt successful if I did not have a glass of wine with my lunch.  

Rainbows and glitter and unicorn babies!  ;)

reality...no make up and LOTS of crying on the floor for both of us.  rough day.    

Those 6 months or so were very hard on me.  I felt very guilty for looking forward to her naps and her bed time.  I chose to be a SAHM...why am I not enjoying this?!  I think I just had a hard time transitioning from having a baby to having a toddler.  I was also not allowing myself to relax or do things for myself.  I just needed to give myself a break.  

Once B hit about 20 months old I think I got my groove back.  She hit an age where she can understand a little bit of reason.  I decided I had to try to get her to play by herself some during the day.  She has never done this well.  At least for me.  Lonnie says she plays by herself great when he is watching her...go figure.  She has always wanted me on the floor playing with her.  No not on the couch.  On the floor wherever she is.  Once a day I try to get her to have some independent play time.  Usually in the afternoon after her nap (I try to be consistent) I tell her mommy has to work and she has to play in the living room.  Some days are better than others but we are making progress.  Things also got better because I started making some time for me.  I made myself a priority and that has done wonders for me.  I make plans with my friends or plans with Lonnie and I don't (or try not to) feel guilty about it.  Even being able to shower alone at night while she plays with Lonnie helps my peace of mind more than I ever thought possible.   

Things are not perfect now but I do feel like I am doing a better job.  I am sure in 6 months I am going to want to update this post and say "You just think that part was hard".  But that is what I am learning.  Parenting and raising another human being is incredibly hard and incredibly amazing at the same time.  It is okay to say it is hard or to say you are having a hard time.  That makes you real.  I hate when people say "enjoy every second".  That is just an impossibility.  Every new mom hears those words and they are immediately set up for failure.  That is how I felt about being a SAHM.  I thought I was supposed to be enjoying every second and instead I was wanting to hide in the closet with a bag of chips and cry.  I have learned (and am still learning) to accept the struggles AND the successes and just let them be.  It doesn't have to be perfect all day long all the time.  Just enjoy the good times and make it through the hard times.  That is the good thing about toddlers.  They can have the biggest meltdown over you not letting them put their hand in the candle and you think you may lose it if they don't stop all the crying and all the writhing on the floor.  But then 30 minutes later they walk over to you and give you a big fat kiss and a hug that may never end.  It doesn't take away the fact that things were hard during the meltdown but I am choosing to focus on the good things, the happy things, and the things that won't last forever.

I know that my time being home with her 7 days a week is coming to a close.  She will not be this little for long.  Soon enough we will be picking out a preschool, driving her to games and practices, picking out dresses for school dances and taking her senior pictures (NO!).  When I think of staying at home with her in that context I am able to focus more on the happy and not the hard.  Sure some days I want to pull my hair out because within the first hour of her being awake she has yelled "SHIT MOMMY" 1,000 times.  (She means sit, so I hear this a lot every day....SHIT CHAIR MOMMY!  SHIT BED MOMMY!)  And sometimes I think I may cry when Lonnie calls and says he is going to be home late from work.  But I am doing better at not letting the hard stuff overwhelm me.  

This little darling (and occasional terror) is the best thing I have ever done.  And staying home with her has been the absolute hardest and most rewarding thing I have done

oh...and obviously she is in an "accessorizing" phase...

Flashing it back....vacation style.

Grand Cayman.  Our first vacation together in 2006.  We hadn't even known each other a year.  BABIES.  

St. John, US. Virgin Islands.  Honeymoon 2007

NYC for our 1 year anniversary.  2008

Domincan Republic 2009

 San Francisco 2010

AAAAAAAAND then we had a baby.  HA!  

I am ready for a mommy and daddy only trip!  Lonnie and I have been so many places and we love to travel together.  We knew once we had a baby that we wouldn't do it as much so I guess we tried to do as much as we could back then.  I am glad we did but I am ready to get back into it!

Lonnie?!  Are you reading this?!  Lets plan something!  

a new fun trick.

This is how Blakely wants to get off furniture now.  

By doing a back flip and then saying "TA DA"!!  

She says MOMMY! FIP! as she scoots toward the edge.  Pretty soon I won't get there in time and she will do this nifty trick all by herself.  

Little monkey child gives me about 100 heart attacks a day.

wordless wednesday

I know.  I just killed you with cuteness.  This is how B was struttin' around yesterday afternoon.  Boy short panties and mini high heels.  Lonnie nearly fainted when he saw this picture.  TEENAGER.  

Also, she has on panties AND a shirt.  Mommy win!  

So let's do a little bit of catch-up.

I love a good catch up post, don't you?  No?  Oh....  Well, sorry, but catch up it is today!

My bestest friend, Sarah, is getting married and they finally set a date.  She is also my only friend that knows about my blog. (Hi!)  Anyway, she asked me to be her matron of honor.  I am pretty sure I shed a few tears.  Still get a little teary when I think about it.  I can't wait to stand up there when she marries CJ.  She deserves the absolute best and I am so lucky to have her as my friend...for over 15 years.  Geeez...here I am a "matron" of honor and talking about knowing someone for over 15 years.  OLD.

But what is even more is that she asked if B could be a flower girl!  Hello!  How exciting is that news?  I can't even imagine the cuteness.  What I can imagine is B screaming UH OH! every time the other flower girl throws her flowers.  Yep.  It could happen.  

Who me?  

Speaking of Sarah, her bunco group (I was in it before I had B) went to a local painting place this month instead of playing bunco and invited me to go.  I had never been to something like that and it was a lot of fun.  They had the cross and the line down the left side already traced on the canvas but other than that you could do what you want.  I definitely want to do it again but maybe a flower or a razorback next time?!

I promise we have shorts on...

My sweet darling husband sent Blakely and I flowers a few days after the IVF fiasco.  They came to the door and I literally could not think of a single person that would send me flowers.  (This was only the second time in our 8 years together that he has sent flowers...just not a flower guy!)  I opened the card and it said "I love my girls".  I started crying and Blakely looked at me with a very concerned face, said "uh-vuu" (love you), and then hugged me.  Let's move on before I cry about that one again.  

Lonnie was off for a few days last week and he decided that I needed a break.  Well, maybe I told him that I did.  He asked me what I wanted to do and I said "SLEEP IN!"  I haven't slept in in a really long time.  Sometimes he will get up with her on the weekend but I can hear her and I can't get back to sleep.  Mommy problems.  Anyway, he told me to go to a hotel and spend the night.  By myself.  At first I was like, NO.  But then he kept playing it up.  "You could go shopping all day, by yourself!"  "You could get hotel breakfast in bed, and not have to share!" (He knows me so well.)  So, I finally decided to take him up on his offer.  

I went about an hour away (where the shopping is) and shopped all day.  It was glorious.  I spent way too much money (shhhh) and just enjoyed the heck out of myself.  At around 3 that afternoon it was either go get the hotel room or drive home.  I was really on the fence but I bit the bullet and got a room.  No looking back after paying for it.  I called Lonnie from the parking lot before I did it and he was like "omg...just do it already!"  Let me tell you.  I had the most relaxing time.  I ordered room service, I watched crap on tv, and I slept in.  Until 1030.  I felt like I was back in college and sleeping the day away.  Oh I missed my B for sure.  But I knew she was having a great time with her daddy when I got this picture.  

HE PAINTED HER TOENAILS.  I DIE.  (and stamps for pooping..)