It's been feelin' like the weekend.

Lonnie was off last weekend and then, randomly, was off Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday as well.  We've been busy having lots of fun so my days are all mixed up and I've thought it was the weekend all week long.  Now it is Friday so I am just plain confused.  Ha!    

To start, I'll let y'all know that our other 4 embryos did not make it.  We were pretty sad about this when we found out on Tuesday we but chose not to dwell on it since we DO have 3 frozen embryos.  Now we just wait for the genetic testing on those.  That should take about 2-3 weeks and then the chromosomally normal ones will be available for transfer.  I have already started the protocol to build up my uterine lining to prep for a frozen transfer.  I just have a good feeling that these embryos are fighters and this is all going to work out!  

Last Saturday we went to a birthday pool party for my friend Keisha's daughter, Kyndal.  I couldn't get in the water due to my recent surgery so it was a little stressful to say the least.  No way was I letting Blakely get in by herself.  There were like 30 kids all running around and swimming so I was constantly making sure she was not close to the edge, someone taking her in, etc.  Not to mention it was HOT.  By the time it was over I was worn out.  She and I both came home and took a three hour nap!

When we woke up we took our first boat ride of the season.  Blakely was as fan.  She is immediately hungry the second we step foot on the boat.  I always pack like 4 snacks for her.  

Lonnie worked Monday but we met him after work to get some ice cream.  Blakely slept in panties overnight with no accidents so that was cause for major celebration!  

Then he was off again so Tuesday afternoon we picked B up from MDO and drove the hour to my MIL's house.  She has a pool and we were wanting some fun in the sun.  Blakely was a little timid at first but once she got used to it she was jumping in (with us catching her) and "practicing" her swimming.  My niece and nephew were there so Blakely was constantly entertained.  We spent the night and swam more the next day.  

We drove home Wednesday late afternoon because Lonnie and I had a softball game that night.  Y'all.  We have so much fun.  I get really nervous at the beginning of the game (hello, it has been a good 15 years since I have played) but then once the game gets going it all comes back to me.  Of course I am still sore!  

Yesterday our friends came to pick us up on their boat and we took a ride for a few hours.  Then we stopped at a pizza place on the lake and had lunch.  Their boys are 18 months and 4 years old so Blakely had loads of fun playing with them.  She conked out on the boat on the ride back home.  The boat is like a magic toddler sleeping machine.  Then when we got back home she told me she was still sleepy so I put her in her bed.  She slept for another hour.  This is completely unheard of.  Usually if she falls asleep for even 5 minutes in the car then there will be no napping after that.  

Lonnie is back at work today but then he is off for the weekend.  We are having a little sprinkle for my friend Tina and her total surprise third baby tomorrow morning.  After that I think we are going to head over to my grandfather's house and play in his pool.  It should be another fun summer weekend!  I hope you all get to enjoy being outside this weekend too!  

One step closer.

I know my blog is all about this IVF right now but, honestly, I am consumed by it.  There is just not much else going on in my life so bear with me.  I promise to post about something else soon!  

So I talked to the embryologist about an hour ago.  Of those original 4 embryos they were able to biopsy (CCS test) and freeze 3 of them.  3 out of 4 is really good!  My main fear this ENTIRE time was that we wouldn't have any embryos make it day 5 or 6 to be frozen.  And we have 3!  So yay!  

Also, those other 4 embryos that were created on the second day are still growing.  They are a day behind, obviously, because they were made a day later.  Tomorrow is day 6 for them so if they make it to the blastocyst stage then they will biopsy and freeze those tomorrow.  She made me a little nervous about these for some reason.  She said that 2 of them were lagging behind the other 2.  She said everything was fine but I, of course, have latched on to that and am stressing about it.  I just hope and pray that they keep growing and are able to be frozen tomorrow.  They are going to call and let me know something tomorrow.  

So, we are one step closer.  We have 3 frozen already and 4 more that could possibly be frozen tomorrow.  We are almost there.  We will get the results of the genetic (CCS) testing in three weeks.  The waiting and wishing and hoping and praying and worrying and stressing is difficult but I know all of this is worth it.  I feel really good about the whole process and I am so very thankful things have gone so well.  

And I am finally feeling back to normal.  I was a bloated up mess and now I have lost the 7 pounds (7 pounds!) I gained while pumped full of hormones.  Whew...it was not comfortable!  

Grow little embryos grow!  

Happy tears!

The embryologist called me about an hour ago.  She said that of the 5 eggs that matured overnight that they performed day 2 ICSI on.....they were able to make 4 more embryos!  FOUR MORE EMBRYOS!  

!!!!!!!!!!!

So now we have a total of 8 embryos.  I have been crying on and off since that phone call.  Such happy tears.  I just really wasn't expecting such good news.  I thought I was grasping by wanting one or two more so that phone call threw me for a loop.  

They did not check on the initial 4 today so we don't know how they are doing or if any more happened to start growing.  I will not hear anything else until Monday when they will call to tell me how many made it to the blastocyst stage and are available to freeze.  

This waiting is insane and hard.  But being with my sweet girl makes it much easier.  If I was still in a random Den.ver hotel I would have lost my mind by now.  

I hope and pray these little embryos keep growing and growing.  Stay strong little ones!  Mommy is trying to stay strong too!  

Embryo report

I got a phone call this morning while I was on the rental car shuttle.  We had told the embryologist that we would not be home until after one o'clock so I was expecting the call then but I guess they make these calls early!  

She told me this...

Out of the 18 eggs, 9 of them were mature.  Out of those 9, four fertilized normally.  

So we have 4 embryos.  But they are going to watch those other 5 to see if they divide.  Since it had not even been 24 hours since ICSI ("fertilization") they would wait to see if those divided.  It is not super likely but it is possible.  

Also, 5 of the eggs that were not mature yesterday matured overnight.  She said that they were going to ICSI those today.  She also said that was not as good as doing it on day one so it did not mean we would get embryos out of those but they would try.  They are going to call me tomorrow to let me know about those 5 that they ICSI's today. 

This is why we chose this clinic.  Their lab is one of the best.  We knew they could do the most with whatever I gave them.  I think when we knew I had 18 eggs, Lonnie and I were both hoping for a higher number of embryos.  But, honestly, I am just glad that we have some.  All I want is a chance to get pregnant.  Just a chance.  I have to have faith in this lab that they are doing everything possible to grow these embryos.  

I am hoping and praying that these embryos keep growing.  Whatever the number is I just want them to keep growing.  Blakely was a little fighter embryo and I just feel that we have a couple of those in this batch.  Please please please.  

Also, I am home now.  I couldn't be happier.  I am still hurting but I can at least get comfortable.  But let me tell you, traveling the day after surgery is NO JOKE!  I do not recommend it.  

I have never been happier than to see this girl.  

She was happy to see me too.  We have been snuggling and kissing and hugging and playing all evening.  I don't ever want to leave her again.

18!

They were able to get 18 eggs!  

18!

I am so happy with that number.  So happy.  We will not know until tomorrow how many of those were mature and how many were of good quality but this is a great start.  GREAT.  

I am definitely in pain.  Quite a bit of pain.  I'm not sure I've had this much pain after retrieval before.  Maybe I just don't remember.  I don't know.  It hurts to move.  It hurts to sit.  It hurts to walk.  It hurts to lay down.  I've been told I can take extra strength Tyle.nol and I did but not much relief with that.  I plan on taking more before bed so hopefully I can sleep.  After all my other retrievals I've slept the day away after.  I haven't slept at all today.  Just can't get comfortable.  

But!

18 eggs!  18!  Squeal!

Totally worth it.  

Our embryos are probably being created as I type this.  I can't stop thinking about it.  You can do this embryos!  Grow grow grow!  

I'll update tomorrow with that number! 

It's time!

I just got the call from my nurse and I get to take my trigger shot tonight!  I am so excited.  I was really going to cry if I had to go one more day.  I mean I knew it would be for the best but I am so uncomfortable and so ready to get this show on the road.  

Lonnie sent this to me a few days ago.  It made me laugh.  :)

Although at this point I feel like my ovaries are bigger than your head.  

So tonight (Sunday) I take a new medication at exactly midnight.  Then I take it again tomorrow at noon.  I go in for lab only tomorrow and then I get to pick my husband up from the airport.  Can not wait to see him.  For real.  

I can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight tomorrow night and I go in for my egg retrieval Tuesday morning.  Oh I am so excited for Tuesday to get here.  Mainly because that is when the important stuff starts.  Ya know, the making of the embryos.  I really really really hope and pray that my eggs are of good quality and they are mature so we can get the best possible embryos.  The last IVF (that was completely fucked up from the jump) my eggs were not mature and I was told they were not good quality.  I just hope that was a fluke or a lie.  I'll take either at this point.  

So far things have gone better than I could have expected.  I have responded well to the medications and I have at least 9 follicles on my right ovary and at least 6 on my left ovary.  A total of 15 eggs sounds wonderful to me.  When we had our consult with Dr. S back in March he said he would be shooting for 10 eggs with me.  So hopefully my ovaries have overachieved.  Here is the number of eggs they have gotten in all five of my previous attempts.  

IVF #1 - 14 eggs
IVF #2 - 14 eggs
IVF #3 - 19 eggs (Blakely's cycle)
IVF #4 - 13 eggs
IVF #5 - 7 eggs.  

My estrogen is higher than it has ever been.  When I triggered on IVF #3 it was like 2500 (the highest to this point) and this time it is 5300.  Hoping that means mature eggs.  It also means I feel like shit.  But totally worth it.  

Just some things to keep in mind.  I won't necessarily get the same number of embryos as the number of eggs.  Not all of the eggs will be mature (they can be premature or post mature) and some may not fertilize properly.  Usually a little more than half of the good eggs will be fertilized properly with ICSI.  Then those little balls of cells need to grow grow grow.  I will update on Tuesday when I get back to the hotel in the afternoon.

People keep telling me how strong I am.  Well let me just put it out there that I do not feel strong.  At all.  I feel weak and tired and like a little anxious ball of nerves.  I have cried numerous times while being here.  Mainly in the last couple of days.  Sometimes for a legit reason (I hurt) and other times not so much (I feel certain that Blakely will want nothing to do with me when I get home).  I have major anxiety every single time I drive to the clinic and have to immediately go into the bathroom and get it together when I get there.  I am an anxious person.  I am doing my best to control that and I have done a pretty good job (thank you essential oils).  If all I have to do is spend a minute or two in the bathroom talking myself down then I am doing well.  But it is a vicious cycle.  I know that stress and anxiety is not good for me right now.  So when I do get anxious I start to worry.  Which leads to stress. Blah.  Anyway, the point is that I do not feel strong but I feel like I am coping.  I am making it.  I am extremely excited to see Lonnie tomorrow so he can take some of the stress and anxiety away.  He has a way with me.  

clinic bathroom selfie.  trying to stay distracted.  

I am so happy at this moment right now.  This is what we have been waiting for and building up to.  Please let everything go smoothly and let us get the best possible outcome.  I am so ready.  This is also the time when I start to get really nervous.  Don't ovulate too early!  Mature on up little eggiest!  But not too mature!  No weather delays for Lonnie's flight!  You get the point.  I am trying really hard to stay focused.  Grow these eggs, Kelly.  You got this. Now, let's make some babies.  

A super technical post + an update

I am still here in Denver plugging away at this IVF thing.  Things are going great except that I miss my girl, my husband and my bed.  Hotel beds are awesome for about 3 days.  The "me time" is great but now I feel pretty yuck and I don't really want and to get out and do anything.  I am trying hard not to mope.  

A little recap of the last few days.  

I had an ultrasound and lab on Tuesday.  All of that still looked good.  I had about 5 follicles on the left and about 9 on the right.  I was told to come back for a recheck on Thursday.  I also had a physical that day.  It seemed unnecessary but what do I know.  They did prick my finger to check a hemoglobin level and mine was a little high.  I was told to drink more water but it should be fine.  I can't not even tell you how much water I am drinking.  I am peeing every 5 minutes it seems.  

On Wednesday I had to go to a class all about the genetic testing (CCS) of our embryos.  I DID NOT want to go.  I was dreading it so much.  I just found out about the class the day before so I was not prepared.  The thought of going and listening to all of the risks and bad things that could happen to our embryos sounded like zero fun.  It took me 3 months to even decide to do the testing.  Sitting through a class that was going to make me doubt my decision was not on my list of things I wanted to do.  

As it turns out the class made me feel better about it.  Imagine that?  They went over the process, we had a little biology lesson and then she answered any questions.  A few things that stood out to me.

• 90% of their patients do CCS.  (A lot of people come here specifically for this testing)
• Less than 1% chance of damage/destruction of the embryo during the biopsy
• Less than 2% chance that an embryo will not survive the freezing/thawing process
• CCS is 95% accurate.  
• 1,200 healthy pregnancies via CCS
• They have had 9 misdiagnoses.  9 embryos that tested normal but they ended up not being normal.  7 of those ended in miscarriage and the other 2 were found at prenatal testing.  

Here is how the process works.  I know this is technical but, to me, it was interesting and it helped me to feel less stressed about the process.  

The day of my egg retrieval is considered day 0.  The eggs are injected with a sperm (ICSI) about 4 hours after the retrieval.  The next day (day 1) I will get a phone call from the embryologist telling me how many embryos were created.  They will then monitor the embryos for the next several days.  When the embryos get to the blastocyst stage (either day 5 or 6) they will then take the biopsy.  Little note here about the blastocyst.  They look for 2 things to determine if an embryo has reached the blastocyst stage.  1) they need to be 80-100 cells and 2) there needs to be differentiation of those cells.  This differentiation is when there becomes a ring of cells around the outside of the embryo which becomes the placenta and a mass of cells in the middle which becomes the baby.  Okay, so the biopsy takes 3-5 cells off of this outer ring.  Once the biopsy is done they freeze the embryos.  

They use a method called flash freezing.  Many years ago they used a method called a slow freeze and the embryo loss rate was 30%.  They have found that flash freezing is much better and the embryos tolerate it well.

Soooooo.  And this is important.  I will then receive a phone call (on day 5 or 6 after the embryos have been biopsied and frozen) telling me how may embryos we had that made it. I will hear from them on day 1 and not again until day 5 or 6.  OMG.  When I first heard this I was worried.  I have always been updated each day on how my embryos are doing.  The more I thought about it the more I came around to this idea.  First of all, hearing every day is a freaking emotional roller coaster.  Just read this post from my third IVF.  And then this one from the very next day.   I was a WRECK.  It seems on day 2 our embryos are never growing super fast and all I ever hear is bad things.  But then on day 3 they are always doing better.  So yeah, we will avoid that roller coaster of emotions.  I will be anxious for those 5 days no doubt.  But I did ask them and they said if all of the embryos arrest earlier than day 5 then they will call me immediately and let me know.  No news during those days is good news!

So that is the process.  I will learn the results of this testing 3 weeks after the test so 4 weeks after my retrieval.  Then I will be able to do a frozen transfer of the embryos that are available.  I can do a frozen transfer 8-12 weeks after my retrieval.

Moving on from that.  I had my recheck of labs and ultrasound yesterday.  Things are still looking good.  5-6 on the left and 8-9 on the right.  I talked to my nurse and she thought I may be on the stimulation meds a day or so longer than we thought.  This is normal but I only have enough meds until Saturday.  They wanted me to bring in my used vials of meds since there can be a little left in the bottom.  They drew up all that was left and were able to get another dose!  That saves be from dropping another grand at the pharmacy.  I still have to get my other medication from the pharmacy so that is what I am going to do as soon as I hit publish.  Drive into downtown Denver and try to find the pharmacy!  Awesome.  

I go back on Saturday morning for another recheck.  We are tentatively looking at an egg retrieval on Tuesday instead of Monday.  Lonnie is just waiting for confirmation before booking his flight.  

Sometimes (like right now after writing this) I feel like this is all so crazy.  There is just so much and it is overwhelming at times.  But, in the end, I know I am doing the right thing for us, for my family.  I would ramble on here about why it is right for us and how bad I want to make Blakely a big sister (and how much I miss that girl!) but then I would just cry and not be able to stop.  These hormones are no freaking joke.  

Again, I really appreciate each and every one of you for reading and supporting me.  I seriously don't know what I would do without this space and the friends I have made here.  All of the prayers, well wishes and good vibes being sent my way are working!  Love y'all!  

Also, feel free to ask any questions.  I am an open book!  Aaaaaaand just a reminder that I am documenting this on insta.gram @mile_high_mama if you want to follow me there.