TVT

1. I'm posting this from my
iPhone for the first time...pretty sure I hate it.

2. I'm having to do the above because my mom fell and broke her ankle this morning and she is in surgery right now. I'm in the waiting room...waiting... She called me at 800 and I didn't answer because I was in that weird sleep dream state. Then she called Lonnie and he went and helped her. She broke both of the bones and dislocated it. She fell outside...thank God she had her phone! It was like 25 degrees here this morning and she would probably have been there for a while :(

3. Getting Blakely to take the bottle isn't going very well. She screams, we somehow pour and ounce or two down her throat, I feel terrible, the end.

4. I have been sick as shit for the past four days. It is some sort of awful chest cold thing. I've been hacking up my lungs. I haven't kissed my baby in 4 days!! I'm just hoping that she doesn't get sick...I'll feel terrible. My hands are raw from washing them and using hand sanitizer so much.

5. I'm absolutely starving right now but too scared to leave this room and miss the doctor. I want to know how she did and how long he thinks it will take for her to heal. She has 17 steps up to her front door so I'm thinking she'll be moving in with me for a while :)

6. I hate to see my mom in pain...

7. I was supposed to go back to work today. I'm so glad I'm not but, at the same time, being here at the hospital makes me miss it a little. I keep running in to people and they ask me when I'm coming back and I have to say I quit? I retired? I changed jobs?

8. I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed. I am hosting two baby showed at my house in the next 6 weeks. There is so much I want and need to do for them both...thank you Pinterest for all the great ideas and for making me feel like they have to be Pinterest-worthy.

9. Blakely will be three months old tomorrow! Super long post with adorable pics coming up :))

Bottle Saga

The bottle saga continues here at my house...

Let me just give you a quick rundown of this....and also so I can have it all in one post ;)

We gave Blakely her first bottle of breast milk when she was 4 1/2 weeks old.  It was a Dr. Brown's and she took it great.  We started giving her one a day or every other day after that.  She would take it from Lonnie, my mom, my dad, my mother in law, and even from me.  

Well the day she turned 8 weeks old she decided that she HATED the bottle.  You would have thought we were trying to put razorblades covered in alcohol into her mouth.  She started screaming, crying, arching her back, flailing her arms, and kicking her legs.  It was a show.  A horrible make you feel like the worst mother in the world show....with real tears people!

I thought this was just a short phase and maybe she was just revolting for a few feedings...ummm NO!  She is now12 weeks old so this has been going on for a month.  

People have told me "Oh she will take it when she gets hungry enough".  This is not true.  She will just cry herself to sleep and skip a feeding.  I am not willing to let her go 24 hours without the food...and I think that is just what she would do.  

I have tried four different kinds of bottles...Dr. Browns, Tommee Tippee, Born Free, and Playtex Natural Latch.  All of these with the level one nipple and also with the level two nipple.  I have a pretty fast let down so I thought maybe she was just getting frustrated with the slow flow.  Not the case.  She screamed at all of them except Tommee Tippee.  She wouldn't scream as much with that one.  She would just play with it.  Roll her tongue around on it, chew on it, make herself gag, etc....  Then after a little bit of that she would flip out and realize she was hungry...

Now let me be clear.  I LOVE that she loves to nurse.  I love it as well and I am so happy that we are able to do it.  I worried so much while I was pregnant about breast feeding.  I wanted it to go well so badly.  I am very thankful that it is and I plan on continuing to do it until she is at least nine months old maybe even a year.  I LOVE BREAST FEEDING....ok, just so you know ;)

BUT, momma wants a cocktail!!!!!  Actually, I really need a cocktail...or three.  I would also like to leave baby with a grand parent so I can get a massage, have lunch with a friend, or just whatever without totally stressing about getting a call that she won't eat and is screaming.  I want her to spend time, without me, with her grand parents.  They want to spend time with her and get to know her without me running around always taking care of things.  Is this too much to ask?  Am I being selfish?  I don't think that I am.  But when your husband has been trying to give your child a bottle for 3 hours and then you get home and feed her and she latches on and eats vigorously, all while staring up at you with leftover tears in her eyes, you feel like shit...total shit.  I have cried about this.  Should I just give up?  Some people tell me that their kids never took a bottle and went strait from boob to sippy cup.  OMG.......

I started pumping pretty early to help with my supply and also because I thought I was going back to work.  I have a ridiculous amount of milk frozen.  So whenever I do decide to stop nursing she will still be able to have breast milk for quite a while after....IF she decides to take a bottle!  Surely I haven't worked this hard just for the milk to go to waste???

We have always tried letting anyone besides me give her the bottle.  Although, I did give her a few in the early days.  Well I think that she has learned now that if anyone else tries to feed her she doesn't want it.  She starts screaming immediately.  I also think that trying with the bottle and then giving up and giving her the boob is totally reinforcing the fact that if she cries at the bottle she will get what she wants.  Smart girl...gotta give her that.  

I also really don't want to mess up the great routine we have going.  Refusing the bottle and not giving the boob means missing a feeding, less calories for the day, and I feel sure that will lead to not sleeping through the night.  So I haven't been trying very hard the past two weeks to give her the bottle.  

Well that changes today.  Lonnie is off next week and it is going to be OPERATION: BABY TAKE THE BOTTLE around here for the next 10 days.  I am not going to worry about messing up our routine...I can always get her back on it.  She must take the bottle....


If she isn't screaming at it then she is just playing with the nipple.  It almost looks like she can't figure out how to latch on to it.  Do y'all think that is possible?  What can I do to help her?  Please please please give me any advice or tips you can think of.  I have tried putting gripe water on the nipple to help her take it and that hasn't worked.... It also seems like the nipples are too long and she gags a lot...I don't have a clue what to do about that.  Help!


Wish us luck!  I am pretty sure we will need it...


And I hope this post makes sense because I don't have time to go back and proof read...baby is waking up!   

Excuse me??

So, like I said before, my husband's birthday was Tuesday.  He says thank you for all the birthday wishes by the way ;)  I really wanted to get him something great for a couple of reasons.  

1.  He is awesome....

2.  He pretty much hates the holidays and, since his birthday is so close to them, it gets hated by association.  

3.  He gets super down, depressed, sad, blue, agitated, irritable (and any other synonym) during the winter.  Something to do with the cold and gray days....

4.  He is awesome...did I already mention that?

I set out to find the perfect surprise for him.  I thought about taking him on a little trip.  Had to throw that one out the window because I can't leave our child over night and I don't see me getting over that anytime soon.  I thought about buying him something great.  That was thrown out because he doesn't really like things...

As I was pondering this, a wonderful song came on the radio.  That song was Margaritaville.  It hit me!!!!  I could take him to see Jimmy Buffett!!!  He LOVES Buffett and has mentioned multiple times that he wanted to go see him.  I remembered hearing that he was touring so I went online to look and see where.

Enter sad face.....He wasn't coming anywhere close to here and I'm sooo not ready to leave Blakely and fly to Florida to see JB.  :(((((

BUT, while on Ticket.master I saw that the Zac Brown Band WAS coming somewhere close to here!!!  He LOVES them too.  So I bought us tickets to go see Zac Brown Band on March 10.  I am so excited and he was very excited too.  He told me it was the perfect birthday present.  I thought so too because now he will have something to look forward to during these dreary months.

Then this morning the most amazing thing happened....

Jimmy Buffett announced a few more concert dates and one of them is just an hour away from us!!!!!!!

Are you kidding me???  How crazy is that??  SOOOOO we will most definitely be buying tickets for that one when they go on sale next week.  I'm thinking that can be his present to me since my birthday is in March...my 30th birthday by the way! 

Didn't that all work out so well?

2012 rocks so far :)

Now, if only I can get Blakely to take a damn bottle by then....what is up with this girl???

Shhhhh....

Shhhhh......She's finally figured out the awesomeness of the swing...

Mommy is excited!

She is wearing her I love Daddy shirt because it is his birthday today.  He is going to love my present!  I'll post about it later because he reads my blog :)

Happy Tuesday!!  It is Tuesday...isn't it?

A Year to Remember

2011 has been, by far, the best year of my life.  I started the year off with so much hope for the future.  2010 was a horrible year...for many reasons.  I was so ready to see it go.  I tried really hard to shut out all of the bad things that happened in 2010 and just start the new year off with hope and happiness.  I feel like I did a pretty good job of that.  

I am more thankful than I even know how to express for this wonderful year and all the joy it has brought into my life.  I am so grateful to have experienced the miracle of pregnancy.  I had such a wonderful pregnancy and I enjoyed every second.  I actually miss being pregnant.  Then, to get to go through the absolute miracle of the birth of my healthy daughter...well, that was just amazing and it makes me tear up every time I think about it.  This year has brought my husband and I even closer together.  I always knew that he would be a great father and he has proved me right a million times over.  I love him more than I thought possible and I know that we can make it through anything.  I look forward to 2012 with much anticipation as we will get to experience a ton of "firsts" with Blakely.  I can only hope that it brings us as much happiness as this year has.

And with that, I thought I would do a little reflecting on 2011.  Enjoy :)

January

• I started this blog on 1-20-11...I am so so so happy that I did.  I have made great friends, learned so much, and been supported when I needed it the most.  Thank you all so much!
• I started IVF #3 at the beginning of January.  I remember thinking surely the third time is the charm.  I forced myself to be positive and hopeful.  
• My lovely little embryos were made on 1-25-11.  (I posted about this here and here)
• Two of my lovely little embryos were transferred on 1-28-11.  (I posted about this here and here)
• My super sweet husband turned 38 in January also :)
• We went to New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl and I got unbelievably sick with a stomach bug....never been so sick in my life.  At one point Lonnie even mentioned taking me to the emergency room (which, if you knew him, is HUGE) and I told him no, that I would rather die in our hotel room than go to the ER in New Orleans the night before the Sugar Bowl.  This was before starting IVF meds.  Unfortunately I didn't get to go to the game :(

February

• I found out I was pregnant on 2-8-11.  Definitely one of the best days of my life!  My BFP post is here. 
• I found out we were pregnant with one sweet baby on 2-17-11.
• My husband scanned me and we saw Blakely's heartbeat for the first time on 2-24-11.  That day was so very special to us both and I will never forget anything about it.    
• February was an awesome month!!!

March

• I turned 29 on March 17th.  It was a great birthday because I was pregnant but I felt awful!
• We started telling people about our pregnancy on 3-27-11...that was super fun!
• I started my Kelly Belly posts!
• Spring officially started...my favorite season!

April

• We went to Chicago and I am still craving The Melting Pot.
• We had lots of crazy weather here and a bunch of tornadoes.  I spent quite a bit of time in the closet downstairs.  

May

• We found out we were having a girl!!
• I went on my family florida trip in May and had such and excellent time.  I was hoping to be pregnant on this trip for three years and it finally happened.  
• I celebrated my very first Mother's Day, although I think it will be even sweeter in 2012.
• Lonnie felt Blakely move for the first time!  

June

• Lonnie and I had our six year anniversary of our first date on 6-25-11
• We had such a wonderful summer!  We didn't do much but we did get to enjoy going on the lake before it got too hot...and boy did it get hot!!
• Collier and Syble came to stay with us for a weekend and we took them on the lake...which they LOVE!

 July

• We named our princess in July.
• We registered for our baby showers in July...that was so overwhelming but still super fun and something I had been looking forward to for a long time.  

August

• I had my first baby shower!  It was more than I could have asked more.
• We did our childbirth classes in August.
• I had my 4D ultrasound done In August by my friend....this was when we saw that B had a dimple in her chin just like her daddy :)
• I found out my very good friend, Katie, is expecting her first child in March!  Little Eli will be 5 months younger than Blakely.  
• Not too soon after that I found out my good friend Courtney was expecting!  Sweet Jayda will be 6 months younger than B!  

September

• I had three more baby showers!
• We had maternity pictures taken.  I couldn't decide if I wanted to have them done but I am so very happy that I did!
• We finally finished up Blakely's nursery.  My mom and I had so much fun planning her room!
• Fantasy football season started in September!  We had so much fun this year.  I don't think I've talked about this much but me and my girlfriends all play in a league together.   My husband hates it!
• I had the pleasure of scanning my friend Katie and telling her that she was having a boy!  What a wonderful treat that was :)

October

• Lonnie and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary on 10-6-11.
• We welcomed our sweet little Blakely on 10-13-11.  The birth story post and part two are probably my favorite posts ever....I have gone back and read them many times.  This was the best day of my life.  I became a mommy, made my husband a daddy, and got to kiss this sweet girl for the first time :)

• We had Blakely's newborn pictures taken.  Which reminds me...I think I only posted a few and forgot to post more after I ordered them.  Well here are a few of my favorites :)

This is the one when she pooped across the room...it was awesome!

• We celebrated Blakely's first Halloween.

November

• I was an emotional wreck for the first few weeks of November...might have had something to do with just having a baby??
• We celebrated Blakely's first Thanksgiving.
• Blakely turned one month old and I got to see her smile at me for the first time.  
• I wasn't able to scan my friend Courtney to determine the sex of her baby since I was on maternity leave.  But I had a friend of mine that works somewhere else do it and we were able to tell her she was having another little girl...that is always so much fun!  
• My dad celebrated 8 years of no drinking on November 19th.  I am so so so proud of him!  

December

• We celebrated Blakely's first Christmas.
• Blakely turned two months old!
• This month has been wonderful.  Blakely is so smiley all the time and just a happy baby overall.  
• I have started to get comfortable with this mommy thing this month.
• I also decided to quit my job and be a stay at home mom.  I'm pretty sure this will be the best decision I've ever made...besides marrying my husband :)  ...and starting my blog ;)
• Blakely laughed at me for the first time and I got it on video!  She has giggled a couple of times for Lonnie, my mom, and her grand cousin, but this was major laughing..and at me!  If I can figure out how to edit the video and post it then I will because it is SUPER cute.  

I hope I haven't forgotten something major...it is very likely...I seem to be quite orgetful these days! 

I have really enjoyed going back and reading some of my posts...especially some of my very first ones.  I included a ton of links and I totally don't expect y'all to go back and read all of those posts.  I just thought if there were some new readers that wanted to know more about me then they could check some of them out.  Except you mom...you are supposed to go back and read them all ;)

Happy New Year everyone!  I hope 2012 treats us all well!

Blakely's First Christmas

This Christmas was just absolutely wonderful.  I could not be more thankful to have spent it with my sweet little family.  I couldn't help but think back to last Christmas when I had a broken heart.  I longed to spend last Christmas with my child...what a difference one year can make!  

Me and Blakely on Christmas Eve

On Christmas Eve we always go to my Grand's house and have dinner.  My mother in law stayed with us from Thursday to Christmas Eve so she got lots of Blakely loving :)  I made her take some pictures of us as a family before we left to go to dinner.  

My sister in law, Kristen, got B this dress.  Her daughter, B's cousin, Syble has the same one.  She looked so adorable in her little Christmas dress...I couldn't hardly stand it!

My mother in law

This is my mom's cousin Jan.  We call her Blakely's grand cousin :)  She giggled for the first time on Christmas Eve at her grand cousin!

Daddy!!!   Why do you always take off my bow?!?!?!

After we had dinner at Grands, Lonnie, Blakely, and I came home.  This was Blakely opening up her very first Christmas present on Christmas Eve.  She was thrilled ;)

My First Christmas pajamas!!!

Daddy changing her into her new jammies

I love these two so much it hurts....

picture with mommy

It was so hard to get this one and she was tired of trying!

I love my new jammies mommy!

This is her new thing.  Instead of sucking on her fist she tries to latch on to her arm...pretty cute...

She was just so dang adorable on Christmas Eve.  We had a big day that day and she did so well.  She was for sure sleepy.  When I took her down to her room to change, feed, and rock her she instantly fell asleep.  I just couldn't put her down though.  She was so beautiful and looked so content.  I cried so much that night while I was rocking her.  I hope we will have many more Christmas' with her and I know they will only get better but we will NEVER forget her first Christmas.  I spent the last three Christmas' with no baby and a broken heart.  I definitely remember exactly how that feels and I'm not taking a single sweet second with my baby for granted.  I don't want to miss a moment.  

On Christmas morning I woke up early and brought her in to bed with us.  We snuggled with her for like 2 hours...it was fantastic!  Then we got up and went over to my moms to open presents with her and my brother.  

This was B's "stocking".  So much fun stuff!!

Lots of kisses from Uncle Matty!

When we finished gifts with them the rest of my family came over and we had brunch.  Blakely did so well and even took a nap!!  

She was taking it all in...

She got lots of fun stuff like this with lights...she loves lights.

 How cute will these shoes be with some ruffled Razorback socks???

 This is her first baby doll!  And that blanket was made for me by my great grandmother (my mom's mom's mom..confused?)  My mom found it and now it is Blakely's!  We called her Mooney and she passed away in 1992.  Blakely actually got a few things from her!  My Grand gave her the copy of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas that Mooney gave Grand at her first Christmas...it is now 76 years old.  My cousin Trent gave Blakely some of his books that Mooney gave to him.  It was all so special...

This is Blakely's first basketball from her grand aunt Jenni.   There is a little backstory to this.  Her longtime boyfriend, Robyn, passed away in October of 2010.  I actually found out IVF #2 failed the day of his funeral.  He was like a father to me...he taught me how to play basketball, how to throw a baseball, and how to be tough!  When he passed away he thought that I could be pregnant.  He was very sick and he told Jenni to always get my baby girl a ball for Christmas.  So this is her first one!  You can unzip it and it unfolds into a blanket.  

She also got lots of fun toys to help her like tummy time a little better :)

We came home that afternoon and we gave Blakely her presents from us.  

 look at that sweet face....

 OH WOW!

 My first pair of jeans!

She was totally worn out after all of this action!  

Blakely's first Christmas was absolutely wonderful.  I could not have asked for anything more and I will treasure these memories forever!!

My big news!

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas.  I know we did!  It was a busy couple of days and I am worn out.  Apparently Blakely is too because she has slept all day!  I hope she will still sleep well tonight....

Anyway, I said that I had a big announcement, so here it is!

I quit my job!

When I realized that I only had 5 more weeks at home with my girl I kind of freaked out.  I just didn't want to leave her when she was so little.  Lonnie and I talked about it and decided it would be best if I stayed at home.  

I never thought I would be a stay at home mom but now I can't imagine it any other way!  I had good intentions of going back to work although I knew it would be hard to leave her.  I just had no idea how hard.  

No one, and I mean no one, thought I would go back.  I almost felt like I was trying to prove something to someone.  But I didn't really know what I was trying to prove or to whom I was trying to prove it!  Isn't that stupid??  

When I was deciding to do this I just kept going back to the fact that I can always go back to work....anytime I want.  She will only be little once.  I am lucky enough to be able to spend this time with her, so why wouldn't I?  

It was really hard to tell my boss that I wasn't going to come back.  I consider her a friend as well as all of my other co workers.  I already miss them but, like my husband said, I can see them outside of work any time I want.  They are going to be very short handed for a while and I know how awful that is because I have been there when it was understaffed.  They were all very understanding and said that they would do the same thing if they were in my shoes.  That made me feel better.  

I am really excited to have this new job :)  Because, let's be honest, it is totally a job.  I had a hard time keeping up with everything before Blakely was born, so I am really going to have to work hard to do it all AND raise my little babe.  I feel like now I can focus all of my energy on being a good wife and mom now that I don't have to put part of my energy into my hospital job. 

I am also a little scared about this.  I hope that I am good at it?!  I guess I have this vision of what kind of mom and wife I want to be and now that I get to devote all of my attention to it I hope I can live up to my own standards.  When I was working, I always had that as an excuse to not be exactly how I wanted to be.  Well no more excuses! 

I am going to have to get on some sort of schedule because I find myself wanting to stay in my pajamas all day and just cuddle with her!  Maybe the New Year will give me some motivation.  

I know just how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with my little girl and I am not going to take a single second for granted.  My husband works very hard to provide us with this luxury and I appreciate it very much...I love you honey!  

So there it is girls!  I am a stay at home mom.  WOW!!  This is going to be a big change for me but definitely one that I will not regret!

Oh, and any stay at home moms out there with any advice to give...please feel free :)